The Calling (15 page)

“Is this the way it’s always going to be between us?” he asked, as he tore into the living room. “Me sitting on the outside looking in?” A tone of desperation mixed with his anger.

“There was no reason to tell you about my test.”

His eyes turned to stone. “Wrong answer.”

It was her life, not his, and he had no right to dictate right and wrong answers just because she’d gone on a few dates with him. Anger balled up her gut, twisting and begging for a release. Mandy picked up a throw pillow and slammed it across the room at him. The loud thud when it hit his chest wasn’t nearly as satisfying as she’d hoped. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. And I’m fine! So it doesn’t matter anymore!”

“What if you hadn’t been fine?” He kicked the pillow, sending it bouncing against the couch. “Would you have put on a brave face and found some excuse to cancel tonight, then broken down alone?”

Yes. That was exactly what she would have done, and it was none of his business. “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”

“Tell me what you would have done.”

She wiped the remnants of tears from her cheeks with her palm, this confrontation having ended any joy she’d felt. If he was so hell-bent on knowing the truth, she’d give it to him, whether it hurt him or not. “I’d have done what you said.”

“Jesus, Mandy.” He took a deep breath. “Why?”

“Because it’s not your problem. We’ve only been dating for two weeks.”

He braced his hands on his hips. “We were friends for years before you kicked me out of your life. How many times did I call after you and Ty broke up? I emailed you. I even sent you a letter telling you I wanted to be there for you, to help you any way I could. Did you think I was lying?”

She fell back against the couch, her head aching. The memory of so many friends who’d heard the word
cancer
and run made her unshed tears fight for freedom. Half a dozen friends had left her with nothing more than a meaningless hug and a sympathetic pat on the back. She tried to pretend she was okay with it, that she understood why they ran, but she didn’t, and it hurt. “A lot of people said they wanted to be there for me when I first became sick. They didn’t mean it.”

“Well, I did. And now we’re dating, and you’re still treating me the same.”

She could see from the hurt in his eyes that he was sincere, which meant there was absolutely no reason to keep him in the dark. But she was still scared that he’d prove to be no better than the others who had left her. “I’m sorry, I just… I’ve kept this within my family and close friends for so long, I don’t know how to burden anyone else.”

He held his hands out wide to his sides. “I want to be burdened.”

“Why?”

Justin’s chest rose with a deep breath, and he blew it out slowly. The more air that vacated his lungs, the more his mood seemed to relax. When a calm expression settled solidly on his face, he sat next to her and placed a finger beneath her chin, lifting her gaze to his. “I want to be burdened because I care about you.”

Mandy stared into his serious brown eyes and for some crazy reason recalled the time that Ty had given up on teaching her to surf. Justin had stayed by her side, still determined she could learn. When she tired out, he’d even collected shells with her instead of heading back into the waves. He’d always been that way with her—patient, attentive, caring in a way that Ty never had been.

For a split second, she wondered how her life would have been different if she’d been with Justin during her most difficult year. What kind of peace and happiness would that have brought her? Suddenly, she wanted to know. “I promise, I’ll tell you everything from now on.”

With his finger still beneath her chin, and his lips inching closer, he asked, “Can I trust you on that?”

She nodded. “I’ll give Lori your number. She’d be happy to call you when I have a doctor’s appointment.” With his proximity, she could count every one of his dark eyelashes, and his closeness made her heart pound like a teenager who’d never been kissed. “Sometimes, I think she likes you more than me.”

“I was always fond of that girl.” He leaned so near, his breath brushed her lips. “If you don’t stop me, I’m going to kiss you now.” He raised his hand and cupped her cheek, his touch gentle and warm.

She slid her hands around his neck, the smooth expanse of his golden skin beneath her palms tightening something down low. “It’s about time,” she whispered, her voice a bit shaky. His chocolate eyes turned black, the pupils filling his eyes. He wanted her, she could feel it down to her toes, and that made her nervous and scared, but also excited and full of anticipation.

Slowly, she urged him toward her lips.

Chapter 9

Justin’s warm lips pressed against Mandy’s, and her heart fluttered like a hummingbird, the flighty sensation making her dizzy. He kissed her in a way that only time and anticipation could warrant—starting soft and gradually becoming more demanding. His burning desire, the way he held her, and especially the way he touched her as if she were precious, all made her want more.

She buried her hands in his thick hair, her body stirring in ways she’d forgotten were possible. Why had she been so cautious with him? Even one hour of this, being touched as if she were a treasure, would have been worth a lifetime of heartache.

Mandy whimpered when he cupped her bottom and pulled her on top of him. Straddling his hips, she pressed her chest into his and felt his heart beat against hers as if they were one and the same. He buried his face in the crook of her neck. He nipped her sensitive skin, then grazed his lips up her jaw line and back to her mouth. If a touch could ignite, she’d have burned down the apartment.

As if she weighed nothing, his body rose beneath her, lifting her off the couch when he stood. She wrapped her legs around his waist and reveled in his strength, his thick arms holding her with ease. “Where are we going?” she asked breathily.

“Your room.”

The husky tone of his voice nearly melted her right there. She eyed the hall floor, thinking the carpet looked pretty damn comfortable. When his hips shifted against her sex as he walked, a tingle traveled from her crotch, straight up her spine. Forget the floor; he could hold her like this forever. She moved her hips against him, and a moan, burning with need, escaped her lips.

Justin trembled beneath her, and she didn’t think it was from her weight. “Christ.” He pushed her, back first, into the wall. “The bedroom’s too damn far.”

Every nerve in her body caught fire when he thrust his tongue into her mouth and ground his desire between her thighs. She wanted him–now. Which was ridiculous. They couldn’t go from first kiss to bed in the same day… could they?

