The Christmas Light (3 page)

Jennifer’s throat is swelling and she clears it. “We’re not being punished. You’re not being punished. Look at this.” She’s pointing to the tree and the ornaments. “This is Christmas. It’s not punishment.” Avery is shaking her head. “You are not bad. I’m not bad.”

“Then why does it feel that way?”

Jen pulls her close, squeezing her tight. “I don’t know, VV,” she says, using the name Avery called herself as a toddler. “I don’t know. But I’m going to do everything possible to help you
not
feel that way.”

THREE

Where I am, I don’t know. I’ll never know, in the silence you don’t know, you must go on, I can’t go on, I’ll go on.

—S
AMUEL
B
ECKETT

Gloria Wilson and Miriam Lloyd Davies pull in front of the Grandon Community Church and park. It’s an old building, older than Gloria and Miriam combined, with a straight, white steeple, polished wood floors, and tall windows through which the light of God is slanting onto the communion table. The women are a study in contrasts. Miriam is a picture of English refinement, moving with elegance, like a high-masted sailboat, and never letting her features fall out of tune over the years. Gloria is a Georgia peach, with salt-and-pepper curls that bounce on her forehead as she takes off her coat and throws it on the front seat of the car. She’s wearing red pants and a green reindeer sweatshirt with ornaments dangling from its antlers.

Miriam stares at her. “It’s a wonder that Marshall let you out of the house. You look like a gaudy, tropical Christmas bird.”

Gloria looks down at herself. “I hadn’t thought of that. Thank you.”

They walk up the stairs and Miriam swings open the door, mumbling, “It wasn’t a compliment.” She sighs, glancing around the empty lobby, and what looks like a curl forms on her upper lip. “What is it about churches? Why do they always have paintings or signs that say things like ‘Believe in the Impossible’ or ‘Faith Can Move Mountains’ or ‘Hope Changes Everything’?”

Gloria jerks her head to look at her. “What do you want them to say? ‘Give Up and Die’? It’s a church!”

Miriam stops, finding the perfect spot inside her purse for the car keys. “I’m just saying, Gloria, that I’m quite sure God has good taste.” Gloria rolls her eyes and Miriam leans closer to hear her. “What did you say? I hate it when you mumble.”

“I said I hope you keep your big mouth shut during this meeting.”

“That’s a fine thing to say to someone, Gloria! You’re like a big, heaving bull. It’s a wonder all of your children aren’t in therapy. You are no longer my best friend.”

Gloria laughs, slapping Miriam on the arm. “You just said that two weeks ago.”

Miriam pushes Gloria’s hand away. “Well, I mean it this time!”

Years ago, the women had lived next to each other as strangers. Gloria had hoped that because they were both widows, they would have common ground, but Miriam was never interested in driveway conversations. Over ten years ago, faulty plumbing finally brought them together. Miriam used the toilet in her home before loading her bags in the car for a five-day trip. On returning, she was well rested but her home was waterlogged. Five days of running water destroys floors, walls, furniture, and makes for a very cranky neighbor. Gloria offered Miriam a bedroom in her home as Miriam’s house was restored, and out of that rocky place a friendship bloomed. “It is a miracle!” Miriam often says of the friendship.

Together, they walk through the hallway and into Lily’s office. “Oh! Didn’t you get my message?” Lily asks.

“What message?” Gloria asks, sitting on one of the chairs opposite Lily’s desk.

“I spoke with Marshall this morning and—”

Gloria waves her hands in the air. “That explains it! While Marshall has many great qualities, delivering messages is not one of them. What’s happening, babe?”

“I let everyone know that the meeting was canceled because Linda’s mother is in the hospital in critical condition. She’s been dealing with dementia for the last couple of years and fell down the stairs in her home. One of her hips and the opposite leg is broken. Linda flew out this morning.”

Miriam leans back and closes her eyes, shuddering. “Oh, that makes me hurt just thinking about it!”

“What does that mean for the Nativity?” Gloria asks.

“Well, Linda can no longer lead it so I need to find someone else.” Lily rises and moves to the front of her desk, sitting on the edge. “And now that you’re here I can ask you in person what I was going to call you about later.”

“Oh, no! I’ve never been any less perfect for anything,” Miriam says.

