The Case of the Stolen Film (8 page)

‘I surrender,' said Dirk, hoping that the Desert Dragon on his back had already used up his day's worth of poison.

‘That's real funny,' said an incredulous voice. ‘You come struttin' into my territory, ready to rumble, and you expect me to believe that you surrender? Old Putz ain't no klutz. You're a friend of Kitelsky's, ain't you? I shoulda saw it comin', a cheap trick like this. He don't wanna play fair no more.'

‘Listen, Putz, my name's Dirk Dilly. I'm a detective. I didn't come here to fight and I don't know anyone called Kitelsky,' said Dirk.

‘Dirk Dilly? What kind of silly name is that?'

‘It's my name,' snarled Dirk, ‘and don't call me silly.'

‘You don't get to give orders on my turf, OK, particularly when I found you with your claws ready flicked,' said Putz.

‘I only drew my claws because I heard a noise,' said Dirk.

‘A noise? I didn't make no noise. Old Putz is a silent assailant.'

‘Sure you made a noise,' said another voice.

‘Kitelsky,' growled Putz. ‘I knew it. So he is with you.'

At first it looked to Dirk like one of the Joshua trees was moving, but what Dirk had taken for branches were thick limbs. What had looked like a mound of dead grass at the foot of the tree was a dragon's head at the end of a long neck, with two yellow eyes set in the middle. A tail swung into view, with a cone of white spikes at the end.

‘He ain't wi' me,' said Kitelsky. ‘It looks to me like he's wi' you.'

‘If he were wi' me, why would I be pinning him down, which I am doing, I should say, with no small degree of ease and expertise?' replied Putz.

‘Because that's how you treat your friends, Putz,' replied Kitelsky bitterly.

Dirk felt the weight lift from his back as Putz flew at Kitelsky, his spikes splayed out, but Kitelsky was ready for him, diving out of the way, leaving Putz to land into a roll before jumping back on to all fours and squaring off.

Putz's skin was lighter than Kitelsky's, with sharp green spikes on the end of his tail, and, where Kitelsky had a grassy beard, Putz's craggy chin was visible. He snarled, showing his white teeth.

Maintaining eye contact, the two dragons started to sidestep, head to head, moving in a circle. A bubbling noise came from the backs of their throats. Dirk edged away.

As they paced, he understood what Mrs Klingerflim had meant about their movements being beautiful. They stepped in perfect time with each other. It was like watching a graceful dance.

Then Putz broke step. He opened his mouth wide and spat a stream of luminous green liquid at the other dragon. Kitelsky ducked and the liquid flew over his head, hitting the tree behind him, which hissed as the poison burnt straight through its bark and caused it to fall to the ground.

Neither Desert Dragon looked at the tree, their yellow eyes remaining fixed on each other as they moved
back and forth. Without warning Kitelsky took a sidestep then spat poison at Putz. Putz jumped into the air to avoid it, somersaulting over Kitelsky, who spun round, bringing them face to face again.

‘You're trespassin' on my turf,' said Putz.

‘This ain't your territory and you know it,' replied Kitelsky.

‘I'm claimin' it,' said Putz.

‘You gotta earn it first.'

‘Let's rumble, then.'

The two dragons went at each other with claws, teeth and spikes. As vicious as it looked, it seemed to Dirk that they knew each other's moves so well that they barely made contact. It looked more like an elaborate routine than a real fight.

After a while the two dragons began to tire.

‘Your Mountain Dragon ain't gettin' involved, then,' said Putz, standing back.

‘I told you, he ain't wi' me,' replied Kitelsky.

‘Well, he ain't wi' me either,' said Putz.

They both turned to look at Dirk.

‘You only get one dose of poison a day,' said Dirk, who had been ready for this. ‘I get fire 24-7.'

He sent flames billowing forward, setting the fallen branch on fire. The Desert Dragons stepped back from
the burning tree.

‘You fire dragons are all the same,' said Putz. ‘You think you're so much better than us. It still don't change the fact that you're trespassin' on my turf.'

