The Boat to Redemption (28 page)

I felt suddenly weary. I checked my watch; it was already gone one o’clock, well past the time my father had told me to be
back onboard. Time to leave. I took a shortcut behind the steel warehouse and headed to the piers. It was a secluded path.
I didn’t know if I should count myself lucky or unlucky, but I spotted several kids from the barges under the rear window
of the warehouse; Sun Ximing’s younger son, Xiaofu, had climbed up on to the ledge and was prising the window open with a
piece of wood. I knew they were up to no good. ‘What are you doing?’ I shouted.

With a wink, Xiaofu said, ‘Stealing iron to sell for scrap.’

‘I’m going to tell your father,’ I said. ‘You and your stealing! You little bastards are ruining the fleet’s good name.’

But my threat went in one ear and out the other, as he made a contemptuous gesture and said, ‘Mind your own business, Kongpi.
What have you been up to? Ku Wenxuan is waiting for you with a rolling pin. You’re going to get a beating!’

Now I realized the trouble I was in. He wasn’t lying. I knew my father well enough to realize that coming home so late meant
big trouble. So I left the kids to their own devices and turned back
towards the piers, head down, my steps heavier than usual. But I hadn’t gone far before I turned and went back, thinking,
I’m twenty-six years old, too old to stand on the bow of our barge and get a beating from my father. No way was I going to
lose face in front of all those people. I’d be punished whether I got home an hour late or three hours late, so why not go
ahead and smash the cracked pot – hang out ashore for as long as I wanted to?

The boat people went ashore for a haircut about once a month. I went to the People’s Barbershop every day. If the barge people
had known that, they’d have said I’d lost my head over Huixian and that I deserved to be driven away by her.

I was the last person to understand what possessed me, but I knew that I’d lost my soul in the barbershop. When I was hurrying
there, I sometimes heard the things in my bag bang against each other; those objects had more self-respect than I did, as
they voiced their resistance. Don’t go, they said, don’t go. What do you plan to do? Who are you to her? Her brother? Her
father? Her intended? No, you’re nothing, just a
kongpi
, that’s exactly what you are in her eyes.

That’s right, I was nothing but a
kongpi
, and that made me unhappy. There was so much I wanted to say to her, so why did nothing come out of my mouth the minute I
laid eyes on her? I didn’t want that to be so. Why was I filled with affection each time I stepped into the barbershop, but
left feeling angry and resentful? How could love so easily turn into hate? I didn’t want that to be so. And since I didn’t,
I kept returning to the People’s Barbershop like a moth to a flame.

Thoughts thronged my mind as I walked along, including memories of the time years before when I had helped poor little Huixian
put up posters in Milltown looking for her mother. I passed the general store, where the intersection was flooded with sunlight,
and I was taken back in time. I conjured up an image of
a little girl carrying a jar of glue and heard her childish voice as she said urgently, ‘Over here, Brother Dongliang. Come
here!’ I felt myself being pushed along, despite my weariness. It might have been the wind propelling me on, but probably
it was my memories. My gaze wandered to the wall across the street from the general store; a large blackboard, recently mounted
on the wall, was filled with drawings and clippings promoting family planning. A coloured propaganda image in the centre caught
my eye with the words

BOYS OR GIRLS, IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE:
JUST HAVE ONE CHILD!

printed above a drawing of a young mother standing in a bed of flowers, a baby girl in her arms. Possibly because the artist
wasn’t particularly talented, the smile on the face of the rosy-cheeked mother was stiff and unnatural. As for her baby, either
the elements or the mischievous actions of some child had reduced her head to a pair of pigtails – the face was gone. The
poster alarmed me. Could that be Huixian? Fanciful thoughts swirled in my head. Was that her missing mother? What a strange
day it had been, with all these missing mothers suddenly returning. The memory of a name I’d all but forgotten formed in my
head: Cui Xia. Was Cui Xia her name? The woman who had paced the shore in the rain way back then, now hidden among the crowds
in the town’s streets, her dripping-wet spirit now bright and dry, with no hope of being set free. She poured out her heart
to me from the blackboard, nudging me to go and look for her daughter.
My daughter has forgotten her mother. My daughter, she’s lost
. My attention was focused on a water mark running down the blackboard, unbroken tears from a mother’s departed spirit.
Don’t forget that my daughter is an orphan. She has grown into a beautiful, alluring young woman, but she remains an orphan.
She is like a
precious gem, picked up, discarded and picked up again; but she’ll wind up being discarded again, and I ask one of you kind-hearted
people to come to her aid!

