The Broken (The Lost Words: Volume 2) (8 page)

“I’m happy here!” the boy wailed. Now, he seemed ten years younger.

Mali said nothing. What could she really say? That he abandon his simple life and surrender his fate to angry animals? That he betray everything he believed in and become a court puppet? That he abandon his future wife and just go away?

Mali wished it were that simple. But now that Adam was dead, her old fears had melted away. She knew that she had wronged her son by hiding him in Windpoint. She had wanted to escape the world, but she had ruined the lives of her best friend and her son. Shame and guilt curdled like eighteen-year-old milk. And so did fury.

Her son should have been the emperor of Athesia. By the gods, he was. He was the rightful heir to that throne. And he deserved it. He was an honest man, strong, just, intelligent. James was a much better choice than that crazy girl Amalia.

Are you jealous?
her mind cackled.
Because he fathered her with another woman?

Duty. It had been her life for so many years. And now, she wanted to impose it on her son. A duty far beyond anything he’d ever known. He would be the bailiff of Windpoint in two or three years, she knew. He would soon marry and have children. But was that enough? Was that the destiny of a king? To die a simple, modest death protecting a wind-blasted town from forest bandits? Should she let the realms burn while she stood by idly, knowing she could have stopped it? Was the price too high to pay? Should she sacrifice her son for the good of this world?

She felt the ancient anger bubble inside her, rising. She was almost sick with the intoxicating, bitter sweetness of rage. Mali was angry with everyone, with Alexa, with those two Caytorean merchants, with her son’s lack of guile, with Adam.

When he took that woman for wife, she had felt betrayed, abandoned, like an underpaid whore. She could have been the queen of a nation. She could have been at his side, helping him, guiding him. But how could she have known that that heartless madman would settle down and marry? How could she have known he could love? A love that was meant to be hers.

Amalia was not meant to be the ruler of Athesia. James was. He was the rightful heir. And so be it. He was Adam’s son. If anyone could lead the fledgling realm, it was him.

“Son, if you let Amalia rule Athesia, you will have undone eighteen years of what your father tried to do. You will destroy the dream of freedom and peace he has built. It’s a dreadful burden, I know, but we can’t always choose our own destiny. I never meant for you to be the son of an emperor. I’m sorry.”

James nodded vaguely. He seemed shocked. “What do I know about courts and ruling? I don’t want to do that.”

Mali came over, hugged him gently. “Which is why you’re the best man for the task. Your half sister is a crazy woman. She brews a terrible war for the realms. She is doing mad things. She means no good. She hungers for power, and she will destroy everything to see her lust sated.”

She sat down on the floor, facing him. “I was an army commander once,” she confessed suddenly. The truth was just too painful to contain.

James leaned back, eyes lit with shock. “You? A military officer.”

Mali smiled sadly. “Yes. A commander of a whole army.” It sounded like a story, not her own life. “And now and then, we had to choose new officers, promote them from the ranks of the common troops. Sometimes we chose the best fighters and the bravest people, but most of the time, we chose the honest, hardworking men. Do you know why?

“We did that because we knew that ambition is the worst thing to have in an officer. Ambitious officers sent their men to die so they could drench their own glory in blood. We wanted men who hated war and didn’t want to risk the lives of their soldiers. They always made the best leaders. Their troops always survived to see the next morning.”
And your father changed that in a dash of madness
.

Mali held his big, strong hand. The hand of a warrior. “You can stay here. You can let Amalia undo two decades of your father’s work. You may not even care. But there will be a horrible war. This far north, we may not care much for what happens in Athesia or Caytor, but the consequences won’t escape you. Can you live with the knowledge that you had it in your power to change all that?”

James rose, impatient, confused. “They just want to use me.”

“Maybe. But you know that you can make a difference.”

James rose. “It feels bad, Mom. It feels strained and…dirty.”

Mali wiped away fresh tears. “You can protect the realms from total ruin. You can restore peace.” She swallowed a lump. “When you fight in the woods, why do you do that?”

“To protect Windpoint,” he stated simply.

“The whole world needs you now,” she pleaded. “When you fight the brigands, you’re defending the people of our town. They do not always know that. Most won’t even thank you for it. But you do your duty, and you know your worth.”

“What do I tell Celeste?” he croaked.

Mali grimaced. “Nothing, Son, you can’t tell her yet.”

He was very much a boy just then. “Can she come with me then? Maybe we can move the wedding? I can talk to her father and see if he approves.”

Mali shook her head. “They must not be involved. It would put their lives at risk. If you do this, Son, you must do it alone. Secretly. You can tell them you must go on a special mission. But you will have to postpone the wedding.”

Adam’s son paced around the small room, thinking. “It’s not fair.”

“No, Son, it is not.”
Adam should have loved me
, she thought.
Not some Caytorean bitch
.

He sighed, once, twice. Resolve battled doubt across the wind-creased lines of his face. Mali hated herself, but she had no choice. She would never be able to live with herself. She had already fled the world once and let it thrash like an upturned beetle. She had abandoned her nation, her army, her duty. She would not let it happen again.

You’re a jealous old bitch
, her soul told her. She shrugged. She did not care. Adam should have loved her.

“Those men will try to manipulate you. Never forget your principles, Son. Never forget your duty. You are the son of a king. You are destined to rule and bring goodness and justice to the world.”

