The Boy with the Hidden Name (32 page)

He walks over to my father and pauses, looking down at

him. “Etherington,” he says in greeting, with a graveness

belied a bit by his state of undress.

“Benedict,” my father says in response, his head tipped

back to look up at him. “You promised to keep her safe,”

he accuses.

“I know,” Ben replies. He glances at me. “I’m trying.” And

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then he starts limping toward the castle, holding the blanket

close to him.

I pick myself up off the sand, gather my father, and

we follow.

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B en’s progress up the staircase in the cliff is slow and ago-

nizing, but eventually we reach the castle’s promenade

along the ocean. My mother and his mother stand at the

opposite end, watching our approach. No one says a word

except for the named faeries murmuring constantly, their

pleas for leniency intermingling with the crash of the waves

far below the window.

“It was very foolish of you to come,” my mother finally says

to Ben as we draw to a halt a few paces away from them. “We

had everything we needed with her father. You are extraneous.”

“Do I normally do intelligent things?” Ben inquires

cheerfully.

“You’re in a very good mood for a faerie about to be named,”

she replies coldly, and then she says meaningfully, “Or
are

you
?” My mother looks at me, anti- smile firmly in place.

I don’t know what’s coming next, but I know I’m not going

to like it. My hand in my father’s, I can’t help but shrink away from her a bit. Cowardly, I know, and it leaves Ben two steps

in front of us, alone. But I know Ben can defend himself, at

least better than my father can.

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“You see, Selkie, this is your choice. Your final choice, here

at the end, which I give to you out of sentimentality. We are

going to kill the other three fays today. The prophecy is broken.

You will stay here, on Avalon. Because so long as you stay here, you may keep one of them. But you may not keep both.”

At first, I don’t understand. “Keep one of what?” I ask, and

I know my confusion is evident.

Ben is not confused. Ben looks at me immediately. In the

glow of the candles of the candelabra lining the promenade,

his eyes are as clear as the starlight outside. “Choose him,” he tells me.

This doesn’t help my confusion. “What are you talk-

ing about?”

“Etherington Stewart,” says my mother, and my father cries

out in pain, leaning more heavily on me in obvious agony.

“Stop it!” I shout at my mother desperately.

“Or Benedict Le Fay,” she continues.

Ben staggers, catching himself on the nearest archway to

keep himself upright. I stand supporting my father and stare

at Ben in horror as he gasps for breath.

Even my mother seems surprised. “My, you’re very weak,”

she remarks to him.

“I just went for a
swim
,” he reminds her through clenched teeth.

“You’ll just require the merest of nudges,” my mother says

and looks at me. “So it’s your choice. I’m going to name one

of them, now. You tell me which one.”

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“Let her name me,” Ben insists from over by the archway.

“Save your father.”

I look from him to my mother. “What does it matter what

I say? You’re just going to name them both anyway.”

My mother laughs like I am the funniest creature she has

ever met. “My, Selkie.” My skin crawls. “You
have
learned, haven’t you? Finally. Never trust a faerie. You don’t have to

believe me. But I tell you the truth. It is your reward for staying here, with us, forever.”

“What if I refuse? What if I just leave?” I ask with bravado

I don’t feel. But Ben said I could leave this island anytime

I want.

“You can leave. But you will leave with neither of them. I

will name them both right now. This way, you can be assured

of the continued existence of one of these creatures you so

foolishly love. Tell me which one.”

I cannot think. I keep trying to form thoughts— to
think
—

but I can’t. Is she really asking me to…? I can’t even compre-

hend it. My father leans on my shoulder, gasping for breath,

and I think how all he’s ever done wrong was to give me life,

to want a child enough to ask for one, to sacrifice everything

for me. I’ve loved him, always— he’s my
father
— and I would do anything to protect him. I look at Ben, leaning on the

archway, his ridiculous blanket askew and his sand- scattered

hair creased into salty cowlicks all over his head. Ben, who

I have loved for nearly as long. And we may have had our

issues, he and I, but I am in love with him. I think I will

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never
not
be in love with Ben, with everything about him, even the strange, odd otherness that I think I will never be

able to fully capture, and I cannot imagine ever hurting him,

never mind
ending
him. I want to make him laugh at me, I want to cuddle him and kiss him, I want his smiles and his

whispers in my ear. I want to make him happy, and I want

it for the rest of our lives, for whatever length of time that

might be.

And I shouldn’t even be thinking these things at all, because

I should be
leaving
. I should be saving everyone else that I condemned when I foolishly chose to come here.

I hear a noise like a squeak escape me, and I lift a hand and

press it to my mouth, willing myself not to burst into tears,

because I know this is what my mother wants. I feel like I am

breaking inside, like the shards of me will fall onto the floor

if I open my mouth.

Ben’s eyes are steady on mine. “Tell her to name me, Selkie.”

His voice is so even, so calm.

And surely he should know that I should just
be
leaving
.

Isn’t that why he came back to get me? I shake my head help-

lessly. “I can’t…I can’t…” I feel on the verge of hysteria, like I can do nothing more than hiccup my breaths. Here, at the

end, I think I am finally going to lose it.

“Listen to me,” Ben continues. “He’s your father. You’d

never forgive yourself.”

Something occurs to me suddenly. I look at my mother,

composure building inside of me as I reach the realization.

