Authors: Sean McIndoe

The Best of Down Goes Brown (25 page)

BOOK: The Best of Down Goes Brown

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Chapter 62
Make his Head Bleed: A History of the NHL in Pop Culture

Let's be honest: Despite a dedicated following in Canada and several American cities, even the most die-hard fan would have to admit that hockey is, for the most part, still a niche sport in most of the United States. Fans have learned to embrace the sport's status as an underdog, and to appreciate the rare opportunities to see it break through to a larger audience.

Maybe that's why we get so excited when we catch a glimpse of the NHL in popular culture. Whether it's an unexpected cameo by a well-known player, a passing mention of a team, or even just a logo flashing by in the background, hockey fans tend to remember the moments when their favorite sport shows up in a popular movie or television show.

Here are some notable examples of hockey crossing over, however briefly, into the mainstream:

1996
: The movie
Swingers
features a scene in which a character playing a video game vows to “make Wayne Gretzky's head bleed for super-fan number 99 over here.” Because the movie involves an illegal play, blood, and Wayne Gretzky, Kerry Fraser never sees it.

2000:
Brendan Shanahan makes a brief appearance playing a state trooper in the movie
Me, Myself and Irene.
He will later abandon plans for a post-playing career in Hollywood, explaining that he'd prefer to take on a job where there would be more critics.

1986:
NHL players such as Peter Zezel and Steve Thomas make cameos in the hit movie
Youngblood
, an inspiring story of a young hockey player portrayed by Rob Lowe who overcomes the odds to become a superstar despite apparently never having been taught how to skate.

1987:
The sitcom
Cheers
introduces popular character Eddie LeBec, setting a standard for the best comedy performance by a Boston Bruins goaltender that will remain unchallenged until the day Tim Thomas discovers Facebook.

1981:
Wayne Gretzky appears on the soap opera
The Young and the Restless.
In a bit of ironic foreshadowing, he plays a character that dumps his longtime love for a richer, more exciting one from Los Angeles, but then never gets her a ring.

1994:
Cam Neely makes an appearance in
Dumb and Dumber
, a documentary about the Vancouver Canucks scouts who thought it would be a good idea to trade him for Barry Pederson.

1997:
Noted Toronto fan Mike Myers pays tribute to the Maple Leafs in the hit movie
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
by including characters named after Nikolai Borschevsky (“General Borschevsky”), Doug Gilmour (“Commander Gilmour”), and Harold Ballard (“Dr. Evil”).

1977:
Minor league forward and future NHL head coach Bruce Boudreau has a few seconds of screen time in the cult classic
Slap Shot,
in what was originally scheduled to be a leading role until censors forced the film's producers to cut out any scenes where he swore.

2010:
The romantic comedy
She's Out of My League
features a scene where the main characters watch the Islanders play the Penguins before passionately embracing, in what turns out to just be a futile attempt to drown out the sound of Mario Lemieux complaining.

1995:
An episode of
Seinfeld
features a die-hard hockey fan who paints his face in Devils colors, marking the last-known instance of NBC being aware that there are any hockey teams besides the Rangers, Flyers, and Penguins.

1987:
The popular family sitcom
Full House
includes the lovable character Uncle Joey, a die-hard Red Wings fan who often wears the team's jersey. Producers will later consider spinning off Uncle Joey into his own Red Wingsâthemed show called
Pretty Close to a Full House So Let's Just Ignore All Those Empty Seats Up There Even Though It's a Playoff Game.

1996
: Adam Sandler's character in
Happy Gilmore
dons a Boston Bruins jersey before being pummeled in a fist fight by elderly game show host Bob Barker, who will admit to being confused fifteen years later when he suddenly starts getting contract offers from the Vancouver Canucks.

1997:
Tomas Kaberle is fired from his role working on the re-released version of the original
Star Wars
after George Lucas realizes that there aren't enough special effects in the world to make him shoot first.

2012:
Sean Avery appears as a guest judge on a modeling reality show called
Project Runway
, which is not to be confused with his appearance on the ice for any shift against a legitimate NHL heavyweight, which was called
Project Run Away.

