The Book of Matthew (The Alex Chronicles Book 1) (17 page)

“Christine can’t what?” I asked.

Matt tossed his book bag onto the rug. “Never mind.”

I crawled across the floor so that I was sitting across from him. “Tell me.”

He looked away from me. “It’s nothing.”

The room was still. We were quiet.

I broke the silence. “How is she doing, by the way?”

“I don’t want to talk about her.”

“Why? Did something happen?”

“No, she’s fine. We’re fine.”

“Then—”

“Jesus, would you stop asking questions? I swear you do it on purpose sometimes just to piss me off!”

We stared at each other. For the second time his beautiful eyes, the ones that were usually as dark and alluring as a pond, looked like dull and murky little swamps.

“Maybe that’s because you don’t tell me anything,” I said, feeling the rush of emotion burning my face. “I always have to drag it out of you.” I stood to leave. “You know what? Maybe Lisa was right about you.”

He grabbed my wrist before I could walk away. “What did she say about me?”

I pulled free from his grasp and said nothing.

Matt scrambled to his feet. He had that same look in his eyes right before he grabbed me and kissed me for the first time in the kitchen. A look of anger, a look of fear, a look of utter desperation. We stood staring at each other, searching each other’s eyes, wondering what to do next. Déjà vu was a feeling I was starting to know well.

“What did she say about me?” Matt repeated.

“She said that you only come around when you want something from me and that you stalk people to get the money that’s owed you.”

Matt’s eyes widened. “She said that about me?”

“Yes.”

“But she doesn’t even know me!”

I shrugged, waiting to hear what else he’d say.

He started pacing back and forth, thinking, running a hand through his hair. Then he stopped and approached me until he was only inches from my face. “I’m not using you and I don’t stalk people.”

I took a step back. “Okay, fine. I just—”

“She’s wrong,” Matt said.

More silence, more pacing, more waiting.

I spoke first. “I thought you wanted people to take their time paying you back so that you could collect more interest from them.”

“I do, but the end of the semester’s coming.”

“It’s two months away.”

“Some people need more prodding than others. If I don’t get my money by the end of the semester, I probably never will.”

I shook my head at him. “I don’t know why you don’t get a job like normal people.”

“I told you, I don’t have the time,” Matt said. He sat back down on the floor and leaned against the padded wall. “So what else did Lisa have to say?”

I sat down next to him. I paused, wondering if I should reveal our whole conversation. Her suspicions, my confession, her lecture, the argument that ensued. Ultimately, I said screw it. Why not?

“She said both of us should be ashamed of ourselves.”

Matt’s eyes narrowed in confusion, then widened once he realized what I meant. “You told her about us?”

“She dragged it out of me.”

“Shit! Alex!”

“I’m sorry! She can be relentless. She had suspicions that something was going on anyway.”

“Great.” He sighed. “So how does she know that I lend money to people? Did she have suspicions about that too? Did she drag that out of you?”

“She asked around about you. She has connections on the track team. That’s how I found out about this Chris Murphy person.”

He furrowed his brows in confusion. “Why would she do that?”

“She’s my roommate and my friend. She doesn’t want me to get hurt.”

Matt put his head in his hands. “I’m screwed. I swear, if Christine finds out about you…”

“What’s the big deal? I’m assuming Ted knows, right?”

“Yeah, but he understands. He knows to keep quiet.”

“Then don’t worry about it. None of this will get back to Christine. She lives hours away and you said she doesn’t know anyone on campus besides you and Ted.”

“I guess so.”

“All you ever care about is yourself,” I said. “What about me?”

“I’m sorry. I do care about you.” He tried to kiss my neck. “Very much…”

I wanted to punch that crooked smile off his face. “Whatever.” I swatted him away.

He backed off. “What?”

“Not today.”

He grinned. “Why not? Not in the mood?”

“No.”

“How come?”

I looked him dead in the eyes. “Because you say you care for me but all you really care about is yourself. Your girlfriend is too far away, so you come to me to get what you want. And in doing so, I’m helping you cheat on the woman you love. It all kinda spoils the mood.”

