The Bucket List to Mend a Broken Heart (38 page)

I wanted to phone Rick when I’d worked out what I was going
to say, and when I had a considered rational explanation. I don’t think having half the evidence and accusing Linz, the golden child, of orchestrating some crazy scheme to oust me is going to cut it.

My phone buzzes into life and my office number comes up.

‘Hello,’ I say, hoping that it’s Giles and that he hasn’t managed to find Rick.

‘Hi, Abi,’ booms Rick. ‘Giles has just given me the two
purchase orders and he’s flapping around saying something about Linz interfering with your work.’

I take a deep breath. ‘I know this all sounds crazy, but I was on a train to London, and someone cancelled my original purchase order. I’ve probably got the train ticket to prove that I wasn’t in the office, but you’ve got to believe me.’

‘It should be easy to check if you were in the office or
not. I’ll email IT now and get them to send me everyone’s login and logout times. What was the date and time?’

‘Seventeen twenty-five on 19 April.’

I hear the tip tap of keys as Rick types and I can’t quite believe that he’s doing this. I got the impression on Monday that he was looking for any reason to get rid of me, but now he’s actually listening and co-operating.

‘OK, so I’ve sent that
to them and we’ll see what they come back with.’

‘Thanks, Rick. Look, I know that my work was shoddy earlier on in the year and I freely admit that. I was going through some stuff and I let it interfere with my work and I shouldn’t have done. But I feel I’ve worked so hard since then. With the Vista account and the work on the Spinnaker pitch. I don’t think I gave you much of an impression of
how much I love my job and think I’m an asset to the company. I know it sounds crazy to accuse Linz of this, but someone’s been sabotaging my work and the only person I can think of is her. I mean, she’s ambitious and she wants to be taken on permanently. She’s made no secret of that.’

‘That’s no reason for her to have done these things,’ says Rick. ‘
If
they have been done by someone else.’

‘I know it sounds far-fetched, but she’s the only person that would have access to my finance login and be able to do the purchase order.’

‘Abi, it wasn’t Linz that did it.’

‘I know that it sounds ridiculous, but it had to be her.’

‘It wasn’t.’

‘You don’t know that for sure,’ I say, pacing my living room so much that I’m thinking I’m going to wear a track into the floor.

‘I do know that for
sure. You’ll have to trust me.’

I’m about to point out that it’s hard for me to trust the person that practically sacked me earlier on in the week, but I bite my tongue. I don’t want to piss him off when I’m getting him on side.

‘So you believe that someone was trying to sabotage me?’

‘I’m considering it.’

I know it’s not a total vote of confidence, but it’s an improvement from Monday.

‘What
changed your mind?’ On Monday he’d been so dismissive that he’d almost laughed at me.

‘Well, Linz did. I was talking to her about your museum meeting and she told me about how thorough you had been with the measurements and it just didn’t add up.’

Neither does the fact that Linz has been scheming to get me fired and then is trying to convince Rick that it wasn’t me.

‘I can’t work out what’s
going on,’ I say, so confused.

In my head Linz is both Snow White and her wicked stepmother. I no longer know what to think.

‘It has to be someone that could have logged into the finance package as me and changed the files in InDesign.’

‘The InDesign angle doesn’t really help us as most of the account managers know how to use basic bits of it. Here we go – I’ve got an email back from IT. The
only people in the office at that time were Fran, Greg, Heidi, Linz, Giles, Pat, Isla from accounts and Jo. Whilst Pat would be all over the finance programme I doubt she’d be able to manipulate the files in InDesign, and if she could she’s been wasted all these years. As for Isla, she’s about as creative as a black spot and Jo’s felt the brunt of you going. So that leaves Fran, Greg, Heidi or Giles.’

I think through the list. Giles can be discounted as I know it’s not him. Fran and Greg are my fellow designers and they’ve been with the company almost as long as me – we’re like siblings so it couldn’t be them. And Heidi, well I don’t know her very well – she works on the web team with Giles – but I can’t see why she’d be out to get me. Although I did spill a drink on her shoes at the Christmas
do . . .

I still think the finger should be pointing at Linz as no one else has a motive.

‘I just don’t understand why anyone would do this.’