1998:
During certain broadcasts of the network television show
The NHL on Fox
, some viewers swear that if you look very closely in the background behind where the giant robots are fighting each other with lasers you could actually see a hockey game being played.

Chapter 63
When a Day with the Stanley Cup Goes Wrong

Every hockey player dreams of getting to spend a day with the Stanley Cup. For many, it's the ultimate opportunity to share their success with their family, friends, and hometown fans.

For others, the day can be â¦ less successful. Take Boston Bruins forward Nathan Horton, who had planned to enjoy his 2011 day with the Cup in his hometown of Dunnville, Ontario. But the Cup missed its flight, and Horton had to appear in front of the assembled fans empty-handed.

The Cup did eventually arrive for a shortened appearance at the event, and an embarrassed Horton apologized to the crowd. But he shouldn't have felt bad. Despite all the feel-good stories we're used to hearing during the summer, Horton was actually just the latest in a long line of NHL players to have problems with the world's most famous trophy.

Here's a look back at some past champions who had their day with the Cup go badly:

1999:
Brett Hull is half an hour late returning the Cup in violation of the long-enforced twenty-four-hour limit, but everyone agrees to just pretend that rule doesn't exist rather than make a big deal out of it.

2001:
Whitby's Adam Foote is disappointed after spending the entire day showing off the Cup to hockey fans in nearby Toronto, only to discover that none of them recognize it.

2007:
Officials are forced to explain to a disappointed crowd in Fort McMurray that, yes, it was easily the biggest goal of his career and, yes, it will go down in the record books as the Stanley Cup winner, but no, Chris Phillips still isn't getting a day with the Cup.

1996:
The Cup leaves North America for the first time when it travels to Sweden with Peter Forsberg, then proceeds to spend the rest of the summer annoying everyone by being unable to make up its mind about whether it wants to return.

2003:
Joe Nieuwendyk brings the Cup to his alma mater at Cornell University, drawing such a huge crowd that the school is forced to cancel that day's scheduled lecture entitled “A detailed theoretical model of why anyone who becomes a general manager someday should probably trade their franchise player at the deadline if he's obviously planning to sign as a free agent with the Rangers that summer.”

2004:
Martin St. Louis's day with the Cup is ruined when he accidentally tumbles into the bowl and spends the rest of the afternoon adorably squeaking for somebody to come and lift him out.

1995:
After winning the franchise's first championship, members of the New Jersey Devils save everyone time by just going ahead and engraving “A bunch of boring guys playing the trap and making you hate hockey” into the Cup's next ten years' worth of panels.

1994:
While spending his sixth day with the Cup in the last ten years, Mark Messier realizes he's really getting tired of all these championships and resolves to sign his next free agent contract with a franchise that has no hope of ever winning one.

2010:
After several intense hours, Jonathan Toews wins the staring contest when the Cup blinks first.

2009:
As he sits alone in front of a giant cake in a balloon-filled gymnasium with a party hat tilted sadly to one side, Joe Thornton begins to realize that fans aren't really interested in helping you celebrate your day with the Presidents' Trophy.

1991:
The Cup is famously left at the bottom of Mario Lemieux's swimming pool during a players' party after nobody goes in to retrieve it, marking the only time in recent NHL history that nobody on the Pittsburgh Penguins is willing to dive.

Chapter 64
Breaking Down the Battles: Inside Canada's Provincial Rivalries

The long-rumored return of the NHL to Quebec City has hockey fans thinking ahead to a rekindling of one of hockey's greatest rivalries. The Battle of Quebec between the Montreal Canadiens and Quebec Nordiques raged memorably through the 1980s, stirring up passion that went beyond mere hockey games to become a symbol for a province's political and cultural divides.

Of course, Quebec isn't the only Canadian province to feature an intense rivalry. The Battle of Alberta was every bit as hard fought at its peak, and more recently the Battle of Ontario produced its share of dramatic moments.

But which provincial battle burned the brightest? Let's take a closer look at all three of Canada's greatest hockey rivalries.

Familiarity

Battle of Alberta:
The teams played each other so often that fans knew the other side's roster by heart.

