Tequila & Tea Bags (4 page)

Thursday 2
nd
October

I can't stop thinking about James. Sweet, sexy, sure of himself James. He’s just what I need in this boring village to liven things up. Not that I don’t find Betty hilarious. I’ve taken a real shine to her. She’s just got so much spunk for an old lady. She’s been telling me about swing music in the forties and how she travelled around Paris, but I can't concentrate. I’m too preoccupied thinking about James’ lips. Them spreading red hot kisses down my naked, panting body.

Will comes walking into the main lounge, ruining my midday fantasy. I feel him before I see him. It’s like he has his own pretentious air, making me realise he’s here even before I’ve seen him. He’s got a young redhead with him who looks no older than Megan. I should ask if she knows her. She’s not so bad I suppose. We spent a lot of last night gossiping about how fit James is. Something Elsie would never do with me. Especially after she warned me off him.

‘Rosie!’ he calls, smiling falsely.

I tense my jaw. Little bastard. I know he’s trying to look nice in front of this bird when only I know calling me Rosie is an insult. I hate him.

I smile begrudgingly and walk over, my hands on my hips. ‘Yes, Willy?’ I smile innocently, batting my eyelashes.

He visibly straightens, his eyes narrowing harshly on me. I smile back, leaning on one hip. Two can play that game, dick.

‘This is Violet. She’s a new volunteer here. Can you show her the ropes?’ It sounds like a rhetorical question. I’m sure of this when he starts walking away.

‘Sure,’ I smile although I’m sure he can't hear me. He’s almost out of the room.

She’s got a pale oval face with light piercing blue eyes. She doesn’t seem to wear much make up, but as I get closer to her I see she’s got foundation on that’s hiding her natural freckles. A real red head. It’s a lovely dark chestnut colour. I wouldn’t mind a few streaks of that through mine.

‘Oh, you’re that new girl from London!’ she giggles excitedly. Again, not exactly, but I ignore it. ‘The whole village is talking about you.’

I lean more on my hip, glaring at her. Is she stupid? What the hell does she mean by that?

I’m glad when I spot Will staring at her strangely from across the room. I wonder if he has heard. He meets my eye and winks at me. It's so shocking to me that I stumble slightly, my mouth gaping open. I quickly try to recover myself, but I can't stop looking at him, my cheeks redden with embarrassment. Why on earth would he wink? It makes me feel ridiculously girly. Is he
flirting
with me? Do we have an inside joke going on that I’m oblivious to?

He walks over, scarily calm, keeping intense eye contact with me the entire time. It’s so unsettling. He’s such a weirdo. It’s like he finds joy in making me feel uncomfortable.

‘So, if you could help the residents get ready for bed?’ he asks, nodding at me. He smiles assuredly at Violet before walking off.

‘So what’s the deal then?’ she asks, looking around at the old people with disgust. ‘We don’t, like, need to do proper caring for them, do we?’

I look at her face of revulsion. I probably had the same look when I started. Now I don’t even notice the piss smell. She won't last five minutes here. The idea comes to me immediately. I know how I’m going to get rid of this one. She’s a wimp and a girly girl. I’ve already been told by Elsie that this home is just for old people who need some supported living. There are only a few special people that have care givers come in separately from the council. But Violet doesn’t know that.

‘Of course we do,’ I smile. ‘We have to do everything. Bed, baths, the lot!’ I exclaim, throwing my hands dramatically in the air.

‘Huh? You’re joking, right?’ she asks, her body recoiling in panic.

‘Nope.’ I turn around to the residents and clap my hands, trying to impersonate a cheerful Elsie. ‘Right everyone, bossy pants Will wants everyone to get ready for bed. Come on.’

Betty giggles and some others roll their eyes. It must be shit having a young girl like me telling you when you have to go to bed. I mean, these people could be my great grandparents. Imagine living to a ripe old age only to be bossed around by children. It’s unthinkable.

They all begrudgingly start closing their magazines and the sound of them creaking as they attempt to stand fills the room. They’re cute really. We start helping them up and herding them up the stairs.