“It’s not like that.” Matt put a hand over his face. “God, I knew this would happen.”

“You can blame God all right.”

“Look, I do care about you. I told you that way back in October. Nothing’s changed.”

“Well then, I just don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“She cheated on you. Repeatedly. She was screwing another guy behind your back for a whole year.”

Matt sighed. “I know.”

“And you’ve forgiven her and taken her back!”

“She knows what she did was wrong. I believe that she’s changed and I believe her when she says it’ll never happen again.”

“If you love her so much, then why are you still with me?”

His eyes were shallow and murky and sad. “I—I don’t know.”

I inched closer to him. “Is it for revenge?”

“No.” His voice was soft and his breath was warm on my face. “It was never about revenge.” He stroked my hair.

A tingly sensation arose in my lower abdomen. “What are we going to do, Matt?”

He smirked. There was a glow again in his green eyes. He stroked my back and kissed my cheek and neck.

At that moment, I hoped hell didn’t exist for those who didn’t believe. But if it did, if there was a spot in hell for every bad person on Earth, I was convinced I had earned a position in line. And if I didn’t ever get a chance to meet Christine while I was alive, I would once I passed on. Matt would introduce me to Christine for the very first time in the fiery depths of hell.

I closed my eyes and repeated a verse from Proverbs. “‘The wicked will be cut off from the land, and the unfaithful will be torn from it’.”

Matt cradled my face in his hands and forced himself on me. I didn’t resist. Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.

As he pushed me down to the ground it occurred to me: Matthew Levine wasn’t in love with just anyone. In Christine, he had found his own Mary Magdalene.

So what the hell did that make me?

II.

A crisp, late-Autumn wind smacked my face as I descended the last step of the school bus. I lowered my head and balled my hands into fists inside my pockets as I walked. Red and orange and yellow leaves swirled at my feet and the breeze blew my hair into knots.

It was 3:30 on a Monday afternoon. I had only two hours to spend at the library until my mother would start worrying if I’d be home in time for dinner.

There was no need to greet the librarian when I entered. I had been there several times already, and she had grown accustomed to my focused attention each time as I ignored her on my way to the shelves. Anything more than a head nod or a smile at this point would seem out of character.

Reading passages from any one of the five books I found on my very first visit to the library would certainly make two hours pass quickly.

I grabbed the one that questioned the validity and importance of Christianity written by a professor. That book was my favorite.

I walked over to my table, sat down in my chair, and started to read.

I read about the European Christian Crusaders who, during the 11-13
th
centuries, marched east across Mesopotamia to reclaim the lands from the Muslims in the name of God. Their main goal was to peacefully convert the people to Christianity, but oftentimes, bloody battles ensued. Countless Muslims, Christians, and even Jews, were slaughtered. The riches of the land were stolen, temples were plundered, homes—and sometimes whole cities—were destroyed.

The Catholic Church, for the most part, condemned such violence. But this didn’t stop the European soldiers from fighting for the cause that promised them, most notably by Pope Innocent III during his reign in the 12
th
century, direct passage into heaven.

What started as a “crusade” in the name of God devolved into thievery, war and murder.

And what of this Pope Innocent III? During his reign he declared himself ruler of the world. He sought to bring justice to Christian heretics, namely the Cathars in France, who didn’t believe that Jesus was the all-powerful Son of God. The Pope offered them an ultimatum: quit spreading your unorthodox practices or die. Unrelenting, the Cathars were eventually beheaded after the Catholic Church launched a bloody crusade against them.

Through the ages, there had been countless examples of people who hadn’t taken their religious vows very seriously. They lied, cheated, stole and murdered, all in the name of God. But it was the Popes in Rome, however, supposedly the holiest men of all, people like Innocent III, who were guilty of some of the most atrocious sins of all.

