The Bitch Posse (40 page)

And Michigan and all that, I can’t see that far ahead, but I suppose
if Brandon and I don’t fall apart before summer’s over, it’ll end when I head to Ann Arbor.

I’ll meet someone new.

He will make me happy.

And then?

Then my vision stops.

Will things work out for me in the end? Can I have a normal life, in the end, in the far far away end that isn’t anywhere close to being visible?

Can any of us?

I mean, the end is when you’re dead, isn’t it? And I have no clue what a normal life would be.

So fuck that shit.

For now, for this moment, all Rennie and I have is each other . . . and I lean into her shoulder, and she curves an arm around me. The night is lifting, and the road forks in front of us. Pink and purple bands of color streak across the sky, as the sun emerges from the horizon, as this tomorrow dawns.

Final Entry (for now)
For all our Posse, everywhere
 

A circle’s round, it has no end;
That’s how long I want to be your friend.

Tear off the mask and stop pretending. Your Posse knows the truth.

Want to put the puzzle together?

Your weakness is your strength.

Lose your mind to find your heart.

Through rage, make peace.

Dig deep. Make it hurt. Make it bleed.

We fucking dare you!

Greater love hath no woman than this, than to lay down her life for her friends

A boy’s not going to save you.

A baby’s not going to save you.

A book’s not going to save you.

God’s not going to save you.

But you’ll always have your Posse, and don’t you ever forget it.

As long as the stars are fixed in the heavens, and the fish sparkle in the sea

Don’t worry, Princess. Your Posse will forgive you if you leave us for a boy

We’ll forgive you if you shoot for the stars and forget about us on Earth.

If we never see you again, that’s okay. We’ll always have our memories.

But be honest. Scratch the surface and see a glimmer of yourself. Gouge deeper and harder until it hurts so bad you want to die.

This is my blood.

And now we’re all broken,

and now we’re alone,

and now we’re all sad and small and not making much sense.

But you’ll never get found if you don’t get lost

Now we see through a glass darkly, but then we shall see face to face.

Take a long hard look:

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

Acknowledgments
 

I will always be indebted to my agent, Mary Evans, who not only believed in me from the get-go, but also understood my vision and coaxed from me the book you hold in your hands. I’m also thankful to Mary’s assistant, Devin Mclntyre, for his hard work from start to finish.

I am very grateful to Jennifer Enderlin for her enthusiasm and unflagging effort on this book’s behalf, as well as for her valuable editorial advice. Thanks also to Sally Richardson and George Witte, early and fervent supporters; Kim Cardascia, Jennifer’s assistant; and everyone at St. Martin’s Press.

Many thanks to Kate Mills and the staff at Orion, and to Sarah Lutyens and Felicity Rubinstein.

I will forever be in awe of Deb Tomaszewski for her art and grace and friendship.

I owe so much to Jen Couture, the most loyal person in my universe: “I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know.”—R
ALPH
W
ALDO
E
MERSON

And my sincere gratitude to all the others who have been true friends on the long and crazy journey.

Last and most important, all my love to Phil and the children, who made everything possible.