Texas fury (31 page)

The machine whirred and then stopped. Julie turned it off. The abrupt silence in the room made her blink.

Right now, this very second, he was probably thinking of her. He wanted to see her more than anything in the world. The only thing stopping him was Amelia. Amelia stood between them. For one split second Julie wished Amelia were dead. "No. I didn't mean that. Please, God, I didn't mean that. There's something wrong with me. I would never wish death on anyone. Forgive me. I didn't mean it." What was happening to her?

She'd never written that intended thank you note to Amelia and Cary. Tonight she would do it if it killed her. After she listened to the tape ten more times.

It occurred to her suddenly that she could leave a message for Cary on the machine. Something simple. But if she did that, she would be perpetuating whatever this was between Cary and herself. She could also turn off the machine. Unplug it. Pack it in the box it came in and put it on a shelf in the closet. She could throw it away so she wouldn't be tempted to hook it up again.

She wished she had a close friend, a real confidante. Someone who would listen objectively and not judge or condemn.

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Julie beat her fists into the soft pillows on the sofa. Amelia was a kind, warm, wonderful person. "I adore you, Amelia, but I think I'm falling in love with your husband." She beat at the tangerine pillows till she was exhausted. She didn't feel any better. She felt worse.

Julie sat up in bed watching the tail end of the eleven o'clock news. She pressed the remote control, and the newscaster was cut off in midsentence. She grimaced. She didn't like men who blow-dried their hair. She also wondered what shade of tint he used.

The notepad was propped up on a thick magazine resting on her knees. Whatever came off the top of her head was going to be it. She'd procrastinated long enough. When she was finished, she read it back to herself. Then she read it back aloud. She sniffed. It would have to do.

Dear Amelia and Cary,

Please excuse my tardiness in not sending this note sooner.

I want you to know I will treasure the bracelet. I wear it every day and have received many compliments. I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness.

It was more than kind of you, Amelia, to arrange for the birthday cake at the Lion's Rock. It has been many years since I had a real birthday cake, complete with candles.

I hope you and Cary are both well and not suffering from the flu, like most of us New Yorkers. My office was virtually empty last week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it doesn't strike me down.

I'm looking forward to seeing both of you should you come to New York, as Cary indicated you might.

Affectionately, Julie

What she should do now was drop a note to Thad and Billie. Or she could take the Eastern shuttle after work tomorrow and pop in for one of her surprise visits. She knew she'd be welcome. She could spend the night and catch the first shuttle back in the morning and still be in time for work.

She needed to talk to someone, another woman. Who better than Billie. Billie would understand. Billie was never

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judgmental. Is that what you want, understanding, or are you hoping for approval? a niggling voice asked. "Both," Julie whispered.

"Surprise! Surprise!" Julie cried when Billie opened the door the following evening.

"Julie! How wonderful to see you! Come in, it's cold out there. Is anything wrong?" she asked anxiously.

"Nothing's wrong. I came down because ... I miss you. I guess I've been a little lonely. I need a little mothering, or comforting ... or something. I hope you don't mind."

"Mind? Of course not. Will you be staying over?"

Julie nodded. "I thought I'd take the early shuttle in the morning. Is Uncle Thad home?"

Billie made a face. "No. He usually comes in around nine. If he wants an early evening, he has to plan weeks in advance. I can't wait till he leaves office. I really miss the farm. I miss Vermont, and the dogs."

"I know what you mean. I never thought I'd miss home, but I do. More and more I'm thinking about going back."

Billie sensed distress in Julie's voice. "Dinner, Julie? I baked a chicken earlier. I have a great salad and some angel food cake. I don't normally wait for Thad, so if you'll join me..."

"I'd love it."

As Billie puttered around the kitchen setting the table and adding dressing to the salad, she kept up a running conversation to try and ease Julie's tenseness. "Are you settled in? How's New York?"

"I'm settled in, but as I told you, I've been thinking about going back home. I like the city and I like my job, but ..."

"It's all still new to you. Give the city a chance. You'll make friends, and New York is such a wonderful city; there's so much to do every hour of the day."

