The Chariots Slave (16 page)

“S ellah?”

“Dominus?” She could have sworn she had heard
Thaddius call her name. She rubbed her eyes and sat up,
clutching the blanket to her body as she looked around.

A dark shadow covered her as a large form blocked out the
little light she had. Panic gripped at her chest. Why was her
Dominus here? Had she slept in? Did she forget to see to one
of the chores he had demanded of her?

But when she looked at him, there was something she had
never seen before in his gaze. Part of her wondered if it was
remorse, but she couldn’t be sure. She tried to keep her body
from shaking as she asked the question that was plaguing her
mind.

“Dominus… have I done something to upset you?”

His back straightened and he took a step back. The
distance between them helped Sellah relax. If he had come to
punish her, he would not step away. But his eyes, his eyes
held a look that confused and saddened her.

“Dominus?” she asked, wondering if his silence meant he
hadn’t heard her.

 



Yet he did not respond and continued to take step after
step backwards.

 

*

Finally, he could no longer bear to look at her and turned
to face the door. He struggled to clear his throat and form his
words.

“I do not want you to move the grain sacks today,” he
stammered as he kept his back to her and his shaky hand
outstretched for the door.

“But I don’t understand. Did I not move them to your
satisfaction?”
With a sigh of frustration, he dropped his hands to his
side. “It is not that, Sellah.…” he paused to find the words to
say but none seemed suitable. “It is my command that is all.”
With his head held high he stumbled away from the door
and over to Diana’s stall, hoping that his beloved horse’s
soothing touch would wipe away some of the torment that
grew within him. But when he came to the stall, it was empty.
“What is the meaning of this? Where is Diana?” Surprise
and anger filled his tone.
“Apologies Dominus, but she sleeps beside me. I did not
think it would upset you.”
“She slept by you?” He needed to be sure he had heard
her correctly.
Sellah timidly nodded her head and looked in the direction
of the sleeping horse. It took Thaddius five strides to make it
to her side. His eyes widened in astonishment as he saw
Diana stretched peacefully beside Sellah. His hand rose to



point and his mouth formed words, yet none came forth. Why
hadn’t he noticed her there before?

*

Uncomfortable with their close proximity, Sellah pressed
herself as far back as she could. Thaddius had been acting
unlike himself, and now she was worried what he would do.

“It will not happen again. I will leave Diana to sleep
alone.” She hoped this offering would lessen her impending
punishment.

*

His face jerked away from the horse, and he stared at
Sellah, trying to read her expression. He held her captive with
his gaze for moments that seemed like eternity before he
finally spoke.

“I used to sneak in here as a young boy and sleep with
Diana. Something about spending nights away from the
domus and in this place was peaceful to me.”

He had never told anyone about this and here he was
telling Sellah. The vulnerability of his doing so confused him,
and he clenched his hands into fists at his side.

*

 

Sellah found herself relating to what he had said. “I, too,
would leave my home. My father was a drunk, and I couldn’t



stand being around him when he participate in the drink. I
would go to an abandoned hut outside town and fall asleep to
the sounds of nature. It was my safe place. I knew he couldn’t
hurt me there.” Recognizing the look on his face as one of
camaraderie, she offered him a half smile.

*

Feelings he did not know how to describe began to blind
him from reason. He had the urge to tell her everything, every
fear, every hurt, every action that brought him to this place.

“Sellah, may I sit by you?” He motioned beside her and
studied her face, waiting impatiently for her response.

 

*

It was with uncertainty that she offered a quick head nod,
signaling it would be permitted. She watched his every move,
the way his troubled brow softened, the way his shoulders
seemed to relax. Who was this man before her? It was
definitely not the Dominus she had had for the past few days.

Sitting precariously close to Sellah, he tilted his head so he
could look at her.
The warmth of his leg pressed next to hers sent shivers of
caution through Sellah. This was her Dominus, not just an
ordinary man, and it was not appropriate for her to touch him.
And yet sitting so close, talking about their past seemed to
make sense. Feel normal. Like two friends connecting, not
like master and slave.



“Thaddius, I….”
“I like it when you call me by my name,” he interrupted.
They held each other’s gaze, both in confusion over the

natural familiarity that suddenly overcame them.

Inside of Sellah, in a deep forgotten place, she began to
remember the look they had exchanged the night of the
auction when they first locked eyes. She recalled how he had
rescued her and Accalia from Barachius. And how every time
he looked at her, his eyes saw more than her color, more than
her frame. His eyes saw deep into her soul. But even though
those feelings and memories resurfaced, she couldn’t help but
feel the fear and pain she also held toward this man. After all,
he had had her beaten and forced her to sleep in the stables.

Diana lifted her head and snorted before resting it back
down on her crossed legs. This acted as the perfect distraction
for Sellah, allowing her to pull her gaze from Thaddius’s
penetrating eyes. How could she feel so much positive and
negative energy toward the same person?

“Sellah…look at me please,” his large hand took her head
and turned it to face him. For some reason she did not fear
him.

