The Bucket List to Mend a Broken Heart (7 page)

‘It’s a good one to do, as it isn’t very steep,’ says Tammy, smiling at me like she’s just had a personality transplant in the thirty seconds since she last spoke. ‘I went riding round there last year as a warm-up for an off-road challenge I was doing.’

Whatever it was about Sian that rattled Tammy’s cage, I clearly haven’t. I’m almost offended
that she doesn’t see me as a threat. She’s probably right though because despite my hair giving me a boost of confidence, I’ve still got the panda eyes and muffin top, and I don’t exactly give off an Angelina Jolie, man-stealer vibe.

‘We’re doing a trip to Snowdon next month if you want to come with us and have that as your peak,’ says Giles.

‘Oh, yes, Abi, please come. Always nice to have another
woman along. Are you able to make it, Tammy?’

‘No, I’m doing a race in Cumbria that weekend,’ she replies.

‘Ah, that means you’ve got to come, Abi. Save me from being the token female.’

‘Oh, um, next month,’ I stutter.

I wonder if I’ll be fit enough by then. Snowdon is a mountain and whilst I do a lot of walking, the flat pavements of Portsmouth aren’t really in the same league. I’m torn between
the idea of having the trip organised and handed to me on a plate and the fact that I’m woefully unfit and unprepared.

Sod it. I need to get this list done quickly.

‘OK then, if you don’t mind me tagging along and slowing you down,’ I say.

‘We’d love to have you,’ says Laura, looking pleased.

‘So that’s everything on the list, is it?’ asks Sian.

I’m fantasising about sipping a drink in a
nice cosy pub after the hike, when a dark cloud descends as I recall the last task.

‘Um, and I want to abseil down the Spinnaker Tower,’ I add, looking down at the table.

If there’s one thing that’s going to flash warning lights at Sian, this is it. She knows my fear of heights all too well. She once convinced me to go on the London Eye, and her hand still bears the scars from where my nails
dug into her as I was clinging on for dear life. It was the longest thirty minutes of both our lives.

‘You want to abseil down Spinnaker? Like from the top?’ she says.

I can see her eyes narrowing as they burn into me.

‘Uh-huh,’ I reply nonchalantly, as if it’s the kind of thing I’d do every day.

‘You, that’s scared of heights?’ she says.

I try to avoid looking at anyone round the table.
I know everyone will probably think I’m ridiculous. I hate being acrophobic, it makes me feel so pathetic.

‘You’re scared of heights and you still want to do the abseil?’ says Giles. ‘Flipping heck, Abi, I don’t mind heights but even I’d struggle with that. The way the wind rushes around that tower. Isn’t that why the outside lift doesn’t work? Because it used to get pushed around in the wind?’

My stomach lurches at the thought and my heart’s starting to pound. I try and keep Joseph’s face in my mind to remind myself why I want to do the list. All I can hope is that he comes back to me before I get to the Spinnaker, because I’m just as sceptical as those two about the chances of me completing it.

‘It could be a way to conquer your fear once and for all,’ says Laura, shrugging her shoulders.

‘I have to say I wouldn’t have picked you as a windsurfer,’ says Giles.

‘Nor me,’ says Sian. She’s intensely staring at me again and I feel like I’m under extreme scrutiny.

‘Well, I spent a lot of time reading bucket list websites and they all said learn to surf, but Portsmouth isn’t really known for surfing, but it is known for windsurfing.’

‘You haven’t got many things abroad on that list,’
says Sian, looking pensive. ‘What about putting New York on? Haven’t you always wanted to go?’

Sian doesn’t realise that the list is closed to additions. I guess if I did have to do something fake to convince her that the list was real, then I could think of much worse things.

‘Um, perhaps,’ I say, trying to sound vague.

‘What about places off the beaten track?’ says Tammy, glaring in Sian’s
direction and causing Sian to flare her nostrils in response. It’s like handbags at dawn.

‘Yeah,’ says Ben joining in. ‘A lot of people have travelling on their bucket lists. Why don’t you add trekking to Machu Picchu or climbing Kilimanjaro?’

New York’s one thing, but places in the back of beyond are quite another.

‘That’s a good call. They’d definitely be on mine,’ says Giles.

‘I don’t know
if they’re really my kind of thing,’ I say, not entirely sure where either are. I didn’t pay that much attention to Geography at school.

