The Burglar Who Liked to Quote Kipling (11 page)

T
he Personal ads were on the penultimate page of the second section of the
Times,
along with the shipping news and a few other high-priority items. Ours was the third listing, following a plea for information from the parents of a fourteen-year-old runaway.

I read our ad three or four times and decided that it did its job efficiently enough. It hadn’t brought any response yet, but it was still early; Carolyn had awakened at dawn and gone for the paper as soon as she’d fed the cats. At this hour our presumably interested parties might well be snug in their beds. If, like me and Carolyn, they were already warming themselves over morning coffee, they’d still have the whole paper to wade through before they got to the Personals. True, it was a Saturday. The daily
Times
has added on feature sections in recent years, padding itself like a bear preparing to hibernate, but the Saturday paper remains fashionably slender. On the other hand, a good many people take a break from the
Times
on Saturdays, readying themselves for the onslaught of the enormous Sunday paper, so it was possible our prospective customers would never pick up the paper at all. The ad was set to run for a week, but now that I looked at it, a few lines of type on a remote back page, I wasn’t too cocky about the whole thing. We couldn’t really count on it, I decided, and it would be advisable to draft a backup plan as soon as possible.

“Oh, wow. I’m glad I went out for the paper, Bernie.”

“So am I,” I said. “I just hope you’re not the only person who took the trouble.”

She had the first section and she was pointing to something. “You’d better read this,” she said.

I took it and read it. A few inches of copy on one of the back pages, out of place among the scraps of international news but for its faintly international flavor. Bernard Rhodenbarr, I read, the convicted burglar currently sought by police investigating the slaying Thursday of Madeleine Porlock in her East Side apartment, had narrowly escaped apprehension the previous night. Surprised by an alert police officer while attempting to break into Barnegat Books on East Eleventh Street, Rhodenbarr whipped out a pistol and exchanged shots with the policeman. The officer, I read, suffered a flesh wound in the foot and was treated at St. Vincent’s Hospital and released. The burglar-turned-gunman, owner of the store in question, had escaped on foot, apparently uninjured.

As an afterthought, the last paragraph mentioned that Rhodenbarr had disguised himself for the occasion by donning a turban and false beard. “But he didn’t fool me,” Patrolman Francis Rockland was quoted as saying. “We’re trained to see past obvious disguises. I recognized him right away from his photograph.”

“The Sikh,” I told Carolyn. “Well, that’s one person who hasn’t got the book, or he wouldn’t have been trying to break into the store to search for it. I wonder if it was him you spotted watching the store yesterday.”

“Maybe.”

“The tabloids’ll probably give this more of a play. They like irony, and what’s more ironic than a burglar caught breaking into his own place? They should only know how ironic it is.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the cop could have arrested the Sikh. That wouldn’t have cleared me on the murder rap but at least they wouldn’t be after me for this, too. Or the Sikh could have been a worse shot, so I wouldn’t be charged with shooting a cop. Wounding a police officer is a more serious crime than murdering a civilian, at least as far as the cops are concerned. Or, if he had to shoot him, the Sikh could have
killed
young Mr. Rockland. Then he wouldn’t have been able to tell them I was the one who did it.”

“You wouldn’t really want the policeman dead, Bernie.”

“No. With my luck he’d live long enough to tell a brother officer who shot him. Then I’d be a cop killer. What if Randy sees this? She must have missed the first story, or at least she never connected it with me, because she didn’t seem concerned last night about your harboring a fugitive. She was too busy feeling betrayed.”

“She never looks at the
Times.
”

“It’ll be in the other papers, too.”

“She probably won’t read them, either. I don’t even know if she knows your last name.”

“She must.”

“Maybe.”

“Would she call the cops?”

“She’s a good person, Bernie. She’s not a fink.”

“She’s also jealous. She thinks—”

“I know what she thinks. She must be a lunatic to think it, but I know what she thinks.”

“She could decide to give the cops an anonymous tip. She could tell herself it was for your own good, Carolyn.”

“Shit.” She gnawed a thumbnail. “You figure it’s not safe here anymore?”

