The Academie (17 page)

But the next day, she didn’t return. I
expected there would be news Monday morning, but still nothing
came. Robert asked around, but the staff was tight-lipped. And so
we were forced to go off to class with no idea what had become of
our friend.

Through most of my classes, I just sat
there. Normally, I’d take notes just to pass the time and make it
seem like I cared, even though the material was completely below my
skill level. Today, I didn’t even do that. The only class I was
worried about was Advanced English. Given everything that had taken
place, I hadn’t even thought about the five page paper. That is,
until I was leaving science and remembered I wasn’t supposed to
head to Developmental Writing anymore.

I walked to class intending to talk to
the teacher and beg for mercy. But as soon as I walked in, I forgot
my mission.

“
Matt?” His back was to
me, but I knew it was him.

He smiled and waved me over to his
seat in the front row.

“
I heard you were going to
be joining us. How’s it going?”

How’s it going?

“
Honestly? Not
good.”

“
Well, it should be better
now that you’re in this class. I don’t know how you ended up in
Developmental. How’d your paper go?”

“
Paper? I didn’t do
it.”

“
What?”

“
I just started the class
today. Surely—”

“
Allie, I had to pull some
strings to get you in here—”

“
You?
Sergeant Conrad requested the change.”

He laughed. “Conrad?
Whatever. Allie, if you aren’t going to do what it takes to be in
this class—” He got up in my face.
“You’re
going to make us both look bad,”
he
whispered.

“
I can’t believe you. I
haven’t seen you in months, and now I get a lecture rather than a
hello. Real nice. I missed you too.” I grabbed my books and headed
for a desk across the room.

I noticed Robert then at the center of
the room. He nodded courteously and offered the seat next to him. I
shrugged and shook my head. I needed to be alone. He held up his
hands in a gesture of surrender and pulled out his textbook and
notes.

Sergeant Roke collected papers shortly
after. I held up my hands in mercy as she came around and silently
hoped she was the merciful type. She was a manly sort of
woman—tall, graying, a severe expression carved into her face. But
I had to give her credit: she seemed to know what she was talking
about—though I can’t claim to have paid much attention. I was still
too angry at Matt and too worried about Shara.

After class, I took the long way
around the room to avoid going anywhere near Matt, and headed to
the front of the room to talk with Sergeant Roke. Despite her
appearance, she was more understanding than I expected.

“
I didn’t really expect
you to have the paper yet, since you just added into this class.
However, so you don’t get behind, I need it by Friday. You have an
assignment sheet?”

“
Yes.”

“
Good. Let me know if you
have questions.”

“
Thanks.” I turned to head
for the door.

“
And I suppose you need a
textbook?”

“
Oh yeah. Sorry, I’ve been
a bit out of it.”

“
Yes. I heard about your
friend.”

“
You did? You don’t happen
to know how she is, do you? I haven’t heard anything.”

“
I’m sorry; I haven’t
either.”

“
It’s okay….Thanks. See
you tomorrow.” I turned and headed out the door.

I didn’t hear any news that day, or
the next, or the next, or the next. Shara’s things were kept at her
bunk space as they were left. People were quiet as they passed the
area, as though they were passing a memorial.

Late Friday evening—almost a week
after Shara’s incident, Sergeant Garrett finally made an
announcement.

“
Your dorm mate, Shara,
will not be returning to The Academie. I have not been given
details about her condition, except to say that arrangements have
been made for her. As for the rest of you, it is my duty to
announce that a new rule has been instituted at all Academie
facilities, which you need to abide by from this point
on.

“
The rule is as follows:
From here on out, there will be no meditating.”

“
What?” I heard someone
across the room say.

“
You heard me right.
Meditation has been banned by The Academie.”

“
Can they do that?”
someone asked.

“
They can do whatever they
want,” Garret said. “Listen, if you want to pray, pray. But no more
of this meditation voodoo. You hear me?

“
That’s all ladies. Lights
out is in an hour.”

22.
dodge ball

“
Hey, I’m sorry about your
friend.” Tina said as we got ready for bed. It took me off guard.
She hadn’t said anything to me since our last failed attempt at
conversation.

“
Thanks.”

“
For the record, I think
it’s wrong for them to tell you how to pray.”

“
It’s not
voodoo.”

“
Well, I don’t know what
it is, but they give us enough restrictions. Soon they’ll be
restricting what we think too.”

We were silent for a while before she
added, “I’m sure it’s not your fault, you know.”

“
Huh?”

“
I know you’re worried it
is. You were talking in your sleep again.”

“
Oh.”

She smiled. “You mention Bryan a lot
too. He your man?”

I appreciated the change of subject.
“Was.”

“
Mine’s on the outside
too. He says he’ll wait for me, but I ain’t countin’ on
it.”

“
Yeah. I’m trying not
to.”

“
But he’s
fine
?”

“
Oh yeah,” I smiled. “Very
fine.”

There was a pause. “Do I—do I keep you
awake, talking at night?”

“
No, usually I’m awake
anyway.”

“
Well, if I ever do, just
tell me to shut up.”

She smiled. “You bet.”

It was a nice surprise to talk to Tina
without the animosity that had been there before. I felt calmer as
I went to sleep that night than I had in days.