James straightened. He wiped away his own tears. “I need to think.”

Mali nodded. “I understand, Son.” She hugged him again, fiercely, and left the room.

In the morning, Otis and Melville came to see her at her office. But the two were not utter fools. As an excuse, they had commissioned a bogus trade agreement notarization while waiting for her son to make up his mind. James gave them no answer that day.

He was in a bad state, his mother knew. Bailiff Edmund visited her home in the evening to tell her James had taken a squad on a forest patrol. Mali knew her son often led parties into the woods, searching for brigands, but this time, she felt he wanted to escape the world, much like the criminals he chased.

Two days passed with no sign of James. The councillors gave her some space, but she knew their patience was slowly wearing. Deep in her soul, she prayed they would get bored and just leave so her son wouldn’t have to fight his terrible moral dilemma anymore.
It’s all my fault
, she thought sadly, trying to keep her tears from dripping onto the expensive parchment.

A week went by, the slowest week in her entire life. Every minute was torture. She spent most of her time reflecting on her choices, from her first steps as a newbie in the now disbanded Ninth Independent Battalion to the very day of James’s birth. She remembered her first promotion, her first kill, losing her virginity lying on smelly canvas that left her itching for days. She remembered the pointless border raids with the Caytoreans, so many of them they had become a lifelong campaign. The slow climb to higher ranks, the politics, the rivalry, the inescapable loss of friends who became subordinates, the night raids into enemy territory, her first injury. In her time, there had never been any real war with Caytor, but she had killed men by the score by the time she had earned her commander’s rank. Then, Adam had come and made her life into chaos.

The councillors sent one of their aides to see her, but she was in no mood to talk to the man. She was not quite sure if they were being persistent, desperate, or just plain bored. Windpoint was not the most exciting place in the world.

Alexa kept her company, and the two of them often talked into the small hours of the night, recalling the many happy and not-so-happy moments from the old wars. There was the Autumn Skirmish, neither could quite remember in which year, when Alexa got spiked through the shoulder by a Caytorean lance. And Mali told her how she had once killed a man with a spoon. They laughed hysterically, drinking wine, too much wine. Some of those stories sounded so absurd now.

In the morning, a late spring rain swept over Windpoint, quick and sudden. The big fat drops barely moistened the ground, but they raised a cloud of wet dust that spattered the laundry lines. Housewives cursed the weather and went back to washing the same clothes again. James still did not return. Mali began to worry.

She met Celeste in the market later that day. The girl beamed her a smile of pure innocence. Her eyes sparkled, and there was nothing wrong in her world. Mali pitied her, but she mostly felt sorry for her son. He would have to lie to her, leave her behind. They would pledge eternal love to one another, but it would wane, like an old flower. She remembered her own childhood infatuations, the brave and empty promises, the crystal-clear expectations from the elusive, foggy future.

They chitchatted for a while. Mali did her best to keep her concern hidden. But the girl just did not seem to notice. Celeste knew James was away on a patrol, but she never thought about the perils he faced. Her champion would return, she knew with steel conviction. She invited Mali over to her parents’. Mali just nodded, trying to suppress tears, not really sure if she could handle the pleasant dinner, the smiling and friendly people. They parted with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

James returned in the evening, his uniform torn and bloody, but the blood was not his. The squad dragged a pair of filthy, rabid bandits behind them, shackled and hobbling. Bailiff Edmund congratulated the squad.

Mali waited patiently while her son scrubbed bits of flesh and mud off his skin. He wiped himself clean and let her hug him lightly.

“I missed you, Son,” she whispered. He grimaced and hissed, pushing away. “What’s wrong?”

James stroked his side. “Got a nasty blow there. Nothing broken, I think.”

“Who were those bandits?” Alexa asked him when they sat down for supper. James nursed his side when he sat down, but he tried his best to pretend nothing was wrong.

“Deserters from the army, it seems. Now that the rumors of a new war are about, the weaklings are already fleeing the ranks. The forest is teeming with brigands. We intercepted three pockets, two common brigands and then this lot. There were seven of them. Only those two surrendered. They knew it was the noose awaiting them if they got caught alive. Craig wanted to kill them back there, but I wanted to bring them back so everyone will know. So they go before the magistrate tomorrow and they hang for everyone to see.”

Mali nodded, dunking bread in her broth.

“I’ve made up my mind,” he said suddenly.

She looked up. For a moment, she hoped he would refuse. But she knew he would not. Not her son. He was the deputy bailiff, a man of the law, and he would not let crime and injustice reign if he had any say in the matter.

“I can talk to Edmund about your leave,” Mali offered. “And I’ll talk to Celeste’s father—”

“No.” He cut her off. “No. I’ll do it. I’ll talk to Celeste. And I’ll sort things out with Edmund. He won’t like it, but he’ll understand.” His resolve wavered. “I’m not sure about Celeste. What do I tell her? How long will I be gone? A month? A year?”

His mother reached over and squeezed his hand. She didn’t have all the answers.

Neither did he. But she knew her son. His mind was set. He didn’t like any of this. It was all too sudden, all too big. But if he had as little as a pinch of his father’s madness, he would find a way and figure things out.

“I will do my duty,” he said stubbornly. They ate in silence after that.