The Brethren (14 page)

Sliding off her stool, she stepped back and studied the overall composition and feel. There was something she wanted to include and was struggling with its absence. The exhilaration of walking on Amish soil.

“Remember what it was like to sit on that hay wagon and be teased by Yonie… . T imJc!” she told herself.

Moving in closer, she gave the mother cat plenty of whiskers, being almost too generous with the brushstrokes in her rendering of one of the Zooks’ barn cats coal black with a sheen like none other.

To add interest in the foreground, she included a touch of wild tangled vines, then some dabs of purple blossoms and the enticing red of a cluster of berries.

“Be there,” she told herself, again thinking back to the Zook farm.

She closed her eyes, but it was not Yonie’s face she saw in her fond memory of Lancaster County. Sam’s fine eyes and contagious smile were before her now, and she groaned. “When will I ever get over him?” she whispered, moving back to the painting, brush poised in midair. “Have you ruined me so completely, Sam … for my old life?”

A few more brushstrokes a trio of distant birds in flight and the painting was finished. She took meticulous care in cleaning her brushes. That done, she heard her Palm jingle she was receiving a text message. When she checked, she saw that it was from Michael. Wanna meet 4 lunch?

170

as H as

Suddenly feeling guilty after her lingering thoughts about Sam, she sent a quick reply back to Michael. Thx, but I have some shopping 2 do.

Pushing her Palm into her backpack, she hurried to turn off the lights and headed out the door to her car, grocery list in hand, not waiting for a text reply.

She was pushing her keys into the ignition when she realized she had forgotten the reference book on Rembrandt that she’d intended to take home. She returned to the studio and located the treasured book. Rather than simply carry it out to the car, she thumbed through it there in the studio, finding the page she had often turned to and gazing git it once again.

Her heart had always been drawn to this haunting C?ucifixion scene of Christ. Her focus dropped to the crcwd below the cross. The artist had painted himself into chis scene, she knew from her studies. Why was that? Had he been as intrigued by this particular death as she was beginning to be?

She thought again of her greataunt, who had once asked her as they sat sunning themselves on the beach, “What do you think happens after someone dies, Louisa dear?”

For whatever odd reason Aunt Margaret had pierced Louisa’s thoughts with that unexpected question so long agjo. Thinking on it now, Louisa hoped to talk again with Julia Ranck sometime soon. Louisa was eager for something else, as well. She felt she was ready to tackle a thoughtful response to Sam’s letter, although she still wasn’t exactly sure what she would say.

171 Annie found Esther busy in the kitchen, making sandwiches with some enthusiastic help from young Laura. The baby was crying, and Zach and John were pulling pots and pans out of one cupboard when Annie hurried inside through the back door. She’d asked Ben to wait out on the step, where she assumed he was gathering his wits. At any rate, she didn’t want to barge in on Essie, not with the kind of information she was so excited to share.

She picked up Essie Ann and carried her upstairs, rocking her for a few minutes, and then when the wee one’s eyes drooped shut, Annie placed her carefully in the crib across from the foot of Esther’s bed.

Ach, gut. Now for the boys.

Whispering to Laura to take her little brothers to the sitting room and play for a bit, Annie stood before Esther, who was slicing the sandwiches in half, all of them piled on a single plate. “We’ve got us some company for lunch,” Annie began, waiting for Esther to look up before adding, “and I have the most wonderfulgood news to tell you.”

Esther’s eyes remained on her task. “Well, what?”

“You may not believe it at first, but it’s absolutely true. Wait’ll ya hear.”

Esther stopped to look at her. “What on earth are ya babbling ‘bout, Annie?”

“Zeke’s brother, Isaac, isn’t dead at all. He’s sitting out on the back stoop.” She motioned toward the back porch. “What’s most amazing is you already know him. It’s Ben Martin remember Zeke’s friend from the harness shop?”

Esther frowned. “I don’t follow.”

“Ben was adopted when he was four, the same age Isaac

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was when he was taken away. Ben is really Isaac.” Annie led her to the back door. “Here, see for yourself.”