"It's not lack of friends. I guess it's me. I'm strictly a small-town girl. Did you hear what I just said? Girl! I'm a middle-aged woman now. Men don't... they want young... you know..." she said lamely.

"Julie, don't sell yourself short. There's somebody out there, he just hasn't found you yet."

Julie shrugged. "You might be right, but I doubt it. What

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do you think?" she said, pulling her hair aside to reveal the earrings Billie had sent for her birthday.

'They're lovely. Maggie told me onyx is very fashionable these days. Do you really like them?"

"Aunt Billie, I love them. I can't tell you how many compliments I received. It was very thoughtful of you. You shouldn't have, but I'm glad you did."

The bracelet was new, Billie thought. At least, she'd never seen Julie wear it before. Julie kept pushing it up and down her arm as though she wanted to take it off or it was bothering her. Billie forced a laugh. "I always say that, too. How was your birthday? Did you celebrate, or are you at the stage where you'd rather forget it, like me?"

Julie took a deep breath. "I met Cary Assante in a deli one day and he invited me out to dinner to celebrate. It was very nice. We had a wonderful dinner at his and Amelia's favorite restaurant. They. .. they gave me a lovely gold.. . this gold bracelet, and Amelia ordered a cake with a candle. I felt a little embarrassed, but Cary said it was okay, everyone should have a birthday cake. He's a very nice man, and I enjoyed myself." Lord, was that exultant voice hers? She sighed deeply.

Billie hadn't heard Julie sound so elated in years. Usually she was serene and low-key. This new Julie positively bubbled. She couldn't help wondering why.

"Billie, you aren't saying anything. Did I say something wrong?"

"No, Julie, nothing's wrong." Billie had the feeling Julie was about to confide in her. She swallowed hard, knowing what was coming, dreading it.

"Aunt Billie, I ... I need to talk to someone. I'm finding myself very attracted to Cary, and he to me. I adore Amelia and ... I need ... I want ..." She went on to tell Billie about the answering machine and the game she played with it. "One part of me realizes the danger, the other part of me ... I don't seem to have any control over my emotions. I could fall in love with Cary so ... so easily. I don't ... I never believed in that romantic nonsense that you. . . you can fall in love. . . like ..." She snapped her fingers. "I never felt this way before. I've had affairs, relationships, whatever you want to call them. I'm not a kid. He sort of swooped into my life, and I reached out. ... I don't know how else to explain it," Julie said lamely.

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Billie sat down across from Julie. "Yes, honey, Cary is a kind, wonderful person and he's married to a kind, wonderful woman. The good ones are always taken," she said ruefully. "I have to ask you something." She paused and looked straight into Julie's eyes. "Do you just want to talk or do you want advice?"

"I don't know. I think I just want to talk. I can give myself the same advice you would give me. You're disappointed in me, aren't you?"

"Please don't think that, Julie. I know how these things can happen. It happened to me once, so I can speak from experience. So many things can go wrong, people who don't deserve to be hurt can be devastated. You have to be prepared to live with... whatever you choose to do."

Julie's voice took on a defensive tone. "I know all that. I've done nothing but think about... about Cary and Amelia, and myself, since I bumped into him. By accident, Aunt Billie. I had no control over that meeting, nor did Cary. It was like it was... meant to be." Her voice was taking on a stubborn note now, and Billie winced. "What about me, Aunt Billie? What about me. I'm thirty-nine years old. I finally met someone... someone I'm comfortable with, someone I want to see and talk to again. Why should I have to give that up? My eyes are open. I seriously doubt if I'll ever find myself in Amelia Assante's company again. How Cary handles it will be up to Cary. I have wants, I have needs.... Damn it, Aunt Billie, it isn't fair."

Billie chose her words carefully. "I'm a little older than you, honey, not necessarily wiser, but I've found over the years that there is very little in life that's fair. The fair part is inside each of us. Each of us has to deal with it in our own way. This isn't advice, Julie, more a statement of fact, again from my own experience. I don't think you can find happiness at someone else's expense, knowingly or unknowingly."

