The Black & The White (8 page)

I thought about my own parents. I had
unraveled a secret upon my father’s death. He had an illegitimate
child in Malaysia while married to my mother. I had never met my
half-sister nor did I want to. She was a ghost I wanted to forget.
My parents had always been loving toward one another, at least
around me. Growing up, I thought their relationship seemed strong
and unbreakable. It was the kind of relationship I wanted for
myself.

“
What is this the
Inquisition? Come on, baby. I’m a big girl. Everything’s
consensual. Just because you’re upset doesn’t give you the right to
project your pain onto me.”

“
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean
for…” I paused and held my thoughts back. I began nervously folding
my napkin in origami squares. “It just doesn’t seem…”

She raised an eyebrow as she waited
for me to finish my thoughts. I bowed my head and, as I stared at
the ground. I noticed Kim’s new Gucci purse.

Kim knew she made me feel
uncomfortable.

“
Isabelle, you have to
understand that one person cannot fulfill everyone’s needs. M.D.
and I fulfill each other’s sexual desires. He’s got kids, so he’s
probably not having that much sex.” She paused. “I mean, can you
just imagine being with the same person day in and day out? I have
to be the vixen!”

I waited for her to finish her
thoughts.

“
Everyone’s too serious in
life. Why the hell would I want to be like everyone else?” she
said.

Kim’s cell phone rang. It was
obviously M.D.

“
Hey, pumpkin, miss me yet?”
she asked him. I looked around the cafe, trying not to eavesdrop.
It was hard to ignore Kim lovingly giggle as she talked. It was
somewhat nauseating, yet I was jealous.

“
You are so cute. Okay,
Shmoopies. I am with Isabelle. Call you later. I’m seeing you
tonight, right?”

Kim placed the phone down. Her mood
had changed. “Alright, let’s not talk about this anymore. Tonight
we’ll do dinner. Bring that girlfriend of yours that you talk
about. What’s her name?” She paused. “Carin, right?” Kim
simultaneously snapped her finger in the air. “You’re too good for
Dani anyway. Cheer up!” She reached over and gave me a reassuring
hug.

I nearly cried into her neck, which
smelled of sweet, expensive floral perfume. I let out a deep sigh.
“It’s okay.” She rubbed my back. “I’m okay. Everything is
okay.”

She said, “Listen, baby. I am happy.
What more can I want? He opens doors for me, makes me feel like I’m
a woman, and generally, we have fun together. So stop worrying
about me, love. I know what I am doing.”

M.D. did all the things for Kim a
woman wanted from a man.

She told me that the compliments he
paid her were unlike anything she’d ever heard before. He had sweet
nicknames for her, like Lil’ Kim, Banana, and Monkey.

“
Why don’t we get out of
here and go to my place to get ready?” Kim offered. “You’re coming
right?”

“
Yeah, but I told
Carin—”

“
Just come over and meet
Carin before dinner or something.”

We left in the cab to go back to Kim’s
place, stopping over at a wine store first. They seemed to know her
well there.

M.D. loved wine. Each week, he would
teach Kim about wines, how the vintage, the region, the grape, the
soil, and the weather affected the color, the aroma, and the taste.
He was a part owner of a small winery in South Africa. She often
fantasized about trips to South Africa with him, going to his
winery before going on safari. Kim even went so far as to buy the
book Out of Africa to fire up her imagination. She always found
herself slightly drunk after each session.

“
M.D. doesn’t mind I’m a
lightweight,” Kim once explained. “I’m friskier that
way.”

Kim looked forward to their
rendezvous.

Kim and I were so engrossed in
conversation that we were almost hit by a cab while crossing the
street to her apartment. She gave the taxi her middle finger and
continued with her conversation.

“
I mean, sometimes, thinking
about him is so distracting that I forget about work. It’s like
WACC, then M.D. Then PV01, then M.D. I wonder, is this deal
accretive or dilutive? Then I think, is MD accretive or dilutive?
It’s just so funny sometimes.”

