The Broken Sister (Sister #6) (22 page)

“I doubt they sold their family to get it however.”

Kylie had a way, Tristan marveled, at getting her point across with the gentlest, softest tone and with one sentence pointing out of the obvious. It was more effective than any amount of an angry display could produce. Her lack of getting emotional actually made her dry, clear-cut statements sounds that much more reasonable—and thereby pointing out how logical and correct they were.

Micah sighed and stared at his hands. “No. I didn’t start out to do that. It started out small and mushroomed like a nuclear cloud. I lost so much and I panicked and at work I had access to money, I literally robbed Peter to pay Paul. I thought I could keep juggling it until I could get everyone paid back, but then it all came crashing down. When it started I never considered I’d lose you guys.”

“You did it for our family?”

“I thought so.”

“Were you always greedy?”

He snorted. His head was down but he shook it in affirmation. “Yes. I was raised by a selfish bastard. Your mother didn’t let him around you girls much, so you don’t know what I came from. I thought I was so much better than him. Turns out, I had more of him in me than I ever realized.”

Tristan bit the inside of his cheek to keep his mouth from opening and spouting out the obvious argument to this: he didn’t have to do it. Micah didn’t need to blame his childhood or father for what he did. He did it. No one else. And from what Tristan could understand, there was no reason to. They had been an upper-middle class and relatively affluent family. And most of all Micah had had a good family. He’d risked them to become a criminal.

He didn’t have to do it… The statement struck Tristan hard. No, Micah didn’t have to choose to do the wrong and immoral decision… just as Tristan didn’t have to choose to. No matter the circumstances. There was right and wrong, and for a small, intense but important amount of time, he’d forgotten that and started to do the wrong thing about Kylie. He had only himself to blame for being in the position he was in with the girl he’d fallen for. It wasn’t his grandfather… it was him. Now he didn’t know what he was going to do to fix the wrong he’d started.

“Why did you leave like you did? How could you leave Mom
a note
? She would have stuck by you. She loved you. We all did—” Kyle’s voice broke and she stopped talking. Her breathing had escalated. Tristan squeezed her fingers. She glanced at him and took in a deep breath.

“I was scared,” Micah finally answered. “I wish there was a more profound answer for you. I wish I had more noble reasons. But… I was just mostly scared.”

“Of what?”

“Prison. That’s it. Why I ran. I was scared of going to prison. And it turned out I ended up there anyway and I had good reason to be scared. It was a bad experience. I can imagine the level of hatred you and your sister have for me. But if it’s any comfort I suffered in prison. It did its intended job of punishing me.”

Her fingers gripped Tristan’s harder, nearly turning pink and white at her fingertips. She had her eyes lowered to stare at her feet. “It is not a comfort.” Kylie’s tone was oddly quiet and controlled. Yes, Tristan wanted to say, because Kylie would never wish anyone pain, even the man before her now.

She licked her lips. “I think after you left, for me I was kind of in a prison myself. You were there and then you were gone and I’ve never learned to trust that any person won’t just disappear again. Even if I know better. But the thing is, I thought I knew better with you.”

Micah cleared his throat and shifted his butt around where he sat. His distress and discomfort obvious. “I’m sorry for that.”

“Did you think about us?”

“Yes.”

“But it didn’t make you want to come back to us?”

“I knew I couldn’t. I knew that Tracy would never let me.”

She bit her lip. She raised her gaze and pinned her father with it. “Did you love me?”

His mouth opened and then closed. His surprise at her question was evident. “I did. I do still. I always loved you. I loved your sister and I loved your mom. I just made mistakes and it got out of hand and there was no going back.”

“Did you say goodbye to me? Was there any significant moment before you left that was actually you saying goodbye to me?”

“Yes.” He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. “But you wouldn’t remember it. The night before I left I came into your room, after you were asleep, Ally too. I sat there for maybe an hour and watched you sleep. I kissed you and hugged but you only shuffled around in your sleep. I hoped someday you’d forgive me.”

She withdrew her hand from his. “And yet you could still leave?”

