The Awakening (26 page)

Carmen was quiet for a long moment. She sipped her wine thoughtfully.

“You know,” Madeleine said, breaking the silence. “It’s actually a relief to have this conversation. I haven’t spoken to anyone about this in years. After David died and we came here I’d begun to believe it was all a dream. That you were adopted somehow and we’d just never got on. It was easier to drink than think about David or who you really were. I should have stayed in the country. You would have been safe there. Neither Victor nor Will would have found you and it might have all just gone away.”

“But it couldn’t could it?” Carmen said softly. “This was always going to happen.”

Madeleine nodded. “I guess so. Destiny is like that. Your fate was set the moment you were conceived. You have no choice, Carmen. You must fulfil your destiny. For David and Ursula. It must have been so hard for her to give you up, to never see you grow and become the lovely person you are.”

Carmen looked at Madeleine. “Do you mean that?” she asked quietly.

“Of course I do. You are a lovely person. I haven’t been a good mother and it wasn’t your fault. I blamed you for not being Amanda instead of loving you for who you were and understanding that your loss was as great as mine. I should have been kinder, Carmen and I wasn’t.”

Carmen sat next to her mother and took her small hand in her large one. “It’s all right, Mom. It’s going to be all right.”

Madeleine sighed. “I hope so, Carmen. I’d like to be a part of your life as you become the Warrior Goddess. I’d like to be here for you.”

“Did you ever meet her?”

Madeleine shook her head. “We only ever met Victor, and not very often at that. The last time I saw him was just before David died and he brought the dogs.”

“These dogs? Zanzibar and Alaska?” Carmen had to be sure.

Madeleine looked at the pair of animals lying peacefully on the rug. She nodded. “Oh, indeed it was these two. I’d know their colouring anywhere. Very distinctive. They were for you, to protect you and guide you. They were never my dogs. I only looked after them when you were away for swimming, remember? Do you feel as if you’ve known them all your life?”

Carmen nodded, stroking Zanzibar’s soft ears. “So they are that old.”

“If they’re anything like Victor they’ll never age. Immortal is the word you’re looking for, Carmen.”

Carmen nodded. “Immortal and ageless. Superior senses and intuition, able to communicate and protect in all circumstances.” She knew who’d poisoned them. She knew who’d set the fire. And she knew why.

“You are too, Carmen.”

“But wasn’t Ursula? How can I be the Warrior Goddess if she lives?”

Madeleine sighed. “I don’t know enough to help you, Carmen. Your mother was in danger when you were born. I don’t know if she survives. I don’t know anything about immortals, only that Victor is one, as are your dogs, your mother and you. And what I did know has been obliterated by time and alcohol. You must understand that this knowledge has been a burden most of my life. I was just a plain country girl when I met David. All I wanted was to be a hair-dresser, perhaps own my own salon one day. I wanted a family and expected to live almost happily ever after. I never expected to have to deal with such extraordinary beings. I wasn’t up to it.”

“Oh, Mom. That’s not true. You would have been chosen because of your honesty and plainness. That was what Victor looked for. You and Dad were decent hard working country people. You had no airs or graces. You believed in hard work and treating people well. You weren’t randomly chosen. If I am as important as I seem to be then Ursula and her followers would not leave my up-bringing to chance. You are wrong. You may not have loved me as you would Amanda, but David did and he taught me about the land and the animals, and coming here allowed me to swim and led me back to Victor. All of it was meant to happen.” She squeezed her mother’s hand. “This was all arranged in places beyond your imagining. I can see it now. I know what happened. I know what has to happen next.” Carmen smiled at the dogs. “We won’t be here for long. The Awakening is at hand.”

