The Birds and the Bees (25 page)

‘Something cold about her, I always thought. Eyes like a dead haddock. Cut her up like a stick of rock and the word
ME
would be written all the way through. Not what I would have thought Matthew would go for at all, the stupid man. I do so like Matthew.’ Pam belched and tutted, ‘God, I’m such a class act! That’s posh drinks for you.’

‘Pardon you,’ said Stevie, grinning.

‘I don’t know Adam as well as I know Matthew, but he strikes me as a really nice guy and I hope it works out for you both. Will thinks he is a great bloke and you look really good together. Bloody odd but good.’ She clinked
her glass against Stevie’s. ‘Shall I save you my wedding dress?’ She roared with laughter.

‘Let him get divorced first,’ said Stevie.

‘What you on about, girl? He’s a free agent–he
is
divorced.’

‘Divorced from Jo? What, already?’ Stevie was confused.

‘No, you barmpot. Divorced from his first wife. He’s not married to Jo. MacLean is her maiden name. One of those coincidences that probably started the conversational ball rolling between them,’ Pam huffed.

‘I never asked, I just presumed…’ said Stevie.

‘No, he was married a few years ago to someone else and she pissed off with her boss. Gold digger, by all accounts, but very good-looking. She took Adam for every penny she could, so Will said. Wouldn’t surprise me if Jo MacLean was the same, so thank God they weren’t married because I bet she would certainly try to rip the financial arse out of him. Apparently she wanted this big, fancy wedding thing but Adam, understandably, was a bit scared.’

‘Scared? Adam MacLean!’ scoffed Stevie, then added a quick re-balancing, ‘Er…I mean, my Adam scared?’

‘Awww, “
my Adam
”, that’s so sweet,’ said Pam, mocking her in a friendly, amused way. ‘Yes, scared. I suspect he wanted to make sure he had got it right this time, after losing everything he had to that Diane, I think her name was. He didn’t want to rush it. Personally, I think deep down he knew Jo wasn’t right for him and that’s why he was stalling.’ She suddenly grabbed Stevie and hugged her like a little doll. ‘Awww “My Adam”! I’m keeping you
from him. Come on, you get back to the wee laddie before he gets withdrawal symptoms.’

Pam pushed her through the door. ‘Enjoy yourself, Stevie. You deserve a bit of loving, and Adam MacLean looks like he needs a good woman for once,’ and with that Pam weaved off to interfere in someone else’s love-life, always with the very best of intentions.

Cutting across the grass, Stevie turned her face bravely towards her nemesis. Jo was staring at her with narrowed arrogant eyes that wanted to slice her up into little pieces. Then, as Stevie shifted her eyes to Matthew, he suddenly broke from Jo’s side as if he was coming over, only to be stopped by Jo’s hand on his arm. Then she said something incredibly intense to him but tried to disguise it as normal conversation. Matthew looked withered. Jo was actually telling him off. This bizarre, crazy plan of Adam MacLean’s to get under their skin
was
working.

‘Welcome back,’ said Catherine. ‘Did Pam apply thumbscrews?’

‘No, she tried to bribe info out of me with champagne. Her methods are more subtle since she got married.’

‘We’re going off for something to eat,’ said Catherine. ‘Coming?’

It wasn’t a question but a command. Catherine was a née Manning girl too.

‘She’s quite a girl, Pam, isn’t she?’ said Adam as they started walking towards a huge grill where a group of blokes were cremating meat.

‘Do you know her well?’

‘No, not well. We’ve just met a few times at parties. I
know Will better. He was my deputy at Gym Village before I deserted to the enemy to manage Well Life.’

‘Pam seemed to be under the impression that you and Jo weren’t married.’

‘No,’ said Adam, suddenly stiffening. ‘Not yet.’ He looked over at Jo, whose eyes flickered over to his and then locked with them, defiantly trying to outstare him. For a moment there was just the two of them. The rest of the crowd melted away. She was so beautiful, so tall and slim and lovely, and cruelly beautiful.

There was always a part of his mammy Adam had never had. Isa MacLean was tall, slim, lovely–and so, so cold. She worshipped Andy MacLean, who abused her, but never quite managed to love as much the son who adored her. And the more he loved, her hoping she would, the more apparent it became that she would never really let him into her heart. Maybe that’s why he was drawn to beautiful women who were destined to hurt him–women like Diane and Jo, who held back enough of themselves to drive him half-mad trying to reach them, making him exhausted by his efforts to gain their love. He failed every time.

