Test Drive (35 page)

Her heart seemed to rip in two, but then she started putting the pieces of the puzzle together. His father, a stream of women through his life, his friends warning her to treat him gently. All the years of them dancing around each other until
she’d
taken the initiative with him and seen him as more than a fun-filled fling.

“Yeah? Well I’m not done with
you
.” She walked right up to him and would have poked him like she’d poked Lou, but to her shock, Johnny picked her up and physically carried her out of the house. He put her on her feet on his welcome mat then
locked her out
.

Stunned, she turned and faced the door. She knocked once, then again. “You coward! How dare you?” She waited a moment, got no response, then continued, “Fine. You want to have this conversation through a
door
? You got it.” She raged at him, and an image of her sister’s words popped into her head. “My sister told me to take a chance.
I did it and got screwed for it.
So up yours, Johnny. I’m not scared to try. I put myself out there for a guy everyone knows gets around. Mr. One-Night Stand, but I thought you were different. I get that you have issues. Everyone does. But you won’t even fight for me? Not an argument or some tears? Just giving in?

“Well, fuck you. I deserve better than that.”
Great. Now I’m crying.
“I hate that you’d rather throw us away than try. Really? So you can do it before I do? Guess what, genius? You just made your own fears come true. Except it’s not me dumping us. It’s
you
.

“I’m not going to wait around forever. If you don’t have any interest in fighting for me—for
us
—then I don’t have time for you.”

She kicked his screen door and left a dent. She meant to leave before looking like an insane woman, but she couldn’t help it. She screamed, needing to release a little of her own rage and pain. “You are such a dick! I can’t believe you’re so scared of being dumped that you’d ruin such a great thing. And over what? A throwaway comment about being pretty?
Oh.
You make me want to…” She kicked his door again, then realized the futility of it. “What the fuck am I angry over? This was all apparently just a nothing of a relationship to begin with, wasn’t it? All in my head that we could be something special.”

And then, before she did something really destructive—like driving her car through his friggin’ house—she turned on her heel and left. She had better things to do than waste her precious time on a loser not willing to fight for her. She had enough crap to do with school, her family, work…

If Johnny was smart, he wouldn’t dare show his face at the bar. Because she’d make Sue’s treatment of Foley look like a walk in the park for that cowardly asshole she’d made the mistake of falling in love with.

* * *

Johnny felt like shit. He tried to lock her words out, but he heard them all the same. The temptation to take her at face value was almost unbearable. But then he’d remember his father acting the same way, trying to hold out for any tiny lick of hope that maybe, just maybe, he could patch things up with whatever flavor of the month he’d actually fallen for.

Such a silly thing, his barely there relationship with Lara. Hell, he’d known her for years. If things had been meant to happen between them, wouldn’t they have occurred years ago? And really, after a few weeks of dating, he’d thought of commitment and forever. How stupid.

He was a pitiful excuse for a man to leap for crumbs of affection from a woman who clearly wanted nothing more than sex.
That
they did really fucking well. Too bad she couldn’t tell him about shit that mattered, the way she had with that asshole Pete.

He sighed and forced himself to get back into a regular routine. At work, the guys rallied around him by not prying. Even Del and Liam acted like everything was all right, and he loved them for that.

He nodded, spoke, even smiled a time or two. But he didn’t mention Lara, didn’t go to Ray’s, and no one suggested he do either.

Time passed. Without her near, it grew easier to remember his time with Lara as a fun fantasy. Something that would no longer hurt when he thought about it. She’d tried calling him once, a few days after yelling at him, but he didn’t pick up, and she didn’t try again.

As much as he tried telling himself he hadn’t lost anything to begin with, his heart knew better. He couldn’t eat. He couldn’t sleep. He had no desire in sex, not even to jerk off. A few women had tried inviting him out, but he wanted nothing to do with anyone outside of work.

After a while, he wondered if Lara and her “lunch buddy” had hooked up in his absence.

Rage that she might had him destroying his office. And he didn’t care.

Needing something to take the edge off, he spent the week casing cars when not at the garage. Just wondering, thinking about how amazing it would feel to slide behind the wheel of a cherry Mustang, maybe a Shelby, and joyride away from the city, just drive away from all his problems.