Carmen went outside to the balcony and looked up at the night sky, up into the stars, where the Great Bear constellation looked down at her. Carmen looked into her mother’s heart and felt her presence as real and true as if she was standing beside her. The stars shimmered in the dark velvet night and seemed to flare and brighten just for Carmen. She was all right. Even Madeleine was all right. Carmen understood: it was simply too much to lose your own daughter and receive such a strangling in her place. She believed that Madeleine had tried but Carmen had proven impenetrable, even as a baby. Certainly AA had found her so. Would Carmen have believed the stories of the Warrior Goddess and the immortals if she’d been told? She knew how sceptical she’d been with Victor. How could she expect a simple country girl with modest hopes to cope with such fanciful notions?

“Let’s have dinner,” Madeleine said, looking at the stars too.

“I am hungry.”

“Let me cook you something nice,” Madeleine smiled. “I’d like to do that for you.”

“I’d like that too, Mom.” Carmen kissed her on the cheek. “You’ll always be my mom, you know that. No matter what happens, even if I find Ursula.”

“Thank you, sweetie. That’s good to know.”

“I guess we should have had this conversation years ago,” Carmen shut the doors as they came inside.

Madeleine shook her head. “It wasn’t possible until now. You would not have understood and I couldn’t have explained anything before Victor found you again.”

Carmen nodded her head. She knew that to be true. Still it wasn’t too late for them to have a loving relationship.

“Do you know what your name means?” Madeleine asked as she found some meat for the dogs.

“Does it have a significance?”

“Oh yes,” Madeleine smiled. “Carmen Ursula Whyte – song of the white bear. You were not accidentally named. Your destiny was writ large the day Victor gave you to us and named you.”

“For my mother,” Carmen smiled.

“Yes,” Madeleine nodded. “For your mother and for you.”

Surprisingly Carmen slept well at Madeleine’s place that night. There were images of bears and wolves and scenes of the ice that made her feel warm and safe. She doubted Andrew would let her go easily but she felt confident that she was not going to fall back under his spell. Victor’s kiss, which she had longed for, told her what she’d believed for some time. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. She needed to be with him. Needed to feel his body next to hers. She had a growing sense of what was possible once they were a team. Why had she waited so long? She’d known from that morning in his office, from the moment their hands touched that he was the man. He knew too, absolutely he did. Andrew had betrayed her, controlled her, and she doubted ever loved her. He was working for his father. And there was something deeply disturbing about Will.

She had to wonder why she ignored her instincts for so long. Did she have to learn how to trust them? Was that why Victor never pushed her about being with him? He wasn’t just infuriatingly patient, he was testing her on this too. She wondered what he would have done had she decided to stay with Andrew and had children. Would he have acted precipitously? Probably, given what he said was at stake.

So, what did she do now? How was she to become all that she was destined to be? She knew what Victor would say. So, a plan of action was needed. She would need a place to live: being with Madeleine would only suffice for a few days. The basement was yet to be fixed. Indeed she had a meeting with the insurance assessor this morning. In her discussions with Andrew they’d talked about fixing it and then letting it. Andrew had decided he was into property acquisition, so this would start their portfolio as they married and bought their first home together. Needless to say the loft would never go on the market. She could see him calculating income and depreciation and metaphorically rubbing his hands together. Besides, he’d reminded her, the biggest points of dispute in a marriage were money and sex. They’d both laughed and said that wouldn’t be their problem and immediately fallen on each other.

It was the last time they made love. She felt a twinge of sadness. When she was naked and intimate with Andrew she felt his love and passion. She couldn’t believe it was faked. She thought about the way he held her, his touch – so thrilling and sure. He could set her juices running by a simple stroke of her arm, a hand on her thigh for a moment too long. He only had to look at her in a certain way, speak her name softly and she wanted to be with him. When they made love she was certain he loved her.