Julie nodded. "I appreciate your talking to me. I don't feel that I can make any promises to you or to myself, but I will give it a lot of thought."

Billie's heart settled down to its natural rhythm. Julie's promise was more than she hoped for, but it was far from reassuring. She got up to prepare the dessert plates, turning her back to hide her face from Julie. She was very worried ... for Amelia, but it wouldn't do to show it.

Both women were still at the table when Thad walked in at

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nine-thirty. He hugged and kissed Julie, catching Billie's slight nod. He grabbed a chicken leg and excused himself, saying he had a stack of paperwork that needed his immediate attention.

When the kitchen was restored to tidiness, Julie begged tiredness and a need for a warm, soothing bath.

Instead of joining Thad, Billie turned the television on and turned down the volume. She watched the silent screen, but her thoughts were elsewhere. Julie .. . Amelia. .. Cary. Lord, why did these things have to happen to the people she cared about most? In the end, Julie and Cary would do whatever they felt they had to do. Amelia would do whatever was best for Cary.

Amelia walked in the door a little after five. She tossed her warm wool hat in the direction of the coat rack. Her coat found a home on the high-backed chair in the living room. Her left shoe sailed toward the fireplace, the right toward the dining room. Her gloves, bag, and scarf ended up on the coffee table.

There was something different about the apartment, and it wasn't the fresh flowers on the coffee table. The air didn't seem so oppressive.

"Darling, I'm home!" Amelia called.

"I hear you," Cary sang out from the kitchen. "Sit down, put your feet up, and your tea will be served by the man of the house."

Amelia's tired eyes opened wide. She hoped she didn't look suspicious when Cary set the tea tray down and poured. "Two lumps," he said, dropping the little cubes into the cup with a flourish.

"I thought we'd go out to dinner this evening. In fact, I made reservations at Andre's for seven o'clock. We'll only be gone two hours. I think both of us could use a night out. I'm starting to get cabin fever."

"You've got yourself a date." She didn't know what had happened to lighten her husband's mood, but whatever it was, she hoped it could be packaged and bought. She'd order a carload.

"How was your day?" Cary asked. He sounded as if he really wanted to know. She told him. He listened raptly. When she was finished, he smiled. "I'm so proud of you, Amelia. There aren't many people who would take on the challenge

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you've accepted. I wish there was something I could do to help you. I know, you want to do it yourself, and I applaud that. But I don't want you tiring yourself out and have your health suffer. There must be something I can do. Lick envelopes, stuff them, take them to the post office box, whatever?"

"I'm not running for office, Cary. Believe me, if there was something you could do, I'd shackle you to my left wrist. I'm not tiring myself. This is the best thing for me right now. Are you going to come with me when I go to Washington to say my bit?"

"Babe, I'll be with you every step of the way. I bet you'll even make the news. What's the date?"

"March first." If she hadn't been staring directly at her husband with such a loving gaze, she would have missed the almost imperceptible change in his expression.

"That's not tough at all. We can take a flight the night before so we're both fresh, and take the first plane back when you finish."

"That's not what I had planned at all, Cary. Now is when I can get away. I thought we could do Washington while we're there. As in "do." Billie and Thad will want us to stay for a few days. I was thinking more like a week. Togetherness." She leered.

"A week, huh? Fine with me."

"Are you sure? You don't have anything planned, do you?"

"If I did, I'd cancel it—this is more important," Cary said with forced heartiness.

"Then it's settled. Who gets the shower? You go first, because you hate it when I steam it up. I'll look through the mail. Don't take all day, either. I'm hungry. In fact, I'm starved."

"Me, too. Five minutes."

Amelia's heart raced. A whole week in Washington with Cary and her two favorite people in the world, Billie and Thad. She sighed happily. Sometimes things just worked out right. All you needed was a basket full of patience.

She picked through the mail. Bills, advertisements, a postcard from South America. Amelia smiled. Riley had been back for weeks now.

The small, pale green envelope was caught between an invitation to a black-tie dinner and a letter from the utility company. Amelia held the small square of paper between her fingers as if it were laced with germs. She read it three times.