The Angel Side (9 page)

Stepping through the threshold of the house I once shared with Amy, my hope to share my burdens with her deflated.
Amy and Gabriel
had been
cuddled up on the couch
so tightly
they
hadn’t noticed me enter the house.
I tip-toed to my former room when I realized
not only had I just lost my husband but I lost my best friend
,
and it had been all
my fault.

After defeating Vetis, making a deal with my brother, and Ra learning I’m Abihail’s soul carrier I withdrew from hanging out with Amy. She needed time with Gabriel
,
and I needed to mend things with Ra. At least
that
is what I would tell myself
,
but the truth of the matter
was
I envied her and Gabriel to
the
point of jealousy. The two were always so happy just to be with each other any moment they
got
their hands on. Amy never
let on that Gabriel being gone so much bothered her. Heck, I didn’t know if it did at all.
She simply went on with her day as if all
was
well.

Ra and I fought constantly. The only time Amy and Gabriel got into just the slightest
tiff
was
when Gabriel wanted a doughnut tower at th
eir
wedding. After a few minutes of bickering and begging on Gabriel’s part, Amy gave in
,
and the two spent the whole day apologizing, necking
,
and smooching more than necessary.

Of course, being so in love is easy when you’re starting out new. Amy didn’t have to compete with someone Gabriel used to
know.
Amy didn’t have to try and stay calm when Gabriel called her by another name.
She knew when h
e looked at her all Gabriel saw
was
her.
Amy
didn’t have to battle memories from t
hree
different lives.
Life for her seemed to be pretty flowers, wedding dresses, and doughnut towers.
I didn’t have the luxury
of being so care-free
,
and I resented
Amy
for it.

I had to try and find ways to show Ra
that
Abihail
no longer existed;
I
hadn’t
been
the woman he married. I would have to lie and tell Ra I didn’t remember something from our time together in Heaven just so maybe he would see the woman in front of him and not the little lady he left behind. I wanted to be loved as Etta Marilyn Divad, not Abihail
,
wife of Rahovart the Arch and sister of Lucifer the Morning Star.
Despite my frustrations,
anger
,
and disappointments
I
never stopped
lov
ing
him
, even when I
dwelled
in Purgatory
,
because his temper ripped
out
everything my soul had known and loved
.

I knew in his guilt he always attempted to go above and beyond for me, trying to prove how sorry he had been.
It had been
the only
motive
to
explain Ra charging into Hell to save me from my brother and giving up his wings for another chance of having me love him
.
A
nd all I did in return
was
throw it in his face.

As I gently closed the bedroom door,
I hoped
Ra would
be
t
here waiting for me to talk things out and get back on track
,
but he hadn’t been
. I didn’t blame him
.
Never in all of our arguments had I ever said anything
as
low
as I did tonight
, not as Abihail or Etta.

Lying down in bed
,
I pulled
the
quilt
off the
guest bed and wrapped it around me,
w
ish
ing
it were Ra’s arms
.
T
he blanket would have to do
for now
.

“Gabriel just left for the bachelor party. You ready to do some partying of our own?” Unexpectedly, Amy poked her head through the doorway.

I had gotten so trapped in my head I totally forgot about the bachelorette party I
was
obligated
to attend. I
wanted
to tell her I
would be unable to go
and to shut the door
,
but the fact that she
had
noticed
me come in
the house
was
reason enough to put my wants aside.

I
hadn’t wanted to
go back home after what Etta
had
said to me. I had gotten enough stares for even being allowed back much less allowed to continue my relationship with her. I couldn’t go back and let the
naysayers
see they were right about me.

The attic, once my prison, now became the one place I’d been able to sit in silence with my thoughts. Leaning my back against the attic wall
,
as I had so many nights before, my thoughts drifted back to my Demon side. I missed the simplicity my life had once been.
No one to answer to.
No one to battle.
All I had to do
had been to
pull a few pranks on unsuspecting humans, scare them
,
and enjoy the peace the night brought. Then Etta came into my world, spinning it around and inside out.