Ben stood up and entered the porch. “Hello again, Esther.”

“Ach, I don’t rightly know what Annie’s been tellin’ me, but won’t you come in and have some lunch with us?” she invited, clearly shaken.

He glanced nervously at Annie and then offered to shake hands with Esther, but she had already turned and was heading back into the kitchen. Scurrying about, she set another plate while Annie’s heart sank.

“This is just ridiculous,” she said softly, standing beside Ben and feeling terribly awkward.

What if no one believes?

Hurrying back to her apartment with her budgeted amount of groceries, Louisa stopped to say, “Hey, kitty,” to Muffin before beginning the process of putting the food items away. She had become something of an organizational freak since her visit to Amish country, alphabetizing her canned goods, for example. She smiled as she placed her purchases in the small cupboard-style pantry, excited to bake from scratch again, as she had been doing since her return. She’d even taken several batches of cookies and muffins to her neighbors and an elderly couple who lived downstairs.

Finished with the chore, she made a salad and poured some freshly brewed sun tea before settling in at the small kitchen counter to eat. She had another hour before her

173 next student arrived at the studio, and feeling an urge to connect with Annie, she pulled out a sheet of yellow stationery and began to write longhand.

Dear Annie,

I’ll be straight with you. I wish we lived closer, and I wish our worlds could collide more often. How’s that for sappy?

One thing I’ve wanted to tell you is that I’m basically at capacity with students and still have enough time for my own works in process. I’m finding it a really good balance.

Something else you may be surprised, but I’ve started seeing Michael again. It doesn’t mean I’ve fallen in love with him. I’m warmly cordial, I guess you could say. Even though I’m reluctant to get anything serious going again, he’s definitely letting me know he cares … a lot.

Between you and me, though, I see Sam’s face everywhere. Well, I should rephrase that I see aspects of his face nearly everywhere I look. He’s smiling back at me with those ‘, beautiful green eyes of his in the work my students do in the landscapes and self-portraits, too. At first, when I arrived back here, I thought I might be in mourning, but that seemed too strange. The phases of grief are many denial, sadness, anger… . But what do I really have to grieve about where Sam’s concerned?

I’m rambling here. Sorry!

Hey, I’m sending you a calling card and detailed instructions. Will you use it and phone me from Julia’s or from the neighbors’ barn phone? You pick, but I really want to connect with you soon. Oh, while you’re at it, please tell Julia I’d like to talk with her again, too. Her amazing faith and my greataunt Margaret’s prayers are definitely catching up with me.

So, no, I don’t think what you shared in your letter about your

heart becoming tender toward God is strange at all. I’m right

there with you, Annie! Please write again soon.

Love,

Louisa (“Lou”)

P.S. Tell Sam hi for me if you see him.

P.P.S. No, don’t. Forget that, OK!

P.P.P.S.Callme!

Louisa had never been one to slam doors or throw things when upset like some out’of-control women she knew. But she had completely run out of stationery and wanted to write another letter this one to Sam. Searching through her drawers, Louisa began tossing things over her shoulder, wishing she’d taken the time to organize her computer desk and files the way she had her kitchen.

Feeling nearly overwhelmed and hoping she hadn’t waited too long to reply to Sam’s thoughtful letter, she snatched some copy paper out of the printer and began to write once again.

Dear Sam,

It was really great to hear from you. I hope you don’t think I’m rude for not replying immediately. I’ve thought so much about you since I left. As for your calling me, I would enjoy that a lot.

I guess I wasn’t too surprised when you wrote about your plan to leave the Amish. I hope the transition goes smoothly. Congratulations on your promotion at work!

As for me, my life has sort of returned to normal, although I’ve made quite a few changes since my return here. I’m teach

175 ing a fine bunch of art students again, which is the thing that gets me going every morning. Ironically, many of my own paintings are of things I miss about Amish life the life you plan to leave. The grass is always greener, jah?

Please feel free to call, if you wish. I think of you often!

