The Alpha's Reluctant Mate (17 page)

I learned to read those little messages in my opponent while not broadcasting my own intentions.

I started sleeping most of the day since we met Vera and began sparring immediately following sunset and practiced all night long. Keeping so busy physically helped me not to worry about the impending legal issues I was facing.

One day after I'd only been in bed for a little over an hour, Connor appeared in the doorway to my room to take me shopping. Even though I was far from rested, I went.

It took very little time to purchase the outfit Ed described and I tried not to think about the expense involved when Connor led me into a jewelry store to buy the pearls.

The pearls were large and lustrous; they circled my neck like a loose collar, the clasp a small pewter heart that opened with an equally small pewter key. Connor explained that the strings holding the pearls had been specially designed with pewter to make it durable. In other words, this was an extremely expensive strand of pearls. Not that the price was ever mentioned in my hearing.

I told myself that once the little courtroom drama was over, I would return the pearls to either the store or Connor himself.

Connor insisted on taking me to lunch after we'd completed the requisite shopping; when I would have balked, he reminded me that we never did get around to having that all-important first date that would start us down the road to mate-hood.

The restaurant he picked was nice but still casual so I didn't feel out of place in my jeans, especially since I was still wearing the pearls. Connor had suggested I keep them on to get the feel of them.

I was a little ashamed to admit even to myself that I really liked the feel of the expensive pearls sliding coolly along the skin of my neck.

Over lunch we chatted about nothing and everything. Connor was very adept at keeping the topics on neutral ground. There was no discussion about rogue wolves, vampires, or epic battles to come.

For the first time in a long while, I just felt like a normal woman out with an attractive man. That little moment of normalcy was the first chip beyond the animal attraction that Connor made in my resistance to committing to him as a mate.

I enjoyed lunch and the time we spent together more than I could have ever realized I would. One thought that came to me resoundingly was that, even being the leader of such a large pack with so many owing him fealty, Connor was lonely.

At the end of the day when everything was said and done, he went home to an empty house and had no one to tell his worries to, no one to even just share the events of the day with.

He needed someone to take care of him.

The sharp tug the realization gave to my heart was difficult to resist. Everything in me screamed that I was the someone he was supposed to share these things with, to lift some of his burden, but I tamped it down with firm resolve. I would not make a hasty decision.

This was too big to rush into. I still needed time in order to make sure that if I did eventually choose that path, I would never regret my decision.

Before I knew it the lovely interlude with Connor was over and we were on our way back home to the compound and reality.

As we pulled up in front of my little cottage, Connor leaned in to kiss me.

I raised a hand to push him back gently. “I don't kiss on the first date.”

“I've not only already kissed you, I've made you come on at least two occasions,” he said with a wink.

I glared at him. “Are you saying I'm easy?”

Connor laughed and shook his head ruefully. “I guess that which isn't hard won isn't really worth much.”

I smiled and thanked him primly for lunch. “I did have a very nice time.”

He nodded and then looked over at me seriously. “You're scheduled for mediation on Friday. Don't practice with Vera Thursday; you need to be rested and at your best for this meeting.”

A knot formed in the pit of my stomach. I guess I'd gotten lulled into a false sense of security; I hadn't talked about the impending suit since the day I'd first met with Ed and no one else had mentioned it either.

“Okay,” I said softly.

“Ed, Tera, Tuck, and Epenie will be with you,” he said softly. “Everything will be fine.”

I sighed; everyone kept saying that. I just wish I believed it.

As I started to climb from his car, I remembered the pearls. “Connor, I need the key so I can take off the pearls before practice.”

Connor's eyes pierced into mine as he shook his head. “I don't want you to take them off.”

I frowned. “What do you mean? I have to take them off; I'm about to spar.”

“They've been designed to withstand your change so a mock battle won't hurt them.”

“So basically you're saying you've given me a rather upscale dog collar?” I asked, my entire body quivering with outrage.

“Not a dog collar, rather think of it as a gift befitting my queen. I'll give you the key when you're ready to take your place by my side,” he said implacably.

I snarled at him before getting out of the car and slamming the door hard enough to leave it hanging at a somewhat askew angle from the frame. Normally I would feel guilty about such a display of temper, but these were definitely not normal circumstances.

It was hard to believe less than an hour before, I'd actually been softening toward him and seriously considering the possibility of becoming his mate.

Now I wasn't sure I'd have him if he were the only other wolf in existence.

Tera looked up sharply from the magazine she'd been thumbing through when I slammed into the house.

“What's wrong?”

“Like my new collar?” I asked, indicating the pearl choker around my neck.

“Collar?” she repeated with a puzzled frown, creasing her brow.

I gave her a falsely bright smile. “Connor paid extra to have it made so it only opened with a special key. A key he didn't feel the need to give me.”

“What?” Tera shot straight up out of the chair in shock. “Surely you misunderstood. He wouldn't do that.”

“He did! No matter how beautiful it is, a dog collar is still a dog collar!” I was pacing the floor as the coiled energy inside built at an alarming rate. It was like my body couldn't hold all the emotion pouring through me. I needed to change… to run.

Tera studied the collar as she pensively chewed her lip, opening her mouth to say something, then shaking her head. There was really nothing she could say in his defense.

I had to get out of there. I began dropping my clothes as I walked toward the front door. Tera, seeing my intent, opened it for me and I changed as I crossed the threshold, bounding across the porch and away from the cottage and everyone I knew.

I leapt the wall neatly to land on the other side, and then ran through the woods. I don't know how long I ran but finally the coil wound so tightly inside of me seemed to release and I dropped to my belly at the edge of the lake to drink.