Had Andrew loved her at all? Was she so naive and desperate for love that she didn’t see what he was up to? Was that her weakness – her need for love? Victor hadn’t spoken of weaknesses but she had to have vulnerabilities. She may be on the way to immortality but all divine creatures have their weak spot. Had Andrew exploited that – watched her public life, knew smatterings of her private grief and pounced at the right time? She felt sick at the thought of how exploitative AA and Will had been, because there was no doubt that Will was the power, the force in that family. AA for all his strutting and posing, was the instrument of his father’s will. He was not a free man, nor particularly powerful. Although Carmen knew that would come. All that Will was Andrew would be. Just as her destiny was clear, so was Andrew’s. He would rise to the highest office in the land and be one of the most powerful men on the planet. By then she would be the most powerful being on earth and he would never hurt her again. Andrew would not make the mistake his father had. Everything in her knew Will’s downfall was bound up in her, but she couldn’t see it yet. That was the past and veiled to her. She could feel the damage but couldn’t see it.

Yet when she looked ahead she could see it all. It was there before her: the future. She was not a part of Andrew’s life. She would never walk the rooms and corridors of the White House as First Lady. Her home would be another white palace, infinitely older, infinitely more significant. And Victor was there: handsome, strong, tall and proud, holding out his great paw to her. He was her consort and she his queen. Carmen the Warrior Goddess daughter of Ursula and the Great White Bear.

She smiled to herself at the images in her head. That was fine but there were pressing things to deal with. She had to meet the assessor, she was sure Andrew wouldn’t just accept she was gone and she needed to get back to Victor. It was time for the truth, for passion, for them to be together. She was not prepared to wait any longer. Andrew was over and she was ready, no she was longing for Victor to take her in his great arms and make love to her for all eternity.

“I’m taking the dogs, Mom,” Carmen said as she gathered up her bag and their leads. “So they’re out of your way.”

“They need to be with you, Carmen,” Madeleine nodded. “You aren’t safe yet. They are your best protection.”

Carmen looked at Madeleine closely. “Mom?”

“Andrew called again when you were in the shower. He clearly thinks you’re here. He was reminding you about the insurance assessor. I think he’s going to be there.”

“I guessed as much,” Carmen sighed. How could she expect AA to just accept her rejection? Even an ordinary lover would pursue her, so one such as Andrew with so much to gain from her capitulation wouldn’t immediately accept it was over. She steeled herself for the coming onslaught. This may be her final test before accepting her new role in life.

The assessor walked Carmen through the charcoaled remains of her basement. Hardly anything was left. Such a little life, she thought, to be snuffed out in one fire. Her furniture, drapes, pictures and books – all a burnt mess. Her bedroom was ruined by smoke, paint had blistered and was peeling from the walls. The kitchen was completely gutted. The assessor looked at Carmen shaking his head.

“Looks like a fire bomb in here. How did it start?’

Carmen shrugged. “I really don’t know. I’m a very careful person. The police seem to think it was purposely lit. Some sort of accelerant and timing device set for after I was asleep.”

“Pretty nasty,” the assessor grimaced. “So I guess you won’t be moving back in?”

“Not sure.”

“It’ll take a while to tidy up anyway.” He scribbled away on his forms. “I’ll check the police report again but I reckon there’ll be no problems with the insurance. You should think about getting some quotes to fix it all up.”

Carmen nodded. “I guess.”

“Well, you can’t really leave it as it is. Wether you stay or sell it’s got to be fixed.”

“Yes, I know. It’s just a bit overwhelming.”

The young man nodded. “These things always are. But I can tell you, the last time I saw this much damage I wasn’t talking to the owners afterwards.”

Carmen raised her eye-brows and he shook his head.

“It’s funny isn’t it, my fiancé was so concerned about security he didn’t think about fire and when I tried to get out with all the deadlocks it was nearly impossible.”

“I’ve seen that too,” the young man sighed. “You wouldn’t believe what I’ve seen. I tell you, this isn’t a job for the faint hearted.”

Carmen smiled and patted Alaska.

“I know you don’t think it with everything ruined but you are one lucky woman- you and your dogs, out alive.” He patted Zanzibar. “I bet they saved you.”