The Awakening (24 page)

“That you should have told me first!” she shrieked. “How can you think I wouldn’t feel this way? Why should I have anything to do with you ever again? You torment me, you never answer anything. You trick me and lie to me. You are the danger in my life. Not Andrew. Not Will. You!”

“Come to me,” Victor implored.

“No. You are a monster.”

“I need you, you know that.” Victor’s voice was soft and tender.

Carmen’s jaw was firm, her eyes flinty. “No, you want me for other things, for yourself. Don’t tell me there isn’t anything in this for you.” She glared at him. “Well, what’s in it for you? Come on, you can tell me that.”

Victor hung his head. “When you are immortal and safe, when the Awakening has been executed I will be readmitted to the High Council and resume my place as an Elder. It is a great honour, one I am desperate to regain. So, yes, there is something in this for me. Without you my life is meaningless. Immortality does not mean you are invulnerable or impervious to pain. This is my last chance to redeem myself. So your instincts are correct, there is much at stake for me too.”

“Ha,” she spat. “I knew it. All your fine words and patience – all a sham. You’re as desperate as Will or AA. You just have a different shape. You think you can win me through kindness and mystery. You think that’s the key. But you’re as self seeking as they are. All this guff about the planet. It’s all about
you
, Victor.”

Victor sighed. He could feel his patience ebbing away. But he would prevail: he had to win this day. “I admit it could look like that. But it is not about me. It is about you. You are the reason for my existence and you have been since you were born. My motives regarding you are from the purest basis.”

“So, you don’t want to fuck me?”

“At the moment, my little bear, I just want to slap you.”

Carmen laughed. “Well, at last, some emotion, some honesty. I might say it’s taken too long Victor. I might say it’s too late.”

“Is that it – Andrew has passion and I don’t? Is that what you went off to be sure about? Remember after the fire when you believed me? You chose to have Andrew back, to give him another chance”

“Well, you let me go, Victor. You could have tried to stop me. But you let me walk back to Andrew. It was almost as if you wanted me to go.”

Victor laughed long and loud. “You are a beauty. You twist the world to suit yourself. I couldn’t have stopped you in a million years.”

Carmen shook her head. “You barely tried. You could have stopped me. You could have stopped this all months ago. Now that I’ve chosen Andrew and am going off to be normal it’s too late. This last test was too much. You lose. The planet loses. Perhaps I do too? But, Victor I don’t care. There is nothing left. You have no power over me.”

He looked at her, took in the fire in her eyes, the passion in her words, the defiance in her stance. He had used the ice in his own heart to test her. He had asked too much of her without giving enough himself. He had wanted her all this time, as his Goddess, his saviour, but most of all as his lover.

Victor stood up, drew himself up to his full height. He seemed to puff out his chest. His clothes hung off his lean frame like they were threads of the finest silk, hardly needed, hardly there at all. His hair shimmered in the sunlight pouring through the atrium roof of the pool area. His gaze was direct and fierce, his eyes full of the secrets in his soul. Despite herself Carmen found him unutterably beautiful. She could see the animal in him, see the bear shifting and growing in strength and prowess. She thought he would rather be the bear than the man. Suddenly Carmen understood Victor. He pulled her to him. He put one arm around her and held her close against him. She did not resist. With his other hand he tilted her head up towards him. He ran his long brown forefinger down her throat. She quivered at his touch. He moved his finger to her lips, tracing the outline of her mouth with exquisite tenderness. She was melting into him, like ice melting in the spring. He was her sun, shining on her, illuminating her.