“
Do you want to join my
friends and me for breakfast?” I asked her the next morning. “I
usually sit with Stevie—from class, and a few other
people.

“
Sure. Why
not?”

I was surprised at her answer. I
wanted to invite her, but somehow, I really didn’t expect her to
take me up on it.

We headed down to breakfast and found
our table empty. “Guess we beat them here,” I said.

Stevie joined us first, followed by
Ruby and Robert.

“
Why hello,” Robert said
in his suave way.

Tina blushed. Robert had that affect
on women.

“
So, another Saturday.
What do you think they have in store for us this week?” he
asked.

I sighed. “Not more mixers and sports,
I hope.”

“
Hey, that was fun last
week,” Stevie said. She smiled, but I watched the smile fade and I
knew she was remembering how that weekend ended.

“
How much can they find
for us to do here?” Ruby asked.

I rolled my eyes.
“Seriously.”

Tina was quiet through most of the
meal, but she seemed to enjoy the company. I caught her more than
once looking in Robert’s direction. I hadn’t even considered it
before I invited her—they seemed so different—him so fussy and
intellectual and her to so casual and no-nonsense—but you never
know. I saw him catch her eye at one point and smile. Sure he
flirts with all the girls, but I never saw him act quite like that
before.

The morning activity turned out to be
schoolyard games—kickball, dodge ball, and several groups of four
square. This was more my kind of thing. I caught sight of Matt
headed for the dodge ball court and a sudden urge to chuck balls
came over me.

I sized him up in the circle. Then I
got a ball and wailed it at him. Normally, I wasn’t that good of
shot. But Fratelli’d been working us hard in Basic Fitness. Jenny
and I talked daily about our progress, and I couldn’t tell for
sure, but I thought she appeared to be dropping weight.

“
What the hell’s your
problem?” Matt finally yelled after I clocked him again in our
third game.

“
You
are my problem.”

The rest of the group backed away, and
he pulled me away from the game. “What are you talking
about?”

“
Who are you?”

“
Have you gone insane? Has
losing your friend caused you to lose your mind?”

He caught me off guard.
“What do you mean
losing
? Do you know
something?”

“
Forget it.”

He tried to walk away, but I followed
him.

“
No, I’m not going to
forget it! Something has happened and no one will tell me anything.
Now if you know something, tell me!”

“
Leave me alone.” He
turned again and tried to walk away.

“
Stop walking away from
me! What is wrong with you?”

“
Allie, get a hold of
yourself! You are making a scene.”

“
I don’t care. Unlike you,
I don’t feel the need to kiss the ass of every instructor here just
to make it to the top of the class! Where’s it going to get you,
Matt? You think you are going to get out any sooner? Oh wait, no.
You probably don’t. You’d probably rather live here, where the
staff all worships you. It’s not real Matt. None of it is real.
This is
nothing
like the real world. Trust me; I’ve been there!”

“
Allie, you were in
college. You think that’s the real world?”

“
It’s a hell of a lot more
real than here!”

“
Whatever. I’m not helping
you anymore.”

“
I don’t need your help.
In case you forgot,
I’m
older than you. I can handle myself.”

I thought having it out with Matt
would make me feel better, but it didn’t. Instead, the feelings
festered all through our Saturday afternoon movie
marathon.

At dinner Tina joined us again, as she
had at lunch, and I found that having Shara’s seat full at the
table somehow made me feel less empty. It seemed to have a good
effect on the rest of the group as well. But the one who continued
to seem happiest was Robert.

“
So I hear that tonight’s
activity is gambling,” Stevie said.

Tina looked interested. “How they
going to pull that one off?”

“
I heard we’re all going
to get play money to use at the casino tables,” Stevie
said.

Ruby looked up from poking her
spaghetti. “That sounds fun. I’ve never gambled before.”

“
I never had the money for
it,” Stevie said, laughing.

Tina rolled her eyes. “Tell me about
it.”

“
Are you going to join us,
Allie?” Ruby asked.

“
I don’t know. I’m not
feeling up to much.” I’d already told them all about my
confrontation with Matt earlier that day.

“
It might make you feel
better,” Ruby answered.

I forced a smile. “Thanks, I think I
might just go back to the dorm and relax.”

Back in the room, I laid
on my bed with my journal, contemplating what to say.
Grandma was right giving me this. But what do you
do when you don’t know what to say?

I thought about all the people who had
come and gone from my life in past year. Bryan and his parents,
Mandy and my college friends, Shara.

Now it was clear: I’d lost Matt
too.

We used to be close. Two years ago,
Matt and I took one of the best vacations I could remember. I still
don’t know how we talked mom and dad into letting us go without
them, but the next thing I knew, we’d packed everything into my
little Honda Civic and headed off to camp in the Blue Ridge
Mountains. It rained almost every day we were there. But we laughed
and joked and did everything our parents never let us do. We’d
never been closer.

Then The Academie came.

It changed everything.

23.
tumbling into fairytale

That night, after tossing and turning
for hours thinking about Matt, I shifted my thoughts to happier
times in the hope I might finally fall asleep.

“
Um, how do you clean up
flour?” I remember asking Bryan as I looked at the massive mess
we’d made in a matter of seconds.