Kim worked in mergers and
acquisitions. Her role was to value companies, analyze their
financials, assess their strengths given the valuations, and decide
what strategy (buy, sell, or spin off a business) would make the
company most cost-efficient and competitive. Her job was different
than mine as it was more transaction-oriented. I essentially just
moved money around and capitalized on the gains.

“
Silly girl,” I
said.

“
What will I wear tonight? I
wonder if my roommate is going to be home tonight? Do I have food
at home? Cheese and crackers? And I can’t forget to go get the
Rioja. Shit. I should have gotten it at the store,” Kim said in one
long diatribe.

“
You talking to me,
Kimmie?”

Kim laughed. “So funny. I was talking
out loud, baby. I only have three more hours until I see
him.”

When she wasn’t dating anyone, they
would meet every day that they could. Sometimes, when her roommate
was away at an on-site consulting job, they would meet at her small
apartment before work. She would wake up early in the morning and
prepare him breakfast. As a banker, she went into work at 10 a.m.
but as a trader, he came into the city much earlier.

“
Isn’t it cute that he likes
his pancakes with cinnamon, apples, and raisins stuffed inside?”
she asked me.

I smiled and nodded, relishing the
bottle of wine Kim had bought. I knew she had paid a lot for it and
it must therefore be good.

Kim told me that M.D. would tell his
wife that he was coming in early to work for meetings. He would
walk in, drop his suitcase on the floor, grab her from behind, and
kiss the nape of her neck while she cooked his meal. “Oh, my God,
it’s so sexy. It makes every hair on my body stand up.”

I tried to relate to her, but
couldn’t. No man had ever made me feel that way, not even Dani. My
relationship with Dani was more brotherly and nurturing as opposed
to sexual or passionate.

When breakfast was finished, he would
take her to bed and they would have a sultry few hours frolicking.
She described their sessions to be feverish and ardent

“
In the beginning, that
fucker used to just zip up his pants and leave.” She smiled. “At
first, it was just sex. But then somewhere along the lines, things
started to change.” She sighed. “His wife is really missing out.”
She grinned a devilish grin.

I never knew how to respond when she
mentioned his wife. Sometimes, I would forget he even had a wife
until Kim would mention her.

As Kim got ready, she thought to dress
me up in her clothes as well. I didn’t feel too comfortable with
the length and the tight fit of most of her clothes. But by the
end, I was able to find an outfit that was right for me.

“
You look smokin’,” Kim
commented.

“
It’s because they’re your
clothes.”

Kim laughed. “Maybe that has something
to do with it, love. Keep the clothes. Make yourself look good once
in a while. It’s old. It’s big. It’s yours,” Kim winked.

I left Kim’s place feeling confident
as though for a moment, I was Kim.

I met Carin at a bar near the office.
Our plan was to have a drink, then meet Kim and M.D. a short cab
ride away, at Nobu Next Door in Tribeca.

The restaurant was packed. People were
squeezed in shoulder-to-shoulder, undeterred by the discomfort of
the small space. Patrons were leaving as they were being told of
the hour wait.

I expected to see just Kim and M.D.,
but when Carin and I arrived at the restaurant we saw that they
were seated at a large table at the front of the restaurant with
three other people. There were two men, introduced to us as
colleagues of M.D.’s named Ben and David, and a statuesque,
six-foot-tall black girl with a short afro named Zozo, who was from
Somalia. She looked about eighteen years old.

Kim excused herself right after
greeting us, grabbed my arm, and led me through the crowded diners
and into the bathroom.

“
I’m so excited that you’re
here! Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that no one, absolutely no
one, knows about M.D. and me. Okay?”

She began rummaging through her purse,
eventually pulling out a plastic contraption she inserted into her
nose. I watched her sniff something into each nostril. I was
shocked.