‘Putz, this is Mo's turf,' said Kitelsky. ‘And you're only jealous. Putz is always trying to breathe fire.'

‘No I ain't,' said Putz.

‘You're pathetic,' said Kitelsky.

‘Are there any other dragons in the area?' asked Dirk.

‘Not since Mo left, no,' said Kitelsky. ‘Just us two. Why?'

‘Where were you at dawn this morning?' asked Dirk.

‘We were scufflin',' said Kitelsky.

‘What's that mean?'

‘It's when you fight for your territory,' said Putz. ‘You beat a dragon in a scuffle and you got their turf. We do it at sunrise and sunset on the borders of our territory.'

‘Yeah, and you never beaten Mo, so this ain't your turf,' said Kitelsky.

‘Only cos he ain't here to scuffle wi' me,' said Putz, squaring up for another fight.

‘I'm not interested in your territorial disputes,' said
Dirk, sending another blast of fire into the air as a warning.

‘What do you want, then?' said Kitelsky.

‘Two dragons were caught on film this morning,' said Dirk. ‘You know what film is, I take it?'

‘Of course we do,' said Kitelsky. ‘You can't live in California without knowing what film is.'

‘That's right,' said Putz. ‘We ain't stupid.'

‘Then you'll know that the punishment for being seen by a human is banishment to the Inner Core,' said Dirk.

‘The Inner Core?' said Putz, the colour draining from his face.

‘What's it to you, anyway, Dilly?' said Kitelsky. ‘You come here saying we done this and that. We don't even know you.'

‘You know what?' snapped Dirk angrily. ‘You're right, I should leave you to it. I was going to find and destroy the tape but now I might just go home and crack open a fresh bottle of squash in front of a good movie instead.'

‘Hey, don't be so hasty,' said Putz. ‘Kitelsky don't mean to disrespect you or nuttin'. Do you, Kitelsky?'

‘I don't trust him,' said Kitelsky. ‘How do we know he ain't gonna do the dirty on us?'

‘I haven't got time for this. I'm going to retrieve that tape and save your spiky necks,' said Dirk, turning to leave. He could tell that the Desert Dragons didn't know any more than they were letting on. He was wasting his time.

‘Where you going?' said Kitelsky.

‘Los Angeles,' replied Dirk.

‘We're comin' wi' you,' said Kitelsky.

‘Are you outa your mind, Kitelsky?' said Putz. ‘I ain't going to no human city.'

‘You stay here, then,' replied Kitelsky. ‘I don't trust this Mountain Dragon.'

‘I work alone,' said Dirk.

‘Did I say I was givin' you the choice?' said Kitelsky. ‘If there's a film showin' me and Putz, I ain't gonna sit around and leave it to no out-of-town detective to sort out.'

‘I'm goin' if you're goin',' said Putz.

‘And what do you know about city life?' said Dirk.

‘That ain't the point. Like it or not, we're comin' wi' you,' said Kitelsky.

This is weird,' said Archie, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a jelly bean.

‘It's really weird,' agreed Holly.

They were sitting on wooden chairs in the front row of an exact replica of Little Hope Village Hall where Holly's school concert had taken place. The fake hall was perfect down to the finest detail, except for one of the walls being missing, revealing that they were actually inside a huge hangar in the World Studios. Where the wall should have been were cameras and hundreds of people who bustled around with clipboards and expensive-looking equipment. Chase Lampton sat in a director's chair wearing a pair of
sunglasses and a look of frustration.

During the eleven takes so far Petal hadn't even come close to remembering the words to the dreary song her mother had written for the grand finale of the film.

To keep everyone occupied between takes Theo Leggett was telling the band members their character names in case it helped them get into their parts.

Holly, Archie and Miss Gilfeather were in the audience, so they didn't have character names.

‘On third trumpet we have Holly Bigsby,' said Theo, pointing at a blonde girl with exceptionally white teeth.