Your fancy friend, Louisa Stratford

She didn’t bother to look over what she’d written. She

simply folded the letter and placed it in an envelope, addressing it to his new home among Englishers.

Ben was talking with Laura and her brothers at the kitchen table while Annie helped Essie slice pieces of angel food cake. “Walking in the dark is loads of fun,” Ben told the children.

“Ach, can ya see in the dark, like a cat?” asked Laura, giggling.

Ben laughed, having a good time, and Annie was glad of it. During the first few minutes here, she had begun to doubt her resolve, but now that the delicious chickensalad sandwiches had been devoured and the tension had dissipated, she was hoping to convince Essie that she and Ben hadn’t completely lost their minds. In the meantime, Esther had acted as if she hadn’t even heard Annie’s dec

laration

about Isaac.

She must think I’ve gone loony.

Laura piped up again, asking Ben if he’d ever gone hunt’ ing for snipes.

“Not recently.” Ben caught Annie’s gaze across the table.

176 “Do you know what they look like?” Laura asked, blue eyes shining.

“I’ve known some to appear under little girls’ pillows.”

Don’t scare her, Annie thought, glancing at Essie, who seemed to be enjoying the entertainment, as well.

“That’s mighty funny, Mr. Ben,” Zach said, leaning forward, his elbows squarely on the table.

“Snipes don’t like it inside the house,” Laura declared.

“Jah, they stay up high in the trees,” Zach said.

“Now, children, I think Mr. Ben is pulling your legs,” Essie said, reaching over to wipe a smudge of food off Zach’s face.

“Oh, for sure, Mamma. He’s got us by the ankles!” Laura seemed more than happy to keep things going. She cupped her hands around her mouth and whispered to Zach loudly, “Look how one side of his mouth moves up higher when he smiles … just like Dat’s.”

Zach nodded. “Jah, I saw that. Same as cousin Nate, too.”

Laura started giggling again. “He’s got that smooth peach stone, too, remember?”

Annie jolted mentally. “Essie? May I see you in the sitting room?”

“Why sure,” she said rather reluctantly.

While Ben kept the children laughing and talking, Annie told Essie again that her brother-in-law, Isaac, was no longer lost but quite certainly found. “The only thing he had from his Amish life on the night he was found was that worn down peach pit.”

Essie looked away. “Oh, Annie, this is so strange for you

177 to think this way. I mean … we all wish Isaac was still alive, and maybe he still is, but honestly … Ben7.”

Annie rested a hand on Essie’s arm. “I know what you’re thinking, that this must be love talking and I’m making this up-“

“Well?”

Slowly Annie explained her reasoning that Isaac and Ben would be the same age, that Ben had unexplainable but vivid memories that only Isaac could have, such as climbing the tree at the old Hochstetler place and swinging in the locust grove “with me!”

Annie quickly told of all the places they’d stopped to visit that morning at Ben’s request. And even though she desperately wanted her dear friend to accept the truth of a longlost brother-in-law, it was painfully clear Essie thought Annie was quite fur headed.

“For one thing, I’d expect him to look more like Zeke. Wouldn’t you?” Essie said.

“What about your in-laws the Hochstetlers. What do you remember ‘bout them?”

“Very little, really,” Essie admitted. “They were not so keen on Zeke and me marrying, I do recall that. But as for looks, well, it’s difficult to say.”

“Esther, don’t you believe me? Zeke’s brother is alive.”

“Oh, Annie, maybe he is … and maybe he isn’t. Just because the bones “

Annie felt her growing frustration. “Esther, no, listen.” She stopped. Esther had turned pale and looked sad, as if she pitied Annie. I’ve pushed this too far.

178 She took a deep breath. “I’ll prove it to you, Essie. Just give me time.”

Essie, still white in the face, nodded, forcing a smile, and the two women hugged.

Esther whispered in Annie’s ear, “I want to believe you, I do. If Isaac were alive, it would be amazing. But … it seems so … impossible.”

Annie kissed Esther’s cheek. “I hope I didn’t upset you.”

Esther shook her head, but her breathing seemed much too labored.