‘I don’t understand how anyone could have got your password to login to the finance package,’ says Rick. ‘You don’t have it written down anywhere, do you?’

I shut my eyes and wish I could turn back time.

‘Abi . . .’

‘I sort of have it written in the
back of my work diary.’

‘Abi, what’s the number one rule of computer security? Don’t write your passwords down.’

‘But there are always so many to remember,’ I say in a whiney voice. I have a terrible, terrible memory for these things and we keep having to change them.

‘Right, so that’s that mystery’s solved – now to find out who did it.’

I sigh. We’re no Sherlock and Watson.

‘I’ve got an
inkling of who it could be, I just need some time to do some fact-checking.’

‘It can’t be anyone but Linz. She’s the only logical candidate.’

‘Abi, it’s not Linz.’

‘Then who do you think it is? Can you at least give me a clue?’

‘Not until I’m certain. Look, come and do the Spinnaker abseil tomorrow. I know how much you wanted to do it and whatever happens I believe that it wasn’t you that
did this. If you want to come back to work then you can.’

‘Really?’

‘Of course. So ten o’clock tomorrow morning at the tower.’

‘Or I could come to work on Monday instead?’

‘Come on, Abi, you were the inspiration for the abseil. Plus, I sort of have a plan regarding the saboteur and I need you involved.’

‘OK,’ I say, wondering if I should cast my net wider on the job front. There must be something
else I’m qualified for other than graphic design . . .

We say our goodbyes and my heart feels a little lighter.

I only hope that Rick gets to the bottom of this, as I don’t really want to work there in fear that my work’s going to disappear or come out wrong again.

But on the upside, if I’m not going to get fired, then I won’t be getting evicted, so that’s one thing in my mess of a life that
I don’t need to worry about. Now I just need to work out the fight with Sian and sort out my love life. But somehow I don’t think that’s going to be as easy.

As if on cue, the doorbell buzzes and I spring up to let Joseph through the main doors. I know it’s him without asking. He’s on time, as he always is, on the button of midday. He’d asked to meet for lunch as he had a client meeting round
here and I’ve put off seeing him for long enough this week. I can’t hide from him for ever.

‘Hello, you,’ I say, opening the door of my flat. His right hand is lifted as if he is about to knock, and as he brings it down he reaches over and rests it round my waist, pulling me into him.

I hadn’t expected him to kiss me, but I find myself melting and any resolve or resolution in my mind of how
things are going to be different this time and how I’m going to be more like myself melt away. Because at this moment in time, I’d do anything he wanted.

He stumbles through the door and I hear it slam behind him as he pushes me up against the wall and kisses me more furiously. The hand that had been resting on my back is now moving under my shirt and he’s teasing me with his fingertips as he
traces the pattern of my bra.

I’m going to have sex with Joseph.

My mind races through the mental checklist. Yes, I showered this morning, yes, my legs are shaved and whilst my bikini line hasn’t been waxed into action lately I don’t think it’s going to be like some jungle exploration.

He starts nibbling down my neck and I can hear myself groaning involuntarily with pleasure. It’s been a long
three months.

Then it hits me again. I’m going to have sex with Joseph.

I instantly snap my head up straight and push him back.

He looks at me with hurt puppy-dog eyes.

‘What’s the matter,’ he says.

‘I want to take things slowly, remember. And you said you were going to tell me why we really broke up.’

My body is cursing my brain for its rationality as every part of me is crying out to be
touched and caressed by him. But I’ve had a lot of time to think this week and if we’re getting back together it’s going to be a proper relationship – one where he gets to know the real me. Which means taking things slowly, including bedroom activities.

‘Do you want something to drink?’

‘No, I want you,’ he says, trying to grab my hips and pull me back into him as I walk into the kitchen.

‘And I want you,’ I say, my body still cross with my mind. ‘But we’ll get there. We’ve just got some stuff to work out first.’

Joseph perches himself up against my kitchen unit whilst I make myself comfortable on the sofa. He’s always looked so out of place in my flat. My mixture of Cath Kidston prints and kitsch knick-knacks seem to clash with his well-groomed, well-turned-out self.