He shifted her higher and ground into her hot spot even harder. She moaned so loud, she had to bite down on her lower lip to stop it. Oh, Lord, the man knew exactly what he was doing, and she wanted to know the extent of his prowess. The hell with waiting.

“Bedroom,” he growled.

A few more steps and he laid her down on the bed. His lips met hers again as his hips slid between her legs. Wanting to touch the smooth ridges of muscle she’d leered at all day, she trailed her fingertips across his back. He kissed gently down her neck, leaving a line of goosebumps in his wake.

She basked in the sensation of hot embers sizzling her insides. The heat quickly spread south. Completely aware that she was his for the taking, she moaned a defeated sound.

He pulled back from her neck. With pupils filling his whole eyes, he looked as turned on as she felt. “Should I stop?”

She took his hand and spread his palm over her heart. The thumping beneath his touch rivaled a jackhammer. “If you don’t stop, I’ll have a heart attack.” He pulled his hand back, but she grabbed it. “If you do stop, I’ll spontaneously combust. Your choice.”

He kissed her lips, then her chin and neck. “I’ll jumpstart your heart if you flatline.”

He slid down to her belly button and pushed her shirt up to her ribcage. His lips grazed her stomach, inching higher… and she froze. A bitter taste filled her mouth. Oh, God, her desire dissipated like fog on a sunny day, leaving her empty inside. She couldn’t hide the scar from him in broad daylight. Even if she could, he’d still be able to feel the puckered skin.

Justin lifted her cover-up over her bikini top and kissed higher. He was two shakes away from knowing how ugly she truly was.

She placed her hands on his shoulders and pressed down. “Stop.”

He peered up at her with questioning eyes. “Too soon?”

She nodded, though ten seconds ago, she wanted nothing more than to feel him inside of her. He rolled off of her and sighed heavily, the evidence of his arousal straining against his mesh shorts.

God, she was a tease for all the wrong reasons. Ashamed, she bit her bottom lip and stood. “Shower.” He took a deep breath and ran his hands down his face, his chest heaving as if he’d just finished a marathon.

Mandy didn’t look back while she hurried to the bathroom and slammed the door closed. Reluctantly, she stood in front of the mirror, pulled her cover-up and bikini top over her head, and cast them in a pile by the tub. Staring her straight in the eye was the pink scar that, no matter how much time passed, wouldn’t fade.

She ran her finger across the indentation that started near her armpit, ran in a straight line across her breast, and stopped two inches from her sternum. Her stomach clenched. Where did this leave her? Sex in the dark with clothes on? Justin wouldn’t go for that, but maybe that was all she had to offer. Why did she have to like him so much… or want him so bad?
Doesn’t matter
, she told herself. It’d be a cold day in July before she’d let him see her naked.

* * *

Justin sat on the bed, longing for a bathtub of ice-cold water in which to plunge his crotch. Knowing she was merely feet away and naked made his body ache. She wanted him. The second he felt her pounding heart, he’d known just how bad.

Christ, they weren’t kids, weren’t virgins, and hadn’t just met and been unsure of the other’s intentions. She knew he cared about her. She had to know he wouldn’t leave her. So why the sudden shower? Justin grabbed a pillow and buried his face in it, groaning. Then, the truth slammed into him like a Mack truck that had lost its brakes.
The surgery
. Mandy didn’t want to be seen topless.

He swallowed hard, biting back the bitter taste of fear and disappointment. What if he crept along for months in their relationship, and she never let him in?

Her cancer had taken too much from her. He’d be damned if he let it stand in their way for one more day.

He threw down the pillow and stood with purpose. Either he was about to prove that she had nothing to be ashamed of—she was beautiful, scars and all—or he was going to get kicked out on his ass and probably banned from her apartment for good. He tugged off his shorts and strode toward the bathroom. The risk was worth the prize.

* * *

Mandy turned on the water and stepped under the warm spray. The force of the stream washed away the sand and salt. Just when she’d finished lathering up and rinsing off the soap, she heard the click of the bathroom door.

She froze. Oh, no! Justin wouldn’t… would he? Her heart thundered in her ears louder than the water hitting the bathtub floor. She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. Nothing separated them but a flimsy plastic shower curtain.

When Justin pulled the curtain aside, she gasped. He was completely naked, and he was huge. For a second, she forgot to be self-conscious, until he stepped over the tub and drew the curtain.

Mandy twirled on her toes in the opposite direction and wrapped her arms protectively around her breasts, hiding herself from humiliation. How did he think this was okay? “Justin, what are you—”

His lips brushed the back of her neck, and her words immediately disappeared, claimed by the sharp breath she inhaled. He kissed softly along her spine, lingering on the small of her back. He continued down her buttocks and along the back of her thigh.

Mandy couldn’t move, too entranced by his touch. She peered down at him.

He was kneeling behind her, stroking her thighs with worshiping hands. “You’re beautiful.” From the tone of his voice, his words were sincere, but they did nothing to untie the knot in her stomach. He wouldn’t think she was beautiful when he saw what the cancer had done to her. She pressed her arms tighter to her breasts, terrified he’d try to break her hold.

As if he knew those arms were her last barrier of defense, he turned her to face him and kissed lightly up her body. When he reached her belly button, he grasped each of her wrists in his strong hands. He wasn’t gentle as he pulled her arms to her sides. She whimpered, but was powerless against his strength.

Tears began to snake down her face, mixing with the spray of the shower. His mouth trailed toward her scarred breast, inching ever closer. A loud sob racked her body, but he didn’t stop. He knew exactly what he was doing, and it scared the hell out of her.

His lips touched her breast and kissed across the glossy pink skin, cut from side to side. The sensation sent jolts of humiliation and lust through her core. Her sobs came louder and harder.