“Looking back, it was a stressful moment in my life. I was high on adrenaline. I had gotten found out but the cops hadn’t arrested me yet. They were going to, and the more days I lived with that knowledge the more and more scared I got. It was almost a panic. I had to get away from there. The house. Not to get away from you guys; no, that wasn’t it at all. It was a desperate, panicky need to get away from where I could get arrested. To escape. It wasn’t about getting away from you. It was never about you. It was this fear propelling me forward. I didn’t think about it. I mean, I just kind of did it. I didn’t begin to comprehend I was actually abandoning my family, or losing my kids for the rest of my life.”

Kylie was back to folding her hands together and staring at them. “That makes a little sense.”

“But it doesn’t excuse it,” Micah said it softly.

Kylie lifted her head after a pause. “Where is your wife? How did you meet her?”

He sighed. “She left. We met after I got out of prison. She was more into drugs than me. Anyway…”

“So in the end all it got you was to end up broke and all alone?”

He shut his eyes and drew in a breath and slowly shook his head in confirmation. There was no glee or satisfaction in Kylie’s voice. Minutes ticked by. Silence was awkward and cold once again. There was no satisfaction for Kylie in any of his answers. But she didn’t rise to her feet either, to leave.

“Can I ask? What are you up to? What happened to you? Your sister? How are you?”

She took in a breath. His question surprised her, and affected her. He could tell by the sudden biting of her lip and shaking of her head. Finally she said, “I’m a student. I go to a small university in Marsdale.”

Micah’s gaze flipped up to Kylie when she spoke with casual politeness and respect. “I remember it. Peterson.”

“Ally goes there too. She’ll graduate at the end of this year.”

“Impressive. Your mom… she married Donny, huh?”

“Yes. He was there for us when you left. It took Donny years to begin to recoup what you lost and stole from him, financially.”

“I’m aware. I asked him to be there for you guys. I never dreamed…”

“No one did. But she deserved to do whatever she needed to do. You weren’t there. You don’t have any idea how you broke her heart. It was years after you left, and I mean years, before she fully put it all behind her. Even after she was with Donny, she still loved you.”

He closed his eyes and nodded slowly as Kylie spoke. Tristan found it interesting she could get so angry on behalf of her mother but not herself. “I doubt you’ll believe me, but it broke my heart too.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I care. Maybe I want to believe you so I can believe that my entire life wasn’t really a lie. But how it ended, it’s hard to believe in anything. You and Mom seemed like the real thing. I know she was real, so it’s scary for me the kind of show you could put on as a loving husband and father.”

“It wasn’t a show.”

Kylie shrugged, her shoulders rising and falling in a listless, passionless response.

“Kylie, you turned out really beautiful. I know this is all a lot. There are no words or conversation that can change what I did. But I’d do anything to repair this with you… and with Ally. Would you—Is there even a chance you could ever do that?”

She closed her eyes and slowly lowered her chin down to her chest. Any other girl would be crying or tearing up about now. Tristan knew the fist of anxiety and pain in her chest. He could predict how sharp this would feel to her… and that her natural compassion would win out over her internal anger. “Yes.” Her voice was barely audible to them and she didn’t meet anyone’s gaze.

“Yes…what? You could consider forgiving me?”

“I could consider letting you work towards it.”

He nodded eagerly. Tristan understand the man was sorry, he had suffered, but his pain and sorrow and apologies were still skewed towards himself. He had a selfishness that edged his words, his actions and his regret that still was tinged with blame and excuses. He wasn’t the kind of person Kylie was. He was a little smarmy. A little like Tommy. Tristan jerked upright at the comparison. Tommy? He shook his head, wondering where that came from.

But if Micah could give Kylie back some of what he stole from her, Tristan was all for that. She had punished herself long and hard for what this man did to her and stole from her. And money was the last thing on the list of his things he stole.

“Do you think your sister…?”

“No. I don’t. She’s in the right. Leave her alone. I’m the one who can’t seem to let it go. I want to learn. To let it go. Find a way to believe all men aren’t like you. All people I let into my life won’t do what you did.”