She’d gone to Purgatory because of me. I’d gone to Hell for her. She risked her mortality. I risked my wings. We’d overcome all odds
,
and yet we were unable to manage the day to day responsibilities a healthy relationship required. I had to end it before we destroyed each other but
regret
was
already settling in
.

“No rest for the wicked.” Gabriel’s voice broke the silence.

“What are you doing here?” I replied, annoyed by his intrusion
.

“Checking on you.
Everyone’s been trying to find you for the party. They are worried. I figured you might be here.” Gabriel said as he sat down next to me.

“Well, you know where I am. I’m not in the mood for company
,
so you can go. Have fun at your party.”

“You haven’t been yourself lately, Brother.
Talk to me.
Maybe I can help.”

“No thank you. I’m done talking.”

“You need to talk to someone. You can’t keep bottling everything up and expect anything to change.”

“You want to know what I
feel?
” Agitated, I shot up to my feet.

“Yes, Brother.
Tell me!” Gabriel stood eye to eye with me as he clenched my shoulders
.

“Okay.” I said
,
brushing off his hand
s
. “It feels as if my limbs are being ripped from me every time I see the disappointed look on Father’s face when he sees me. It’s as if I am nothing more than a mistake he can’t admit to making. And no matter what I do, I still get the stares from the Angels on the streets. I hear their whispers. ‘There goes the Demon. Do you think he’ll turn on us? You know he used to rape women and children. What is Father
thinking
letting him back in?’ You can’t imagine what it is like having them step aside
,
because they are scared of you when you’re doing nothing but trying to protect them. Not to mention I have a sucking wound in my chest whenever Etta gives me the same embarrassed glances as Father. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Horrific nightmares fill my head ripping any chance of rest from me
,
b
ut every moment I’m awake
the embers of Hell lick at my feet. That is what I feel, Brother. That is what I bottle up. So excuse me for not being the happy go lucky Rahovart you once knew.” I had unleashed all my insecurities and pent up frustrations in one instant.

“A fallen’s return is new to us all
,
Rahovart. Fear is a natural response to what one doesn’t understand. In time, they will come to see you
are
,
in fact
,
on their side. As for being a mistake, it cannot be
further
from the truth, Brother. Father and all of us love you. We always have. As for Etta, she is not embarrassed
by
you. She’s proud of you
;
she just wants you guys to have every chance possible to survive what everyone in Hell is trying to kill.
I bet you money if anybody crossed the street to get away from you in front of her, she’d
whoop
their butt in a heartbeat.”

Maybe Gabriel had been right. I
had deep feelings when
in Etta’s presence but after what she said tonight, I
hadn’t been sure
what
those emotions
were
.
Pride?
Obligation
?
Loyalty?
M
aybe
,
but
one thing
was
certain,
it
hadn’t
been
as if it were
love
anymore
. But, after breaking it off with her, I’d never get a chance to see her beat anyone’s butt in my honor.

“I doubt it. Etta and I aren’t together anymore.” I sheepishly replied
.

“What? What do you mean you’re not together anymore?” a shocked Gabriel
grabbed
my jaw, forcing me to face him
.

It hadn’t really dawned on me what I had done until then. Simply saying the words out loud had been enough to break me. I’d given up what I worked so hard to keep. I threw away what I wanted to treasure. At the time, it had been the right answer. In retrospe
ct, it only proved how stupid I’d
truly be
en
. Reliving the moment briefly, tears well
ed
up but
in my stubbornness
,
I
remain
ed
steadfast.

I had always been the one to chase Etta down, fight for her attention
,
and beg for forgiveness. It
had been
exhausting work but worth doing.
N
ow it was her turn to chase me, to prove her love for me. If she wanted me back, she’d have to fight.

“I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m done
,
and I’m done talking about it. We better get going
,
or we’ll miss your party.” I snipped
,
shutting down the topic before Gabriel
had a chance to
change my mind
.

****

No sooner had I appeared in our apartment
,
Gabriel bum rushed me into the wall
,
wrapping his arms around my neck and legs around my waist. As I readied to take defensive action against his assault, Gabriel pressed his sloppy wet lips against my cheek.

“I’m getting married. I’m getting married.” Gabriel repeated, jumping off of me then bouncing up and down as if he were a rubber ball.