‘Oh, man, there’s nothing that beats arriving at Machu Picchu to see the sun rise over the top of it,’ says the man whose name I think is Doug.

‘Yeah, except I really wish I hadn’t drunk so much the night before when I went. I felt as sick as a dog on that
last stretch of the trail,’ says Ben.

‘Is that the Inca trail?’ asks Sian.

‘Yeah,’ both men reply, nodding sagely as if they’re thousands of miles away back in Peru.

‘I think that’s definitely out for Abi – she hates camping.’

‘Yet you’ve got Glastonbury on the list,’ says Laura, her face wrinkling in confusion.

‘I, er . . .’ All eyes are on me and I begin to stutter. ‘I’m sure I could glamp
at Glastonbury.’

‘That spoils the fun of it. Trying to find a toilet with the least amount of shit around the side, and having to hear the people in the tent next to yours talking absolute bollocks when you’re trying to sleep is all part of the experience,’ says Doug.

I’m sure the colour must be draining from my face. I hate Portaloos at the best of times, but the thought of using them at a
music festival . . . I’m starting to wonder if I’ve taken on this challenge too lightly. The only thing giving me hope is that my sister goes to Glastonbury, so maybe I’ve got festival-goer genes in me somewhere.

‘You could add clubbing in Ibiza,’ says Sian. ‘That’s something that everyone should do once.’

‘Or trekking in the Himalayas,’ says Tammy, as if she’s competing with Sian.

‘How about
going to see the Northern Lights?’ suggests Giles.

‘Oh, learning to dive,’ adds Doug.

My head’s turning back and forth trying to keep up with the suggestions. I keep trying to get a word in edgeways to protest but the suggestions keep coming.

‘Skydiving over Christ the Redeemer in Rio,’ says Giles.

‘Or climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge,’ says Laura.

‘What about learning to do burlesque dancing?’
says Sian, lifting an eyebrow seductively.

The image of me wearing nipple tassels and parading around in my pants flashes through my mind. Whilst I’m sure that would be right up Joseph’s street, I can’t see how I could put that on Facebook without having most people unfriend me for scarring their eyes.

Poor Joseph, his list is taking a bit of a beating. There was me thinking he was all Action
Man, but the others have made the tasks sound more like a Ken doll day out.

‘I think I’ll just stick to what I’ve got, for now,’ I say. ‘I mean, I want it to be achievable as I want to tick off the items as quickly as I can.’

The quicker I can do the list, the quicker I’ll have Joseph back and the less likely he’ll have been snapped up by someone else.

‘If I was doing one of those lists, I’d
start with a bungee jump off the Tees Transporter Bridge,’ says Doug.

‘Oh, I’d be so up for that,’ says Tammy, nodding her head.

‘I’d want to go in one of those planes that simulates zero gravity,’ says Giles.

I’m relieved that Joseph isn’t as adventurous as either of them or I’d be waving goodbye to him once and for all.

I let everyone get lost in their thoughts about what they’d put on their
own bucket lists. The more they think about theirs, the less they’re thinking about mine.

‘Well, Abi, here’s to you. Good luck with your list,’ says Giles, raising his pint.

‘To Abi’s list,’ seconds Sian, raising her Coke.

The rest of the table join in and they all chink my glass before we drink the toast.

I feel a sense of elation that I’ve passed the first test: convincing Sian that the
list was my idea. Now all I need to do is actually start ticking things off, and soon.

Images of the list’s contents flash through my mind like a film montage and I’m wondering what I’ve let myself in for. The lasting image is of me dangling from the Spinnaker Tower, and the flesh on my arms starts to get goosebumps. Now that I’ve told everyone, I can’t back out. I’m doing this list, and getting
Joseph back – even if it kills me.

Chapter Five

Four weeks, three days since Joseph and I broke up
. Three months and counting to get Joseph back before he replaces me.

I can’t help but be the tiniest bit offended by how much everyone loves my new hair. Yes, it’s great that people think that I look like I’ve just stepped off the pages of a photo shoot, I’m sure it’s also a huge compliment that I now look a bit like Alexa Chung
and Caroline Flack, but every coo and compliment makes me wonder just how bad everyone thought I looked before.

It’s day three of the new haircut at work and instead of people accepting it and moving on, my colleagues keep saying that they can’t believe it’s me.

