The Biggest Part of Me (15 page)

             
Taking her hands in his, Jason ignored the engagement ring that she still wore and looked deeply into Jane’s eyes and said, “That kiss was special.  It meant a great deal to me.  You, Janie, mean a great deal to me.”

             
Jane felt her heart leap.  The emotions began churning inside her like a troubled sea.  She felt herself melting under the gaze of those huge, brown eyes, so full of desire.  She could so easily be back under the spell of this man.  She had to be strong.  This was her chance to find some answers and finally have closure with Jason.

             
Softly she spoke, “Jay, you don’t really mean that.”

             
“Of course I do.”  Jason leaned closer to Jane.  “Sweetheart, you must know that.”

             
If only she could believe that.  She took back her hands and nervously placed them in her lap as she looked down.  “No, Jason.  I was never more than a convenient girlfriend for you.  I was there when you needed a girl to learn to kiss, to dance, to . . . you know.”

             
Jason was shocked.  “You think that’s all you were to me?  You don’t think I meant it when I said I loved you?”

             
Her sad eyes turned to him.  “No, I don’t.  After my twenty-first birthday I never heard from you.  Nothing.  I felt so alone and miserable.  I could have used a note or two from the man that supposedly loved me.  But you let me know just how involved you were.”  Jane looked down again, embarrassed that tears were filling her eyes.

             
Jason was ready to explode.  He mentally counted to ten and then in a low, cold voice said, “Do you know what I went through?  Can you even begin to understand the pain I felt, knowing the one I loved would rather be across the ocean pursuing what she wants than being with me, building a life?”

             
This caught Jane’s attention.  “How am I supposed to believe that?  You couldn’t wait to be rid of me.”  Anger flared in Jane’s words as she picked up her purse, ready for the evening to end.

             
“You really don’t have a clue, do you?”  Jason stared at her with disbelief.  Then he called out, “Check,” and grabbed Jane’s arm. 

             
Leaving the restaurant, Jason continued to hold Jane’s arm.  As the valet retrieved Jason’s car and they were finally alone Jane angrily said, “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

             
“You want to know how important you were to me?  I’m going to show you.”

Nervously, Jane said, “What do you mean?”

              “I’ve got something back at my apartment that I think will let you know just how serious I was about you and you’re going to see it.”

             
The ride over to the East side high rise went quickly and quietly.  Jane sat tensed and unsure.  Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jason breathing heavily, jaw locked, gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were turning white.  Jane kept telling herself that this was good.  They needed to clear the air.  Why was her stomach in knots?

             
Jason led Jane into his apartment and, turning on a lamp in the living room, walked to the large leather couch.  “Sit,” he ordered.  She started to speak but after seeing the fury in his eyes, decided to simply sit.  He stalked back to his bedroom and soon returned with the familiar box that had held her gloves and ring.  Setting the box on his coffee table he sat next to Jane and began digging into the box.  He took off his coat to enable him to dig deeper.  Unable to contain her curiosity, Jane peeked in and saw a treasure trove of memorabilia from Jason’s childhood.  She saw basketball trophies, yearbooks, and pictures.

             
Jason continued to rummage through the box obviously looking for something specific.  Jane was going to ask what he was looking for but the intense look in his eyes made her think twice about saying anything. 

The ringing of the phone cut through the silence.  Jason cursed under his breath and stood up.  “Do not go through that box.  I’ll be right back,” he sternly told Jane.  Jason grabbed the cordless phone and realizing that it was an important business call, retreated to his den. 

Jane sat still wondering what was going on.  She wasn’t the kind of girl that simply took orders but Jason had been so adamant.  It wasn’t like him.  Glancing over at the box, she peered inside.  A grayish document caught her eye.  It was folded but in the middle she could make out her name, Jane Elizabeth Kendall.  Just before her name was Jason Robert Collins.  At the bottom were their signatures.  She didn’t remember signing anything like this.  Consumed by curiosity, she reached into the box and retrieved the document.  She heard Jason coming back into the room as he was finishing his call.  Not knowing what to do, she quickly folded the document and slipped it into her purse to look at later.

