The Alpha's Concubine (Historical Shifter Romance) (45 page)

She watched him paint for a long time, almost falling into a trance herself as she rested back on the altar. Her fingers played with the pendant around her neck. How strange it was that something as simple as the markings made upon a cave wall or a piece of wood could be so full of meaning.

She did not need to hear the voices of the spirits that lingered in the cave to understand its significance. The patterns on the walls said everything in their place. Each painting was a spirit, a life, a responsibility. A weight built upon a weight, all resting on the shoulders of the one tasked with continuing the great mural.

Khelt might not have fully understood why he brought her here, but the message of the cave had gotten through to Netya. Perhaps, if this was what it meant for a man to be alpha, she could never expect of him what she might desire in others. By the very nature of his duty, he was bound in ways that she was not. Could she ever understand what it was like to live the life of a man destined to lead his people?

Netya closed her eyes and breathed deeply, brow twisting in contemplation. She was beginning to understand Khelt, but what did that mean if she could not understand her own desires still? The path to such wisdom was a long one, and she had barely taken her first steps.

"Will you talk with me again?" she said, when Khelt returned to the altar to mix more water with his pigment.

"You have the mind of a seer, always filled with thoughts that must get out," he replied, putting the bowl down beside her. "I cannot answer them in the ways you want. When you are with me, you need not be a seer. Let others answer those questions of yours, and let me tend the woman who is left once all of her questions are spent."

Netya's skin warmed as he ran his hand up her hip. "Is that enough for you?"

Khelt nodded, her gown bunching up beneath his hand. "When you decide whether it is enough for you also, you must tell me. Until then, let me bring out that woman I seek." He kissed her, drawing Netya in with his lips.

It was difficult not to give in. Losing herself in the handsome alpha's arms was a pleasure that allowed her to release all other thoughts and worries, and it would have been a lie to pretend she did not relish the unburdening of her mind through the ecstasy of her body. Khelt tugged the gown over her shoulders and let it drop to the altar behind her, his hands leaving streaks of crimson paint across her sides as he caressed her.

Perhaps she was overthinking something that was simpler than she believed. Khelt was a man who cared for her. The sort of man most women could only dream of having. He would care for her all her life, give her children, and be a dutiful father to them. Her mother would have all but forced her into such a perfect pairing, if only the partner in question had not been a man who could take the form of a wolf.

The stone of the altar was hard but smooth beneath her back, pleasantly warmed by the sun. She pressed herself against it as Khelt kissed his way down her body, his long hair falling across her bare skin like the brush of silken grass. The warmth of the alpha's lips moved back up her delicate throat, their intermingled breath quickening as he eased himself on top of her, parting her legs with his knees and unfastening his kilt so that his manhood could swing free.

Netya's hands found their way to his shoulders, her fingernails seeking purchase on his muscular body as he pressed into her, and her lips parted with a cry. It was not long before complex thoughts abandoned her completely, replaced with the sound of her voice echoing off the walls as pleasure claimed her.

—
34—

A Mother's Guidance

"Do you know much of love, Den Mother?"

Adel look up from the pollen she was scraping from the stamen of a wild flower, gesturing for her apprentice to bring over their bag. "I know enough to have guided a dozen young women like you through these years of their lives."

"Will you consult your visions for me?" Netya asked as she unlooped the carrying strap from her spear and handed the bag to Adel. "There are so many things I am unsure of. If only there was someone who could give me reassurance, perhaps it might help to make my path more clear."

"Your path is with me, as a seer. You will have time for romance once your training is complete."

Netya's expression fell. "Is that what your visions have told you?"

"It does not matter what I have seen," Adel sighed. "You understand my ways now. I would only be telling you what I believed would help you most, and you would know it. Those who commune with the spirits as we do give up the privilege of believing they hold all the answers."

"It is just that the alpha—" Netya began, but Adel cut her off.

"I took you as my apprentice to help free you from him. If you are having thoughts of love, make sure they are not intended for that man."

"He is not the brute you think. What if I could be happy with him? What if I could help soothe his temper toward you?"

Adel huffed, taking the pouch she needed from within the bag and turning to find another flower. "A man like that will never be changed. If it were possible, I would have done it long ago, and without spreading my legs for him."

"You hurt me when you say such things, Den Mother," Netya said. It was true. Months ago, before she had known Adel, the scornful remarks had made her angry, and more than a little fearful of the woman. It had been easy to put those feelings where they belonged when she believed Adel to be nothing more than a cruel and bitter person, but now it was much more difficult. The den mother's words made her feel ashamed, foolish, useless... And alongside all of that, they evoked a hint of pity for her mentor.

"As if I would say them for any other reason," Adel replied. A moment of silence passed between them as the den mother squinted at the stamen between her fingers, then she paused, and let out another weary breath. "But, I suppose if you could be shamed into staying away from him then you would not be the apprentice I took you for. Do not believe for a moment that I approve of what he does with you, but I will hold my tongue if it upsets that timid heart of yours."

Netya smiled. To a less familiar ear, the den mother's words might have sounded condescending, but she could hear the underlying apology in Adel's voice. After spending so much time with her over the past months, she had begun to realise many things about her mentor. On a different day she might have known to hold her tongue, but, despite the prickly attitude that followed Adel around like a second shadow, she was at least willing to talk this morning.

"Why must I keep my heart closed to the alpha, then?" Netya said. "Help me understand what wisdom you see in it. There must be some, for you to have tried to keep me apart from him all this time."