I received a flash of mystical inspiration there in front of the general store, which rocked me to my core and made my feet
feel as if they were made of lead.

The sound of cotton-fluffing filled the air around the barbershop –
peng, peng, peng
– a happy, monotonous sound that reminded me to see if I had enough money to buy Father new cotton stuffing for his quilt,
since that would give me an excuse for staying away so long. So I went into the cotton-fluffing shop and told the proprietor
what I wanted. ‘New cotton is very expensive,’ she said. ‘You’re better off bringing in your own used cotton.’

‘I don’t have any.’

‘How about making some out of your lightest and cheapest cotton?’ They asked how soon I needed it.

‘Not too soon, but not too late either. I’ll wait in front of the barbershop.’

She gave me an ambiguous look. ‘I know what you’re thinking,’ she blurted out. ‘Were you and that Huixian across the street
betrothed as children?’

That shocked me. ‘Where did you hear that?’

‘I didn’t hear it, I guessed it. You were together on one of those barges, weren’t you? That’s something you boat people do
all the time.’

The man in the shop stopped beating cotton and brushed off the fluff that nearly covered his body. With a silly grin, he said,
‘Child engagements don’t count, and I suggest you put those thoughts out of your head. That Huixian is a lovely flower that
blooms on a high branch, way beyond the reach of any lowly boat person.’

Struck with a sudden panic attack, I blurted out what was in my heart: ‘I don’t want to pluck the flower, I want to protect
it.’

* * *

My heart had been in my mouth the last time I’d visited the People’s Barbershop. I pushed open the glass door, but stopped
before going in. ‘Kongpi!’ they shouted as I stood in the doorway. ‘Kongpi’s back!’ It was immediately obvious that the barbers
had begun to see me as a strange creature, and I noticed the look in Huixian’s eyes, both fear and disgust, mixed with a degree
of pity.

After a brief, whispered exchange with Little Chen, Old Cui jumped down off his stool, came to the doorway and gave me a shove.
‘What the hell do you want, Kongpi?’ he asked, using uncouth Milltown slang. ‘You’re here every day. Do your balls itch or
something? You look like a damned debt collector, and I want to know what the hell Huixian owes you. Is it money? Food? How
much? Give me a number.’

I was stunned that Huixian would ask him to settle up with me. What did she take me for? I pushed him away and said, ‘It’s
none of your damned business! If she wants to settle accounts, let her tell me to my face.’

‘You make her sick. If it’s money you want, she’ll give it to you. Or food. But if it’s anything else, dream on.’

I saw Huixian’s reflection in the glass; she was clearly agitated. She moved from one chair to the next, then went into the
boiler room. I felt like shouting to her, ‘Go over to the general store, your mother’s waiting there, she’s looking for you!’
But in the end, that was a secret I had to keep to myself. If it was disclosed it would become laughable, and I’d become a
lunatic in her eyes. I can’t describe the dejection I felt. I set down my bag, pointed across the street, and said, ‘You’ve
got it all wrong. I’m waiting for them to make the cotton stuffing for a quilt.’

‘Then wait for it over there. Why come here? Every day you come here to cause trouble.’

‘He hasn’t got the guts. He’s like a bitch in heat.’ A man walked out of the boiler room. It was Wang Xiaogai. What a shock!
He
picked up a pair of scissors to trim his nose hair. ‘You can fool other people, Kongpi, but not me. I know what’s on your
mind. The next time you come here like a bitch in heat, you’ll wind up exactly like your old man.’ He sneered and pointed
at my crotch with his scissors. ‘That thing of yours likes to act up, and you don’t know how to control it, right? Well, I
can take care of that. I’ll take half of it for you!’

This time my lungs felt as if they were about to explode. I stormed into the shop and headed straight for Xiaogai. Seeing
trouble, Little Chen and Old Cui intercepted me, one holding my arm, the other wrapping his arms around my waist to stop me.
‘He was just kidding, it was a joke. He didn’t mean it, Kongpi.’ But Xiaogai, who was holding a stool in front of himself
as protection, was not finished. ‘Cutting that off would remove a scourge to the people. Don’t think I wouldn’t do it. I’d
be helping you out. With half a dick, you could stand in for your old man!’

The blood rushed to my head. Spoiling for a fight, I started to take off my belt. ‘Come on,’ I said, ‘you and your scissors.
If you don’t you’re a fucking coward. Just you try, and see if I don’t cut off your dog dick!’