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“But you can’t name him,” I point out. “You don’t know his

whole name.”

My mother smiles her chilling smile at me, and it sends ice

drifting through me.

“Benedict Le Fay will betray you,” she says, “and then he

will die. Isn’t that the prophecy? He betrayed you, didn’t

he? He betrayed you, and he led you to the Unseelie Court,

and there was put upon you…a curse.” My mother moves

forward, toward me, and I cannot move away from her. I

have forgotten how to do anything except feel the cold panic

consuming me. She reaches out a hand and lays it against

my cheek, in what would be a caress in any other mother. I

flinch. “You should be dead,” she coos to me. “Do you know

why you’re not?”

I don’t. I have no idea. Ben did something, that’s all I know.

Something that frightened Will. Something he wouldn’t

tell me.

My mother keeps her eyes on me. “Why don’t you tell her,

Benedict?”

Ben doesn’t tell me. Ben, with a gasp, slides to the floor. I

take my eyes off of my mother’s to stare at him in horror.

“Ah,” she says. “He’s not really in a state to tell you. I’ll tell you for him. He used the power of his hidden name to save

you, Selkie. He can’t keep it hidden anymore.”

My eyes flicker between my mother and Ben. His head is

tipped against the stone of the bottom of the archway behind

him. It’s true. I know that it’s true.

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“So,” says my mother. “Choose.”

I stare at Ben, who is not looking back at me. I feel the

weight of my father beside me. My mind whirls with the

impossibility of the choice.

Then Ben, with an effort that is tangible even from several

paces away from him, which I am, lifts his head and looks at

me. “This is what I am trying to tell you,” he says distinctly,

forming the words carefully. “Benedict Le Fay will betray

you. And then he will die.” He gives me a meaningful look.

I’m actually
angry
with him. What use is
that
? Repeating the prophecy back at me? He thinks that’s helpful? He— the

prophecy
. It dawns on me suddenly, the way it must have

dawned on Ben. It’s
our
prophecy, his death. It’s not my mother’s prophecy, not the prophecy of the fay staying on

Avalon. It’s the prophecy where the four fays are victorious. If I let my mother name Ben, then maybe I can get our prophecy back on track. Maybe we can
win
, without sacrificing my father.

But at the price of Ben.

I stare at Ben, processing this. He seems to realize I’ve

understood, because he nods almost imperceptibly and leans

his head back against the wall behind him, closing his eyes.

This
isn’t better
, I think at him furiously. I had never wanted that part of the prophecy to come true. I had wanted to

change
that part of the prophecy. And now I find that, all along, I was going to be the one who fulfilled it.

But I recognize that I am powerless. If my mother is going

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to force me to make this choice, I want to make the one that

will end up destroying her. And I know that Ben would want

that too. And this way I can save my father, which I cannot

do if I just walk away from Avalon myself. Otherwise, I will

end up killing both of them.

I gather myself, the power of the fury within me, and look

at my mother. “Name Ben,” I say firmly. “Do it.”

My mother considers me for a moment. “I genuinely did

not know which you would choose. Interesting.”

Ben’s mother speaks suddenly from where she is staring at

the heap of him against the stone wall. “Have you ever read

the prophecy?” she asks, and I don’t know who she’s talking to.

My mother is the one who answers her. “What? What do

you mean?”

“The prophecy is both clear and vague. There is always a Le

Fay in the prophecy. But the prophecy does not say
which
Le Fay. Did you know that, Benedict?”

Ben has lifted his head again and is regarding his mother

curiously. “I did,” he admits after a moment.

“So Will told you, did he? He chose
you
. He wanted
you
.

I volunteered, you know. I was willing to do it. But Will

wanted you. You, he said, would be so very strong. The stron-

gest of the Le Fays. He was right. And I don’t think you even

understand why.”

Ben looks extremely confused. “I…” he says.

“What are you doing? What are you talking about?” snaps

my mother.

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Ben’s mother raises a hand, and my mother freezes in place,

unable to move. Her lips move soundlessly, ranting and

raving, I can see the fury in what she’s saying.

Ben’s mother looks at her scornfully. “So arrogant, all this

time. You’ve always thought you could control the Le Fay

power to your own ends. And that has never been true. Never

trust a faerie.”

His mother turns back to Ben, who is absolutely gaping

at her. “It is our joint enchantment, Benedict, your hidden

name. You never realized that, did you? I sealed it for you,

years ago, with the power that Will told me you would have,

the power which carries the strongest of enchantments. We

Le Fays have always been susceptible to it.” Her voice is

trembling with emotion. I dart my gaze between Ben and

his mother, unsure what is going on. Ben looks incredu-

lous, astonished. “My
darling
boy,” she says, her voice actually breaking on it. “The prophecy is that a Le Fay is to die

here today.”

Ben’s mother tosses something across to him, something he

catches reflexively. He stares down at it for a moment of com-

plete and utter silence. Then he gapes over at his mother, who

smiles at him, not an anti- smile, but a sweet, adoring smile.

Then my mother shrieks, “
What
is
that? What have
you done?
”

Ben’s mother looks back at her. “Ah, starting to shake it off,

I see.” She turns back to Ben. “Well, waste no time. You were

slow enough with the curse that it was a much closer call than

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