The Baby Invasion (Destiny Bay-Baby Dreams) (22 page)

But now—now not so much.
 
He had a hollow, empty feeling where his soul used to be.
 
He missed something, longed for something, yearned for something to make him whole again.
 
And he knew exactly what that something was.
 
Her name was Cathy Feenstra.
 

Could he reach for her?
 
He’d spent so many years telling himself he didn’t need a permanent relationship—and he especially had to be wary of one that came with children attached.
 
Experience was a hard taskmaster, and he’d had enough of it to learn that lesson.
 
He’d found out some new things lately, but he still had to incorporate them into his thinking.
 
He hadn’t had time to let them sink in.
 
And he was still awfully wary.
 

And yet….
 

How was he going to fill this hole in his heart?

The day after he got back from his latest flight, he was sitting in the sun with his legs hanging over the side of the wooden dock, watching Tag work on his boat, when Amity surprised him by coming up and lowering herself to sit beside him.
 

“Hi,” she said.
 

“Hi,” he said back, and then he waited.
 
She looked like a woman with a mission and he was pretty sure she had something specific she wanted to talk about.
 

But she stared out toward the ocean for a few minutes, not saying a word.
 
He glanced at Tag who had looked up and was witnessing this visit.
 
He gave Scott a wink and went into the cabin.
 
Scott turned and looked at Amity.

“Taking a break?” he asked, noting that she had on her uniform.
 

She gazed at him levelly.
 
“You know that picture I showed you the other day?” she said softly.
 
“You recognized the man in it.
 
I need to know who he is.”

He shook his head slowly.
 
“It was pretty blurry,” he said.
 
“There were things that looked like a Carrington, but I couldn’t be sure which one.”

Her eyes seemed to burn into his heart.
 
“Which one did you think it might be?”

He hesitated.
 
“Tell me why you want to know,” he said.
 

Her eyes flashed.
 
“I’d say that’s getting more obvious every day,” she said.
 

He glanced at her belly.
 
“So you think he’s the father of your child?”

She nodded slowly.
 
“I know he is.”

He frowned.
 
“But you told me the other day that you had never met him.
 
How does that work?”

“That doesn’t matter.
 
I just need to know who you think it is.”

He thought about it for a minute.
 
What could she possibly be implying here?
 
That whoever it was had raped her?
 
That she’d been with him but didn’t know for sure who he was because she’d had some sort of amnesia or something?
 
Or could it be something totally different?
 

Whatever it was, he might be helping to set his cousin Rafe up on a date rape charge for all he knew.
 
He couldn’t do that.
 
Not without more information.
 
But at the same time, she obviously needed help.
 
He couldn’t just leave her stranded.
 

He groaned softly.
 
His brain hurt.
 
This was exactly the sort of thing he wanted to avoid getting involved in.

“People usually know who fathers their children,” he said.
 

She stared at him, then shook her head.
 
“You think it’s Rafe Carrington, don’t you?” she said.
 
“Others have said the same.
 
But no one in the Carrington family has been brave enough to say it.
 
Will you say it?”

He took a deep breath and held it.
 
He couldn’t do that.
 
Not yet.

“Have you met Rafe?” he asked her instead.
 
“Have you talked to him about this?”

“No.
 
I’ve tried.”
 
She shook her head as though it frustrated her.
 
“They say he’s out of the country on business.”

Scott nodded, looking away.
 
“I don’t really know him very well myself.
 
I’ve only seen him at a couple of family parties, family weddings, and not even that for years.
 
I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

She grabbed his arm and forced him to look into her face.
 
“I don’t want to make any claims on him.
 
Believe me, I want nothing from him except…”
 

She swallowed hard, suddenly emotional.
 
“I don’t know if you can understand this, but I need to know.
 
I’m about to have this baby and I have no one…nothing…”
 
Her eyes began to tear and she angrily shook it off, but her voice trembled and broke.
 
“I need to know.
 
That’s all.
 
I need one little light in the darkness.
 
Please help me.”

Scott stared at her.
 
“Amity, I’ll do what I can to help you,” he said softly.
 
“But I can’t promise I’ll be able to tell you things you think you need to know.
 
Not until I’ve looked into it further.
 
Much further.”

She nodded and rose, turning away without another word, and Scott felt the weight of agonizing guilt as she walked away.
 

Two weeks after they got back from Tahoe, April called Cathy.

“Hi, yes, it’s me, I’m back in town, but just for a bit, to sign some papers. I’m flying back up this afternoon. Robby and I are getting married.”

“What?”

She giggled. “Yes, things do work out, don’t they? He’s selling Crockett Country. He’s going to open a new club in the Tahoe area. We’ll be working together again. Can you believe it? The man carries those babies around with him constantly now. You can’t rip them out of his arms. He’s a regular nursemaid to those kids. I couldn’t be happier.”

“That’s wonderful,” Cathy said, and of course she meant it. But a tiny little part of her was asking, “But what about me? Why can’t I be happy like that?”

April went on. “You’ve still got a lot of stuff in that house from when you stayed with the babies. You’d better come on over and clear that stuff out.”

“When can I get in?”

“You’ve still got a key, don’t you? Come on over anytime. Better make it by the first of the week, though. Oh, and Cathy, I’ll be sending you a check for all you did for me very soon. Ta-ta!”

Cathy put it off for two days, but she knew she’d have to drive out to April’s eventually and get it over with. She waited until a morning when Beth and Barnaby were in school, then scooped up Beanie and went.

