The Child Comes First (20 page)

“That's where you've been going when you've declined my mother's dinner invitations?”

She nodded. “Seems to be working. I…I don't think I was ever really afraid of you. Just overwhelmed by what you seemed to represent.”

He scowled. “I still represent the same kind of man. That isn't going to change, even though I'm not with a high-powered firm any longer.”

She couldn't deny that.

“I had this plan,” he said. “I figured I'd let you be in complete control of anything and everything physical between us. My assumption was you'd feel more comfortable that way. And honestly, the thought of being at your mercy makes me want you even more.”

Her heart began to beat rapidly, and the air around her seemed to grow warmer as she listened to his seductive voice saying such seductive things.

“But I'm not sure I'll be able to hold back. I'm used to taking charge and I might forget I'm not supposed to be doing that. I couldn't even keep on kissing you, standing in your kitchen, without the overpowering urge to sweep you off your feet and carry you into the bedroom.”

“That's okay,” she said, even though she couldn't be sure that it would be. If he'd swept her up a few minutes ago, would she have reverted to her old self—would she have panicked?

“Well, I'm not so sure it would be okay in the long run. And frankly, it might do me good to relinquish control to you. It would certainly be a new experience.” He was smiling wistfully now and he'd moved a little closer to her. When he spoke again, he touched her cheek ever so gently with the tips of his fingers and stood with only inches separating their heated bodies. “So I figure there's only one solution,” he whispered.

“What's that?” she murmured as she thought about his mouth and the silky probing of his tongue and the masculine scent of him and the beauty of his muscular body.

“You'll have to take me to your room and tie me to your bed. Then you'll be able to have your wicked way with me, and I'll be completely at your mercy.”

Her heart began to race in earnest then, and she sensed he was equally affected by his own daring suggestion. But he said one more thing that clinched the deal.

“Please,” he whispered into her ear. She could hear the carnal hunger in his voice and she couldn't deny him.

T
HERE HAD CERTAINLY BEEN
other times in Simon's life when he'd had no control over what would happen to him next. But those times had all been years ago and he had no clear memories of them. All that remained imprinted on his psyche was the need to be in command of events around him. He'd gone to law school to acquire the skills he needed to be the one with the greatest competence in most situations. He'd honed those skills until he'd become a force to reckon with. While he'd tried to be careful not to wield his authority thoughtlessly or use his ability to influence people lightly, he realized only now for the first time that giving up the dominant role was going to be enormously difficult.

And yet he wanted to give it all up to Jayda. As she led him by the hand to her bedroom and quietly suggested he make himself comfortable on her bed, as she went to her dresser and pulled out two colorful silk scarves, he knew he wouldn't regret subjugating himself to this woman.

But his heart hammered in terror all the same, even as his body responded with an urgent sexual need. She approached him with the scarves, stood over him for a moment, and he both feared and desired her with equal fervor.

“I don't think I can do it,” she whispered. “It doesn't seem right. You shouldn't have to do this for me.”

“The longer you hesitate, the more convinced I am that it's necessary,” he heard himself saying. Inside, part of his mind told him to leap at the reprieve she offered. He could be gentle with her without the restraints, he told himself. But the part of him that loved her knew that he should follow through.

“But I trust you,” she said as she sat down beside him on the bed.

Even fully clothed, her nearness made his blood course hotly through his veins. “I'm not sure I can trust myself,” he said with a laugh. “Don't make me rely on my honor tonight. There'll be other times to test my self-control.”

She didn't seem to be able to make herself move, so he lifted his arms until they were positioned where they'd need to be for her to secure his wrists to the bed frame. With a shake of her head she did what he'd asked, tying him down, taking away that dominance he'd grown so comfortable with. As she leaned over to finish, a surge of lust poured through him. But there wasn't a thing he could do about it.

“Too many clothes,” he rasped.

She smiled at him, and he could see that she was empowered by this daring thing they were doing. She straddled his hips and began to unbutton her blouse. A groan came unbidden from his throat as she revealed herself to him. He wanted to touch her, but he could only look. Soon, only panties and bra remained, but she left them on while she worked on his clothing.

His shoes and socks fell to the floor and she ran her finger along the soles of his feet, sending bolts of sensation over his flesh. Then she undid his shirt, spread the cloth to either side and ran her palms over his chest. His breath came fast and sharp now, and he found himself straining against his bonds, flexing abdominal muscles as she touched him.