“I don’t know.”

“But the phone’s here. And the number’s in the paper, and how are we going to answer it from a distance?”

“Who’s going to call, anyway?”

“Rudyard Whelkin.”

“He killed Madeleine Porlock Thursday night. I’ll bet he took a cab straight to Kennedy and was out of the country by midnight.”

“Without the book?”

I shrugged.

“And the Sikh might call. What happened to his five hundred dollars?”

“You figure he’ll call so he can ask me that question?”

“No, I’m asking it, Bern. You had the money on you when Madeleine Porlock drugged you, right?”

“Right.”

“And it was gone when you came to.”

“Right again.”

“So what happened to it?”

“She took it.
Oh.
What happened to it
after
she took it?”

“Yeah. Where did it go? You went through her things last night. It wasn’t stashed with the book, was it?”

“It wasn’t stashed anywhere. Nowhere that I looked, that is. I suppose the killer took it along with him.”

“Wouldn’t he leave it?”

“Why leave money? Money’s money, Carolyn.”

“There’s always stories about killings in the paper, and they say the police ruled out robbery as a motive because the victim had a large sum of cash on his person.”

“That’s organized crime. They want people to know why they killed somebody. They’ll even plant money on a person so the police will rule out robbery. Either the killer took the money this time or Porlock found a hiding place that didn’t occur to me. Or some cop picked it up when no one was looking. That’s been known to happen.”

“Really?”

“Oh, sure. I could tell you no end of stories. But what’s the point? I’d be interrupted by the insistent ringing of the telephone.”

And I turned to the instrument, figuring it would recognize a cue when it heard one. It stayed silent, though, for upwards of half an hour.

But once it started ringing, I didn’t think it was ever going to stop.

Rrrring!

“Hello?”

“Ah, hello. I’ve just read your notice in the
Times.
I’m only wondering if I’m interpreting it correctly.”

“How are you interpreting it?”

“You would appear to have something to sell.”

“That’s correct.”

“Passage to, ah, Fort Bucklow.”

“Yes.”

“Would it be possible for me to know to whom I am speaking?”

“I was going to ask you that very question.”

“Ah. An impasse. Let me consider this.”

An English inflection, an undertone of Asia or Africa. A slightly sibilant
s
. Educated, soft-spoken. A pleasant voice, all in all.

“Very well, sir. I believe you may already have encountered an emissary of mine. If my guess is right, you overcharged him in a transaction recently. He paid five hundred dollars for a book priced at a dollar ninety-five.”

“Not my fault. He ran off without his change.”

An appreciative chuckle. “Then you are the man I assumed you to be. Very good. You have pluck, sir. The police seek you in connection with a woman’s death and you persist in your efforts to sell a book. Business as usual, eh?”

“I need money right now.”

“To quit the country, I would suppose. You have the book at hand? It is actually in your possession as we talk?”

“Yes. I don’t believe I caught your name.”

“I don’t believe I’ve given it. Before we go further, sir, perhaps you could prove to me that you have the volume.”

“I suppose I could hold it to the phone, but unless you have extraordinary powers…”

“Open it to page forty-two, sir, and read the first stanza on the page.”

“Oh. Hold on a minute. ‘Now if you should go to Fort Bucklow / When the moon is on the wane, / And the jackal growls while the monkey howls / Like a woman struck insane… Is that the one you mean?”

A pause. “I want that volume, sir. I want to buy it.”

“Good. I want to sell it.”

“And your price?”

“I haven’t set it yet.”

“If you will do so…”

“This is tricky business. I have to protect myself. I’m a fugitive, as you said, and that makes me vulnerable. I don’t even know whom I’m dealing with.”

“A visitor in your land, sir. A passionate devotee of Mr. Kipling. My name is of little importance.”

“How can I get in touch with you?”

“It’s of less importance than my name. I can get in touch with
you,
sir, by calling this number.”

“No. I won’t be here. It’s not safe. Give me a number where I can reach you at five o’clock this afternoon.”

“A telephone number?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t do that.”

“It can be any telephone at all. Just so you’ll be at it at five o’clock.”