Violet still looks on the edge of hysteria. ‘But, I mean…we don’t clean up their poo, right?’ She looks petrified at the thought of it. This really is too hilarious.

I try to keep a straight face. ‘Of course we do.’

Her forehead creases up and she grabs a strand of her hair, twiddling it around her black painted nails. ‘I don’t believe you,’ she argues, her face apprehensive.

‘Don’t then,’ I snap sarcastically, walking past her. Who the hell is she to doubt me?

I walk into Betty’s room and slam the door behind me. ‘Are you okay, Betty? Do you need help getting changed?’ Anything to be away from Violet a bit longer.

‘Aye, I’m fine, my love,’ she says stripping down, seeming completely at ease with me. She pulls on her pink nightgown. ‘Come here and tell me how you’ve been settling in t’ village.’

A calming peaceful feeling comes over me and I realise how much simple affection I’m missing in my life. Mum and Dad have never been huggers.

I grin, realising I haven’t had a chance to gossip with anyone yet. I’m so bloody isolated, and Janey still hasn’t returned my Facebook messages. I’m sure she’s just busy having an awesome time.

I grab a chair and drag it over to her bed. ‘Well, according to Violet, the whole village is talking about me.’ I grimace jokingly.

‘Of course they are.’ She smiles kindly, her brown eyes lighting with affection. ‘They don’t see beauty every day.’

I smile shyly, feeling my cheeks redden. I wish I had a cool grandma like her, or any grandparents for that matter.

‘Well, anyway, I’ve made one friend. Do you know James?’ Just saying his name gives me the butterflies.

‘Oh, I do,’ she grins. ‘Gorgeous lad, isn’t he?’ She winks naughtily.

‘He’s alright.’ I grin, remembering James’s rough hands all over me. Not that I’ve heard from his since. The zoo my arse. Maybe I came off as too easy. God knows I am.

‘You know I courted his grandad?’ She smiles fondly, a memory obviously playing in her mind.

‘No way!’ I shout excitedly, clapping my hands together. ‘Tell me
EVERYTHING
.’ I lean back, ready for a gossip.

‘Maybe another day, love. I’m shattered.’

I’m ridiculously disappointed, but then I look at her face and see that the lines around her eyes seem deeper tonight. And she’s a little pale, but that’s probably because she’s halfway through taking her make up off with a face wipe. God, she really cakes it on.

‘Okay, goodnight.’ I give her a quick peck on the cheek before tucking her into bed, inhaling her talcum powder scent. She’s so cute; I want to adopt her. I’ve never even wanted to look after my own mother like this. Especially when she gets one of those pathetic headaches.  

I walk into the hallway and bump straight into Violet. She already looks hassled, the hair around her face tousled as if she’s twirled it to death. Perfect opportunity to throw her off the edge. I bite my lip to try and stop the evil smile trying to break out on my face.  

‘Violet, have you checked on Peggy? She can…’ I lower my voice to a whisper, ‘have bad bowel problems.’ I try desperately not to smile and instead look firm.

Her face contorts. ‘You
can't
be serious. I know you’re lying about this, you know.’ She crosses her hands across her chest defiantly.

What a snarky little bitch. I knew I didn’t like her. Anyone who denies their freckles is hiding something.

‘Oh, really?’ I snarl, my hand on my hip. I can play bitch too. ‘Well, I guess I’ll just have to prove it to you, won't I?’

I march into Peggy’s room, a grim determination on my face. She looks up from her Bella magazine, her eyes alarmed. ‘Ey up, Rose. Something wrong?’

‘No, no!’ I shrill, waving my hands frantically. Perhaps too frantically. I stick them to my sides in an attempt to look sane. ‘I just want to use your bathroom.’ She’s one of the few people here with an en suite.

I sit on the pink toilet and think seriously about what I’m going to do. I know it’s insane, but it’s the quickest way to scare her off. Something about her tells me she’s a hard bitch who is determined to win. She’s so close to the edge, all it would take is a little shove.

I grab one of the grey cardboard trays they keep in case someone’s sick and squat down over it, closing my eyes. Just think of Mexico. The guys, the sun, the beach. Each person I get rid of gets me closer to that plane ticket. It’s just a bit of poo. We all do it. Don’t think about how despicably gross you are.

