The Blank Canvas (Apartment #2) (13 page)

They both felt it at the same time then, the first full contact of his straining erection against her heated sex. They stopped moving and locked eyes, hers questioning and his conflicted. After only a few seconds he smiled again, rocking his hips more fully into her. They both cried out that time, and the frantic way she was clutching at his back only drove him on.

He resumed his position at her breasts, alternating between squeezing, sucking, and licking. Lily began to moan incoherent words and phrases, sinking her fingers into his hair again as they continued to move together, the feel of their clothing creating a new and interesting friction between them. Each new thrust of his hardness against her made her see stars and fireworks when she closed her eyes, and they eventually set up a steady rhythm that kept him rubbing exactly where she needed him.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he groaned against her flesh before he kissed it again. “Everything about you feels so perfect!”

“Oh God,” she panted, her breath shaking as she felt herself winding tight like a spring, climbing higher and higher and loving every moment of it because he was with her again. “I missed you,” she cried out, on the verge of something explosive. “I missed you so much!”

“Never again,” he groaned out, moving up to look her in the eye, his thrusting becoming more erratic as his release neared. “You’ll never be without me again.” He kissed her deeply, pouring everything he was feeling into it, begging her with his body to feel what was in his heart.

“Oh… oh God, I’m right there,” she moaned when their lips broke apart, causing him to speed up his movements and press himself more firmly against her.

“Yes, baby,” he gasped between thrusts. “Yes… let me hear you,” he begged. There was so much warm, wet heat between their bodies that it felt amazing, and he was barely hanging on.

When the tightly coiled spring finally snapped inside her, Lily threw her head back and wailed, her entire body spasming beneath him. The feral beauty of her climax triggered his own, and Ethan buried his face in her neck and began rambling so fast that she barely understood him.

“I love you so much! I love you, I love you, I love you, oh fuck!” His hips jerked a few last times before he collapsed, laying his head on her rumpled shirt and still-exposed chest.

They lay there together like that for a few minutes in silence, Lily stroking his hair lovingly as he tenderly kissed the spot over her heart.

“Was this… okay?” she finally asked him, hating to break the comfortable quiet in the room.

“It was more than okay,” he whispered against her skin, sounding as if he could fall asleep at any second. “It was amazing.”

“We didn’t go too far for you?” she asked, feeling guilty for provoking him now that the heat of the moment had passed.

“No, I don’t think so. As much as I want to date you properly and get to know you all over again, we can’t exactly ignore this insane attraction between us. Things are bound to happen. I just don’t want that to be all it’s about any more, and I’m really trying to hold off a little longer before we make love.”

“
Aw
… you called it making love,” she smiled. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you call it anything other than fucking.”

“Well,” he explained, propping himself up on his elbow to look down at her. “I think there is raw, nasty, sweaty fucking, but I now know there is something on a deeper level that can be shared between two people when the time is right. I think we’ve even come close to it before without realizing what we had. Hopefully I’ll have the opportunity to do both with you so often we lose count. But the next time I’m inside you, I want to be making love to you.”

“Why can’t we do that now?” she asked, pouting. “We both know how we feel about each other.”

“Because in my mind, I haven’t earned it yet.”

“But Ethan—”

“Just listen,” he interrupted. “I know you have forgiven me, and for that I will be eternally grateful, but I haven’t completely forgiven myself.”

“I don’t want to spend all our time together with you treating me like some delicate, fragile thing, putting me up on some pedestal.” Lily huffed. “I happened to like how things were before, at least physically. I just wanted us to get to know each other more and let each other into our real lives.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” he smiled. “There is way too much heat between us to ever become boring. I adored what we did too… but I need to find a way to balance out the hunger with the sweetness. I want to be in a real relationship and actually try to make it work. I’ve never really dated before. I’ve never had to try. To me, you’re worth it.”

“Dammit,” she sighed.

“What?”

“Well, that was so damn beautiful I want to cry, and now all I want to do is throw you down and have my wicked way with you!”

“You think I don’t want the same thing?”