At last he kissed her. He circled her body with his great arms and pulled her semi naked body to his. She took a deep breath and seemed to wait an eternity for him to press his lips to hers. At last she could taste him, feel the exquisite pressure of his mouth on hers: his tongue gently, slowly pushing inside her wet welcoming mouth. She kissed him back with everything she had. Every atom and pore, every emotion and thought kissed Victor. She felt hot, her scalp prickled, her body throbbed, tingled with tiny electrical impulses. Her arms went around his neck and she wanted their bodies to be one. She wanted Victor inside her, her body and soul and she wanted to be within every part of him. She felt hot and faint, alive and desperate. She felt as if she had known and loved this man all her life. Inside her an energy was released. She felt a surge of power as if she was growing and changing. She felt stronger, braver, everything felt sharper, clearer. She closed her eyes as she gave herself up to Victor, his lips unable to move from hers, their tongues hungry for each other. In the still point of her mind, in the heart of her spirit she saw him as he was. She saw the great white bear, knew him and longed for him. She felt her own animal spirit waiting for release. No, she heard a voice, not yet, not just yet. Soon. Soon you will be who you are.

Reluctantly they pulled away from each other. Carmen could not move away from Victor: she did not want to break the physical contact, could not bear not to touch him. She kissed him again, hungry for all he had to offer her. She knew it was only minutes that they stood there entwined in each other, but she wanted it to be forever. It was not possible that she could be separated from this man again. But from deep inside she knew there were many challenges yet to face before they could be together.

“It’s all over, Carmen.” Victor finally spoke.

“I know,” she nodded. “I need a little time to tell him and sort everything out.”

“They will not give you up easily.”

“This is Will, isn’t it – not Andrew?”

Victor nodded. “Listen carefully for I tell the truth. His family has always been against our kind. When the world was a different place the Adams were part of the Darkness. They hunted us almost to extinction. Now they plunder the planet, send the climate into chaos and will not rest until you are neutralised or eliminated.”

Carmen nodded. Although she didn’t want to believe Victor she knew enough of him now to know he was an entirely truthful man. Her own visions and feelings about Andrew and Will told her they were the problem. No matter how she dressed it all up, she couldn’t trust them.

“At the moment they are trying to box you up without getting too nasty. Once you leave Andrew you are no longer in mortal danger. Your powers will be safe.”

Carmen raised her eyebrows. “What aren’t you telling me, Victor?”

“You won’t believe half of it. I don’t believe it myself, some days. But this is why Ursula charged me with this task. This supremely important task. You are my life’s work, little bear. I have been watching you forever.” He held her to him and thanked Ursula, where ever she was for trusting him so much and for letting him love and teach her daughter.

“When are you going to tell me about Ursula? Will said he knew her.”

“He wants you to think he is your saviour not me. He wants you to think he knows more about you than I do. Will is your enemy. Andrew is his son and as such beyond trust.”

“So why does Andrew work for you and in such as exulted position?”

“Ah,” Victor smiled. “You know the saying about friends and enemies: keep your friends close but your enemies closer. That’s why AA works for me, so I can keep a very close eye on him and because I knew he would bring you to me.”

Carmen pulled her towel close around her, starting to feel cold. “And that’s what the Adams are doing with me?”

Victor nodded. “Yes. They are reeling you into their lair, where they will trap you forever. Once you have children your powers are destroyed. Even to conceive without going to term is enough. It will destroy you. That is what they want. Believe me, Carmen, they are not interested in your welfare.”

“I am immortal?” Carmen couldn’t believe how calm her voice sounded.

“You soon will be. You are the daughter of Ursula, the Warrior Goddess and the Great White Bear. You inherit her mantle and we all wait for your powers to grow and heal us.”

Carmen stepped away from Victor. Once more she felt unbalanced and exhausted by his words. But had he said what she thought he’d said? She looked into his eyes, at his heart and spirit. She thought about their kiss. This was real and pure love, this was what she had been waiting for since that moment in Victor’s office when their hands had first touched.

Carmen’s head was swimming. She marvelled at how calm she felt, how Victor’s words no longer sounded insane to her. If it was true that Madeleine was not her birth mother then much of her life made sense. The path was finally clear.

“I need some time to think, Victor.” She shivered. “And I need to get dressed.”