‘What’s
to work out? I want you back, you want me back. We’re back together. End of.’

Does he really think it’s that easy?

‘We need to talk about why we broke up in the first place. You can’t just dump someone after a year without a real explanation and then pick back up a few months later. I’ve changed, for starters. I haven’t been sitting around waiting for you.’

I’ve been doing a crazy list of tasks
instead, whilst waiting for you.

‘But surely that’s all in the past? Don’t you remember how good things used to be?’

‘I do,’ I say, nodding, and trying not to replay the montage of our best moments in my head. ‘But you didn’t remember how good things were when you broke up with me. Doesn’t that tell you something? You thought there was something wrong in our relationship. You said we weren’t
compatible.’

Joseph sighs and sits down in my wicker rocking chair. I try not to laugh as his weight sends it flying back and for once he loses his cool composure.

‘I don’t know what happened, or really what I said. It was just that you were talking about our anniversary and it all got a bit much. I’d seen my mum in the week and she reminded me that I ought to be settling down and I guess I
panicked. I think I’m at that age where everyone expects me to be getting married and having kids and I felt trapped by it all.’

I try and listen to what Joseph is saying. For months I agonised over what I’d done and how I’d caused our break-up, but from what he’s saying I realise it’s all about him. It’s not really that I wasn’t right for him or there’s anything wrong with me as a person, it’s
that he got freaked out. Which is ironic as he was the one that was always so committed. He assumed we were boyfriend and girlfriend from the get-go. He timetabled our relationship, I just slotted in.

‘I thought that I still had too much I wanted to do before I got to that stage, and I felt I wanted to be single to do it.’

The words take a moment to sink in. I think of his list and how naive
I’ve been. It wasn’t that he wanted someone to do those tasks with, those were things he wanted to do himself, alone.

‘So, what’s changed? Why don’t you want to be single any more?’

‘I realised that I was listening to the wrong people. So what if I’m thirty-six. Forty’s the new thirty, right? I’ve still got bags of time before I have to have a wife and kids. It’s not like I’ve got a ticking
biological clock,’ he says, laughing.

No, but I bloody well have, I suddenly want to scream.

‘Does that mean that you still see us as a bit of fun – that it’s nothing serious?’ I say, my heart catching in my throat. Ever since he broke up with me I’ve fixated on how he was the one, but clearly he doesn’t feel the same.

‘Of course not. Abi, I really do love you. You’re different to the other
girlfriends I’ve had in the past. I mean, for starters you didn’t fall at my feet when we broke up, you reinvented your look and started throwing yourself into biking and windsurfing and doing all these amazing things, and it made me realise what I’d given up.’

I’m stuck between being dumbfounded that the list actually worked exactly as planned and at the fact that one of the key reasons he wants
me back is that I didn’t go begging for him when we broke up.

‘It’s weird as I’ve never really been single. I’ve always found myself in a relationship straightaway when I’ve broken up with someone, only this time I didn’t. And that’s got to mean something, hasn’t it? Like I couldn’t easily replace you.’

Or that he hadn’t met anyone he liked.

This isn’t how I’d fantasised about this conversation
going.

‘I guess I realised that there’s no hurry, is there? You’re only thirty – we’ve still got lots of time to worry about all that grown-up stuff. I just want us to enjoy ourselves a bit. When I saw your Facebook photos, and I saw you with that other guy, I realised I wanted to be him. I wanted to be riding with you downhill and whisking you off to Paris. I mean, why don’t we go? This weekend.
We can hop on a plane tonight and have a dirty weekend. What do you say?’

The elastic in my knickers almost pings off at the thought of being wrapped up in crisp white sheets with a naked Joseph.

But unfortunately for the horny side of me, my brain is still running the show.

‘I can’t, I’ve got plans. I’m abseiling down the Spinnaker tomorrow. For work.’

‘Oh,’ says Joseph, the smile fading
off his face. ‘But I thought you got fired?’

‘Suspended. I did, but it’s a long story.’ I don’t have the mental energy to cope with filling him in on what’s going on work-wise – I need to concentrate on one drama at a time.

‘OK, but let’s do something special. Let me take you out somewhere after your abseil. What time is it?’