Gloria nods. “I rarely agree with her but she’s right about this. And I’m afraid I wouldn’t be any better.”

Lily laughs and reaches for her coffee. “Come on, Gloria! My father always says he would’ve scooped you up just like that to work in his law firm,” she says, snapping her fingers.

“If Robert needed someone to bake a cake for the office, then I suppose I would have been the gal for the job.” Gloria and Robert Layton have been longtime friends. He has offered his law services for several of the single moms at Glory’s Place, the center for single moms and struggling families that Gloria opened years ago. Over the years, he and Kate have volunteered many times.

Although Lily teased her father about becoming a lawyer herself, she chose social services instead, working first for the local food bank when she and Stephen moved to Grandon and, for the last three years, as director of ministry services for Grandon Community Church. Lily is the one and only blonde of the family but she has Kate’s warm eyes and Robert’s smile. At thirty-five, she still looks as if she’s in her twenties. “It just makes sense,” Lily continues. “You’re already on the team. All we need are costumes, a cast, a choir that is made up of adults and children, and a set. You don’t need to do all of it, but is there anything you’re good at on that list that you might be interested in? Anything would be helpful.”

Miriam raises a finger in the air. “Actually, I studied acting in college and continued for several years after my husband and I married. He was also an actor. A bad actor but that’s beside the point and it had nothing to do with our divorce.” Gloria sighs and shakes her head, listening. “I do believe I could whip up a fine cast of characters for this Nativity. Do we need the usual lineup? Mary? Joseph? A ragamuffin group of shepherds and stately foreign visitors?”

“How about Jesus?” Gloria asks.

Miriam puts her hand up to hush her. “I know, Gloria! He is the star player. I’m not a loony bird.”

“I think that has been tested and proven otherwise throughout the years.” Gloria crosses her arms and leans back into the sofa. “All right, let me see. I could probably be useful working on costumes.”

“Probably?” Miriam says. “She actually makes her own dishtowels! Who makes dishtowels? I have been given some of the tackiest dishtowels you have ever seen. If she can’t make the costumes then no one can. The first century wasn’t the peak of high fashion.”

“You know,” Gloria says. “My nephew Ryan and his daughter will be staying with Marshall and me for two weeks. He’s a contractor and is wanted by two companies, one not too far from Grandon. He has custody of his little girl, Sofia.” She leans forward, whispering. “He’s gone through a horrible divorce with his wife. She up and left him, taking just about everything, including the crockpot.”

Miriam sounds as if she’s breathing fire. “Oh, for the love of Pete! Would you please give up that crockpot!”

Gloria throws her hands into the air. “Why would she take the crockpot? The woman never cooked a day in her life. I say in any divorce each person should take the gifts that their own extended family members gave to them.” She crosses her arms and looks at Lily as if everything she is saying makes perfect sense.

“You did not give them a deed to property or a home, for crying out loud! It was a forty-dollar crockpot.”

Gloria shrugs. “All the same. I’m just saying it was rude.” She looks at Lily. “While Sofia is on Christmas break, Ryan is going to be looking for a place to live in case he takes the job that’s just thirty minutes from here. I’m sure I could talk him into helping with the sets.”

“Oh, sure!” Miriam says. “What young man from out of town wouldn’t love to help put together a church Nativity?”

Gloria waves her hand in front of Miriam’s face. “You of little faith. You do not have because you do not ask! You should have a sign hanging in your home that says, ‘Life … eh … Whatever’.”

Lily laughs and sits at her desk, reaching for a pen and sticky note. “Miriam, I’ll write some names of people who have been in the Nativity in previous years. Craig Grant has been Joseph a couple of times and might do it again.” She writes several more names before handing the note to Miriam. “Jamie Ledsom has been Mary, so who knows? She may also like to take part in this again.”

Miriam reaches for the note and slips it into her purse. “Jamie Ledsom, who has just had her fourth child and is in her late thirties? Thank you but I already have some wonderful ideas about how to find the perfect cast.”

Gloria reaches for her purse and puts it on her lap. “I need to get home and start making lunch.”

Miriam raises her arms as if someone has just made a touchdown. “That’s it! She’s hungry so we may as well shut down. She’s like a rumbling freight train when she gets hungry so there’s no point in trying to focus any longer.”

Gloria turns to her in a huff. “I am tired of being compared to a bull and a freight train!”

