That One Night (That One Series Book 1) (6 page)

Despite the heaviness of the conversation between Ben and me, those giggles manage to make me smile. When I look up at Ben, I can tell that Archer has the same effect on him.

***

We decide to go have breakfast at a diner. Michigan in November is too cold to spend a long amount of time outside. We drive to the local diner in town that I spent many hours in as a teenager. When we arrive, Ben gets out of the car first and starts taking Archer out of his seat.

“Come to Daddy.” I hear him murmur into Archer’s ear and can’t help a smile from spreading over my face.

When I hear Archer saying “Dada,” my face nearly splits in half.

“Did he just say Dada?” Ben asks me—his voice choked with emotion.

“Yes, he did.”

At that, I can see the tears that Ben is trying to blink away rapidly.

“He’s a smart little boy.”

I don’t have the heart to tell him that Archer doesn’t even know what he’s saying. And to be honest, it doesn’t matter. It still lights up my heart like a firework whenever he says “Mama.”

“Let’s get inside. It’s getting cold out here.”

I grab the diaper bag and head for the door of the diner, locking the car doors from afar when I see Ben following me with Archer.

Once inside, we order some food, and I take a bottle of breast milk out of the diaper bag and ask the waitress if she could heat it up in a microwave. She’s really polite and with a friendly smile goes off with the bottle toward what I assume is the kitchen. I just don’t feel like whipping out my boobs in a restaurant, especially right in front of Ben. That would be too strange.

Before we even can start a conversation, she’s back and hands me the bottle. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, that’s nice of you,” I tell her before she walks away.

“Do you want to feed him?”

Ben seems unsure for a moment, although he’s been holding Archer since he took him out of the car. Archer is fascinated by the new guy who is suddenly paying him this much attention. He keeps grabbing Ben’s necklace, a wolf tooth pendant on a leather band, or his watch, entertaining himself.

“It isn’t as hard as you think. Trust me, he’ll show you how to do it.” I pass the bottle over to Ben. He takes it with some hesitation, but as soon as it’s in his hands and Archer gets a glimpse of it, it’s just as I predicted—Archer grabs onto the bottle, has it in his mouth, and is happily sucking away on it within the blink of an eye.

“So you don’t breastfeed him?” Ben asks, eyeing me curiously.

Great. I might not be showing my boobs, but now I’m talking about them.

“I do as long as he wants it and doesn’t get teeth. But I don’t really always feel like whipping my boob out in public,” I laugh, and Ben joins me, although I catch his eyes straying to my chest while he does so. My boobs were never on the small side, but since I’ve had Archer, they are quite impressive. Sometimes I wonder how I manage not to fall over.

By the time our food arrives, Archer has finished his bottle and happily drifted off to sleep in Ben’s arms.

“I’ll get the stroller out of the car so he can sleep in it and you can eat,” I suggest, seeing as Ben might not be trained in the one-handed execution of daily tasks that anyone with a baby becomes a master of.

But Ben only shakes his head at me. “No, it’s fine. He can sleep right here.” It seems Ben doesn’t want to let him go and I’m definitely not going to push him to do so.

“How come your parents don’t know I’m the father?” The question surprises me, but then I was in a trance for a moment, watching Ben and Archer together, trying to smother the little hope that maybe we could end up being a happy family. This is reckless, wishful thinking that will only get me hurt.
Go away weird, girly emotions.

“I didn’t want to tell them before you knew. You had a right to know first and to be able to decide what role you want to play in our...I mean in Archer’s life. And I knew they would be disappointed that you left—even if you didn’t know about Archer. I just...,” I trail off, not sure myself if there’s more to it than what I just said out loud.

“So you’ve been catching a lot of flak from them because you wanted to protect me and allow me to make my own decision without any pressure?” His eyes shoot up and he looks at me so intently that I squirm in my seat. I realize that all the anger and disappointment has made me blind to the fact that I was protecting him all along. He stirs up emotions in me that I had long buried under resentment and pain.
Stupid, little me.

“I don’t know to be honest. I guess. Besides Ben, I was trying to deal with my own emotions; I didn’t need anyone giving commentary or advice on it. I had to get my head straight. I don’t know...it just seemed like the right thing to do.”

