The Champion (Racing on the Edge) (51 page)

It turned out Arie was fine. She did end up with
pneumonia from it but she was alive and the boys seemed to have learned their
lesson. We couldn’t ask for much more than that.

Cold Pits – Sway

Whether you want to or not, there comes a point when
you’re interested in what the public thought of you. I don’t care who you are,
you will at some point. I did.

I don’t know why I hadn’t
Googled
myself but when
I did, I wished I hadn’t.

It was times like this that I forced myself blind and
only saw what I wanted to. It didn’t matter. All I saw were lies but then I
started to believe them.

There was tons of hate websites on me
and
Jameson.
There were pictures of my husband with other women and pictures of my kids. It
made me sick. I wasn’t worried about the other women, I had no need to. I knew
it was happening, there was no way for him to get away from them at times and
yes, photographs were snapped at times making it seem like he was with them
...
he wasn’t. I will admit though, when
Jameson denied it was happening, that irritated me. Especially when it came to
Nadia, a woman who was around him constantly and there were many pictures of
them together. I knew what the pictures represented but he’d blown them off as
though they meant nothing.

To me, they meant something.

Lying to me wasn’t the answer. I knew why he did it but
lying
was never the answer.

Even with those pit lizards, and Nadia, all over my
husband and Jameson insisting it wasn’t happening, what bothered me the most
were the pictures of my children. It felt like an invasion of privacy. Like having
your home broken into, only now the whole world saw. Free to judge your dirty
laundry the way they perceived it. Only they based their theories upon lies.

Three cups of coffee and half dozen donuts later, I was
still on the internet.

Jameson called around four to tell me that he was on his
way home from the shop. He and Justin had been preparing the sprint cars for
next season and he was set to leave for Daytona tomorrow night for the
beginning of Speedweeks. Every spare minute he had was spent at the shop with
JAR Racing.

So by five, I was now wearing sweats and still on the
internet while contemplating making comfort cookies or fudge, lots of fudge.

I couldn’t believe some of this bullshit out there. The
articles and debates about Darrin and Jameson were sickening. I knew what
really happened but the idea that there were assholes out there that were still
caught up in it some twelve years later was maddening. I won’t lie. There was
part of me that thought Darrin was still alive. It’s the thoughts that scare me
the most now that we had children. Those were the fears that screamed for me to
convince Jameson to run away with me and never look back.

When Jameson had finally come home, my laptop was in
pieces on the floor in the kitchen.

He smirked. “Did it talk back or something?”

“According to Wikipedia
...
”
I began but stopped when his eyes flashed with anger.

Jameson groaned and walked out of the room. “Not that
again.”

I told him everything I had read and then all the sites
that believed Jameson had killed Darrin and all the crap about Darrin still
being alive when he turned sharply on his heel to face me. “I don’t care what
those fucking websites say. He’s dead as far as I’m concerned. Don’t Google
that goddamn shit again.” His face was dark and demanding. “I mean it Sway.”

Despite what the websites said, even if Darrin was alive,
it didn’t matter. As Jameson said, as far as he was concerned Darrin was dead.
We’d moved on, so we thought. Everyone thinks we have this perfect life because
we make millions each year and Jameson gets to race in an elite series every
year but we have problems just like everyone else. We fight just like every
other married couple over the same shit every other married couple fights
about. But we had other pressures most don’t see. Our lives were in the public
eye.

“I won’t.” I finally said nearly in tears. It’d been a
rough day.

He sighed.

“Honey, I just
...
I
don’t
want
this. I want to forget about it and
...
I can’t. I’ve
tried
  but I can’t. So please, help
me by not bringing it up.”

I understood why he wanted to forget, but in the same
sense, I didn’t really want to forget everything. It was something we needed to
remember for the sake of our children. The moment we let our guard down with
them was the moment something would happen.

Too many times I’d had to have Van rescue me at the track
or a restaurant when a crazed fan took it too far. That’s why I never forgot.
It was a reminder of how hostile this world really was and how fragile the
lives of our family were.