Adel paused her work, tapping the pollen from the edge of her knife into the pouch. She straightened up and looked at Netya, running her hand up the side of the wolf's muzzle headdress her apprentice wore. "You have it in you to be a woman of significance, Netya."

"As a seer?"

"No. You have still yet to master your herbs, and you remain as clueless as ever about what I am trying to teach you of your visions. Yes, you may make an adequate seer one day, but that is not what I mean. It is not the colour of your hair that destines you to stand out among others, it is the strength of your spirit."

"I do not feel as if my spirit is stronger than anyone else's."

"Perhaps it is not," Adel said. "There are many women born like you and I. But how many of them ever rise as high as they are able? This pack is lenient. It allows its females to hunt, to craft, to stand alongside the males, but it does so as an indulgence, not because it truly believes we are equal to the men in such things." Her lip curled. "I have seen many girls with your potential, Netya, and one after another they are bound to men who seek to shoulder their burdens, to bless them with the gift of motherhood, and to protect them from all the harms of the world."

Netya gave her mentor a look of bemusement. "What more could a woman want? Is that not the happiness we all strive for?"

"Have you been so busy making eyes at Caspian that you have not listened to a word that man says? He at least is wise enough to understand that there is a difference between what a person is told all their life, and what they know to be true in their heart of hearts. You would know it too, if you learned to listen. If you believe a woman's happiness is so simple, why did you start taking the herbs I gave you, hmm? Why did you want to be something more than a man's concubine in the first place?"

"I think—" Netya began falteringly. "There is a difference between settling with a man when you are ready, and doing so because you feel you have no other choice."

"And yet that distinction is unclear for so many," Adel said. "You at least are sharp enough to see it, but even now you are unsure which side of it you fall on. In some other packs, women are forced to mate with whichever male stakes the strongest claim to them. This pack sees things differently, but they have not strayed as far from the old ways as they like to think. Khelt would take you as his woman, and I believe the fool might even think he was doing you a kindness. He would shelter you from the things that have made you stronger. Vaya would never dare to strike you again if you were his mate. If you ventured out on a hunt, you would have a dozen protectors by your side at all times. He would do these things to keep you safe, and you might thank him for it, but safety and comfort do not make great women. What would you be now, had a man from your village kept you safe the night Khelt and his hunters came?"

Netya looked down with a flush. She would be a girl still, not in body, but in spirit. She would be no hunter, no seer, and she would be no wiser about many of the truths she had come to realise since.

Still, it was hard for her to accept Adel's way of thinking. "I do not believe the men seek to hobble us through their protection. We are the mothers, and they are the warriors. That is the way it has always been."

"The world is not so simple. Think. See it through your seer's eyes. Many women are born to be mothers, and many men to be warriors. More still are pushed to be what is expected of them, whether they realise it or not. Mark my words, Netya, if you give your heart to Khelt, you may trick yourself into believing you are happy, but if there is even a shred of wit within that head of yours, you will always wonder what you could have been without him."

"You make it sound like men are nothing but a weight to drag us down," Netya said dejectedly.

Adel gave her a withering look. "Not all men. Only the wrong men. The alpha is not a man of deep thoughts. He cares nothing for the ways of the seers. All he understands is the barking of the wolf inside his head. Love should strengthen us, but his love would only make you weaker. Think on that before you consider who your heart belongs to."

Netya nodded in compliance, but Adel's advice had only left her more torn than ever. It was no wonder she needed time to wrap her thoughts around such matters. Rather than making things clear to her, the year spent with the Moon People had only muddied the waters of her future even further. Every night she hoped the spirits would deliver some sign to lead her in one direction or the other, but their intrusions into her dreams remained as vague as always.

She watched her mentor scraping the pollen from a few more plants before she was allowed to assist her, using the edge of her knife to delicately mirror the den mother's actions without causing damage to the flowers. She mastered the simple task quickly, much to Adel's approval, and the pair of them continued with their work for the rest of the morning, seeking out the flowers they needed as they walked through the meadows south of the outcrop.

Adel was comfortable to carry out most of their work together in silence, speaking only to guide and advise Netya. She conveyed little through conversation, but her actions were slightly less guarded. As the den mother walked, Netya noticed her absently picking small blue flowers one at a time whenever they passed by a patch, piercing their stems with a fingernail and weaving them together into a chain that she curled around her wrist. When she noticed her apprentice looking, Adel scowled and dashed the chain from her arm, letting it fall to the ground in pieces.

Even though it incurred another impatient reprisal from her mentor, Netya stopped to gather up the flowers where they had fallen, weaving them back together as she caught up, and offered the chain back to Adel.

"It looked pretty on you," she said.

Adel's scowl lingered for a moment, then she pushed Netya's hand away, curling the girl's fingers closed around the chain. "Keep it. You would wear it better than I."

Netya was about to respond when the den mother suddenly hushed her, raising a palm and gesturing urgently with her eyes. Following the den mother's gaze, Netya tensed as she made out the source of her agitation hunched over in the grass, barely a few yards from where they stood. A skinny wolf was watching them, teeth bared, its yellow eyes glinting with aggression.

At first Netya's heart raced, believing it to be a scout from a rival pack, one of the ones Khelt had been concerned about months ago. But the bodies of the Moon People did not fit into such skinny forms. When they changed shape, their clothing peeled away into thick, luscious fur, nothing like the scraggly coat of this animal. This time it was simply a wolf. Just another wild animal.