I walk out of the room to find Violet leaning against the wall. Already slacking on the job. Her face changes when she sees me carrying the tray. I thrust it at her and watch as her face repels in horror.

‘Wha…what…the hell is that?!’ she shrieks, her face already sweaty with panic.

Now, now. You’ll be sweating that foundation off if you keep on.

‘Hey, if you can't handle looking after these residents maybe you should stop now, before you waste anyone else’s time.’ I smile evilly.

She gawks back at me, her eyes red rimmed as if she might burst into tears.

My phone beeps and I pull it out to read a text message from an unknown number. I’m happy for a minute, thinking it might be Janey. She’s always losing her phone.

The zoo tomorrow. Meet at mine 1pm, 28 broad street. James x

Oh my God. My stomach flips with excitement as if I’ve just been dropped on a rollercoaster. He was serious about the zoo. Images of his naked body enter my mind. Oh, how I’d love to lick him. I’m pulled from it when Violet thrusts the tray back at me. Bringing me back to the present. Back to the poo.

‘Nah, forget this. I’m out of here,’ she squeals.

Mission accomplished.

***

Friday 3
rd
October

I walk up to his house the next day wearing my tight black skinny jeans that make my pathetically small arse look like it actually exists, converse sneakers, and my black hoodie. I had to seriously scrub it to get the paint out, but that’s what you have to do when you’ve only packed one jumper. I obviously thought I’d be on a beach right now. I think it's the perfect mix between casual and not looking like a tramp. Either way my hair looks fantastic. I always feel more confident when it's straightened perfectly. Although the fact I went over it seven times shows how nervous I am.

I knock tentatively on the door of the white cottage. It looks like all the others on this street, only this one has roses grown around the door. How ironic, I think to myself.

He swings the door open confidently, exposing a toothy grin. ‘Hey, Rosebud.’

Swoon!
I’m already a goner. I smile as confidently as I can, but I’m pretty sure I look terrified. It’s this whole sober thing. It’s like a whole new awkward world. Maybe I have a problem.

‘You going for the Goth look, or what?’ he asks, scanning me up and down. He pulls the side of his lips up, amused.

I look over myself and realise I
am
all in black. ‘Oh, you know, just mourning my life,’ I snarl sarcastically, following him in. I try to sound cool and unaffected. Instead I sound miserable.

This wasn’t the plan. Going into his house, being on his turf. We were going to the zoo. I do
not
want to sleep with this guy. Well, not right away anyway. I stand awkwardly in the hallway, shifting my weight from foot to foot as he walks into the sitting room. I look through and see who I can only assume is his dad drinking a can of beer, watching Loose Women. How odd. He doesn’t turn to acknowledge me so I stay where I am. I feel like I’m intruding. James grabs two glasses from the kitchen and runs back out to me.

‘Change of plans.’ He grins mischievously.

‘Huh?’ I blink, dazed by his incredible beauty. His white t-shirt is clinging to him in just the right way.

He grabs my hand and starts bounding up the stairs, dragging me with him before I can even question it. I’m too busy thinking about how his calloused hand feels grasping mine. What the hell is this guy doing? Does he honestly think I’m just going to go straight upstairs and sleep with him? I knew I shouldn’t have kissed him the other night. I’ve given him the wrong idea. Or maybe he’s heard about my reputation from Elsie. Or maybe he’s just a giant man slag who thinks he can bed anyone he meets immediately. What the hell am I doing here?

Oh, who am I kidding? I know exactly what I’m doing here.

He leads me towards what I can only assume is his room. I pull my hand away from his and step back. He seems amused at my futile attempt to resist him.

‘I thought we were going to the zoo?’ I cross my arms over my chest, knowing my boobs will be pushed together perfectly. I’m trying to hide my fury, but I’m pissed off. I mean, how dare he think I’m that easy? I haven’t even had a drink, so if he thinks I’m just going to jump into bed with him he has another thing coming. If I was shit-faced on wine then
obviously
things would be different.