The four of them got some hot-dogs and then Adam went back for a steak, asking Stevie if she wanted anything too, like a proper attentive date would.

‘No, thanks. I’m just nipping off to the loo,’ said Stevie, disappearing back to the house. As Adam got a steak, he spotted Danny coming off the Bouncy Castle and making his way over to the familiar face he had just spotted. Adam kept his eye on the little boy as he tugged at Matthew’s trousers, then Matthew ruffled up his hair and bent to hug
him. Then Danny crossed to Jo and hugged her with gusto as if he knew her too, but Jo subtly removed him and then, with smiling irritation, pushed him away, back into the crowd. Adam’s heart was suffused with sudden anger and pain. Watching Jo made him think of himself and his mammy, and he was glad Stevie hadn’t been witness to it. She wouldn’t have let anyone push her boy away.

Adam bounced towards the little boy who was now looking lost.

‘Danny,’ he boomed, which seemed to annoy Jo from the way she threw her drink down her throat.

‘Well Life Man!’ screamed Danny with undisguised joy.

‘Shhh! Whit did I tell you? It’s Adam!’

‘Sorry,’ said Danny, clamping his hands over his mouth. Then he threw his arms around Adam’s legs, as far as they would go anyway.

‘Your mammy’s just away to the washroom,’ Adam said, bending right down until they were at eye-level. ‘Were you looking for her?’

‘No, I just wanted some pop.’

‘Come on, I’ll get you some.’ Danny slipped his hand inside the big man’s paw and they trotted off to the drinks table.

‘So, you having a good time, wee man?’ said Adam, twisting off the top of a bottle of cherryade and sticking a straw in it.

‘I’ve had a big cheeseburger,’ whispered Danny. ‘Uncle Will cooked us it. He did us onions as well.’

‘Here, want some of my steak? It’ll give you special protein powers.’

‘Ye-ah!’ said Danny and Adam laughed as the small boy took a huge greedy bite.

‘Good, is it, son?’

‘Cool. Mr Well Life, what do you think is morer important to a Superhero,’ said Danny, when he had finished chewing his present mouthful. ‘A cape, a good heart or tights?’

Adam threw back his head and laughed.

‘I think tights are very important, and so is a cape, but I think a good heart is probably the answer,’ he said finally.

‘I think so too. Are you coming home with us?’ said Danny, taking a long slug of pop.

‘Oh, I don’t know about that, fella,’ said Adam, filling a pint glass with lemonade for himself.

‘We used to live with Matthew but we don’t any more,’ said Danny, as if divulging a great secret. ‘We’ve only got two bedrooms now, but if you wanted, you could have my room. It would be so cool. Anyway, see you,’ and off he trotted, back to the other kids who were settling on the grass in front of the magician.

Something started buzzing around in Adam’s head, like a mosquito in the dark. He couldn’t quite locate it to swat it and look at it fully. It was irritating him. Maybe if he waited, it could come back to him…

Stevie had taken a slow walk back to Adam. She had watched him find Danny in the crowd and take him off for a drink. It was instinctive, not the action of a man out to use a little boy to impress an ex or keep her onside. He had thrown back his head and laughed at something Danny
had said and there had been real warmth there. She found herself smiling at him in thanks for being nice to her son. Coupled with the conversation she had just had with Pam, it occurred to her then that maybe she didn’t know the real Adam MacLean at all.

Pam bumped into Adam by the cheesecake. She was swaying quite a bit now.

‘Having a good time, Scotty?’ she asked.

‘I certainly am,’ he said. ‘Fabulous cheesecake–is it homemade?’

‘Of course, but not by me, by the baker on Lamb Sreet,’ and she let loose a laugh that could decimate a building. ‘So how are you and Stevie getting on?’

‘Great,’ said Adam.

‘Good girl, is Stevie.’

‘Aye,’ he said.

‘Be nice to think she was seeing someone who didn’t break her heart for a change. That bastard Mick…’ Pam shook her head in unmitigated disgust. ‘I don’t know how she held it all together really. Brilliant stuff she does. Have you read any yet? Then again, you’re a bloke so probably not. But for Matthew to go and do the same as Mick–to Stevie, of all people! She wouldn’t hurt a fly, Stevie. Never known a girl have as much bad luck with blokes!’