“Ah. I will call you back, sir, in ten minutes.”

Rrrring!

“Hello?”

“Sir, you have pencil and paper?”

“Go ahead.”

“I will be at this number at five o’clock this afternoon. RH4-5198.”

“RH4-5198. At five o’clock.”

Rrrring! Rrrring!

“Hello?”

“Hello?”

“Hello.”

“Ah. If you could say something more elaborate than a simple
hello
…”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Very good. I’d hoped it was you. I won’t use your name aloud, and I trust you won’t use mine.”

“Only if I want to call your club and have you paged.”

“Don’t do that.”

“They said you weren’t a member. Extraordinary, isn’t it?”

“Perhaps I haven’t been altogether straightforward with you, my boy. I can explain everything.”

“I’m sure you can.”

“The elusive item. Can I assume from your advertisement that it hasn’t slipped out of your hands?”

“It’s in front of me even as we speak.”

“Excellent.”

“ ‘Now if you should go to Fort Bucklow / When the moon is on the wane, / And the jackal growls while the monkey howls…’ ”

“For heaven’s sake, don’t
read
it to me. Or have you committed great stretches of it to memory?”

“No, I was reading.”

“Oh, to prove possession? Hardly necessary, my boy. You’d scarcely have shot the woman and then left the book behind, would you? Now how are we going to manage this transaction?”

“We could meet someplace.”

“We could. Of course neither of us would welcome the attention of the police. I wonder…”

“Give me a number where I can reach you at six o’clock.”

“Why don’t I simply call you?”

“Because I don’t know where I’ll be.”

“I see. Well, my boy, at the risk of appearing to play them close to the vest, I’m not sure I’d care to give out this number.”

“Any number, then.”

“How’s that?”

“Pick a pay phone. Give me the number and be there to answer it at six.”

“Ah. I’ll get back to you.”

Rrrring!

“Hello?”

“CHelsea 2-9419.”

“Good.”

“At six o’clock.”

“Good.”

Rrrring!

“Hello?”

“Hello. I believe you advertised—”

“Passage to Fort Bucklow. That’s correct.”

“May I speak frankly? We’re talking about a book, are we not?”

“Yes.”

“And you wish to purchase it?”

“I have it for sale.”

A pause. “I see. You actually own a copy. You have it in your possession.”

“ ‘…The jackal growls while the monkey howls / Like a woman struck insane…’ ”

“What did you say?”

“I’m reading from the top of page forty-two.”

“That would hardly seem necessary.” Another pause. “This is confusing. Perhaps I should give you my name.”

“That’d be nice.”

“It’s Demarest. Prescott Demarest, and I don’t suppose it will mean anything to you. I’m acting as agent for a wealthy collector whose name would mean something to you, but I haven’t the authority to mention it. He was recently offered a copy of this book. The offer was suddenly withdrawn. I wonder if it’s the same copy?”

“I couldn’t say.”

“The copy he was offered was represented as unique. It was our understanding that only one copy of the book exists.”

“Then it must be the same copy.”

“So it would seem. I don’t think you gave your name.”

“I’m careful about my privacy, Mr. Demarest. Like your employer.”

“I see. I’d have to consult him, of course, but if you could let me know your price?”

“It hasn’t been set yet.”

“There are other potential buyers?”

“Several.”

“I’d like to see the book. Before you offer it to anyone else. If we could arrange to meet—”

“I can’t talk right now, Mr. Demarest. Where can I reach you this afternoon at, say, four o’clock? Will you be near a telephone?”

“I can arrange to be.”

“Could I have the number?”

“I don’t see why not. Take this down. WOrth 4-1114. You did say four o’clock? I’ll expect to hear from you then.”

“I think that’s it,” I told Carolyn, after I’d summarized the Demarest conversation for her. “I don’t think there are going to be any more calls.”

“How can you tell?”

“I can’t, but it’s one of my stronger hunches. The first caller was foreign and he’s the one who sicced the Sikh on me. The Sikh came around Thursday afternoon, so he’s known at least that long that I had the book, but he made me read it to him over the phone.”