“Thanks, Frankie,” he gives me a hesitant smile, “but we should tell them. From what I can tell, they are complete dickheads toward you. Maybe this will help to calm things down.”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

“You don’t want them to know?” He tilts his head, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

Studying the ketchup bottle in front of me, I’m searching for the right words, but there is just no nice way to say this.

“It’s not that.” I look up at him. “I’m just worried you will disappear again and that would only cause more drama. I would not only be the daughter that sleeps around with her brother’s best friend, but who also makes him run away from his own child.”

“I won’t go away.”

“Promise?”

I want to kick myself for asking that, preferably with steel-capped boots. Maybe then I’d fucking learn.
Seriously, I am making him promise? Like this is a sure-fire way to keep someone in your life. Why don’t I just make him cross his heart and hope to die? Oh, I’m so pathetic.
I feel suddenly like a stupid teenager. “Forget that I said anything. That was stupid.”

Ben smiles at me, but the smile looks pained.

“I know I hurt you. I understand you don’t trust me. I hope to change that again. And I wish I could promise you to never leave, but there might come a day when it’ll be better for Archer and you to not have me in your life and that is when I will leave, but never because I want to.”

Now I’m more confused than ever by this cryptic answer. Why would it be better for Archer and me if he left? I look into his eyes, tempted to ask more but I can tell by the distant look he has on his face that he will not elaborate.

I decide I don’t want to know. If I ask, if I start getting interested in him and his feelings, I’ll end up forgiving him and then I’ll just open myself up for more pain. I can’t get caught up in hopes, dreams, or feelings for him—not again. Last time I did it left me heart-broken. This time, I have Archer to think about.

On the way back to my parents’ house, we agree that he will soon come to Northampton for a few weeks to get to know Archer and spend more time with him.

“Maybe if you come out in a week or two…”

“Why not now? That way you wouldn’t have to travel alone.” I can feel his gaze boring into me.

“I need a week or two to digest all of this, Ben. I can’t think when I’m constantly confronted with all these feelings, with you. And I need to figure out where you can stay while you’re there.”

I don’t know if it’s a smart idea to even consider letting him stay in what’s supposed to be Archer’s room at some point. All this closeness, him being in my personal space all the time—this might be counter-productive to not letting him get under my skin again. I need to leave what I felt for him behind and finally convince myself that it was just a teenage crush. I ignore the stabbing pain in my chest when I speak next.

“Ben, before we decide to tell my parents, or before you come to Northampton, I need to make one thing clear. You are Archer’s father and you’ll always have a place in his life and therefore automatically in mine. But you are nothing more than Archer’s father to me. And that will not change, ever.” I emphasize every single word.
Maybe I’ll believe it myself too.

“
I don’t know if it even matters to you but I need to make this clear, there will never be an us.”

I’m doing a shitty job at convincing myself, but it seems to work better on him if his eyebrows knitting together and his jaw twitching is an indication. I can feel him staring at me when I look back to the road and continue driving. He doesn’t say anything and it drives me mad.

“Did you understand what I said?”

“Yeah, I heard and understood what you said.” His words come out clipped. They feel like little paper cuts on my skin. “Are you seeing someone?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I glance over at him, surprised by his question.

He looks at me for a moment. “Well, I’m Archer’s father, so I think I have a right to know if there is some random guy around my son.”

Seriously, after twelve hours he feels entitled to have a say about my or Archer’s life. If I weren’t driving, I would punch him in the throat.

Instead, I grit out between my teeth, “Whom I fuck or do not fuck, you don’t get to decide. You’ve been in Archer’s life all of twelve hours and you are trying to tell me how to raise him? Indicating I would put him in any kind of harm’s way? You’re an asshole. Everything I do is based on Archer’s wellbeing, or do you think I come for the happy visits with my parents because I have some kind of masochistic tendency? Do you think I allow you back into my life because I relish in the pain of seeing you again? I don’t just bring people into Archer’s life without being sure they are worth it. Every single thing I do is for Archer.”