I’m walking over to the communal office printer, and if I get one more hair comment then I’m going to hide it under my woolly beanie
for the rest of the week.

I’m only a few steps away from the printer when I see Lindsey, sorry, ‘Linz’ with a Z as I keep overhearing her telling people on the phone, get there first. I’m about to try and pretend that I’m on my way to the kitchenette, when I see she’s holding my printout and looking bemused.

‘That’s mine,’ I say, resisting the urge to snatch it away from her. I don’t know what
it is about her that’s got my back up, but I guess I’m suspicious of naturally bubbly people.

She looks up at me and flashes her perfect pearly-white teeth. With her blond hair tied up high in a ponytail and sun-kissed skin, she looks like she’d be more at home in California than Portsmouth.

‘Hi, Abi,’ she says, still grinning and not handing over the paper.

‘Linz,’ I reply, putting my hand
out.

Instead of giving it to me she looks down at it once more.

‘The Eiffel Tower?’ she says.

Ten out of ten for identifying one of the most easily recognisable buildings on the planet.

‘That’s right, it’s for a mood board,’ I say.

Which is true. It just happens to be for the mood board I’m creating at home of all the challenges on Joseph’s bucket list. We’ve got a super-dooper colour printer
at work and I’ve been sneakily, or at least up until now, printing off pictures for it.

‘Oh, right, what account’s it for?’

Why won’t she give me my bloody bit of paper!

I stare, mentally willing her to hand it over to me.

She can only be in her early twenties, not long out of university. She’s got that fresh-faced, eager-beaver look that I used to have when I started my career. The sort of
enthusiasm that comes from the naivety of not calculating how many days of your life you’ve got to work before you draw your pension.

‘For the Spinnaker account. I thought it might be helpful to remind myself of other iconic towers.’

Sometimes I scare myself with how quickly I can come up with lies.

‘That’s such a good idea. And I love the idea of making actual physical mood boards. That’s
so old school.’

As if I needed another reason not to like this girl.

‘I’m just a bit confused, though. I got the impression from Rick that I was going to do the design for it.’

I turn back to face her and she gives me that sweet and innocent smile that she seems to have down to a tee.

‘Um, when we first got word of the tendering process last month,
before
you started, Rick assigned it to me,
so I’m not sure what gave you that idea . . .’

She shakes her head.

‘Of course,’ she says handing me my Eiffel Tower picture. ‘That was only when we were in the pub after work on Friday. Rick had mentioned that it might be a good project to build up my portfolio, but I’m sure he was only being nice. He’s obviously invited me to the meeting this morning just to show me how things are done here.’

She bats her eyelashes at me like Road Runner used to do to a stunned Coyote, then turns and walks off with her printouts leaving me standing alone.

After-work drinks on Friday with Rick sounds a little bit cosy for my liking.

I’m reminded of what Giles said to me last week, about her getting her feet under the table. I must get him to elaborate.

I walk back to my desk wishing that Hayley would
come back soon. But, given that her baby was only born last week, I know I’ve got to put up with Linz for the foreseeable future.

I settle back into my chair and tuck my Eiffel Tower picture safely in my bag. I’ve now got nearly all the photos for my mood board, which means the next step might actually be to attempt to do one of the tasks on the list.

It’s been a whole four days since the arrival
of the box that started me down the journey of trying to complete Joseph’s bucket list. And so far, I haven’t managed to tick off a single thing.

When I’d looked at his list, I’d thought that I’d whip through it in no time. But I’ve been researching the activities, and nearly all of them are going to take time and preparation. No wonder Joseph hadn’t completed any himself. There are hurdles and
obstacles everywhere I look.

Take having afternoon tea at the Ritz. I’d imagined I’d tip up, eat my monthly quota of cakes and put a big fat tick on the list. Sian had agreed to take a day off with me, and we were going to go up later this week. Only when I checked the website I realised that it wasn’t as easy as I’d imagined. I had to book and after a lot of searching on the online booking facility,
I just about managed to find a slot that Sian, the Ritz and I could all do. We’re going next Tuesday.

Then there was the Spanish. At first I thought I’d try teaching myself, but that proved a lot harder than I thought. I had got a Michel Thomas CD out from the library on Monday night, but I’d fallen asleep listening to it. I found the sultry tone of his voice so soothing. And, disappointingly,
I didn’t manage to learn Spanish by osmosis. So I’ve booked myself onto a course.