“We’re adults, dammit!” she pouted again. “If we want to have sex, we should be able to have sex.”

“Normally I would agree with you, and that’s also why I know things are going to happen between us no matter what. I just really want to feel like I’ve deserved something for once in my life, and if I cave now I know I will always regret it.”

“Alright,” she grumbled. “I guess I see your point. It’s just so easy to forget when you are on top of me like this.”

“I know, baby,” he laughed, shifting to her side. “It’s going to be a struggle, but it will make it that much more worth it in the end.”

“How long are we talking, here?”

“That’s the hard part. There’s an actual event that I’m trying to set up, and I’m having trouble finalizing a date. Hopefully it won’t be too long.”

“Will you tell me what it is?”

“No, of course not! It’s a surprise.”

“Will I like it?”

“I really hope so,” he sighed.

“Hey, look at me. If it’s something that you spent this much time and energy and sexual frustration on, I’m sure I’ll love it.”

“Thanks,” he smiled, leaning down and kissing her softly. “Now, we should probably get cleaned up. I’m going to run up and change into a different pair of jeans. Things are starting to get a little… sticky,” he blushed.

“Just bring those back down with you and I’ll throw them in my next load of laundry.”

“Thanks, that would be great. I’ll see if I can find a spare pair of Maggie’s jeans in Eric’s room.” Ethan turned on the television for her before he left because she didn’t feel like playing any more games. When he returned less than fifteen minutes later, he tossed his dirty clothes in front of the washer and joined her on the couch. “Well, I couldn’t find any jeans. All she had were pajamas, so I grabbed you a pair of shorts. I figured that your clothes will be done drying before too long anyway, so you won’t need to wear these for very long.”

“That’ll work, thanks.”

“There’s a small bathroom over there if you want to go change, then you can throw the next load in.”

Lily changed quickly and switched out the laundry, happy that all of her other jeans were going into the dryer and she’d be able to change back soon before Barbara saw her in Maggie’s shorts. She returned to sit by Ethan on the couch, feeling her heart soar when he comfortably wrapped his arm around her and pulled her against his side. When she snuggled against him even closer and rested her cheek on his shoulder, he leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

“This is nice,” he sighed.

“What, the
Dukes of Hazzard
marathon? I was going to ask if we could change it. I can only take so much unbuttoned beefcake.”

“No,” he laughed. “Being together like this.” He handed her the remote. “Here, put on whatever you like. I can’t believe you aren’t feeling the good ole’ boys.”

“Oh, I used to love this show when I was little. I had the hugest crush on Bo Duke. Now it’s kind of embarrassing when I think about it.”

“I always loved Rosco and Flash.”

“Oh, me too! I always wanted a basset hound that looked like Flash, but my mom would never let me have one.” She looked at him and then back at the TV. “Funny, I would have thought you’d have been into Daisy.”

“Oh, I never said I wasn’t,” he laughed. “Just look at those shorts!”

“Okay, that’s enough of that,” Lily huffed, turning the channel quickly. “There,
Top Chef
. Not a single pair of shorty shorts in sight.”

“True, but there’s always Padma Lakshmi’s post-pregnancy cleavage.”

“Ugh!” She reached for the remote again and he laughed loudly, grabbing it out of her hand.

“My God, you’re jealous! Of the TV!”

“No I’m not,” she protested.

“You totally are! That’s hilarious,” Ethan laughed even louder. “It’s damn adorable, actually.”

“No, I’m not a jealous person. I don’t
get
jealous. All of my old boyfriends back in college thought I was the coolest girlfriend ever, because I can talk about how sexy women are and play ‘spot the falsies’ while watching porn.”

“Spot the—? Wait, aren’t they pretty much all falsies?”

“Yeah, but some of them are really cheap. You can see these nasty ripples and ridges when they move. That’s beside the point, anyway. The point is that I don’t get jealous.”

“Hey, don’t be so defensive,” he chuckled, reaching around her and tickling her sides until she laughed. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I think it’s kind of precious. Nobody’s ever been jealous over me, even if it’s just the TV.”

“How is that possible?”