“You understand now,” he nodded his head.

“I do. You need not doubt me now. I understand. I know what I have to do. I will not fail this time.” She hugged him quickly. “It will be all right. It will be as it must.”

“One more thing,” he said, running his finger down her throat and across her collar- bone. “Put the necklace back on. It helps protect you.”

He kissed her hair and they stood clasped together for a moment of peace before Carmen unleashed the beast. Life would never be the same.

Finally Carmen understood. Victor returned to his office and Carmen dressed quickly and went straight to AA’s loft. It was time to go. It was time to remove herself from Andrew’s manipulative sphere. She didn’t want to see him or to talk to him. She just wanted to get her few belongings, the dogs and get out. If she looked inside herself she’d known for some time that a life with AA would have been impossible. She was not going to be able to be the good wife, the compliant supportive, background noise type of woman that the Adams family clearly wanted. She’d known this before Victor had taken her hand that morning in his office three months ago. Before all this magic and mystery had entered her life. Yes, she’d always suspected something.

In many ways it was a relief to be finally leaving Andrew. Now she could be Victor’s and take up the life she was meant for. She could feel the bear growing, taking her and she welcomed it. Finally she wanted to know: know everything there was about her, Victor, Ursula: her destiny. Why had Victor taken so long to kiss her? Sometimes she didn’t understand men at all.

She laughed quietly as she let herself into Andrew’s loft. She opened the balcony doors and let the dogs into the house. She grabbed her bag and collected the few belongings she had. Really, after the fire there wasn’t much left: some clothes, the photo album and it all fit neatly in her overnight bag. There were no personal possessions of hers in the loft. She had made no impact on Andrew’s home, or she guessed, his life. There were no female touches, no essence of Carmen in the place. Even the dogs made minimal impact, no smell, no hair: no mess at all. Andrew had no reason to complain about them. Still their antagonism – it was no longer hostility – to him remained.

She looked at them. They knew what she was doing and as they followed her around making sure she had everything and had no reason ever to return, they rubbed against her legs she knew they had forgiven her. Their eyes were loving and warm again: happily supporting her packing up to leave. They had never wanted a life with Andrew or his family.

“I should have listened to you guys,” Carmen said, patting their heads.

Zanzibar nodded and growled softly. Alaska looked at her like Carmen was a lost child suddenly found.

“But it’s going to be all right now,” she smiled. “We’re going to be just fine.”

She walked around the loft: considered its sterile beauty. Andrew’s pictures remained in perfect order, his books unread and untouched. Even the cushions on the sofas were plumped to the same degree and arranged symmetrically on the magnolia leather. His bed was made and even the toiletries were arranged in size and colour in his bathroom cabinet. Carmen knew it was the cleaner who did all this, even the kitchen had the same anal arrangements, but under precise instructions from Andrew. She marvelled that she ever saw anything in him.

She found the one picture of the two of them together. It was taken the first weekend at the Hamptons, just after their engagement. They were sitting in the love seat on the lawn near the water. Andrew held her hand and she gazed adoringly at him. He, however, was looking into the camera, not quite smiling but looking very pleased with himself. She’d been nervous as hell, worried about how Andrew’s parents would be with her. She remembered Will’s warmth: his immediate friendliness, as he walked her around the property pointing out all the architectural and historical features of the place. He’d taken her by the arm and led her away from Andrew. “I’ve heard so much about you, I feel as if I know you already,” he’d smiled. She had been flattered and pleased by his personal attention. Will was much easier to talk to than almost anyone else she’d met. She hadn’t felt the pressure to talk that Andrew brought to her life. Will seemed to understand instantly that quiet place and was happy to walk with her and do most of the talking. In fact he was a garrulous old man, who was well known in the Senate for his long but always entertaining speeches. He was often asked for his opinion on matters and was a frequent guest on talk shows, serious and otherwise because he was guaranteed to entertain.