‘Excellent likeness,' said Miss Gilfeather under her breath.

‘So is yours,' said Holly, pointing to the stick-thin, beautiful young actress who was playing Miss Gilfeather and waving a baton around.

‘What does that woman think she's doing?' said Miss Gilfeather.

‘Looks like she's sword-fighting the Invisible Man,' said Archie.

Miss Gilfeather allowed herself a tiny smile. ‘It's certainly not conducting,' she said. ‘That emaciated young lady couldn't conduct a survey on whether
monkeys like bananas. And as for that Lampton boy, he looks like he's never seen a French horn before.'

Dante Lampton was sitting at the front of the stage, in character as Callum Thackley, holding the instrument upside down.

‘OK, everybody.' Chase spoke through a loudhailer. ‘We're ready for another take. Petal Moses to set, please.'

Petal Moses arrived in one of the little white buggies used to shuttle the more important cast members to and from the VIP area. She got out of the buggy and drifted on to the set, wearing an extremely sparkly dress. She took her place in front of the stage, took a deep breath and said, ‘I'm ready.'

‘Quiet on set, please.
Petal – The Movie
, scene fifty-six, take twelve,' shouted a man with a clapperboard.

The lights dimmed and the music began.

‘Excellent, I love this tune,' said Archie, forcing Holly to stifle her giggles.

‘Don't make me laugh,' she said. ‘I need the loo.'

‘I bet you a jelly bean she messes up again,' whispered Archie.

‘Be quiet,' scolded Miss Gilfeather. ‘We'll only have to hear it again.'

‘All she has to do is mime along with herself. How difficult can it be?' said Holly, under her breath.

As if in answer to her question, Chase shouted, ‘Cut!'

‘Anything wrong, Chase, darling?' asked Petal sweetly.

‘Petal, love, remember what we said about moving your mouth in time with the words,' replied the director.

‘I'm sorry, Chase. I keep forgetting where I come in.'

‘You've got four bars, then the twiddly piano bit, then you come in,' said Chase.

‘Oh yes. Sorry, Chase.'

‘That's fine,' said Chase patiently.

‘Dad, can I ask something?' said Dante.

‘Sure thing, son,' replied Chase.

‘I was thinking that my character would be fairly conflicted here, you know, pleased that he is in the concert but bitter that Petal's getting the limelight, like both happy and unhappy at the same time. Like this.'

Dante pulled a face.

‘He looks more like he's both constipated and got diarrhoea at the same time,' said Archie.

Holly shook with laughter. ‘Stop it! I really need the toilet,' she said.

‘That's perfect, son,' said Chase. ‘OK, let's take a fifteen-minute break, then we'll go for it one more time.'

‘Great! I'm going to the toilet,' said Holly.

‘I'd hurry. I don't think you're the only one with that idea,' said Miss Gilfeather, pointing at the swarm of people heading in the same direction. Holly and Archie tried to get through, but the crowd was bottle-necking at the door by the stage.

‘Let's try a short cut,' said Archie, walking around the side of the wall.

Holly's heart sank when she saw that there was already a long queue coming from the girls' toilets.

‘I'm bursting,' she moaned.

‘Hi, guys,' said Dante as he passed them on one of the electric buggies, sitting next to his dad.

‘I bet they don't have to queue for the toilet,' said Archie.

‘I know, but you need one of those passes,' replied Holly, watching as the buggy reached a doorway and a security guard checked their passes and waved them through.

‘If only you could turn invisible,' said Archie, with a
wide grin. ‘Oh, hold on …You can.'

Holly smiled then said, ‘What about you?'

‘I'll be fine – the queue isn't as long for the boys. I'll cause a diversion. Look, there's Theo.' Theo Leggett was driving a buggy towards the exit. Archie ran over to him. ‘Excuse me, Mr Leggett,' he said.

Theo slammed his foot on the brake. ‘Hey, be careful,' he said.

‘Sorry, Mr Leggett, sir, but I've been meaning to ask how you get to become an assistant director.'