There was no rule he had to live in Seattle forever. That he couldn’t at least take a break from life and get fucked up.

Saturday night, while he sat at home in front of the TV, he actually considered going to Ray’s, just to feel again. He’d even welcome pain, because by now Lara would have hooked up with someone else, and seeing it or hearing about it might jumpstart his will to be more than the mopey asshole Lou had called him.

Before he could do anything, someone knocked at his door. The thought that it might be Lara shocked his heart into beating again. Racing, anticipating…

“Johnny, open the fuck up.”

His loss settled deep, pulling him back under. Foley wasn’t Lara. And Lara didn’t matter, because they’d never had anything real anyway. And even if they
could
have, he’d ruined it by being too much of a chickenshit to matter. Hadn’t she already told him what she really thought?

The door opened, and he frowned.

“I still have your spare,” Foley told him.

Del entered behind him, and Johnny groaned and slumped onto his couch. “Go away, please. I’m tired.”

“No, you’re screwed up.” Foley turned to Del. “Note I said ‘screwed’ instead of ‘fucked’ like I wanted to. Out of respect for you.”

Del sighed. “Yeah, right after ‘open the fuck up.’ Thanks, Foley. You’re all heart.”

“You’re welcome.”

Del walked pretty as you please through Johnny’s home and sat next to him. “Bottom line, you’re an idiot.”

“Christ. You’re supposed to be the nice one,” Foley muttered. “I knew I should have brought Liam.”

“No. He needs to hear it. Tough talk and all. Look, Johnny, we all know you love Lara. It’s as plain as the handsome nose on your handsome face.”

“I don’t know I’d be saying handsome so much.”

“Shut it, Foley.”

If Johnny hadn’t been so depressed, he’d have laughed.
“You’re too good-looking for your own good. You snagged me with those green eyes and that amazing body. Too bad the rest of you isn’t just pretty.”

Her words had cut deep, because she’d said everything Johnny had known his whole life. No one stayed. They never did. As pretty as he and his father were, they were missing that vital ingredient that let women love them. Sad and worthless—and he’d never in a million years confess something so damn pitiable.

“You know, I talked to your dad,” Del said.

Johnny leaned back and covered his face with his arm, feigning disinterest.

“We had quite a talk…after Lara was done with him.”

He lowered his arm in a hurry and blinked at her. “What?”

“Yep. Seems a certain someone wanted to know why you considered yourself so…what did she call it, Foley?”

“Worthless.”

“That’s it. Worthless.” Del gave him an insincere smile. “You are the biggest dumbass I know, and I’m marrying into the McCauley family.”

“Del.” Foley shook his head, a smirk on his face. “That’s not nice. Accurate, but still.”

“True, and you’ve both met my brother. He’s completely clueless. Johnny, you’ve let yourself think you can’t love anyone, because no one ever loved you.”

“That’s not true.” He frowned. “I love my dad. I know he loves me.”

“But that’s family,” Foley pointed out. “They don’t count, because they have to love you.”

“Yeah?” Johnny scowled. “Tell that to Sam’s mom.”

Foley shrugged. “You got me there.”

“Besides, you want the truth? I loved Lara.”

“In the past? Loved?” Foley asked.

“I still love her. She’s smart and funny. Amazing, really. All of her is just so… Look, it’s over. Can we just let this go?”

“Sorry. But you hurt my friend.” Del looked mean. She slapped his arm.

“Hey.”

The slap didn’t hurt so much as surprise him. But following the slap, Foley’s punch to his stomach had him sucking major wind. He planned to slug his friend back—just as soon as he could breathe again.

“You really are a dumbass. Sam and I agree. Tell him, Del.”

“Lara’s been crying over you, Johnny. She fell in love with you, took a chance on a major player, and instead of loving her back, you shit all over her feelings. What did I tell you about us ripping your balls off? Be glad Foley’s with me. J.T. wanted to come over and rearrange your pretty face.”

Hearing that Lara had cried over him, gone to see his father, started his heart pumping again. “She’s really upset?”

“Did she or did she not come over here and yell outside your door at you? I heard all about it.” Del looked him over, must have found him wanting, and looked away. “I love you like a brother, and if J.T. pulled this crap, I’d beat him over the head until he made it right. With a tire iron, I might add.”