Jameson wanted to forget and I would respect that because
his was more of the violence. Regardless of what many people believe, Jameson
is not a violent person and tends to shy away from conflict in racing if he
can. But he does believe in his ability and if someone questions it, lord help
them.

Tommy stopped by on his way to Dog Hollow that night.
“Hey Sway,” he called out and then headed up to get Casten and Arie. I didn’t
pay much attention to him as he frequently took my kids for the night. Tommy
may not be the most mature person I’d ever met but for the most part, he was
good with my kids and that’s all that mattered to me.

“I’m borrowing them.” He told me before leaving.

Later that night, I apologized to Jameson.

“I’m sorry.” I told him crawling into bed.

He was on NASCAR’s website checking out an article they
wrote about him the other day.

He looked up for a moment and then back down at the
screen.

“I’m not okay with you believing that shit they put on
the internet.”

“I said I was sorry.”

“I know.” His expression didn’t seem like he knew though.

“Are you mad at me?”

“No honey.” He sighed resting his head against the
headboard and pushing the laptop aside.

His arms wrapped protectively around me. I realized what
his expression wasn’t telling me that his arms did. He wanted to protect me and
couldn’t. It wasn’t that he couldn’t, he just felt that he hadn’t so far.

That was a fear Jameson constantly had. As my husband, he
felt it was his responsibility to do this and he couldn’t. Not just with Darrin
but with everyone
...
look at Garrett when
he came into our hotel room and then somehow got my cell phone number.

Jameson couldn’t be with me every day and that scared
him. Over the years I began to understand the feeling but I would never truly
understand what it meant to Jameson to provide a safe place for me and his
children. It’s a feeling only a man can understand.

Despite my feelings to what I found on the internet that
day, I never brought up everything I found but then again I thought I’d leave
it alone for now.

Tommy returned with Arie and Casten the next day and his
new girl he’d met the night before.

She went on to talk about how she loved my kids and
thought they were the greatest, especially Casten.

That’s when I asked Tommy’s intentions.

“Fire crotch,” he quirked an eyebrow at me and I smiled
knowing he hated that nick name. “Are you using my children to get women?”

He kind of choked. He kind of snickered. And then again,
he kind of laughed. All that confirmed my theory.

“Why would you think that?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because all these women seem to
love my kids.”

He shrugged and reached for a beer in the fridge and then
sat down beside me at the table. I could see Arie and Casten talking with the
new girl in the living room.

“Hey, I was thinking maybe they could come with me to
Jacksonville for the weekend.”

“No, Casten has a race and Arie has dance class.”

“Oh, well, how about I claim them on my taxes then?” He
blurted out.

“Why?”

“They spend enough time with me. It’s only fair.”

“Are you really that stupid?”

“Sometimes.” He admitted and then caught a glimpse of
Jameson walking down the stairs. He leaned forward. “Don’t say anything to
Jameson,” he caught himself and then glared. “Never mind, you will.”

“Oh hey Jameson,” I grabbed his hand as he walked past.
“Tommy here wants to claim our kids on his taxes.”

Jameson stopped and looked at Tommy. “Why?”

“That girl in there thinks are kids are his. He’s trying
to make it legit.”

“I never said that.” Tommy added and then wrinkled his
nose. “It sounds horrible when you say it like that.”

“Is it true?” Jameson asked him and then poured himself a
cup of coffee. He looked into the living room at the girl and then smiled at
Tommy knowing what he’d done.

“Yeah,” Tommy hung his head in shame. “It’s true. In my
defense, they could pass for my kids.”

“Why do lie to these girls?” I asked Tommy shaking my
head in laughter. “What’s not to love about an overly confident orange head
with commitment issues?”

“I don’t know why I subject myself to this torture.” Tommy
rose from the table but grinned despite are verbal abuse and took another beer
from the fridge on his way out.

