The Afterlife series Box Set (Books 1-3) (57 page)

As we got back, Mick wanted me to go to bed and get some rest, but I refused. “I’m fine,” I kept stating, but he wasn’t convinced.

“Shouldn’t you at least go and talk to the doctor or one of the nurses at the hospital tower?” he asked with concern.

“Mick. I am fine. I just need to talk to someone,” I said and stormed past him.

I went to see Rahmiel in her chamber. As always, she welcomed me with a glowing smile. She asked me to sit in one of her huge armchairs with red velvet upholstery and legs of gold.

“So what is going on?” she asked.

“I need to ask you about something.”

Rahmiel nodded pensively while staring at me. “I know,” she said. “I have been waiting for this moment.”

I closed my eyes briefly. Of course she knew everything. She and Salathiel had planned it all along. But why?

“Is Rosey my killer?”

Rahmiel smiled and it annoyed me. If she knew everything, why didn’t she just tell me?

“We wanted you to get to know her first.”

“What?”

“You are wondering why we didn’t just tell you. Well, how do you think you would have reacted if we did?”

It felt like I had fire inside of me. The thought of me spending all this time with Rosey and taking care of her, trying to help her get some peace of mind before she died made everything inside of me boil. “I would hate her.”

“Exactly. That wouldn’t do either of you any good now, would it?”

I shrugged. “I don’t see …”

Rahmiel interrupted me. “Now I am not asking you to see with your eyes nor to understand. I am asking you to use what you have in here,” she said and pointed a huge forefinger at my chest. “What does your heart tell you?”

I was confused and angry and had no time for her mind games. “I don’t care about my heart. I am angry. Angry at you and Salathiel for setting me up like this. Angry at Rosey for killing me. I don’t want to care for her. I want to hate her.”

Rahmiel kept smiling. “That is only very natural.”

“Yes it is,” I snorted.

“There is nothing wrong with feeling angry every once in a while, as long as you don’t stay angry.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Anger will destroy you.” Rahmiel leaned back in her chair. “Look at what it did to Rosey. She was so angry because her daughter and husband were killed that she started hating everything. She hated the killer for doing this, she hated God for letting it happen, but most of all she hated herself for not being able to protect her family. But it didn’t do her any good. It only led her to do bad things. She let all the anger out on the world and went into a world of her own. She has been in that prison of hatred and guilt for eight years now.”

The worst part was that I felt for her. I still felt badly for Rosey for what she had been through. But she had also killed me and for that I wanted her to suffer.

“But she is a killer. She killed me.”

“Yes, but now that you know her, you know her story. If you look into your heart you know you care for her still.”

I grumbled. She was right. “But I am still angry.”

“You are allowed to be. But don’t let it take root inside of you. Rosey is still your assignment and it is not over yet.”

I widened my eyes. “Are you kidding me? Am I supposed to help my own killer get into Heaven?”

Rahmiel nodded. “
That
is your assignment, yes.”

“I can’t do that.”

Rahmiel smiled again. “I think you can.”

“Maybe, but I won’t. She killed me, so I let the Se’irims take her.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest and felt like a stubborn child. But I wasn’t being stubborn, I was just really mad at everybody. And I felt it was my right to be so.

As I stared at Rahmiel and felt the anger rise inside of me, I suddenly realized something horrible. I was the one who had saved Rosey from dying eight years ago. So in some way had I sealed my own death sentence? If I hadn’t saved her life, she would have died. She wouldn’t have gone insane and killed me.

I felt anger and tears piling up in my eyes. I felt so confused by everything. I couldn’t figure it out any more. Who was to blame for what and why?

“You will figure it out eventually,” Rahmiel said and put a hand on my shoulder.

“But … I don’t know what to do.”

“I am not going to tell you what to do,” Rahmiel said. “But know this. You are her only way. Her fate is in your hands. If you don’t go and get her when she dies, she will never come here and be with her family.”

“But that would mean I had to forgive her! She is a killer. She doesn’t belong here!”

Rahmiel shrugged. “Who is to say who belongs here and who doesn’t?”

I sighed heavily. “Why did she kill me? Did she kill others as well?”