I’m basically fuming at this point, my grip on the steering wheel so tight I’m afraid I might leave imprints. I’m fully aware of the fact that I might be overreacting, but I don’t give a damn. Instead, I mutter an “asshole” again under my breath.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have made any assumptions.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” I say, forcing my voice to be calmer.

We stay quiet for a few moments, before he breaks the silence.

“So, are you seeing someone?”

Sighing, I shake my head, too tired to do anything else but answer.

“No, I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Good,” he says, his voice unwavering. It’s the cockiness I remember about him that he hasn’t really shown since he’s been back.

“Why is that good, Ben? What is it to you?” I’m holding my breath, curious what he’ll answer.

“I know I hurt you, Frankie. I fucked up and I can’t change that. I know you don’t trust me and that’s okay. Because I’ll fight for you, and I will win back your trust. I will win you back.” His words sound sincere, there’s a conviction in them that makes the breath I was holding whoosh out as we pull into my parents’ driveway.

“You never had me to begin with,” I lie in order to quench the feelings of hope blooming in my chest.

***

As we get inside, my mom barrels over to take Archer out of my arms. When I walk through the living room and up the stairs to my room to get a moment of silence, I run into Dave in the hallway. He has a grin plastered on his face.

“So did you tell him he's Archer's dad?”

I nearly topple over and could swear my jaw actually drops down to the floor below.

“What are you talking...? How? I mean, how did you know?”

“Contrary to popular belief, there is stuff going on up in here.” He taps his right digit to his head, giving me a smug grin. “It was basic math, the fact that I walked in that morning into the house and saw you all rumpled and only covered with a blanket sleeping on the couch
—
by the way, not a good thing to walk in onto as your older brother
—
and your reaction every time we talked about him. Oh, and let’s not forget Archer’s middle name. And he kinda looks like him too.”

I’m dumbfounded and speechless, something that doesn’t happen often.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I assumed if you wanted us to know, you’d tell us.”

Tears well up in my eyes and I throw my arms around Dave’s neck and hug him hard. He might be a dickhead on the outside, but deep down he’s an incredibly sweet and loyal guy who always has my back.

“You’re the best brother ever.”

“I know.” He chuckles, but then his voice gets serious. “What happens next?”

“I wish I knew.”

“Want me to punch him? I did when he arrived here. I can do it again.” Dave wiggles his eyebrows at me playfully.

Before I can answer, we’re interrupted by the sound of our mom clapping her hands together a few times like a happy seal.

“That is a great idea, Ben. Frankie, did you hear that?” She shouts up the stairs, and I have the sinking feeling nothing good can come from her good mood.

“Let’s see what is making Mom this happy. It can’t be anything good.” Dave arches his eyebrows at me and drags me downstairs with him, sharing my sentiment.

So much about my moment of peace.

“Frankie, Ben just offered to drive back with you to Northampton to look at the colleges and job opportunities up there. That way you don’t have to drive by yourself and can pay more attention to Archer, so my poor baby boy doesn’t spend all the time alone in the backseat,” she coos the last part to Archer, whom she still has on her arms.

I feel like I have lost all sense of reality for a second. The world blurs around me and I shake my head to clear my vision. “Sorry, what?”

“Yeah, I wanted to decide on a college anyway, and this way I save money on a flight, we can split the gas money, and you don’t have to drive yourself. Long drives like that can be tiring and dangerous,” Ben pipes up with a smug smile on his face.

Asshole.
I want to pounce on him and scratch his eyes out. Despite the ringing in my ears, I can hear Dave’s amused chuckle. Jabbing my brother in the ribs with my elbow, I glare at Ben, knowing that if looks could kill, he’d be on the floor breathing his last breath right about now. We agreed he’ll come visit in a week or two, giving both of us room and time to adjust to the new situation. Instead, he plays dirty tricks—for whatever fucking reason.

“That isn’t necessary. I really don’t mind the drive. Why don’t you wait a week or two, and let me see if I can find you a place to stay?” The sweet smile on my face probably does nothing to hide my anger and loathing.

“Oh, don’t be silly. The boy offers to help you, so you should be thankful. And don’t you have an extra room in your house where he could stay?” My father suggests and pictures of my face in the newspapers next to an article about a triple homicide flash in my mind. I’m sure I would look great in orange.