“Whoa
,
slow down
,
Tigger. You’re not getting married until tomorrow. Save the excitement for Amy.” I chuckled.

“Tigger?”
Gabriel tilted his head, perplexed by my Winnie the Pooh reference.

“It’s a cartoon tiger
who
hops on its tail. Man, we need to educate you in the ways of couch potat
o
ing.”

“But tigers don’t hop on their tails?
Doesn’t matter.
The guys will be here any minute. Uriel has some awesome stuff planned. He’s been studying human marital rituals.”

“I don’t think we’ll be doing anything he’s found in his research.”

“Oh
,
come on. We’re sort of human. I mean
,
our wives are. We should do some human stuff.”

I hadn’t been sure what the guys planned. They kept me out of the loop to ensure Gabriel didn’t wrestle the truth from me. I doubted they would opt for the usual strip
club hopping most human males went for, but with our rowdy group, you
never knew what
was
in store
. I simply didn’t know if Gabriel even knew
it
might be an option this evening. So, in fun
,
I thought I’d bring it up and watch his reaction.

“You want to go watch naked women dance?”

“What? No. Why on earth would we do that?” Gabriel stepped back, appalled I would even consider the idea.

“It’s what guys do the night before their wedding.”

“Why in the world would they do such a thing? I mean they’re getting ready to wed the woman of their dreams. They are one night away from seeing all the glory she has to offer. Why go look at others?”

“Oh
,
dear Brother.
So seasoned and yet so inexperienced.”
I said
,
jerking him into a headlock. “Men don’t see women as we do. Once they’ve seen one woman naked, they wish to see them all naked. I mean
,
you have seen a naked woman, haven’t you?” I continued as I gave Gabriel a noogie.

“No! I never—how dare you even imply I would ever—”offended by my question, Gabriel twisted out of my hold and gave me a hard shove.

“Probably for the best.
You wouldn’t know what to do with one anyway.” I joked
.

Gabriel straightened and locked his posture, fixing
h
is purple dress shirt. “I know what to do
,
okay. Father already explained to me how tomorrow night is going to work.
”

It hadn’t been what I was talking about
,
but Gabriel brought up an interesting point. I knew how wedding nights worked for Angels and Demons. Demons did the same stuff as human couples, no wait required, but Angels on the other hand didn’t receive their reproductive organs until after their vows, preventing them from premarital sex. It
was
by no means
a short process either. An average angelic couple didn’t seal the deal until weeks after their wedding, if they were in the mood at all. Having experienced the sudden growth of extra parts after I married Abihail, I
was
reminded of the unpleasant growth spurt. It took me a month to even think about using the thing
after it had
caused so much pain
receiving it. But, what I
had
really wanted to know
was
just how Amy and Gabriel were going to consummate their union
,
since
intercourse between Angels and
h
umans had been forbidden.

“So, just exactly what did Father explain to you?” I prodded for
the
answer to my curiosity
.

“
That’s between a husband and wife.
They’re here.”
Gabriel
announced
,
deflecting my question
.

“Booyah
!” the Arch
e
s
:
Michael, Raphael, Uriel, Raguel, Remiel
,
and Saraqael
bellowed as they surged through the door. Showing up in their human illusions,
they
had been a strange looking lot.

Keeping to the regions they most identified with
,
Raphael chose the
appearance
of a short, round, middle aged Hispanic dressed in blue jeans. Saraqael’s stalky build, flame red hair,
and
freckled complexion distracted you briefly from his traditional Scottish
kilt, sporran, sgiandubh
,
and ghillies
. Remiel appeared as a gigantic, overweight Samoan in a floral ensemble only Hawaiian tourists would dare to wear. Raguel went a whole different direction by showing up as
a
greasy grunge rocker of
average height,
with a
slender build, sandy blond
hair
, resembling a homeless man. Uriel stuck with the image of his favorite subject of study, a Miwok Native American. His long
,
black
,
braided hair, smooth ecru pigmentation, and almond brown eyes would make any mortal woman jealous. Michael
,
of course
,
had to set himself apart from the rest and chose the more attractive appearance of a tall, chiseled
,
Dolph Lundgren look-a
-
like.