Texas Ranger Dad (14 page)

The wave of protectiveness that surged over her startled her. His ability to protect her had never been an issue. It was unbelievable that he would think such a thing. “You were the best. What happened with me was my fault. You told me to stay inside. You did everything in your power to protect me, but I went outside anyway. Foolishly ignored your warnings.”

“I should have made you understand the probability that at that crucial time before the trial, danger was imminent.”

“There was an internal leak, Zane. Otherwise I most likely would have been safe.”

“That's no excuse. There is always the probability of a breakdown. And I came after you and was so caught up in my need to kiss you that I didn't see the attack coming. That's the problem.” He slammed his hand on the table.

So much for a romantic meal! “You didn't see it because I was throwing myself at you. And if you hadn't taken me in your arms at that very instant, I very well could be dead!” This was crazy—what was she doing?

He shook his head. “You're alive because God kept you alive. Not because of what I did.”

“Oh, please. You were the one who threw me to the ground and covered me with your body. You're the one who got me behind that table and then used yourself as a shield to get me inside. God saved me that day by using you. I can't believe you don't realize that.”

His jaw tensed but he didn't say anything. The song in the background ended and the silence between the next one to play seemed to echo around them as they squared off across a vivid line of battle. “You know what?” he said. “You'll never change my view of that, Rose. But my concern now is for the future.” He picked up his fork. “We better eat some of this now before Max gets his feelings hurt.”

Rose watched him take a big bite of his spaghetti and then smile as if they weren't fighting. The man was really infuriating—but charming! She picked up her fork, twirled it in the noodles and tried not to think too much. She was drowning in very confusing waters.

“I bought that house I was looking at,” he said finally, then took a big drink of his tea. His Adam's apple bobbed with each swallow. “I'd like it if you'd come out and take a look at the place.”

Rose's mouth went dry. His gaze was unnerving. “I'm not sure that's a good idea.”

“It's a very good idea. After all, Max will be spending a lot of time there. And it only makes sense that you should check the place out, don't you think?”

Rose's breath caught. She'd put the idea out of her mind that Zane might still be thinking of getting custody of Max. Now the possibility was back on the table.

“Right,” she said tightly. “Now that you point that out, I would like to see it.”

He gave her a knowing smile. “That's what I thought. I'm moving in tomorrow. How about coming by?”

“Sure,” she said. What else could she say? “But I can't tomorrow. You know what? You have avoided answering my question over and over. Are you planning to try to get custody of Max? It's time for you to tell me what your intentions are. You were the one who said we were playing cat-and-mouse games.”

“What happened to us having a nice romantic dinner?”

“That's just it. How in the world do you and everyone else in this town expect me to not think about this?” The more she thought about it the madder she got. “Nothing about this is working for me.” She pushed back from the table and was fully intent on walking out. “I'm calling this charade off.”

Zane grabbed her arm. “Wait. Please don't go.”

She glared at him, but said nothing, clearly waiting for an answer.

“The answer is no,” he said at last. “I'm not going to sue for custody of Max. So relax. He's old enough to make up his own mind about things anyway. Putting him in a position to have to choose is not something I would ever do to him. And we both know he would choose you.”

Rose swallowed hard at what she saw in his eyes and heard in his voice. So much regret. So much love. Tears filled her eyes and she had to look away. This was so hard. The entire situation.

The barn door opened and Max entered. Zane leaned close to her. “Please don't cry. Can you relax now so we can get back to being nice to each other? I personally like us better that way.”

Rose nodded, and before Max reached them she dabbed at her damp eyes.

She hated feeling vulnerable. She hated it more than anyone could ever know. Looking at Zane and then at Max looking as sweet as the plates of chocolate cake he carried, she felt depleted emotionally. She should have been happy hearing Zane wasn't going to cause her child to have to meet the judicial system unnecessarily. But even that news couldn't change the fact that Max was rooting for a happy ending to this story…and Rose knew she couldn't give it to him.

“S
o, did you have a good time?” Max asked the next morning. He'd already asked her several times before he went to bed the night before. The kid had been thrilled with himself and she'd not been able to burst his bubble of pleasure.

She'd smiled through the rest of the evening and then gone to bed completely traumatized by the entire evening. Over and over she'd found herself praying for some kind of peace about the situation. But none came.

God didn't work so suddenly for the most part—sometimes He did—yet she knew through experience that most of the time problems worked out slowly. Looking at Max now, she knew she couldn't wait. Max needed to know the truth. Drawing this out was only going to hurt him more.

“Max, I need to be straight with you. I had a good time. But you need to understand that nothing is going to happen between your dad and me. The last thing I want is to hurt you. But, babe, you've got to promise me you won't do any more matchmaking.”

“Mom, why won't you give Dad a
chance?
” He rammed his chair back and stood.

Rose wasn't prepared for the out-and-out belligerence in Max's tone. Or the uncharacteristic anger.

