The Cheer Leader (11 page)

“Ready, Buff?” Nancy asked and leaned against the doorway. Bobby could not take his eyes off of her and I noticed in him a weakness that I had never seen before. He looked as helpless as Pat Reeves so often looked, a look that I could not imagine ever seeing on Red's face.

“I've been ready.” Buffy stood up. She tossed the magazine and when it slid to the floor she didn't even bother to pick it up. She was just that cool.

“You don't have to go,” Bobby said. “Bruce isn't home, yet.”

“I'm so tired,” Nancy said. “And I know that Buffy is, aren't you?” Buffy nodded and Bobby seemed to shrink back. “It's been so good to see you, Bob.” Nancy kissed him quickly on the mouth and he bounced back, best all round as ever.

“Yeah, maybe we can get together again sometime when I come home.” Bobby shrugged. I was proud of him. He had bounced from beggar to nonchalant.

“Maybe,” Nancy said. “Buff and I are going back to Meredith in three weeks. I just can't wait to get back.” That was a subtle punch in Bobby's gut but he didn't even blink.

“God, yes,” Buffy said. “You know it's hard times when you go to a party like the one tonight. Talk about red-necks!”

“Amen!” Nancy said and for some reason I took it personally. I thought that Dwayne was a red-neck, too, but the remark was said to encompass Red and thus, to encompass me. It was like I wasn't even there and I had to say something.

“Do Y'all know Sally?” I asked. “She just finished at Meredith.”

“Of course we do,” Buffy whispered. “I had to talk to her most of the evening while I waited on my friend.” She punched Nancy in the arm. “She's weird,” Buffy mouthed to me and Nancy laughed. “Amen!”

“Your sister's cute, Bobby,” Buffy said and walked onto the porch. “You better give her a good talk about you know who.”

Nancy looked at me and smiled as though she were on
my side and then she mussed Bobby's hair like he might be four years old. “See ya, Bob.” He looked four years old and I watched him watch her and listen to the shrill girlish laughter that followed them to Nancy's car and then stopped suddenly with the closing of the door.

“I'm tired,” I said, hoping that Bobby would say the same. Already there had been too long a delay in being able to think over my night.

“She's something, isn't she?” Bobby asked and shook his head.

“She sure is,” I agreed, knowing that Bobby would take that the way that he wanted it to be.

“Did you have fun?” He was still staring out the window to where he had been sitting on the porch.

“Yeah,” I said, “Red is really a nice person.”

“Well, just watch out.” He turned from the window. “You know he's got quite a reputation.”

“No, I didn't,” I said, knowing that Bobby had been spurred on by everything that Buffy had to say. Buffy never should have let the situation get out of control. No, I was different and Red could see that. Red could protect me and I would be perfectly safe with him.

“Well, he does,” Bobby said. “I think he's sort of crazy.”

“That's what Buffy and Nancy say,” I said. “But he's not that way. You didn't think so, either, until you started listening to them.”

“I hope you're right,” he said and got that stern look on his face. “Just be careful.” I wanted to say “you be careful, beggarman, fool” but I didn't because I love
Bobby, because I didn't want him to tell that I came in late, because now I had a cause, a reason to do whatever I did. Red was different from what Bobby said and I'd have to prove it. There was no need to tell anyone or even try to explain because time would explain for me. Red didn't want anything to mess up what we had going; we had something going and it was going to be perfect.

“Don't worry, Bobby,” I said with complete confidence. “You know I think that Nancy is really crazy about you.”

“Why do you think that?” he asked and could not hide the pleased look on his face.

“I just do.” It slid as easily from my mouth as “Yes, you look just like an Ethiopian Princess.”

“Night,” he said when I turned to go and under the pretense of waiting for Bruce, he returned to his seat in the swing, no doubt to savor some hopeless and ludicrous fantasy about Nancy Carson.

When I went into the room, Sally was still up reading something like chemistry. She was going to start graduate school in just a few weeks. Sally really was a nice girl, very smart, though totally unattractive with her straight chopped hair and wire rim glasses that were too small for her full face.