Every year when our family is finally all together we
take a big family picture. I
mean
everyone.

We have our family, Spencer and Alley, Aiden and Emma,
and then Jimi and Nancy, including all the grandkids.

This was never a good experience in the ten years we’d
been doing it. Something bad always happened. It was similar to the holidays we
spent together.

So that morning around nine, we all met at the Carolina
Beach in North Carolina.

I might point out right about now that Emma and Nancy
arranged this every year. No one in their right mind, in our family anyway,
questioned anything Nancy said, ever. And Emma, well we just went with the
flow, it was easier that way. It was similar to trying to control Axel and
Casten’s hair in the morning. If you messed with it, it was worse. Mess with
Emma, life became hell.

Getting my family there without an argument was an
ordeal.

It started in the car on the way there when Arie laid
into Jameson about want to get her nipples pierced. I for one tried to warn her
that today was not a good day to be asking him questions like this but she
never listened to me. I don’t why I thought she’d start now.

“Dad,” Arie caught his attention and he looked in the
rearview mirror at her. That’s when she went in for the kill with her pleading
eyes and smile. “I was thinking that I would like to get my nipples pierced.”

Jameson’s nervous chuckle rang through the car at Arie’s
request. “She’s not serious, is she?”

I shrugged and pretended to find my cell phone
interesting. “She’s your daughter. What do you think?”

“Dad, it’s just my nipples. No one will see it but me.”

“Or maybe you just want—” Arie’s hand cut off her younger
brothers remarks before they could be heard.

“Never mind,” Arie mumbled slumping back into her seat.
“I never get to do anything.”

“Oh yeah?” Jameson challenged. “Sway,” he turned to me.
“Who is that little girl you take to dance lesson’s each week?”

I laughed and that shut Arie up about wanting a piercing.
I had a feeling I needed to school her on when to bring up this sort of thing.
But if I was being honest with you, I wasn’t exactly okay with the idea of my
eleven-year old daughter having a nipple pierced just because her cousin did.
If only Spencer knew that his beautiful blue eyed only daughter had done this
at ten. He didn’t know by the way.

Jameson was grumpy the entire driver because he had to
catch a plan to Daytona in a few hours and then his daughter talking about
piercing herself wasn’t exactly helping his mood.

He also claimed he had no time to be taking pictures.

Axel was being just as grumpy because he’d apparently
changed out the rear end in his midget only to have it leak oil all night.

Arie was not thrilled about getting her picture taken
either. I don’t know why she did this but she never wanted her picture taken
and Casten, well he was adding fuel to the fire. Any time he sensed his
siblings annoyed in any way, he tried his hardest to send them over the edge.
Nancy found Casten humorous because if you take Spencer, Emma, Jameson, and me
and add all those personalities together
...
you
got Casten Anthony Riley.

“Leave me alone asshole!” Arie pushed Casten on the
ground when we got out of the Escalade. “You’re such a little jerk.”

“Arie,” Jameson warned in his stern fatherly tone. “Knock
it off.”

I cringed at my little girl’s use of words.

“He started it.”

“I don’t give a shit
who
started it. Just act like
normal children.”

Arie snorted sarcastically. “And how do normal children
act, dad?”

“How should I know,” Jameson shrugged checking his phone
and Casten chuckled at him picking himself up from the pavement. “Where the
fuck is everyone at? Let’s get this shit over with.”

And that it why my children cuss like truckers.

Casten started in with Arie again and Jameson grabbed
Casten by the collar of his shirt. “You’re going to behave today.” He told him.

“Yeah, sure.” Casten laughed at his father’s weak attempt
at controlling him.

“I mean it. You fuck this up and I’m sending you to
boarding school.”

Casten and I both knew that would never happen. I’d bail
him out within twenty-four hours.

“School it is.” Jameson glared at me. “And don’t you think
about bailing him out. I know you. He needs to learn manners.”

Casten being the smartass I always knew him to be,
smiled. “Oh daddy, please don’t.”