Before I can say anything, Ben jumps at the opportunity: “Oh, that would be awesome, Frankie. I would really appreciate it if I could crash at your house for a few days.”

“Sure, why not? I’ll just check with my roommates,” I say before turning around. Then I decide to add, while a stupid yet satisfying plan forms in my head. “Since it is two drivers now, we can drive into the night. How about we pack and leave now? I have some stuff to prepare for school anyway.”

Knowing my mom will be playing with Archer, I go upstairs into my room, lock the door, and start throwing things into the suitcase with way too much force. Not even half an hour later I’m finished and drag all our stuff downstairs and out to the car. Ben walks past me to put his duffel bag in the trunk, and while he passes me, he has the guts to wink at me and whispers, “I’ll get that trust back, Frankie. I’ll get you back.”

This reminds me of the Ben before that night, before he disappeared and something changed in him. He has always been so cocky, it was bordering on arrogance, but since I found him in our living room with a bottle of whiskey, he seemed broken and confused. I grin back, deciding my plan was a good idea.
Stupid jerk.
He wants the upper hand? Not on my watch.

Going back inside, I say my goodbyes to my parents, which are less than heart-warming. It’s different with Dave. I have a hard time letting him go.

“You’ll have to come and visit me soon, ok?” He nods and then starts chuckling, whispering into my ear. “You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?”

I smile. “You have no idea.” Just then Ben walks inside to say his goodbyes. I take Archer into my arms and then turn around, looking at my parents and Ben.

“Mom, Dad?” Once I have their attention I continue, “Before we leave I need to tell you something. Ben is Archer’s father. We had sex eighteen months ago on your couch right there, after he drank your whiskey. It was really good too. The sex, not the whiskey.” I watch their faces drop and am not sure whose face loses color faster
—
my parents’ or Ben’s.

Dave starts laughing next to me. I turn around and walk towards the door and without turning back, I address Ben over my shoulder.

“You have five minutes. After that I’m leaving.”

I know full well in five minutes the conversation he is about to have with my parents won’t be finished, so he will have to leave without everything being all shiny and bright. It’s one thing for them to treat me like crap because they think I sleep around, it’s another thing for him to use the secret against me and worm his way into my life without following the rules
—
without following my rules. I’m willing to accept the fall-out from my announcement for that single moment of satisfaction I had looking at their faces.

As I close the door behind me, I can hear my father’s voice getting louder by the second.

I strap Archer into his seat while he’s playing with his teddy bear. Then I get into the car and wait, watching the seconds tick by on the dashboard clock.

I’m interrupted by a text from Dave.

D: It’s better than a soap opera. Wish I had popcorn.

Me: You’re welcome. Enjoy the show. ;-)

Four minutes and fifty-five seconds later, Ben hurries out of the house and into the car.

“That was a shitty move, Frankie. They nearly ate me alive.”

“It’s called karma, Ben. She is a vengeful little bitch. It was her way to say thank you for this current arrangement. And as for your second statement, welcome to my life.” With that, I let the car roll down the driveway and onto the street, before I hit the gas and finally am home-bound, not looking back once. I hear him huffing and puffing next to me, clearly annoyed with the number I pulled on him. I would be too, but damn it felt good. And the truth is now out as well, whatever comes of it.

I decide to ignore his annoyed scowl and turn on the radio—low enough not to raise Archer from his slumber. Despite the uninvited guest sitting next to me, I’m looking forward to being back home. I can’t wait to sit around in the sunroom with Dean and Alex in the evening, Viv occasionally joining us when she’s not out and about. I look forward to our Sunday brunch tomorrow, with Archer crawling around on the floor while we eat and talk. I can’t wait to sit down with Dean, talk, drink tea, and do some yoga together. My home in Northampton—it isn’t just the house I live in. It’s the people I share my life with who help me keep my equilibrium. I hope Ben doesn’t ruin it, but for some reason I feel like he will fit right in. I’m annoyed by it, yet I know it’s true. I still need to call and tell them about our unexpected guest who’s tagging along, but I don’t want to do it with Ben listening in, so I have to wait until we stop somewhere to eat, or have to refuel.