Micah glanced at Tristan. Tristan stared the fucker down. He fisted his hand. Wishing he could smash it in his face, just for old times’ sake. For what Micah did to her. For what his actions led to.

“Maybe spending time together would help with that,” Micah suggested. His tone was hopeful.

“Yes, maybe. Maybe we could meet for dinner or something sometime.”

He nodded eagerly. “I would love that.”

She got to her feet. “I’ll call next time.” He eagerly provided his cell phone number and she gave him hers. Then she allowed him to kiss her cheek and pat her arm. Her shoulders wilted after he shut the aluminum door behind them. She walked with her head down, shoulders forward, hands tucked in her pockets to the car and slid in. Tristan followed her lead. She was quiet for hours. He stopped for gas and offered her up some snacks and drinks, but he knew she’d refuse. He stopped and got himself some fast food. She didn’t even look over when he did so. He didn’t even ask her this time. She finally closed her eyes and slept.

His stomach was in knots. He’d pressed her to do this. What if he’d ruined her emotional balance? What if she resented him? Thought what? What did she think? He couldn’t really say for sure. Maybe that’s the draw to Kylie, he never could fully say. She kept so much of her emotions so tightly held inside her. But then, when she let any pieces out he felt like he’d collected diamond shavings off a beach.

Then she said softly, “He isn’t at all like I remembered him.”

“What did you remember?”

“He was confident. He smiled a lot. He was safe. I used to feel safe. You know that moment when your whole family was together at the end of the day?”

“No, I never had that kind of family. We existed together, we didn’t spend time together. There was no family unit. There was no safety in my family. Just distress.” He’d never trusted his family, except his grandfather. He realized it the minute she described it. He’d been weary and self-reliant since he was a kid. It was expected. It was how it was. He realized now however, he had the kind of personality to rise to the challenge. He was self-sufficient and quiet. He got good grades without any help. He didn’t need a lot of emotional support or help from others to succeed.

But Tara needed it. She’d needed validation, care, love. It hadn’t been given to her. Just the cold, picky disinterest of his mother and a father who was never there. What about Tommy? He’d been a loud child. Easy to anger and he screamed a lot. They gave into his demands to pretty much shut him up. He had been given whatever he wanted whenever he demanded. Anything from the food he wanted to the toys he proclaimed he needed. He’d not be punished or penalized when he broke them or abused them on purpose. He’d been as ignored as Tristan and Tara. Tristan’s heart twisted. They had never been made to feel safe. And his sister had gone out in the world, finding it with all the wrong boyfriends and self-medicating, while Tommy thought the next party or girl or friend or car he wanted would soothe whatever lacked in him. And Tristan? He strived to please the one man who took an interest in him, no matter what was asked of him.

He realized it the second she spoke. He was as screwed up from what his parents didn’t do as Kylie was from what hers did to her. He just covered it up with a good job and functioning, but never, not once, before Kylie did he connect in any real way with anyone. From friends to co-workers to girlfriends. No one meant anything to him. Until Kylie.

Why her? He couldn’t begin to say. Perhaps because of her inner softness, that kindness he’d witnessed when she had no reason to be so nice, and yet she was. No gain for herself. It was something he didn’t know how to be and made it so he could almost think about trusting her.

“We did have that kind of family. But that man I just met? He isn’t someone who would ever make me feel that way. I think that’s half of my problem. I didn’t know it could be any different. And then it was, yet there was never really a satisfactory explanation to me, of why I lost the family I had known until then. Even now I don’t hear a good reason. He was scared. He was going to prison. Blah. Blah. Blah. Mom tried to spin it that way for us too. That it wasn’t
us
. It was him. Not our fault. Maybe it wasn’t exactly our fault, but it sure as hell was something about us that allowed him to just abandon us. Leave. It’s a pretty fucking cold thing to do; abandon your own children. Especially children he had cared for, wanted, and proclaimed to love. You describe your family as cold and uninterested in you, and yet they didn’t just abandon you. They didn’t physically walk out and leave you as if you weren’t worthy of them even feeding or clothing or making sure you lived. Maybe what hurts the most is he felt like the stranger he is.”