The Boudoir Bible (38 page)

Two whips that cannot be used, beyond a purely symbolic purpose, in the temple of erotic loving are the aforementioned cat-o’-nine-tails and its distant cousin, the single-tail bullwhip. When used to their
full potential, these whips can be extremely “mean.” The cat-o’-nine tails originally had the specific purpose of punishing human beings. The bullwhip, also called the stock whip, was designed to drive and control livestock—a recalcitrant bull, in particular. The cat-o’-nine tails is constructed of nine finely braided thongs that are each knotted at the striking end. This instrument leaves stripes resembling the claw marks of a tiger and feeling that just as acute, deep, and lasting! The cat-o’-nine tails once served to administer corporal punishment in such institutions as the British royal navy and was called “the captain’s daughter.” Unless you are a bona fide masochist who neither minds being marked nor suffering serious wounds, do not allow the cat-o’-nine tails to come anywhere near your naked skin.

Likewise, the bullwhip cannot be used to its full potential without inflicting serious pain. Though both cat-o’-nine tails and bullwhips may serve as symbols of sexual dominance, within the Sexual Ceremony they are best employed only for their psychological impact, for example, in role-play rituals involving aggression or punishment. Otherwise, they are not recommended beyond a tickle or a visual “tease.”

The skilled top, sadistic or not, like a skilled cowboy, never cracks a bullwhip on the flesh of a human being (or animal, for that matter). The distinct
crack
of the bullwhip occurs because the tip is moving faster than the speed of sound, creating a sonic boom. It is, in fact, the sound of the whip cracking that controls the cattle, not its cutting edge against their hides.

For tops with an exhibitionistic leaning, learning to master the crack of the bullwhip with the help of a skilled master can be great fun! There are even organized competitions in this skill. But unless you intend to work at the circus, learn to crack stock whips that range in length from 3 to 10 feet (1 to 3 meters). They are easier to control and less likely to “come back” on the trainee. Bullwhips should only be used in wide-open spaces.

All instruments of erotic flagellation must be washed and disinfected regularly. Those made of wood, rubber, cotton, and leather can be cleansed with soap and warm water and swathed with disinfectant wipes. Tools made of wood or leather should not be allowed to absorb water. Those made of wood should be waxed (with chemical-free beeswax only), while those made of leather may best be treated with mink oil or other natural leather conditioner. Polish any applied oils or waxes to a sheen with a soft cloth. Keep wood oiled and leather supple and ready to please.

As you prepare the temple for a ritual that will include erotic flagellation, your selection of whips, cats, crops, or floggers should be set out at hand’s reach. Include other instruments of desire to be used alternately, anticipating softer, more sensual intervals of both genital and extra-genital stimulation. These may be the likes of an ostrich feather tickler, a blindfold, erotic restraints, vibrators, dilettos, and gloves. Finally, come to your temple with a calm, cool, and concentrated mind, prepared to soar!

Lovers who appreciate ritualized erotic flagellation hail its power to test or push their sensory limits and intensify the sense of weightlessness, flying, and floating inherent to lovemaking. Tops who learn to prompt the steady flux of their bottom’s natural love drug will instigate deeply satisfying rituals, and the invigorating effects—which have also been described as sexually exhilarating, physically aligning, and even spiritually enlightening—will endure long after the ceremony ends. When administered
ad arte
, erotic flagellation induces a lucid, focused, trancelike state of mind in both the provider and the receiver. The harmonious progression of the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony via these radically heightened degrees of sexual satisfaction permits lovers to transcend the confines of physical space and leave the world behind in their own personal Paradise.

THE MANNER
in which partners descend from the transcendental dimensions of the sexual realm—the return to reality—is as relevant to the positive outcome of the ceremony as their ascent to Paradise. Taking the time together to come down from the inebriating effects of endorphin elation reinforces the physical and emotional benefits of extended, ritualized playtime. The longer and more intense the journey, the longer it will take for the effects of the body’s “love drug” to subside.