As she slowly, methodically, removed the rest of his clothing, Simon realized he could twist his right hand free from its tether if he wanted to. But he didn't. He just let Jayda have her way with him, let her press her body to his and kiss him as deeply and sensuously as she desired. Clearly, she was enjoying her power. Freedom from the constraints of her past did wonderful things to her, transforming her into a confident, wholly sexual woman. And he loved every inch of her, even if only with his eyes and the portions of his flesh she chose to touch.

“You're everything I'd imagined,” she said as she raked her gaze along the length of his body. She'd discarded every stitch of her clothing now and he lay nearly as naked, with only his open shirt still on.

“You're going to be the death of me, Jayda. Come closer and feel how fast my heart is beating. Come find out how heated my skin is now. Please make love to me.” There was that burning, insistent need in his voice again—a tone he never thought he'd let anyone hear. But with Jayda he didn't care. He trusted her to respect this unfamiliar vulnerability of his.

“Yes,” she said as she straddled him once more. “Yes,” she sighed as she shifted into an ideal position. “Yes,” she moaned as Simon lifted his hips, the only thing he could do under the circumstances, and joined their bodies together in the most intimate physical connection a man and woman can enjoy.

There were no more words after that. Raw pleasure took hold of him, and if Jayda spoke, he could make no sense of it, so focused had he become on the sensations rushing over him. Nearly beyond endurance, he held himself back just long enough for her to find her own way, felt those glorious contractions take hold, listened to the sounds of her ultimate pleasure, and then let himself go, too, into that intoxicating spiral of ecstasy, more profound than he'd ever experienced before.

 

J
AYDA LAY BESIDE
Simon in blissful fulfillment, wondering how her life could have gone from utterly hopeless to so full of promise in only a few hours. She smiled and nestled closer against his side, caring not at all about the lingering dampness of their bodies. The exertion had been well worth it. When she felt his hand sweep gently down her arm she even shivered a little, as the sensation of his touch rekindled desire.

Then she remembered that she'd tied him up, that he must be uncomfortable—and that he shouldn't be able to touch her at all. She lifted herself to look at his face and found him grinning a well-satisfied smile at her.

“You're not tied up anymore, I see.”

“You're not very good at tying knots. We'll have to work on that.” His smile widened.

Her heart expanded as she looked at him and realized what this implied. He'd said he had to be tied up, but clearly he'd been able to keep himself in check without the restraints. So he'd done the whole tying-up deal for her to make her more comfortable, to help her feel safe. Love filled her heart and the emotion seemed to want to spill over from her eyes. Before she could blink them back, two tears landed on Simon's chest, surprising them both.

“Hey, hey,” he said as he rubbed her back and touched her cheek to stem the tide. “What's this about?”

“I'm in love with you,” she blurted. Then in acute embarrassment, she buried her face into a pillow, wishing she could take the words back. It was too soon to make such a declaration. She'd embarrass him, make him struggle to find words to appease her without leading her on.

“Is that a bad thing? Doesn't sound like a bad thing to me. Certainly not something we should shed tears over, right?” He seemed completely perplexed, and she recognized a man who didn't cope with a woman's tears easily.

“No,” she said with a half laugh. He hadn't said he loved her, too, but he hadn't rejected her, either. She wiped away her tears and tried to come to terms with the riot of emotions. “I'm just so overwhelmed. You've been so good to me.”

He smiled. “You were just pretty good to me, too, Jayda. And you can be good to me again that way any time you want.” Even though he made light of it, she knew he understood what she'd meant.

“I thought I'd ruined everything.”

“Did you really believe I'd give up that easily on what I want? I guess you still have some things to learn about me. As far as I'm concerned, we're only just beginning.”

She liked the sound of that and decided it was a good sentence to let the night rest upon. She snuggled beside him once more, remembered his other wrist, still tied to the bed, and reached up to undo the knot. When the scarf had been discarded, she turned her back to his front and let him envelop her in his embrace. It felt safe and warm and true.

In the morning, she found out she'd developed an appetite for sex she hadn't known she was capable of. And Simon eagerly did everything she wanted. It was well past noon before hunger for food forced them from the bed.