She wiped her nose before she
responded to my look. “It’s just a little pick-me-up.”

When had she started doing cocaine? I
wondered. Hadn’t she told me that cocaine was a bad habit
ubiquitous amongst the traders on the trading floor?

I had always been adamantly against
drug use, culturally and morally. Seeing her do it made it seem
slightly less reprehensible. Yet, I felt conflicted because I felt
I’d been lied to, deceived. I wondered just how much of herself Kim
was hiding from me.

“
So who are all those other
people? I thought it was going to be me, you, and
Carin.”

Kim pinched her nose with her fingers
and checked her nostrils in the mirror. She then wiped her nose
with the back of her hand.

“
Whatever.” She paused
before she continued. “It’ll be fun with a group of people. The
more I make it obvious that I hang out with M.D. and his friends,
the less people will suspect we’re having an affair.”

I watched her primp and press her
clothes down.

“
How do I look?” she
asked.

“
Like a rock star,” I
answered.

“
Because I am,” she said,
blowing me a kiss. She seemed exceedingly confident.

En route to our table, Kim said, “I
actually ran into them at Playright’s after work the other
day.”

“
Who’s they?” I
asked.

“
M.D. and The Wife.” She
acted as if I should have known.

“
What did you do?!” I asked,
surprised she was mentioning it so casually.

“
Shhh! Nothing. I’ll tell
you later,” Kim said as we reached the table.

Kim wiped her nose again with the back
of her hand and said, “Let’s just say not impressed.”

When we got to the table, M.D. stood
up and pulled Kim’s chair out for her. Carin was already engrossed
in a flirtatious conversation with Ben. It was hard not to notice
Zozo take the flat side of her fist to her nose and
snort.

We drank copious amounts of sake. The
crowd grew louder, making it hard to hear what anyone had to
say.

Kim, Carin, and I became engaged in a
private conversation among the three of us.

“
Okay, so carry on. Spill
the beans on the run-in with his wife,” I said to Kim.

“
The wife?” Carin asked.
“Whoa! I’m missing a story here.”

“
Kim is dating a married guy
and met the wife,” I explained. “Get it? M.D? Married Dude.” I
explained the acronym.

“
I think I can tell my own
story,” Kim said.

“
Oh, come on. I just want to
know what happened,” I said.

“
Yeah, me too. What’s his
name?” Carin asked.

“
It’s not important.
Anyway…” Kim clapped her hands in excitement about her own story,
and Carin and I fed off her energy. M.D. was across the table, too
far away to hear anything we were saying. Our voices were drowned
out by the noise inside the restaurant.

Kim explained that his wife had long,
straight blond hair and was slightly shorter than Kim. She liked
that she was taller.

“
She wore khaki pants and a
button-down sweater, for God’s sake! And the pants were fucking
huge. For all the time she has, you’d figure she’d get it
tailored,” Kim said. She described her jewelry: a pearl necklace
hanging on her neck and earrings encrusted in diamonds.

“
Typical banker wife!” she
said. “Translation: boring!” Kim laughed.

Carin and I just looked at each other
wondering what was funny.

“
Wait a second. I’m blond,
and I’m on Wall Street. Oh, my God! Am I boring?” Carin
asked.

“
Shut up. You’re not a
wife,” Kim said.

“
My only saving grace.”
Carin said as she sipped her drink

“
You could tell she is not
getting laid,” Kim said, referring to M.D.’s wife.

“
That was bitchy,” I said.
Carin nodded. Kim’s hurt was spewing out in vile words.

“
What?” Kim
shrugged.

“
Alright. Who is this guy?
Why the secret?” Carin insisted.

“
Shhh!” Kim hushed. “He’s
going to hear you.”

Carin placed her hand to her
mouth.

“
Oops. He’s here? Is it Ben?
Eric?”

Kim and I nodded.

“
Yeah, he’s hot. I would
have never guessed.”