She stood at the sink. “Max, he's here in town where you can see him as much as you want. You must know that he wants you in his life? That's what matters.”

“He wants us in his life. Mom, can't you see that? He loves you. But you are so
stubborn.
”

“Max! I don't love Zane.”

“I don't believe you. And I always believe you. It's like you're scared of this with Dad.” She flinched at his tone and he stopped suddenly and stared at her. “That's it, isn't it?”

Rose fidgeted with the cup towel, feeling as if she were under a microscope. Yes, she was afraid, but it was more.

“Mom, you've never been afraid of anything. How can you be afraid of Dad?”

She sat down in the chair across from him, owing him an explanation.

“Max. This is about more than just Zane.” How did she put this? There were so many reasons for her to feel at peace with her decisions. “It's more like I just don't feel like this is what God has for me. When I'm around him I'm in constant turmoil. I don't have any peace about giving up my independence. I've had to fight so hard to have it. I'm settled. I'm happy. It's not that I'm actually afraid of Zane, but rather of messing up. Again.”

“Mom, you're like supermom. You're my hero. But you gotta believe what you're always preaching to me. You know, that it's okay to mess up, because at
least if you're messing up, you're learning.” He was giving her a pep talk.

“That's different. In this situation I wouldn't be learning anything. Except that I'd messed up. And I don't want or need that. I have everything I want right here.”

Max shook his head and left the table. He didn't look mad any longer, but the disappointment in his eyes bothered her worse.

“What's on your agenda for today?” she called, feeling horrible as he walked away. Monday was normally her day off but Ashby had asked her to work today because she had to go out of town for something. She hadn't thought much about it then, but now watching Max she wished she didn't have to leave him alone.

He looked so forlorn, trudging down the hall with his shoulders slumped. “I'll probably just watch TV,” he said and slammed his bedroom door. Closed it between them like a blow from his heart to hers.

And it hit its target dead center.

 

“Heard y'all had quite a time out at Rose's last night,” Sam said as soon as Zane walked into the diner. App and Stanley grinned at him as did several cowboys who were eating breakfast.

“Your spaghetti was great.” Zane slid onto a stool and lifted a brow at Sam. “You never told me you were a matchmaker, too.”

He gave a mischievous grin. “I ain't normally. But Rose told Adela and the girls to back off, so somebody had ta help out the poor kid.”

“Did it work?” App called.

Zane rubbed his temple; he had the beginnings of a headache that came from no sleep and a head and a
heart doing battle with each other. “I guess only time will tell, Applegate. Sam, I'm going to advise you to hide if you see Rose coming.”

Sam chuckled, “Ya think?”

“Yep, but first can you give me a coffee to go? I'm moving into my place today—in between keeping the peace around here.” That got him a few chuckles. Zane meant it as a joke but there was part of him that still couldn't get used to the way things were here in Mule Hollow. He felt like he could become complacent here and for a man who'd lived his life constantly on the edge, where a moment of complacency could cost a life…he was having a hard time adjusting. Brady seemed to have done it and yet, he still seemed reliable, capable. Zane was determined to adjust to this new lifestyle. Especially after talking with Rose last night.

He'd gone home with a lot to think about. He'd let go of any remaining anger he'd felt at Rose as they'd talked. Though it was clear she might not ever get past what he'd done to her.

“Here's yor coffee. So you need any help moving in out thar?”

“Thanks, Sam. And no. I'll be basically camping until my things arrive out of storage. What I have with me will fit in the front seat of my truck.”

“You gonna git Rose ta decorate fer ya?” Stanley asked, as he reached for a handful of sunflowers.

Zane thanked Sam for the coffee and paid up. “I don't know, Stanley, maybe you need to put in a good word for me. She had dinner with me last night, but I'm not sure it changed her feelings toward me.”

“Seriously?” he asked.

“'Fraid so. I think I'm going to need more interven
tion than even you or the Mule Hollow matchmakers can give me.”

App scrubbed his chin. “Maybe you need ta take some positive action of yer own—if you want Rose.” He looked toward the table of cowboys. “Or maybe you'd rather wait until one of these lamebrains gets smart and goes and woos her off her feet.”

One of the cowboys grinned and started to say something, but Zane shot him a warning glare that had him digging into his pancake instead.

“That's what I thought,” App said with a smug grin.

“You fellas have a nice day,” Zane said, deciding the conversation had gone as public as he cared for it to go. As he got in his truck and pulled onto Main Street, Rose drove up and parked in front of the dress store. His adrenaline spiked seeing her and for a guy who'd just been thinking he was losing his edge, every fiber of his being went on red alert.

He watched as she got out of her car. Yes, he sat right there in the middle of the street blocking traffic, if there had been any traffic, and watched her. She saw him and instead of turning a cold shoulder she strode toward him.

“Good morning,” she said, stopping a couple of feet from his open window. She looked as far from happy as a person could look.