“What do you mean?”

“Ethan… you’re painfully beautiful. Any woman who sees you must want you. How could someone not have gotten jealous over you before?”

“You’re forgetting there was only Rachel. She liked the attention I got because having an attractive boyfriend reflected well on her. She cared less about me than what I brought her. So believe me when I say that it’s a refreshing change to have someone care.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m going to shank the first girl who looks at you or anything. I just felt funny watching you ogle someone else.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’d like to beat the shit out of Bo Duke right now. And Jemaine Clement is next.”

“But that’s silly! They’re just—okay, I see what you mean.”

“You can’t help how you feel. This is all new to me too. I’ve never been jealous in my life. I never needed to be.” He turned sideways to face her. “You make me feel so many things, Lily. It really is like I’m alive for the first time in my life. Even sitting here with you like this… I’ve never cuddled with anyone before you. It’s all just so… amazing.”

“You amaze me too, Ethan. Every day I’m with you is amazing.”

“Then why don’t you come back over here and we’ll do some more of that cuddling? I liked that. Let’s watch
Top Chef
and guess who gets voted off this round.”

“I suppose,” she smiled.

“And just for the record, you’re the only brunette in shorty shorts I’m interested in ogling,” he said, squeezing her bare thigh.

“Thank you,” she giggled, kissing him quickly. “And I’d take you over a threesome with Bo and Jemaine any day.”

“Well, that’s comforting,” he chuckled.

Ethan leaned back against the arm of the couch, pulling her down with him. After she got comfortable curled up against him with her head on his chest, he slowly began stroking her hair and humming softly to himself.

It felt so soothing that Lily’s eyelids were growing heavy. The only thing keeping her awake was her struggle to remember where she had heard the tune he was humming. Eventually she lost the fight, her body giving over to sleep.

In her very last moment of consciousness, listening to the lovely song as it reverberated through his chest against her ear, the memory came to her.

He was humming their waltz.

“Since when do you have a new boyfriend?” Becky blurted out the next morning after hearing Lily making plans for lunch on her cell phone.

“What makes you think that was my boyfriend?”

“Because you don’t blush like that when your dad calls you.”

“That still doesn’t make it a boyfriend,” Lily hedged.

“Are we really going to play this game?” Becky huffed.

“What game?”

“The Jason and Natalie game, where everything you do is glaringly obvious to everyone around you, but we all have to pretend like nothing’s going on.” It was no secret that Lily’s boss, Dr. Natalie Wilde, was sleeping with the newest, youngest doctor in the practice.

“I don’t know what you’re—” She stopped mid-sentence when Becky arched an eyebrow at her, letting her know in no uncertain terms that she was not going to believe any line of bullshit Lily might deliver. “Dammit, Becky. Not the eyebrow.”

Becky simply crossed her arms and stared at her. “Spill it, bitch.”

Lily sighed, turning her chair to face her more directly. “It’s just that things are so new. It feels weird talking about it.”

“New? I’ll say it’s new! Weren’t you single on Friday? I didn’t even know you were talking to anybody since Scott.”

“Well… we sort of… ran into each other again on Friday night.” Lily blushed again, thinking of how much things had changed since then.

“Wow that must have been
some
weekend.”

“It really was, and not in the way you’re implying either.”

Although Lily would have liked that very much.

“I don’t care how little happened—I just want some damn details! Who is the guy? How do you know him? Is he local?” Becky’s barrage of questions was interrupted by Kim on the intercom, alerting her that Jason had a red chart waiting to be seen. She stood up and pushed in her chair, turning back to look at Lily. “Don’t think you’re off the hook yet, my dear. I’ll get it all out of you somehow.” With that she walked away, shooting Lily a look over her shoulder that said she meant business.

* * *

Almost three hours later, Ethan walked into the tastefully decorated clinic, glancing around uncomfortably at all of the pregnant women in the waiting room. When he reached the front desk he noticed a vaguely familiar face in the pudgy blonde receptionist at the counter, but she was so engrossed in staring at her monitor that he couldn’t quite place her.