From the moment she came down the off ramp and turned into the development, she began to get goose-bumps. She drove up in front of April’s house and tried not to look at Scott’s next door.
 
Her heart was pounding, but she had to keep focus.
 
She had to get this done.
 

But she couldn’t stand it. Finally, she closed her eyes, said a little prayer, and turned, her heart in her throat. But there was nothing to see. No car. No windows open. No one lounging in the back yard.
 

Her heart fell to her feet and she swayed, so disappointed she could hardly stand it.
 
She knew he must be gone, probably flying somewhere halfway across the world.

She should have felt relief, but instead she felt nothing but dark, aching disappointment. She knew deep down she would have to see him again someday. But it looked as though this wasn’t going to be that day.

She went through the house and gathered together the things she’d left behind, moving like a robot.
 

The whole time, her mind was going over those few days when she’d known Scott, the things they’d done together, the things they’d said. It wasn’t until she had half her possessions packed into the van that she realized it had been a long time since she’d seen Beanie.

“Beanie? Beanie!”
 

She searched the house for him. Then the yard. He was nowhere to be seen. She ran out to the street and looked up and down. No Beanie.

Then she turned slowly and stared at Scott’s house.

As though drawn by an invisible magnet, she walked across the lawn, ducked under the loose boards in the fence, and went into Scott’s yard, past his apricot tree and the hot tub. It was then that she noticed the sliding glass door was open a few inches.
 

Not thinking, not feeling anything, she reached out and opened it all the way, then stepped inside. There, at the kitchen table, placed high on a stack of telephone books, sat Beanie, eating a bowl of cereal and grinning from ear to ear.

“Aga doo!” he cried when he saw her, and waved his arms in the air, drops of milk spraying from his spoon.

Cathy didn’t say a thing. Before she could get a word out, she saw Scott standing in the doorway into the kitchen, leaning on the frame. He was watching her, his dark eyes strangely intent.

She swooned, hardly able to stay standing.
 
He was gorgeous. His dark hair was just a little shaggy and a sweep of it was hanging over his eyes. He wore a blue-green shirt, open at the neck, and dark slacks. He looked tan and sexy and her head went light and fuzzy just looking at him.

She shuddered, but hid it well, and even managed a smile.
 

“Oh, hello,” she said, hoping fervently that he couldn’t hear how her voice was shaking. “I see Beanie remembers you.”

He nodded solemnly.
 

“What about you, Cathy?” he said softly. “Do you remember?”

She avoided his gaze and didn’t answer.
 

“I’m glad to see you made it home all right. How was your visit to your family?”

He shifted his weight and didn’t answer right away. He knew she was avoiding intimacy.
 

“It was okay,” he said at last. “I learned a lot.”

“Did you?” She looked at him, searchingly. “About what?”

“About families. About not judging from appearances.”

Something in his voice made her tremble again. “What do you mean, Scott?”

He took a step toward where she stood, then stopped as though he’d thought better of it.
 

“I found out I had some things organized a bit wrong in my memory,” he said softly.
 
“For instance, here all these years I had assumed having too many babies had ruined things between my parents.”
 
He shrugged, running fingers through his thick hair until it stood on end.
 
“From what they all tell me now, it was the babies that held the marriage together for as long as it lasted. The babies were the best thing about the relationship.”

She stared at him, almost convinced he was trying to tell her something. She searched his eyes.
 
What was he trying to say to her?
 
Hope swirled in her heart.
 

But no. It was merely wishful thinking on her part, wasn’t it? She couldn’t read anything in his dark eyes. Did he still care for her? Did he hate her now? She couldn’t tell.

He looked so good, but she mustn’t think about that. She mustn’t remember his touch or his kiss. She mustn’t remember that she loved him. If she did, she would never make it through the next few minutes. She had to hold it back.

Scott watched her, trying to read her reactions.
 
He wasn’t sure of what she was thinking, but he was becoming more and more sure of what he wanted.
 

He’d spent time listening to others in the last few weeks, listening and for a change, really hearing what they were saying, whether it was his sisters in Reno or Amity Crane here in Destiny Bay.
 

And the main thing that stuck with him was the sense that everyone needed connections.
 
Everyone needed someone to anchor their lives.
 
Everyone who didn’t have that felt lost and adrift.
 
He’d finally come to accept that.
 
There was no substitute for love.
 

He’d promised his sisters that he would find a way to rejoin the family, and he’d promised Amity he would do what he could to help her find out who the father of her baby was.
 
And now came the most important promise of all.
 
Was he going to have the guts to see it through?

“I—I’m sorry Beanie came over to bother you,” she was saying.
 

“No problem. We’ve had a nice talk.”

She looked up in surprise, then decided he was joking. “Oh. Well, I’m glad.”

What else was there to say?
 

I love you, Scott! Please hold me and tell me you love me, too
! Couldn’t he see it in her eyes?

What would he do if she said those things out loud? Probably start wearing garlic and hire a security guard for his home.
 
There was a pain in her chest and she realized it was probably her heart breaking.
 

She turned away. She had to get out of here.
 

“Come on, Beanie,” she urged. “We have to go.”

Beanie’s little face took on a ferocious look. “No!” he shrieked, banging his spoon. “No, no, no!”

“His first word,” Cathy said, excited. She turned to Scott. “Did you hear that? Wouldn’t you know it would be ‘no’?” She reached to pick him up. “Come on, Beanie. We’ve got to get moving.”