Battle of Quebec:
The teams played each other so often that bench-clearing brawls would sometimes occur before the game had even begun.

Battle of Ontario:
The teams played each other so often that Bob Cole came really close to learning a few of the Senators' names.

Playoff predictability

Battle of Quebec:
You could always expect a hard-fought series with plenty of bad blood.

Battle of Ontario:
You could always expect a close-checking series in which goaltending would be the deciding factor.

Battle of Alberta:
You could always expect the series to end with an Edmonton player scoring the winning goal.

Star players in the spotlight

Battle of Alberta:
Wayne Gretzky would look across at the Flames and know that he was in for a difficult game.

Battle of Ontario:
Daniel Alfredsson would look across at the Maple Leafs and realize that he'd need to someday beat them in the playoffs to cement his legacy.

Battle of Quebec:
Patrick Roy would look across at the Nordiques and think, “Man, it sure would be fun to win a bunch of Stanley Cups with those guys someday.”

Memorable overtime moment

Battle of Quebec:
Dale Hunter's overtime winner in 1982 is memorable for the momentary confusion over whether the puck had actually crossed the goal line.

Battle of Alberta:
Theo Fleury's overtime winner in 1991 is memorable for his enthusiastic rink-long celebration.

Battle of Ontario:
Cory Cross's overtime winner in 2001 is memorable for the sound of 19,000 Maple Leafs fans simultaneously mumbling, “Wait a second, Cory Cross actually scored a goal?”

Behind the bench

Battle of Ontario:
Senators coach Jacques Martin was constantly reviewing game film in search of opportunities to improve his players' defensive positioning.

Battle of Alberta:
Oilers coach Glen Sather was constantly looking for ways to keep his star players motivated as they chased yet another championship.

Battle of Quebec:
Nordiques coach Michel Bergeron was constantly wondering why Dale Hunter kept asking him whether he had any tips on coaching overpaid Russian head cases.

Clutch player

Battle of Alberta:
No matter how bad the situation seemed, Oilers fans never stopped believing that Mark Messier would come through when they needed him.

Battle of Quebec:
No matter how bad the situation seemed, Nordique fans never stopped believing that Michel Goulet would come through when they needed him.

Battle of Ontario:
No matter how bad the situation seemed, Maple Leafs fans never stopped believing that Patrick Lalime would come through when they needed him.

Notable villain

Battle of Alberta:
A Dave Semenko sucker punch on Tim Hunter very nearly caused both benches to empty.

Battle of Quebec:
Louis Sleigher's sucker punch on Jean Hamel helped to touch off a brawl that actually did cause both benches to empty.

Battle of Ontario:
Darcy Tucker was a classy player who felt so strongly about making sure the benches didn't empty that he would set a positive example by occasionally randomly leaping into one.

Red Wings connection

Battle of Ontario:
Toronto's Curtis Joseph went on to become a popular player in Detroit when he chose to sign there as a free agent.

Battle of Alberta:
Calgary's Mike Vernon went on to become a popular player in Detroit when he helped them win their first Stanley Cup in over forty years.

Battle of Quebec
: Montreal's Claude Lemieux went on to become a popular player in Detroit, we assume, since every time he played there the Red Wings players would line up in the parking lot to personally greet him.

Superstars switching sides

Battle of Quebec:
Canadiens' legend Guy Lafleur finished his career with a brief stint with the Nordiques.

Battle of Alberta:
Oilers' legend Grant Fuhr finished his career with a brief stint with the Flames.

Battle of Ontario:
Maple Leafs' legend Mats Sundin did not finish his career with a brief stint with the Senators, yet. Although the idea only occurred to him a few years ago, so let's all give him some time to make up his mind.

Potential return of the post-season rivalry

Battle of Quebec:
An existing franchise moving to Quebec City could set the table for the province's first post-season battle in twenty years.

Battle of Ontario:
With both teams rebuilding and featuring talented young rosters, a return of their post-season rivalry seems inevitable.

Battle of Alberta:
Uh â¦ any chance we could interest you in a
pre
-season rivalry?

BOOK: The Best of Down Goes Brown

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