As I looked into the water, the sun caught on the gem-encrusted lock dangling from the pearls like an identification tag. A fresh surge of anger washed over me as I lifted my head and howled.

Turning from the water, I headed back to the compound and Connor. I don't really know what I thought I would accomplish, but at the very least I needed to understand why.

By the time I reached the big house, my heated rage was replaced by cool purpose. He would give me the key to this necklace or I would leave the compound and never come back.

I cocked my head as I neared the window outside his office. I could hear Connor and Tera inside. They were arguing.

“How could you do this to her?” Tera cried passionately.

“This is not your business.”

“I've been encouraging Xandie to trust you and you betrayed her. I believed in you. I believed you would make a good mate for her. You aren't the leader I thought you were.”

Connor growled warningly at Tera, “Tread carefully, little wolf, and remember to whom you are speaking. Perhaps a call to your father is in order.”

From where I stood outside I could see Tera freeze and lift her head as if sniffing the air for danger. “No. You promised I could call when I was ready. Not before.”

“It's been six years. Six years is a long time for business to go unfinished. Think how Quinn feels, six years without his mate. I understood when you were sixteen, Tera, but you are no longer a scared little girl.”

“My business,” Tera said firmly, glaring up at him.

Connor met her stare for stare until she finally dropped her eyes and bowed her head. A growl rumbled up from deep within his chest. “As my business is my own.”

A small sound of distress escaped her. “Xandie is my friend.”

“Alexandria is my mate first and foremost and if you don't like the way I lead, you are free to go.” His voice was hard, implacable.

Tera shook her head, a small sniff the only indication that she was crying. “I have no place to go; this is my home now.”

“Don't question me again.” He turned his back to her in dismissal.

She looked at him, sadness in her eyes. “You are a great leader, Connor, and I love you, but in this instance you're wrong.”

His back stiffened but before he could respond, Tera was gone.

As I stood in the shadows of the porch, a strange ambivalence filled me. The outrage and anger building so fiercely inside me was no longer there. I studied the man who would have me as mate and saw a man driven by loneliness and perhaps a little fear that he would lose his last chance at happiness and love.

“I shouldn't have tried to chain you this way. Love that isn't freely given isn't love at all,” Connor whispered softly, his shoulders rolling forward to slump in a picture of such dejection that it hurt me to see it.

“Come here and I'll take it off. I wasn't trying to own you, just show the others that you were spoken for. It goes against everything in me to just wait when all I want to do is claim what I feel is mine.”

I was a little aghast to realize that he'd known I was there the whole time, but when he opened the window, I walked forward hesitantly.

Connor pulled something from his pocket and then leaned out the window to insert the little key into the lock resting at my throat. “It's yours. I hope someday you will want to wear it again but I'll understand if you don't choose to do so.”

He looked into my eyes and gave my head a gentle pat before pulling back inside and closing the window.

As I made my way back to the cottage, I was careful so I wouldn't dislodge the key and lose it.

Once safe in my bedroom, it was a small matter to change back and remove the necklace. Placing it carefully beneath everything in my underwear drawer, I wasn't sure I ever even wanted to lay my eyes on it again.

Would I ever understand that man? I sat down on the floor of my room, drawing my knees to my chest and resting my head on top of them as I gave in to the tears that had been threatening since Connor's attempt to make me his lap dog. Dizzy gave a soft whine before leaning her soft furry body against my side to show her support and concern. With a watery smile I gathered her up in one arm and hugged her close, burying my face in her thick coat and taking comfort in the gentle steady beat of her heart.

If only people were as simple to read and understand as dogs. All they wanted was to love us and be loved in return, but really, when you get down to it, isn't that all any of us want… canine or human?

Part of me wanted to use today to harden myself against Connor, but that other softer part wanted only to comfort the pain I'd seen in his eyes when he handed me the key to the choker. I could see that he really did love me, or at least he thought he did and desperately wanted my love in return. The scariest part of the whole scenario was that I was very close to loving him, but I was afraid to.

Heaving a big sigh of frustration, I let my body fall backwards, holding Dizzy so that she ended up sitting on my chest as I studied the ceiling above me.

“Who would have thought getting in touch with my inner wolf would only make things more complicated?”

Chapter Thirteen

 

 

After hiding in my room for another two hours, I decided to cook myself some dinner. I pulled on pair of baggy sweat pants and a T-shirt that read,
If I threw a stick, would you go away?

Somehow those words seemed appropriate. After pulling my hair up into a tangled ponytail, I headed for the kitchen.

Tera stood up as I walked through the living room. “Are you ready for practice?”

“Not tonight. I'm staying in.” She followed closely on my heels as I entered the kitchen, almost running into me when I stopped and bent to pull out the large five-gallon stewpot.

“You're already going to miss Thursday night.”

“And I'm missing tonight. I'll be back tomorrow but not tonight,” I said as firmly as I could manage without sounding snippy. Hopefully by then I would be able to shake the feeling of sadness that was currently overwhelming all other emotions. Anger would have been way better and easier to focus into something else; sadness only brought more sadness until you figured out how to deal with it and moved on to your next life drama.

I could feel Tera's eyes following me as I pulled the ingredients from the pantry and refrigerator for chicken and dumplings. The knot between my shoulder blades relaxed when she finally decided not to push me; out of the corner of my eye I saw her shrug philosophically before turning to leave the room. From the kitchen I heard Tera grab her gear and leave for sparring practice.

I was not in the mood to deal with vampires, werewolves, or whatever other supernatural beings would be at the practice field. For all I knew Medusa was out there waiting on me with her hair full of hissing vipers. I shuddered. I couldn't deal with any more revelations tonight, be they supernatural, emotional, or simply mundane.