“What's wrong?” he asked, skipping the pleasantries. She was about to tell him that the entire evening had been a mistake and she never wanted to see him again—which would be hard since he wouldn't be able to give her what she wanted.

“It's Max.”

Alarm shot through Zane. “Is he okay?”

She nodded but didn't look convincing. “I mean
he's not lost in the woods or anything. But, well…” She looked tearful and her gaze slid away before coming back to him. “I think maybe you should go talk to him. I mean, I don't really know what to do for him. And maybe…” She swallowed hard and Zane knew asking for his help had to be hard for her. “Maybe he needs his dad to explain all of this…you know,
this.
”

“Yeah, I know what this is,” Zane said, trying to give her a little help. “Did something happen?”

She nodded. “He's really angry with me.”

“I'll head out there right now.”

“Thanks.”

Zane watched her go into the shop. Then he headed toward her house. She had asked for his help with their son. His heart filled with hope. But he also knew that something big must have happened between her and Max. And that worried him.

 

He found Max in the barn tearing down lights.

“Max, what are you doing?”

“I'm getting rid of these stupid lights.”

Zane took a moment to let the angry words sink in before he moved forward and started unraveling a strand of lights from the top railing of a stall. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what? There's nothing to talk about.”

“If that's the case, then why are you so mad?”

From beneath lowered brows, Zane watched Max's jaw tense before he jerked down another strand. He threw the shredded lights on the ground and glared at Zane. His thin body was rigid, his fists clenched at his sides.

“All my life she's been a fighter. Telling me…” He
smashed his fist against his side. “Telling me that as long as I kept getting up when things went wrong that
that
was what counted. That it created strong character. That it's not what happens to us but how we react to it that makes us strong.”

“I think that's good advice. And true.” And it sounded like Rose.

“Oh, yeah, well, it's a lie! Just like half the stuff she ever told me. You, her life in the witness protection program, our life in those shelters—everything. But the biggest lie of all is that she got back up. She didn't get back up.”

Zane had questions bounding around in his head but he kept silent. The kid needed to expel these feelings. Rose had said from the beginning that Max was taking things too well. She'd been right and he hadn't taken it seriously enough.

“She never did,” Max said again in disgust. “She's not brave like I thought. She's afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Of you.”

“Of me?” Zane felt blood thundering in his head, pounding away. He knew Rose was afraid but the last thing she'd want was for Max to know it. The kid was too smart for his own good.

“Yeah, she's afraid of messing up. She said so. And messing up means she's afraid if she marries you and you turn out to be a jerk she'll have messed up again.”

“She has every right to be afraid.”

Max's face fell. “Of you?”

Zane nodded. “Yes.”

“But you're a Ranger. You're a deputy. She should know you're not going to hurt her.”

“C'mon, Max. You know full well this has nothing
to do with me lifting a hand to harm her. We're talking about her heart here. And a heart isn't always as tough as we want it to be. I have already hurt her heart.” Zane prayed for the right words to help Max because he felt helpless looking at him.

“It doesn't bother you knowing she loves you but that she doesn't want to be with you?” Max asked, breathing hard, his chest heaving as if he'd just finished a race.

Zane gave a derisive laugh. “It bothers me more than I can express. But, Max, I'm part of the reason she's like this. I
left
her. It doesn't matter why or that I didn't know about you. It doesn't matter that in my head I thought I was doing right by her. She's not just scared. Max, she's hurting and holding it back just as much as you've been doing ever since you found out she lied to you.”

Max spun toward the fence and kicked it so hard Zane feared the board or the foot would break. “Yeah, let out some of that anger. It's okay. You're allowed. And your mom is allowed to be angry, too. She is a remarkable woman. It's just that everything is catching up and she's having to adjust to it just like you are. Just like I am. This can't happen overnight. We might want it to. But it can't.”

Swiping his sleeve across his eyes, Max turned back to face Zane. His eyes were bright and rimmed in red. Zane wanted to yank him into his arms and hug him tight; instead, he laid a hand on his shoulder.

“You know. I didn't sleep much last night. Spent it thinking and asking the Lord to show me the way. I looked up a verse in first Corinthians, bits and pieces of it kept ringing through my head and I wanted to read it in its entirety. Do you know the one I'm talking about?”

Max's gaze shifted to his feet. “Corinthians,” he said, looking thoughtful. “That's Paul, right?”

Zane nodded. Knowing Rose had raised Max up in church, helping him develop a strong relationship with the Lord meant the world to him.

“Is that the one about love is patient and kind? I see that one written on wall hangings all the time.”

Zane smiled. “Yeah, that one. Well, that part of the verse is the most popular and it's true in this instance very much so. If you love your mom, you will be patient and kind right now. But it's the part of the verse toward the end that God spoke to me with. If you want to read the whole passage, it's 1 Corinthians 13:1–7. Verse seven says that love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”