Jason sat and began looking through the box again.  Finding what he was looking for, he turned to face Jane.  His eyes had changed now.  The anger had faded and Jane saw tenderness, along with hurt.  She yearned to wipe away the hurt and see him smile.

Taking a deep breath, Jason spoke softly.  “When we met for your twenty-first birthday, I knew that we were at a crossroad.  We were both thinking about the future and what we wanted.  That night, after dinner, I had planned to give you this.”  He showed Jane a small box and opened it for her to see.  Inside, set against a dark blue velvet background, sat a small diamond solitaire engagement ring.

Jane gasped.  Her hands flew to cover her mouth.  Tears came to her eyes and before she could blink, they began to fall.  No louder than a whisper she said, “You were going to ask me to marry you?”

“Yes,” Jason said reluctantly.

Still in a state of shock she whispered, “Why didn’t you?”

“Because you started going on and on about Oxford and New York.  You made it abundantly clear to me that you were not interested in a marriage relationship.  Your mind was made up.  You wanted a career that wouldn’t leave you time for . . . anything else.”

The tears continued to flow.  “I only said those things because I thought you didn’t care.  I thought you just wanted to get on with your life.  I wanted to ease the way . . for both of us.”

Jason laughed without humor.  “I guess we were just too young.”  He closed the ring box and dropped it into the large box that contained his past.  “What’s done is done.”  He looked up into Jane’s eyes and saw her trying to push away the tears.  “Hey, come here.”  Jason gently pulled Jane close to him and put his arms around her.  She rested her head against his chest and sobbed.  They sat like that for a long time while Jane clung to Jason.  Occasionally, he would drop a kiss on her head or rub her shoulder.

Jane’s emotions were off the chart.  He had really loved her.  He had planned to marry her.  How could she have been so stupid?  What should she do now?  Jason was tenderly holding her, stoking her, reassuring her.  Hot, passionate desire began to swirl inside of her for this man.  She could smell his cologne.  She could feel his breath against her hair.  The soft touch of him was churning up a fire inside Jane that had been gone for too long.  With a feeling of relief she realized, she wanted him.

Finally Jane said, “I’m sorry for doubting your feelings.”  Her hands that were fisted on his chest began to softly caress.  She could not know what a turn on that was to him.  So, he tried to treat it lightly.

“It was so long ago, Janie.  Let’s just remember the good times.”  However, he was having a little trouble remembering his own name as Jane began softly kissing his neck.  She slid out of her shoes, folding her legs underneath her and lifting herself to where she could get a better angle to kiss his face.  Jason’s pulse raced.  She began nibbling at his ear.  Jason’s breathing hitched.  She ran her fingers through his wavy hair.  Jason’s body throbbed.

Jane whispered seductively into Jason’s ear, “Maybe there’s something I could do to help make it up to you,” and then holding his face in her hands she kissed him hard and deeply.

Jason was stunned but not dead.  His arms crushed her to him as he joined in the passion that was this kiss.  Through sighs and moans, the two tried to get even closer.  They kissed again and again feeling the unrestrained passion of want.  They each gave and they each took, feeling like this moment of time was for them alone. 

Nothing could have pleased Jason more than when he felt Jane’s fingers removing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.  He reached around and found the zipper on Jane’s dress and slowly drew it down.  As Jason slipped the dress down over her shoulders, he lay Jane down on the couch, covering her with his body.  They lay on the large sofa conforming to one another’s body, melting, molding, twining.  Jason rolled to his side, trapping Jane between him and the back of the sofa.  His hands roamed up and down her soft body.  His mouth eagerly kissed her neck as he nuzzled his face there.  Jane felt her body come alive under his hands.  She felt the hardness of his chest against hers, the greedy kiss of his lips, the hot sensation of his breath.  Nothing had ever felt so good.