Lily leans onto her desk, watching them leave. “You both will be awesome.”

Gloria laughs, stopping at the door. “I don’t know about awesome but I’m sure we’ll bring new meaning to working with cracked pots.”

*   *   *

As he drives past the front of the elementary school, Ryan realizes he has taken the wrong turn but looks over his shoulder at Sofia, pointing. “If we live in Grandon and we bought the house that we looked at this morning, the one with the big backyard, you would go to this school.”

Sofia looks up and stretches her neck for a better angle. “Let’s go in there, Dad.”

“But there is nothing for us to do yet. I mean, we don’t even know if we’ll end up in Grandon or in Riverside.”

“Then this might help us decide. This might be such an awesome school that you won’t even want to think about that other job. We already know we like the house with the big backyard, right? Why do we have to move four hours away?”

“Because I might be better suited for the job in Riverside. That’s why I’m talking to both companies and interviewing with them.”

“Come on, Dad. Let’s just look at it. What will it hurt? That’s what you always say, right?”

He thinks it is a waste of time this early in their search but he nods, saying, “Yep! That’s what I always say.” In the school office, two women are behind the long countertop: an older woman sitting at a desk, wearing an elf’s hat and talking on the phone, and another, younger woman, wearing a tall Cat in the Hat hat, is sifting through a file folder. “Are you signing her back in?” Ryan realizes the young woman is talking to him but doesn’t answer fast enough. “Did you sign her out to go to the doctor or is she just coming in for the day?” When she smiles, Ryan is glad he made the wrong turn and ended up here in the office looking at her. Since Julie left he has come to believe that what happens to people isn’t just by accident, like the scattering of leaves in the wind, but that there is a divine order to life and that situations and events and wrong turns don’t just lead anywhere but to the somewhere we are supposed to be.

“No, Sofia’s not a student. We’re looking at possibly living in the area and Sofia wanted to check out the school.”

The woman glances over her shoulder at the older woman, who is still on the phone. “Barb is actually the office manager and can find all the information that you need. I work in the kindergarten hall and don’t know my way around Barb’s files.”

“That’s okay. We can wait. I’m Ryan and this is Sofia.”

“I’m Jen. I have a daughter in first grade here and as a parent and an employee I can say that it’s a great school.” Her eyes are a combination of blue and fine ash and Ryan realizes he has rarely noticed a woman’s eyes in the last three years. When Barb hangs up the phone and gets to her feet, Jen turns toward the door. “I hope you find something soon that your family loves and, Sofia, I hope I’ll be seeing you in the halls.” That’s just what Ryan was hoping, too.

*   *   *

Jennifer helps put folders and lunchboxes into backpacks before the children line up at the sound of the bell. She has been working as a kindergarten aide for the last two years; this year she’s in Mrs. Cranston’s room. She loves the work because it enables her and Avery to stay on the same schedule. They get up together, ride to school together, and come home at the end of the day. Jen often catches glimpses of Avery inside her own classroom and in the cafeteria and a sharp ache fills her chest. She looks for brightness but only sees deep shadows. Avery reminds Jen of winter, when every bulb or bloom seems choked, but she hopes that her little girl, like the flowers in spring, will lift her head and stretch toward the sun.

While she waits for Avery, Jen checks her voice mail. Dr. Plantiga’s office has returned her call and she dials the number again. “Hi, this is Jennifer De Luca. Marianne returned my call today. Could I talk to her about setting up an appointment with Dr. Plantiga?”

“Let me transfer you,” the woman says on the other end.

Jennifer sighs when her call goes to voice mail. She has called two doctors and has gotten no further than voice mail each time. “This is Jennifer De Luca. You returned my call today about my husband, Michael. I’m wondering if I can set up an appointment with Dr. Plantiga? Just call me back at your convenience. Thank you.” She hangs up as Avery walks into Mrs. Cranston’s classroom. “Hi, VV! How was your day?”

“Good. Do we have to go anywhere after school, Mom?”

Jennifer knows she’s asking about going to see Dr. Becke. Although Dr. Becke is always very kind and Avery is comfortable with her, Jen knows she’d rather whisper her secrets under starlight than in an office. “Not today, but we will be going to see Dr. Becke later this week. I do need to run to the grocery, though.”