As she whisked eggs for a late breakfast, Jayda remembered that the hurdles they'd surmounted the night before—and all through the morning, too—were not the only ones they had to overcome. She hadn't had the heart to tell him what she'd heard regarding his adoption of Tiffany. And she couldn't bear to tell him while the glow of their lovemaking still suffused her body. Later, she promised herself. She'd tell him a little later. Maybe after the case went to the jury, so the news wouldn't affect his closing argument. Yes, that made sense. For now, she'd give him all she could of her devotion and store up as many memories as possible. She didn't see how their relationship could survive the loss of the child they'd both grown to love.

 

“W
HAT WILL YOU TELL
T
IFFANY
if the adoption doesn't go through?” his mother asked Simon as they sat alone on the back deck Sunday evening. He had a printout of his closing argument in front of him. He already knew it by heart, but he wanted to be sure he had just the right tone at key points. He didn't want to look back and have any regrets.

“I haven't thought about that. It seems more productive to stay positive and assume things will work out the way they should.”

His mother harrumphed. “Jayda feels you're setting the child up for disappointment. And yourself, too. I'm worried about all three of you.”

He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to push back the ache that his mother's words brought to his heart. “I just have to keep going forward, Mom. There's no sense playing ‘what if' until we know something definite.”

“But Tiffany's heart is set on it.”

“I know,” he said as that now-familiar ache began to twist inside him.

“If you were married, they'd approve the adoption,” she said, out of the blue.

That got his undivided attention. “Mom!”

“Don't tell me it hasn't crossed your mind.”

“Of course it has. But what do you want me to do—go to Jayda and ask her to marry me so I can adopt Tiffany? That would be romantic. How could she say no to that?”

“Interesting that you assumed I expected you to ask Jayda,” she said slyly.

He scowled at her. “What, you think Megan would make a good mom for Tiffany?”

“Simon, I don't even know who Megan is, but I bet she's one of the many career-oriented women you casually dated while you thought there was nothing more important than your legal career.”

He nodded, staring off into the trees along the border of the yard.

“You're in love with Jayda. Why don't you just tell her that and explain that speeding things up a little might save Tiffany's adoption? She'll understand.”

“No, she won't. You know she's been through her own childhood traumas. I'm not going to coerce her into marriage. I mean to take things slowly, ease her into the idea, ask her at a time when she can be certain there's no other reason in the entire world that I'd be proposing to her—just the fact that I love her.”

Barbara blinked a few times. “Oh, that is so sweet!” she exclaimed. “You're more like your father every day. Did I ever tell you how he proposed to me?”

Simon smiled. “I think you should tell me again, Mom. This time, I'm primed to hear it the way you've always wanted me to.”

 

“T
HE DEPARTMENT IS GOING TO
deny Simon's adoption of Tiffany,” Jayda said to Marla. Her tone was one of accusation and outrage.

“We'll find a more suitable placement for Tiffany. You're too involved to see her case clearly anymore. This is exactly what I was afraid of—that lawyer has you all mixed up.”

“You spend an awful lot of time telling me how I should keep myself from becoming involved with Simon while you go home to your beautiful child each night.” Jayda knew she shouldn't be so blunt with her boss. But she didn't care about her career as much as she cared about Simon and Tiffany. And it was time to speak the truth. “You weren't supposed to get involved with your client, either, but it didn't turn out entirely bad for you, given how devoted you are as a mother.”

“Yes, but I had to move to a different county and start my career over.”

Jayda shrugged. It made no difference to her whether she helped kids from inner-city Baltimore or kids from some other city. She'd have a positive effect on at least some kids somewhere. That's all that mattered.

“Is there anything I can do to change the outcome of this adoption review?” she asked. “If you could see them together…If that nearsighted Frances Smith would just spend more time with them, see how much alike they are, understand how they're bonded.”

Marla stared at her for a long moment. She shook her head slowly back and forth. “It's hopeless. I tried my best, but I haven't succeeded.” She sighed. “You've gone and fallen in love with Simon Montgomery, not to mention that little girl.”

Jayda stared back defiantly. There was no use denying it.

Her boss leaned forward and put her elbows on her desk. She steepled her fingers together and took Jayda's measure with her probing gaze. “You want to know what you can do to make the adoption go through?”