“What do you want to major in, Jo?” she finally asked after I told her that the only school that I was interested in was U.N.C. She was worse than the guidance counselor at school.

“I don't know.”

“Well, what are you interested in?” She stuck a box of Ritz Crackers towards me and I shook my head. It was starting to throb a little.

“Have you had any chemistry?”

“I had a reaction tonight,” I said and that was so unlike me. Sally's nice girl eyes behind the tiny frames were giving me the once over and I could tell that she was thinking that I was very immature. I didn't care. All I wanted to do was climb in that other bed and go to sleep, pretending that I was still kissing Red. It was a puzzle; I wanted a mature, smart girl like Sally to think that I was silly, and I wanted a silly, snooty girl like Buffy to find me very mature, intelligent and sincere. Clearly, there was something wrong in that and I started thinking that there must be an inbetween between the silly beauty and the smart wallflower, between an All American like Bobby and a careless, fun-loving red-neck. Red was the inbetween and it came to me that so was I. I thought first about how I would explain to Tricia that I really didn't keep an eye on Tom Fulton, what I would tell my mother about that stain on the front of my dress, but then I went back to Red, and I fell asleep with a picture of him in my mind, a successful businessman who has a carefree look about him and has earned the right to be that way, and of myself, a glamorous wife and mother who nonchalantly is always nominated and elected to various titles and positions, but who reserves herself and time for her husband and home. The picture was sharp and clear each time that I awoke to that wonderful hazy darkness that promises more sleep, more dreaming time, and not once did I ever
consider anything negative, that Red could have gone back to that party and gotten up with someone else, that he had fallen asleep without a thought of me, for my feelings were so strong that I knew it had to be the same for him.

For the rest of the summer, Red and I were inseparable. I still went to the lake with Tricia, Lisa and Cindy, but as soon as Red got there, we would swim out to the tower to sun so that we could be alone, or we'd just go up and sit in his car, maybe ride to Hardees or to the other side of the lake where there was a thick wooded area with lots of dirt roads. A few times, I even walked down to the shady end of the lake with Red. I didn't want to and everyone was shocked that I did but I felt that I owed it to Red; after all, he had gone to parties with me at Tricia's or at Lisa's, not to mention the fact that he was very tolerant of the teasing that they had suddenly begun to dish out. “Had any good pot lately?” Lisa would ask in a very matter of fact way, and I couldn't tell if she was trying to irk me or make Red feel funny or both. Even Cindy had begun to make comments here and there like about how Red always stared at girls' breasts when he was talking to them, or how the pupils of his eyes looked funny sometimes.

“Even I break a date every now and then so that I can spend time with my friends,” Lisa said on the way to the lake one day. “No guy is that important.”

“If a guy really likes you, then he understands that you want to be with your girlfriends once in awhile,” Tricia
added. They were ganging up on me and I looked at Cindy to see what she was going to say. After all, she was my oldest and closest friend. She just looked away.

“But what about the pact?” I asked. “The pact where you can break a date with the girls at any time if there's a guy involved.”

“Break one,” Lisa said. “To do that, you at least have to make one.”

“I thought Y'all would understand,” I said and I felt for a minute like I was going to cry. I had never been ganged up on before, ever. “I've always understood when Y'all were dating someone. I didn't think you thought any less of me.”

“Who's had a date lately?” Tricia asked. “I've given up on Tom Fulton, no thanks to you, of course.”

“I told you, Red doesn't even really know Tom.”

“Yeah, well you didn't even look out for me that night you went to the party.” Tricia was staring straight ahead, gripping the wheel. “I would have tried to help you out.”

“We did help her out,” Lisa continued. “What about all of those days that we circled K-Mart? What about the past few weeks when you've wanted to ride by and put a note on his car or something?” She stared at me and I could no longer keep the tears back. Cindy had gotten very quiet and was staring out the window. I suddenly realized that they had probably been talking about me, making fun of me for weeks.