The Sexual Ceremony’s skillful elaboration unveils the depths of the inner spirit; as it closes, some lovers will feel the need to revel in the luxury of silence. Others may wish to talk, not necessarily about the ritual itself, but about general topics. This is perfectly natural, but until the ceremony is completely over, continue to refrain from broaching subjects that could allow reality to invade the ritual dimension.

It is also probable that you will both be inclined to wrap your arms around each other and take a nap. Plummeting into deep sleep is the most natural response to an exhilarating round of Paradise Found. When you do eventually rise, you are likely to be very hungry. If you opt to terminate your return to reality over a restaurant dinner, beyond the confines of the temple walls, take a shower or a bath together to regenerate your energy. Keep in mind that interrelating with anyone who was not part of your journey may feel slightly awkward until the effects of endorphin elation have completely subsided.

Neither partner should abandon the ceremonial space abruptly or without forewarning; it will break the magic spell of the sacred moment. It can even incite negative cathartic reactions in the partner left alone in the vortex of energy that you generated together.

If the time frame that you have carved out of a busy schedule is limited, and you or your partner are obliged to exit the temple separately or at a predetermined hour, arrange this in advance. An alarm can be set at least thirty minutes before the ceremony must come to an end. In the case that partners intend to engage in techniques like bondage and flagellation that prompt endorphins more readily into the bloodstream, the intensity of the session should be regulated accordingly. Exploring and pushing sexual boundaries to more intense degrees simply requires more time dedicated to ceremonial endeavors.

Coming down from the effects of rituals that have endured a full day or more can leave lovers feeling slightly bemused and befuddled. Push on through the day, eat light meals, and drink plenty of water. As body and brain resume “normal” functioning, these sensations will subside. Partners who do not live together should make a point to contact each other the following day, just to make sure that each is as happy and well, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, as both were when going separate ways. This may also be the perfect occasion to set the date for your next journey to Paradise.

THE ART OF LOVING
,
like the art of living, is founded on self-love—the ripe fruit of self-knowledge, understanding, and acceptance; it is as essential to our capacity to experience deep sexual satisfaction as it is to our harmonious evolution both as individuals and as a society.

To know, accept, and love ourselves is fundamental to our capacity to know, accept, and love others. The better we get to know ourselves, the more likely we are to “rise” in love with our partners, rather than “fall” in love. To rise in love is to love creatively and freely; it is to love yourself as much as the one you love.

The Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony gives us the opportunity to love creatively and freely and, in the process, construct more profound, positive, and holistic relationships. It is an ecstatic meditation whose benefits—an antidote to the fleeting gratification of “fast,” predominantly genitally oriented sex—lead to the attainment of deep sexual satisfaction. It inspires lovers to breathe
into and focus their intent, to bring the sacred back into everyday life, and to explore the universe that is the body through sexual pleasure. The result of these loving actions will reverberate in more ways than one can imagine!

By engaging in such a meditation, we take responsibility for our pleasure and make it a priority. This nourishes our imagination, leading us to love in more original, adventurous, and deeply meaningful ways. Nourished by Eros, a daring and nonjudgmental imagination is the fountainhead of life, love, and sex. By charging the creative spirit, Eros keeps the heart and mind wide open and ready to explore, test, and stretch boundaries. The creative mind, with a passion for the freedom to please and to be pleased, does not restrict itself to predefined territories but rather maintains that healthy sense of liberty and adventure that allows us to surpass the limitations of categories, social conditioning, and convention and discover new dimensions of sexual satisfaction.

Ceremonial partners who feed their creative spirits and nourish their imaginations with experimentation, adventure, and invention find themselves on the very path that leads toward new—and possibly transcendental—sexual horizons.
The Boudoir Bible
is a call to these creative paths and an invitation to embrace the vulnerability that is inherent to the sexual bond and to the luxury of love.

May the Paradise Found Sexual Ceremony lead you and yours toward a life filled with greater and more all-encompassing pleasure, the key to the cultivation of deeper, more solid, and enduring intimate bonds—the foundation of sexual satisfaction and well-being. The personal transformations that the skillful elaboration of the Sexual Ceremony incite will thrust open doors to a more adventurous, exquisite, and fulfilling life—both in and beyond the boudoir.

BIBLIOGRAPHY