Rahmiel shrugged again. “I think you should ask her about that yourself.”

I shook my head. “I am never going to see her again. You are trying to make me understand, and I don’t think I want to. I believe my parents don’t even know where I am because my body was never found. She has caused so much pain. Years of pain to my parents. She destroyed my family like someone destroyed hers. I don’t think she would forgive her daughter’s killer even if you asked her to.”

“That will be my problem once she gets here. You don’t need to worry about that.”

I shook my head. Thoughts were flickering through my head so fast it caused me to have a headache. I kept thinking about my parents and the many years they had been searching for me now. I was looking forward to getting my file so I could go and find them and maybe show myself in a dream. They deserved peace of mind if anyone did.

“You are torn,” Rahmiel said with her singing voice. “Spring is still two months away. Just give it time. I am sure you will make the right decision. Just remember that your forgiveness will not only heal her but also yourself.”

I kept shaking my head and looking at her in disbelief. Then I got up from the chair and stared into her soft blue eyes. “I am sorry,” I said. “But I can’t. It’s just too much to ask of me.”

C
HAPTER 26

T
EARS ROLLED DOWN MY
cheeks as I flew through the corridors of the castle. I felt disoriented and lost. It was like the walls were closing in on me. I felt I was about to suffocate and wanted to get out, to get away from everything. Away from this castle, the school, the teachers, and Mick. I didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone anymore. I hated everything and felt so alone. It was like they had trapped me; they had tricked me into this situation. I didn’t appreciate that. It was an ambush, trying to force me to forgive my own killer. Were they nuts? How could they expect that from me? From anyone?

And now what? What if I didn’t do it? Weren’t they going to let me graduate? I suddenly fully understood my assignment and how hard it was. Just like Abhik, I found myself in a tough dilemma that I had no idea how to solve. All of a sudden I really wished I had my parents here. I wanted to ask them for advice. Until now I had been able to go to both Rahmiel and Mick, but they couldn’t help me with this. I knew what they would tell me to do. And I wasn’t going to do that. I just didn’t want to.

I flew outside and stopped at the cliffs. It was night and the huge moon shone on the ocean and caused the white snowy landscape surrounding the castle to shine brightly, almost like it was still daylight. The ocean seemed to be in the same mood as I was and the waves kept hitting the cliffs and causing the water to fly high in the air. It was angry and beautiful. Through its noise, I started yelling back at it, getting some of all my contained anger out. I ended up screaming until my throat hurt. Then I stopped and as I caught my breath I realized I felt all empty inside. I didn’t care about anything anymore. I put my hand on my belly and felt the bump. And that was when something truly amazing happened. It moved. The baby moved inside of me. Just a small kick that felt like I had a small fish inside tickling me. I gasped and grabbed my abdomen with both my hands while laughing out loud and dancing. It was amazing. Literally the most wonderful feeling I had ever had. It left me completely out of breath and had the power to wipe away any other emotion I was feeling at this exact moment. Suddenly nothing else seemed to matter in this world. In any world.

“Nice night, huh?”

I froze at the sound of the voice that came from behind me. I turned and looked into his soft brown eyes. It was Jason. His face had grown older than the last time I had seen him, but he was still so …. Beautiful is not a word I normally would use about a boy, but that is the best description for what I saw. Seeing him in the moonlight that night when I had just felt life inside of me for the first time was nothing less than just that. Beautiful.

I couldn’t help but smile as I looked into his face. I almost cried, until I realized that even though I was having the joy of recognition, on the contrary, he didn’t recognize me at all. His eyes smiled and were friendly, but they lacked the love for me that they used to have. I felt tears in my eyes as I kept staring at his face.

“Are you sad or happy?” he asked. “I can’t tell.”

I scoffed. “I’m both, I guess.”

Jason stepped closer and stood next to me. “I’m Jason, by the way.”

“Meghan.”

“Nice to meet you, Meghan.”

I swallowed really hard trying to push down the growing knot of tears piling up in my throat. “Nice to meet you too.”

“So how long have you been here?”

“I’m in my third year.”

“Oh, so you are going to graduate soon?”

“In a couple of months, yes.”