“Sellah, I am sorry how men have treated you. Your
father, Acestes, and… myself. You deserve better. As Vettius
says, you are a treasure.”

*

The words formed on their own and his lips delivered his
message. But he did not resist them, in fact, he welcomed
them. Sellah was deserving, deserving of better than he. And



even though it pained him to admit it, Simeon was a man who
would treat her with respect. He took his eyes from her
penetrating stare and kicked at the straw covered ground.

“Simeon is a lucky man,” he mumbled.

 

*

She cocked her head and looked at him, her heart beating
at a rapid pace. Thaddius had just offered her kindness. A
kindness that captivated her body and sent flutters of
heightened pleasure across her skin. But what had he meant
about Simeon? He couldn’t have known about that night they
were alone in the medicos tent, could he?

“Thaddius, what do….”
“Thaddius! There you are gorgeous. I was worried about
you,” Calista cooed as she sauntered into the stables. Upon
seeing the girl, Sellah pulled away from Thaddius. When she
neared the pair, Thaddius stood out of respect and greeted
her. But the tension that had left his brow and shoulders
returned, and Sellah couldn’t help but wonder why.

*

 

“Calista, why are you here?” he asked, as he tried to
lessen the sharp edge of his words with a smile.

Despite the smile, she took offense and looked knowingly
to Sellah.
“I have not interrupted anything have I?” she asked in a
condescending manner.
Thaddius turned to look upon Sellah, pausing to memorize
her face. He knew what he had to do; he had to allow himself



to forget the feelings that were beginning to grow within him.
Sellah was not his, she was Simeon’s, and rightfully so.

While Calista annoyed him, she was beautiful and well
bred. Not to mention, better suited overall to marry someone
like him, someone with a darkened past and bleak future.
Yes, he would forget Sellah. He had to.

“No, you have interrupted
nothing,”
he said, emphasizing
the word he knew would bring pleasure to Calista and pain to
Sellah.

“Come Calista, I am starving.” He wrapped his arm
around her waist and practically carried her away from Sellah
and out of the stables.

They had barely left the stables before they saw one of the
guards running full speed toward them.
“My lord the gate, they have breached the gate!”
Thaddius dropped his arm from around Calista’s waist,
leaving her alone as he ran after the guard to the front of his
villa.
It was worse than he had expected. The guards were
injured and leaning against each other for support. Small fires
were scattered around the grounds. But most worrisome was
the angry horde of women who had broken open the gates
and were preparing to initiate their main attack.
Without thinking of the danger of his actions, he
approached the gate and raised his hands in an attempt to
silence the girls.
“I need to apologize to you all.” He waited patiently until
they stilled.
Before him stood a living, breathing mass of anger ready
to rip him apart if he spoke the wrong words. If this was the
end, then he would leave the world a good man, the man he



knew he was in the depths of his heart. The one Vettius had
reminded him of.

“It is not right for me to use you, or others like you, for my
purposes. You are not instruments of pleasure.”
He paused to let his words sink in.
“You are women who deserve both respect and love. I
have not given these to you, nor will I be able to. I have
developed feelings for another though she does not return my
feelings. In fact, she loves someone else. I can no longer deny
that my heart yearns for more than mere pleasure. I want
something like what this girl could have offered if she was
not already pledged to another man. Every day I am tortured
with reminders of how I feel. And until I admit these feelings,
I will not be free. I will continue to abuse and hurt those
around me, those like you. So please, I am deeply troubled
for giving you empty promises and for using you to avoid my
true feelings.”
The cold steel of the gate matched the determined look in
the eyes of the girls. His throat was dry as he awaited their
response, awaited his fate. It was the first time he had been
honest with his feelings of love, and he had done so to a
group of harlots.
Awkward moments passed before a soft touch against his
rough hand gave him courage to meet the eyes of the girls.
“Thank you,” one said before she turned to leave. And
then another and another.
Soon the mob dwindled to just a few girls. He watched as
those remaining studied him, trying to judge if his words
were true or well-rehearsed. Not knowing what he could say
to help them believe him, he chose silence to let his last
words stand.




Finally, one of the girls’ faces softened as she walked up
to the gate. “She is lucky, you must tell her what you told
us.” And then she turned to follow the last of the women.




 

T haddius raised his hands and wrapped them around the

back of his neck before he turned to his guards.
“Holy Minerva, did that just happen? They actually left!”
“You’re words were like honey on their lips, Dominus.

Did you mean what you said?” one of the guards asked.
Thaddius recognized the look the guard gave him as one
wanting to know if he had a weakness. Love. That was a
weakness.
“Of course not! I said what they wanted to hear, nothing
more.” Thaddius paced back and forth giving himself a
moment to calm back down. He had been scared, petrified.
For the first time he was truly within death’s grasp, and it
wasn’t behind the wheels of a chariot as he had always



imagined. This time death by a mob of angry harlots had
been waiting just outside his villa’s gates.

“Clean this up. I must head back to the trigarium and
continue training.” He waved toward the mess and burning
debris before he set out in a determined march back to the
drivers.