“I'm sorry,” I said. “I had no idea that Y'all felt this way.” Part of me kept thinking that they were jealous, that if they all had boyfriends, they wouldn't be doing
that to me. And yet, it also crossed my mind that if I had to choose between them and Red that I would choose Red; at least Red understood.

“You won't even go out with us the nights that you're not out with Red,” Lisa said, her voice softening. “Hell, you've never been to Fat Mama's!” She laughed and I could tell, now, that she was sorry that she had made me cry.

“But I don't like to drink.”

“God, we're not going to pour it down your throat.” Tricia was not ready to lighten up. “You could just go, but no, what do you do, sit home and wait for Red to call from God knows where.”

“He's usually tired after working.”

“Yeah,” Tricia said and she glanced at Cindy and then at Lisa from the rearview mirror, like maybe she knew something.

“Well, we can't afford to go out every night,” I said. “And he can't come over and sit at my house and watch T.V. all the time.” Those were Red's exact words.

“Well go to the movies with us tonight,” Cindy said. “It's got Robert Redford and Paul Newman.”

“
The Sting
?” I asked and Cindy nodded. “Red and I saw it the other night.”

“It figures,” Tricia said but then finally, she began to let up. “We can see what else is on, though.”

“No,
The Sting
is good,” I said. “I wouldn't mind seeing it again.”

“Then it's a date!” Lisa said and by then we were at the lake. They weren't mad at me anymore or at least
weren't saying those things to me, but I still could not get over what had happened and I could not help but feel a little uncomfortable, a little resentful. I didn't see Red anywhere and I guess it was obvious that I kept looking for him.

“Wonder where he is?” Lisa asked and I just shook my head as if I didn't care. I didn't fool them or myself.

“Hey, I see Red,” Tricia said. “He's down there in that car.”

She pointed to the shady end where there were several cars parked. “I think it's him, there, in the backseat of that blue one.” I followed her finger and it was him. I wanted to go down there right then but I waited a few minutes. Surely, he would see me. I waited and waited and not once did I feel like I had even caught his eye.

“He must not see you,” Cindy finally said which obviously wasn't true. It was an overcast day and there was no glare; we were just about the only people on any of the piers.

“Yeah,” I said, “I better go tell him that I won't be seeing him tonight.”

“Why don't you just wait until he . . .” Tricia caught herself and stopped.

“Yeah, tell him we're going to have a night on the town,” Lisa said and turned on her transistor radio. I could feel them watching me all the way down the pier and then down the shore. Red still had not noticed me and as I got closer, I could hear the music coming from the tape deck of the car. Beatrice and Mark Fuller were in the front seat and Red was in the backseat with Beatrice's
friend. I started to turn back before he saw me but then, I would have had to face Tricia, Lisa and Cindy with some explanation. I stopped about ten feet from the car and just waited. Finally, he looked and saw me.

“Hey, where did you come from?” He got out of the car and walked towards me. Beatrice, her friend and Mark were all watching and I knew that my friends were watching from the other direction.

“I've been here about an hour.”

“Sorry, Jo, I had no idea that you would come on a day like today.” He was looking all around, everywhere except at me. “I was going to call you in a little while. Just been sitting around with some friends.”

“Yeah,” I said and stepped closer. His eyes were all red and he kept drumming his fingers on his stomach in beat with the music. “I came to tell you that I'm going out with the girls tonight.”

“No you didn't.” He grabbed my hands. “You're just mad, that's all, because I'm a little stoned.”

“No.” I shook my head and I could feel the tears brimming up again.

“Hey, baby.” He lifted my chin and kissed me on the nose. “You know that I'd never do anything to upset you. Don't you?” I nodded because I wanted to believe that; I wanted everything to be just fine. “Forgive me?” He pulled me closer and kissed me. “You know that I'm in love with you and there's no one that I'd rather be with.” He stared and nodded his head up and down waiting for me to do the same. He had never actually said that he loved me before. I nodded. “Is there anyone that you'd
rather be with? Maybe Pat Reeves or your big brother? Cindy? I know you'd rather be with Cindy, her face covered in zinc oxide?” He laughed and kissed me again. “Well?”