Neither heard the sound of the phone for the first few rings.  Then as the answering machine clicked on, Jason heard his business contact in Japan trying to reach him.  Muttering an oath, he whispered against Jane’s lips, “I’ll be right back,” and jumped up to answer the phone.

Jane lay astonished at her feelings.  She looked around at Jason.  What an incredible man he was.  She drew her hand to her head, just to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating from a fever.  Just then the light from the living room lamp caught the diamond on her ring finger.  She stared at it for a full minute. 
I am such a terrible person
, she thought.  She got up, zipped up her dress, and put her shoes back on.  Grabbing her purse and heading for the door, she looked at Jason and smiled. 

Jason immediately put a hold on his call.  “Where are you going?” he impatiently said as he approached her. 

“There are a few things I need to take care of before this goes any further.”  Reaching on tiptoes she kissed him.  She whispered in his ear, “ And I’d like it to go further.  I’ll see you soon.”  Seeing his confused expression, she kissed him again, reminding him of what he had to look forward to.   The kiss was passionate as she let one finger trace its way down his chest.  “Good night,” she said and then left.

Jason returned to his call, not processing a single word his contact said.  His mind and body were with a certain blonde that held both captive.  Always had.

Jane had decided to take Sally and a few other associates out for lunch to thank them for all the work they’d done on CARL, and to encourage them in all the work still to come.  Not a bribe, just an incentive, an ethical bribe you might call it, to keep focus sharp and communication open.

“How about that new Japanese place on 59
th
?” Sally asked as they headed back into Jane’s office so she could retrieve her purse.

“Sounds good to me.  Oh, you know what?  I have a coupon for that place, a two for one deal.  They were handing them out about a month ago just as they were opening.”  Jane got out her purse, a satchel really and began digging into it.  “It’s here somewhere.”

“You know, Jane.  Carrying a heavy bag like yours can be dangerous.  It can lead to muscle spasms, pain in the back and neck joints, sprains, strains, even headaches.”

Jane looked at Sally.  “Med student, Atlanta?”

“Receptionist for a chiropractor, Poughkeepsie.”

“Hm.  Interesting.”  Jane stuck her head in her bag to look for the missing coupon.  Her eyes fell on it and then saw the forgotten document she had “borrowed” from Jason’s apartment.  Being in a hurry that morning, she had just dumped everything from her evening bag of the previous night into her daytime satchel. 

She lifted both papers out, handing the coupon to Sally and told her to go get her coat.  Alone, Jane looked at the paper and studied it.  The bold title of the document caused Jane to freeze.  She could not move.  She could not breathe. 

There in plain letters was the title “Marriage Record.”

CHAPTER SIX

Jane was numb all over.  This must be some kind of joke.  Unable to deal with anyone at the moment, she sent Sally and the others off with the coupon, along with money for lunch.  Her treat.  After they were gone, she closed the door to her office and slowly walked to her chair. 

She sat staring at the marriage certificate.  There it was in black and white.   The groom was Jason Robert Collins, and the bride was Jane Elizabeth Kendall. The marriage was officiated seven years ago in a small town in Georgia, the day after Jane’s twenty-first birthday.  Every time she read the document, her stomach tightened.  Her mind flew with a hundred different thoughts.  Is this real?  How did this happen?  Why didn’t she remember it?  Were they still married or was there a secret divorce document that she also didn’t know about? 

Unable to stand her ignorance any longer, Jane walked down the two flights of stairs to the legal practice that employed Ed.  She walked to his office and timidly knocked on the open door.  When Ed saw her, he smiled sweetly and said, “Jane, honey.  I’m so glad to see you.  Would you like to go out for lunch?”

In a small voice Jane said, “No. I, ah . . . I’m not hungry.”  She looked as white as a sheet and very near the point of fainting.