Jason nodded and stared at the ocean. “It’s a strange place, don’t you think? I can’t seem to find my way around all the corridors and towers. And people are flying and floating everywhere. I have no idea how to learn that.”

“You will.”

Jason nodded pensively. “I guess that is why we are here, right? To learn stuff about ourselves.”

“You have no idea,” I mumbled.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, I am just having a little trouble with this project that I have to do.”

“Ah. Well, I guess it’s not just all about eating delicious food and jumping on the clouds, huh?” He asked.

I shook my head while biting my lip. “Not everything, no. Some things are really hard. But you will get through it.”

“With endurance, right?”

I nodded. “Yes. You’ll need that.”

“Our teacher talked about it today in class. You know that guy with his head under his arm. Kind of creepy but he seems like a nice guy.”

“Professor Grangé,” I said while thinking about my first meeting with him. “He is really nice. You’ll get used to him too.”

“So what happens after you graduate?”

I shrugged. “I actually don’t know. I get my file and get to visit the ones I love. I will get all of my memories back.”

“I would like that now,” Jason said and held a hand to his stomach, where the knife had gone through him. I gasped as I saw it. I had seen it happen in the book, but seeing it in real was so much tougher.

“I am sorry,” I said and looked at it.

“You and me both. I have no idea how it happened.”

“Most people don’t when they come here.”

“Why is that?”

“Our memories get wiped so we don’t cling to our pasts while we are here.”

Jason’s eyes became wide. “Wow. That is a little tough. I would really like to know what happened to me.”

I sighed. “You will one day. Trust me.”
And then you’ll wish you never knew
, I thought to myself.

Jason stared at me with his head slightly tilted. “You know what? You are the first person I have met since I got here who I really feel like I can talk to about anything.”

A tear was about to slip from my eye and I wiped it away in a hurry. “Likewise,” I said with a thick voice.

“So how did you die?” he asked.

“I was killed. I don’t know how or why yet.”

Jason suddenly seemed to study me closely. Then he reached out his hand and touched my throat gently. He let it slide down and caused all of my body to shiver. I gasped. I had dreamed about him touching me again for so long.

“I know how you died,” he said.

“What? How can you know?”

“I can see it right here.” He touched my throat again and this time I touched it as well. But I couldn’t feel anything. “You can’t see it yourself, but you have two handprints on both sides of your throat. It looks like you were strangled.”

He moved his hand while I kept feeling it like I thought I was able to feel the marks myself. I had thought so often about how I was killed. Now I knew. I looked at Jason and he smiled, acting shy and boyish. Just like I remembered him.

“Thanks,” I said.

“You are welcome.” He was quiet for a long time while he stared over the ocean. “So what was with all the laughing just before?”

“What do you mean?”

He grinned like it had been really funny to watch me. “You were laughing and dancing just before while touching your belly.”

I looked down at the bump. “Oh that … I was just …”

“Something is in there?”

I sighed deeply and touched it gently. “Yes. I think it is a baby.”

“Would it be okay if I ...” he said and reached out his hand.

“Sure.”

I trembled as he put his hand on my stomach and felt it. He looked at me and smiled. I guided his hand and put it where I had last felt something. Then he made a sound and moved his hand quickly. “I think it moved!” he said with a sparkle in his eyes. “I have never felt that before.”

I laughed. “Neither have I.”

“Oh you mean … that was what the dancing was all about?”

“I just felt it for the first time, yes.”

“Wow. That is really something. So … who is the lucky guy?”

I sighed and stared at the ocean. The waves seemed calmer now. “He is … he …”

Jason put a hand up to stop me. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s just a mess right now.”

“It’s perfectly okay. I understand. I’m only a stranger you just met.”

At that point I wanted so badly to tell him everything, just blurt it out, tell him that I had known him for several years, that I was there when he was beaten by his step-dad and his mom killed him, I was there when he bought drugs, I was even there when he injected them into his body and dozed off. I had gone through so much with him, for him, but I couldn’t tell him. It would ruin all of his training at the Academy. Part of it was, after all, to figure out who you were and work on your weaknesses. Part of it was going through stuff that you didn’t understand why you had to go through.