Take Giuliano della Rovere, for example. He became Pope Julius II in 1508, having secured his position and ensured a positive outcome by offering bribes to his colleagues. He broke his vow of chastity, fathering three daughters and keeping several mistresses. He taxed the Roman citizens needlessly and ruthlessly in order to make the church rich—an attempt to build back up the glory and power of the papacy. He attempted to reclaim sovereignty of Papal States who were in revolt against the church, in an effort to exercise and secure his political right as a monarch.

Nepotism gave Giuliano della Rovere an advantage in the church hierarchy, bribery secured his position as Pope Julius II, and despotism ensured his lasting religious and political power.

I closed the book and looked at my watch. 4:45 p.m. I stretched and yawned and decided it was time to go home.

…

It was a dark walk home from the library. The sun had set and there were few street lamps to light the way.

I should have pulled my gloves out of storage and put them in my coat pocket that morning before leaving for school. The wind had not let up, and it felt more like January than early November. I could deal with a frozen face and a shivering body, but I absolutely hate having cold hands. I made a mental note to buy warmer gloves for the winters I would spend at Kilmore University—if that was, if fact, where I was going.

I had yet to receive acknowledgment from the school about my application. I had mailed all the forms the day after I filled them out, way back in August. What was taking so long?

Kilmore was the only school I applied to, so I was hoping to be accepted, or else I’d be in trouble. I’d have to scramble to apply to other colleges, if it wasn’t already too late.

I was feeling confident, though. I believed I’d get into Kilmore, and that I was destined to go there. In the back of my mind I felt it was just a matter of waiting to hear yes.

When I walked in the front door my mother was in the kitchen pulling a meatloaf out of the oven. My father sat at the kitchen table reading the daily paper, his fingers lightly stained black from ink. A silver cross necklace peeked through his flannel shirt.

I dropped heavily into my chair at the kitchen table. “Dinner ready?”

“Almost,” my mother said. She poked at the meatloaf with a fork. “At the library again, my dear?”

“Yeah.”

My father looked up over top of the newspaper at me. “Take off your coat and stay awhile.”

I hung my coat on the back of the chair.

“What are you researching this time?” he asked.

“Stuff.”

“Hear that, Claudia? Alex is researching
stuff
.” He winked at me.

My mother poured a cup of milk for me, a glass of water for my father, and a mug of coffee for herself. She put each of the three containers at our respective places at the table. “Sounds interesting,” she said.

My father folded his newspaper and put it on the floor. “Isn’t that what you were researching last time? I sure hope that once you get to Kilmore you’ll study more than just
stuff
.” He smiled at me, letting me know he was kidding. But I already knew.

“
If
I get into Kilmore,” I said. “I haven’t been accepted yet.”

My mother put three plates of meatloaf and mashed potatoes on the table, and then sat down to join us. “Paul, don’t keep her in suspense any longer. Tell her.”

I looked over at my father. He had a closed-lipped grin on his face. For years I thought that look meant he was happy. On that night I realized it meant he was hiding something.

“Tell me what?” I severed off a piece of meatloaf with my fork and dipped it in the mashed potatoes.

My father reached underneath his place mat and slid a letter across the table to me. “This came for you in the mail today.”

The return address said Kilmore University, Admissions Office. My heart beat faster and my stomach churned. I took a sip of milk with shaky hands.

“Well? Go ahead and open it,” my mother said.

I tore open the envelope and pulled out the letter.

Dear Miss Harrison,

Thank you for your recent inquiry in regards to becoming a student of Kilmore University for the fall 1993 semester. We are pleased to announce that you have been accepted. Congratulations!

If you choose to attend our institution, please fill out the enclosed contract form and mail it back to us in the postage paid envelope by Friday, May 14, 1993. This will allow us to begin the process of course and dormitory assignment.

If you decide to attend Kilmore University in the fall, please be aware of the following information:

Classes will begin Monday, August 23, 1993. We have noted your major of interest is English within the College of Liberal Arts. Within the next several months you will receive a packet of information containing financial aid information, your fall semester courses, as well as a dorm room assignment and move-in information.