“Made it right with a tire iron?” Foley asked.

“No, Foley, I’d
beat him
with a tire iron. Would you just shut up?” Del blew out a breath and turned back to Johnny. “If you don’t love her, if you changed your mind about her, at least tell her to her face. She’s a good person, Johnny. Let her down easy, okay?”

“Let her down?” He rubbed his eyes, tired and alive at the same time.

Foley blew out a breath. “Dude, the girl is so damn in love with you it’s pathetic. But to hear her tell it, you don’t give a shit. I mean, you don’t give a goddamn,” he barked at Johnny. “You fucked up.” He glanced at Del and swore again, then handed her a bill. “There, Del. That’s a buck’s worth. Just keep it.”

Del grinned at him, tucked the dollar away, then slapped Johnny in the back of the head and stood. “Stop being a jackass. Go make up with Lara. You know, Rena is also not very happy with you. And between J.T. and Rena, my cousin scares me more than my brother does.”

Johnny stood slowly, feeling like an old man. “Lara really misses me?”
She loves me?

“If I had a woman like Lara, I’d never let her go,” Foley said, his voice low, sincere. “You have baggage. I get it. Hell, we all have it. Don’t even get me started on Sam. But if Liam and Del can get over their shit, what makes you so special you can’t get past yours?”

Del raised a brow. “Thanks, Foley, I think. Johnny, make this right. And if I were you, I wouldn’t meet Lara at Ray’s. You have people gunning for you at the bar.”

“Ah, okay.”

“Yeah. Get yourself together, man.” Foley knocked him in the arm, hard enough to leave a bruise. “Don’t be such a pussy. You love her? You should take a chance on her. Woman like that comes along once in a lifetime for guys like us.”

“That’s for sure.” Del nodded. “Come on, Foley. We have lives to get back to. Hint, hint, Johnny.
The Walking Dead
is a television show, not a lifestyle.”

They left him feeling hope for the first time in weeks. Lara missed him? She might have meant all those things she’d said. And well, if she’d changed her mind, at least he could own up to his cowardice and put her mind at ease. Their breakup had been all him, not her.

Hell.

What if she believed
she
wasn’t good enough? That he’d somehow found
her
lacking? For the first time since their breakup, he worried about Lara and her pain instead of his own. God, he had to make things right. Oh man, she loved him? What if she still did?

Hope kept him awake well into the night.

* * *

Out in Foley’s truck, Del and Foley sat.

“You still think it was smart to lie to him like that?” Foley asked, unconvinced. It had killed him to see Johnny so hurt, but he wasn’t sure this idea made any more sense than just shoving another beer into him.

“Yeah. Trust me. I’m sure Lara was in tears over his ass. It’s the image he needs to get him moving in the right direction.” She grinned. “And he’s gonna lose his fucking mind seeing her with Lou.”

Only Del could come up with some harebrained notion to get Johnny jealous and come to his senses. “I would have said to let him see her with Pete. That guy bugged the shit out of him.”

“True, but Lou’s just like Johnny. If Lou’s good enough for her, so’s Johnny.” She shrugged. “Besides, I like Pete. His brother’s car is bringing us some serious cash, as well as more contacts. Wouldn’t seem right to let Johnny rip his arms off. At least with Lou, Lou will stand his own. Give Johnny a wake-up right upside his handsome, fucked-up head.” She pulled the dollar out of her pocket and gave it back to him. “Here you go. Didn’t feel right taking it from you in there. Especially because you hit him as hard as I’ve wanted to.” She shook her head. “Poor dumb bastard. Wait until Lara gets a shot at him.”

Foley started up the truck and drove them back to the garage, where they’d been working late on a pet project of Del’s, something she wanted to give one of her future brothers-in-law. “Does McCauley know what he’s getting into with you? Because I gotta tell you, you Websters in love scare the shit out of me.”

She patted him on the shoulder.

And yeah, he flinched when she grinned and said, “Ain’t love grand?”

Chapter 21

Lara answered her phone, and again, the unidentified caller hung up. “Oh my God, you are so annoying!” she yelled at it and threw it at her softly cushioned couch. She might be angry, but she had no intention of paying for something
else
she couldn’t afford, like a new cell phone.