Adam pretended he knew what she was talking about and nodded.

‘He didn’t give her a penny–Mick, you know. Then he left her with all that shit to sort out. Stevie’s an absolute diamond, though, and I love her to bits. You look after her,
Adam MacLean, or you’ll have us to answer to.’ She thumbed towards the crowd in the general direction of Matthew. ‘His loss, your gain, that’s what I say. I really like Matt, but he is being such a knobhead at the moment. In fact, I’m going to speak to him, right now. I’m going to tell him—’

‘Oh no, you’re not!’ said Will, appearing from the side and leading his wife masterfully off inside the house for some soft drinks and a cheese sarnie. Despite appearances, Will could handle Pam quite efficiently when he needed to.

And as Adam’s brain processed this new, albeit confusing, information, it occurred to him that maybe he didn’t know the real Stevie Honeywell at all.

For the remainder of the party the pretend lovebirds managed to give the perfect semblance of a truly together couple. They spent a fair bit of time apart with their separate groups of friends, but the clues were there in the times they sought each other out–in the small touches, the considerations which spoke far more than grandiose displays of snoggy-type affection. Then all too soon it was time for them to go home. Adam had been talking to Will and the gym guys, once again battling the merits of Well Life versus Gym Village, when he looked over and caught Matthew staring over at Stevie, who was chattering happily away to Catherine and a well-sobered-up Pam. It wasn’t the look of someone who had lost all his feelings for her, and Adam didn’t know why, but it annoyed him. He made his way over to Stevie, put his arm possessively around her
and squeezed her, then bent his head to her to say that they were being observed. She felt for his hand and decided to put on a good show in that case. Stevie had never been one for holding hands, so she knew that if Matthew was watching this, it would strike a loud chord. Being swallowed up by Adam’s big meaty mitt, though, wasn’t anything like the rare slim-fingered Matthew-hand experience. Adam was stroking her knuckles with his thumb absently whilst they were talking to Catherine. It felt as intimate as a kiss, almost more so, and for that reason, she felt herself pulling away, just before Danny came along, yawning. She gave Catherine and Eddie and her host and hostess a goodbye hug, then they wended their way back to Adam’s car.

Danny was asleep as soon as he was buckled into the back seat and Stevie wasn’t far behind him. She hadn’t drunk much alcohol; the first glass of champagne had gone straight to her head and she didn’t trust her actions if her feelings were booze-distorted, so she’d mostly drunk tonic water. Still, she felt dizzy and exhilarated. She’d had such a lovely time and it had been more successful on the Matthew/Jo front than she could ever have thought possible. Jo had spent most of the evening trying not to look cross and Matthew just looked weary. His disgruntled face and Jo’s obviously snipey asides had added very much to the enjoyment of her evening, and if that made her a bitch, then so be it. She had caught Matthew staring over at them quite a few times, and once she thought he had been about to come over, until Jo had stopped him. What would he have said, she wondered.

And Adam had been…well, lovely actually. Even
though he was faking the affection, it had been nice to imagine what it would be like to be wanted and touched and fussed over by someone who had her interests at heart. Matthew had liked to be touched and fussed over, but he rarely gave back the affection he expected. Every day, Stevie was becoming more aware of how much she had given out and how little she had received in return. It made her feel even more lonely and unwanted and stupid than she did already.

Adam drove in silence. The buzzing little mosquito had landed and he had swatted it in his head and examined it. It had been a very interesting little bug.

He carried Danny into the house for her, and deposited him gently on his bed. Stevie took off her son’s shoes and threw his cover over him. Then she asked Adam if he wanted a coffee and he said that he wouldn’t mind. She put a half-packet of ground beans through the percolator, then they went into the lounge and flumped down. Stevie reclined on the sofa and kicked off her sandals. Surprisingly, she had only been aware of her feet hurting since she had walked in through the door. She wiggled her toes and relaxed.

‘What sort of coffee is this then?’ asked Adam, taking a great big dreamy sniff.

‘Chocolate ice-cream. It’s nice iced, with a big blob of cream on the top.’

‘Sounds lovely.’

‘It is.’

They drank in a silence that was surprisingly companionable. For a while, she almost forgot she didn’t like him. However, that wasn’t to last.

‘You seem to like these books,’ he said, picking up a Beatrice Pollen
Midnight Moon
from a stack at the side of his chair. ‘I wouldn’t have thought someone like you might be into crappy romances like these.’