Our anger had a comical effect. Little Chen let go of me and bent over in side-splitting laughter. Old Cui grabbed my hand
to stop me from taking off my belt. ‘Leave that alone!’ he demanded. ‘I’m telling you to cool down, Kongpi. If you don’t stop
taking off your trousers, we’ll treat you like a common hooligan.’

Huixian came out of the boiler room. ‘What’s all the fighting about?’ The sight of my trousers on their way down gave her
a momentary fright. But then she rolled her eyes and said, ‘You ugly clown, you’re disgusting!’ I couldn’t blame her for calling
me that, given the way things must have looked. I’d have felt the same way, but it was all Xiaogai’s fault. I hitched up my
trousers, waiting for her to work out what was going on, but then I saw the cold look in her eyes and watched as she banged
a comb against the table.
‘Haven’t you disgraced yourself enough?’ she said. ‘If you have, then get out of here. Just get out!’

Nothing could have hurt me more than that demand. She should have been able to see that it hadn’t been my fault, so why was
she telling me to get out? I lost control. ‘I’ve disgraced myself for over twenty years!’ I bellowed. ‘So what! I’m not leaving
until he comes over and cuts off my dick!’

That stopped her. ‘If he won’t go, Xiaogai, you leave. It’s time for you to go to work, anyway.’

But Xiaogai surprised us all by staying put. ‘I’m not leaving till he does,’ he said. ‘I’m responsible for keeping order,
and it’s my job to watch him.’

With her hands on her hips and a frown on her face, Huixian sized up me and Xiaogai in turn before turning on her heel and
saying, ‘This makes me sick. If neither of you will leave, I will.’

Everyone watched silently as she took off her white smock and hung it on a peg. Underneath she was as fashionable as ever,
in a cream-coloured turtleneck sweater over a pair of black bell-bottomed trousers. A string of pearls completed the outfit.
Even though she had suffered setbacks in her life, there was no denying that she had a lovely figure, with full breasts, a
slim waist and nice long legs. My gaze slid timidly down and down, stopping just above her knees. But of course I couldn’t
see those lovely, alluring knees, the mere thought of which gave me a case of the nerves. Lowering my head, I had a feeling
that her flaring trouser legs had floated over to me, just as I heard her say in a flat tone of voice, ‘Wait here for me,
Ku Dongliang. I’ll be right back.’

What was that all about? Even Xiaogai and the others gave her a puzzled look. Xiaogai broke the silence. ‘What do you think
you’re doing?’ Huixian ignored the question. She pushed open the door and walked out. I watched as she paused by the flowerbed
and gently brushed the sunflowers with her hand. Then she walked off without a backward glance.

Xiaogai started after her, but I wasn’t going to let that happen. I picked up the scissors and blocked his way. Unfortunately,
Old Cui and Little Chen were on his side, and I was outnumbered. I could only stand and watch Xiaogai walk outside. He turned,
pointed at me threateningly and said, ‘Just you wait, Kongpi. Don’t think I won’t use those things on you. And if I don’t,
somebody else will. Get ready to go into mourning for that dick of yours. You’re full of big talk now, but you’ll be begging
for mercy before long.’

I stayed in the barbershop, waiting for Huixian to return. Waiting, too, for Xiaogai to return, and that made me uncomfortable.
I sat in the corner from two in the afternoon, reading a newspaper. It was a new edition, but the contents hardly differed
from days before: ‘News of victories on the labour front continue to pour in’ or ‘Unprecedented harvests in the agricultural,
forestry, and fishery industries,’ stuff like that. All I had to do was read the first paragraph to know what the entire article
said. Old Cui and Little Chen left me alone, and I ignored them.

Customers started showing up before long, under my watchful eye. A middle-aged woman with a youthful, seductive voice came
in and sat down. She and Old Cui seemed to be on close terms. The flirting between barber and customer began. I didn’t like
what I was seeing. Didn’t he know that this work environment had a bad influence on Huixian? Next through the door was a young
dandy in fancy clothes, an official at the General Affairs Building called Little Zheng. He was obviously looking for Huixian,
since he glanced around and poked his head in the boiler room. When he saw that she wasn’t there, he patted Little Chen on
the shoulder and left. He hadn’t said a word the whole time. That put me on my guard. ‘What did Little Zheng want?’ I asked
Little Chen.