The Clearing (20 page)

Tears streamed down my face. "He sent me away," I said. "He didn't want to hear the truth, and he sent me away."

"Come here," Mae said. She stood up and opened her arms. "Come here, baby."

I let her hug me. I let her hold me while I cried. We both ignored the whistling teakettle until Katie started barking at the noise.

Mae sat me down in a chair and went to make the tea. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that," she said a moment later, setting a cup in front of me.

I swiped at my eyes with the sleeves of my sweatshirt.

"Now then, tea makes everything better, remember?" Mae said.

And then she sat there with me, sipping from her cup of chamomile while I told her everything. Everything about stupid Matt Parker.

Everything about stupid Henry Briggs.

She didn't say anything. She just let me talk. And when I'd cried for, like, the tenth time—when I was al cried out—she hugged me again and kissed me on the head.

"No boy ever makes you special. You just are." She pul ed away from the hug to look me in the eyes. "Understand?"

I nodded. I wasn't sure I did understand. But I felt so much love for Mae in that moment, it was a good lie.

***

A week went by. I didn't go beyond the woodlot. Though I could see it, I avoided the misty field. I went to school. I did my homework. I tried to look forward to the dance. As Mae reminded me, this day was al I had. Each day was al anyone ever had for sure, so I had to enjoy it. I forced myself at first.

I tried not to think about Henry. Tried not to see his handsome face when I closed my eyes. Tried not to imagine his arms wrapped around me. It just made me sad.

And then I decided I had to make forgetting about Henry easier. So one day after school, I took Katie-dog for a walk down the outer road Mae had told me about. Sure enough, we never came to the mist-fil ed clearing going this way. We wandered down the potholed, graveled lane for half a mile or so and then came to an overgrown driveway—the forgotten entrance to the farmhouse Mae's father had bought from Robert Briggs.

I walked in the tire ruts, flanked by overgrown grass, with Katie whining as she trotted alongside me. Just beyond some withered hydrangea bushes, stacks of blackened bricks stil held the rough shape of a crumbled chimney. The rain stung my cheeks as I pul ed back my hood to take a better look. Flagstones and charred wood were heaped in smal piles, remnants of the fire that had happened years ago. Just as I had seen in Mae's old photograph, Henry's beautiful farmhouse lay in ruins.

As if on autopilot, I walked to the backyard, to the apple tree I'd stood beneath with Henry so many times. Instead of the lovely fruit-fil ed beacon of Henry's world, I found a twisted, old tree, lonely and hunched against the rain. Crushed, rotting fruit littered the ground, squishing under my boots. My eyes fil ed with tears as I pul ed Henry's monogrammed handkerchief from my pocket and tied it to one of the gnarled, leafless branches.

"C'mon, Katie-dog. There's nothing for us here." I made my way through the decomposing apples to the path but couldn't resist a last look over my shoulder at the tree. The hankie stood out like a white flag of surrender on a dark, mossy landscape.

Fighting another wave of sadness, I hurried down the overgrown driveway. I wish I could say it didn't hurt to see what the magical farm had become, what the reality of Henry's world real y was. But it did hurt.

And it felt like the hurt was necessary.

About a week later, when thoughts of Henry crossed my mind, I told myself he'd probably forgotten al about me. Another week passed, and I told myself I was a distant memory to him, a summer day that had flashed by like so many before, so long ago that he maybe even wondered if I'd ever happened.

And I'd become the ghost. Only I'd disappeared forever.

***

"Oh dear, he'l be here any minute. I want to get some pictures before you go." Mae shuffled slowly out of my room, leaving me to finish pinning my hair that Friday night.

I pursed my lips and applied a layer of red to top off the look. Stepping back from the mirror, I scratched the back of one of my ankles with the opposite foot. Though Mae's old pumps were slightly big, I was standing tal er—and feeling al right, considering. It felt odd to have the burgundy dress on again, the dress I'd been wearing when Henry had kissed me for the first time. It felt heavy on my skin, like it was carrying the weight of my broken heart. But I was over that now. It was just another dress. And this was just another dance.

"The forties look real y suits you," Mae said, coming back into the room. She was breathing heavily with the effort of hurrying. "But, sweetie, you need some jewelry. I want you to try these pearls." She held out a box containing a beautiful necklace and matching earrings.

"Mae, sit down and rest, okay? You've real y been pushing yourself today," I said.

"Aw, not more than usual," she said, taking a place on the edge of my bed. "Al righty, let's see them on."

"'Kay." I fastened the necklace around my neck, and then I slipped on the matching clip-on earrings. The pearls shone bril iantly in the light. I had to admit they looked great. "What do you think?"

"I think they're yours," Mae said with a smile. "I want you to have them."

"Oh, Mae. You don't have to give them to me. I'l just borrow them."

"No, no. I've enjoyed them for many years, but I think it's time I handed them down to you. They were a gift from my father."

"Thank you." I gave Mae a big hug and reappraised myself in the mirror. With the pearls, the dark red dress looked just right. I couldn't help thinking that Henry would have loved to see this—me al done up in 1940s clothes for the last time.

"You look so beautiful." Mae gave a wistful sigh as she clicked a photo. "I'm going to send these snapshots to your mom and Pete. They'l be thril ed to see you al dressed up and happy."

Happy? I didn't correct Mae. I just gave my hair a last pat and checked my teeth for lipstick.

Mae raised herself to her feet and came over to stand behind me in the mirror. "I hear Jackson's truck in the driveway. You're going to have a lovely time with him."

"Yeah," I said, but my voice must have betrayed my doubts.

Mae smiled at me in the mirror. "Come on now. None of that, sweetie. He's a good kid."

"I'd rather just stay home with you," I said.

"Stay home with an old woman instead of having fun at the dance? You might as wel enjoy being young."

I turned to reply and she snapped another photo. "Geez, Mae!" I went to let Jackson in, the flash stil blinding me.

I opened the door and sucked in a breath. Jackson stood on the doorstep, an uncertain look in his eyes and a corsage in his hands. His vintage U.S. Navy outfit was dazzling white. "Hi," I said.

"Hey." His gaze raked over me from head to toe, but his expression didn't change. I crossed my arms over my chest and itched the back of my calf with the opposite foot again.

"Amy," Jackson said, "I—I don't know what to say. You're breathtaking."

I blotted my lips together. "Um, thanks."

"Oh, who is this charming sailor on leave?" Mae said, clapping her hands together as she approached behind me. "You look wonderful!"

"Be careful or she'l blind you with the flash." I pul ed him inside and shut the door.

Mae retreated slowly to her recliner, the camera ready in her hands. Katie sniffed Jackson once, then trotted over to her bed by the wood stove.

"So, we should go. You ready?" I said.

Jackson's cheeks went deep pink as he looked down at the box in his hands. "These are yours. From me. Gardenias. They smel nice."

"Why are you talking like Frankenstein?"

"Sorry, sorry. I'm an idiot," he said, fumbling to open the corsage box.

The camera flashed.

"Mae, do you mind?"

A devilish grin on her face, Mae winked from the recliner.

"I, uh, wel , should I put these on you?" he said, reaching forward to pin the white flowers on my dress.

"Here." I took his hands and guided him, and we got the corsage pinned on. The deep sweetness of the flowers drifted up. "They're nice.

Thanks," I said.

"They look good against the red," he said. "And the red looks stunning on you."

I shifted on my feet. "So, um, should we go?"

"Wait! Wait!" Mae raised herself out of her chair and started clicking away. "Oh, you do make a gorgeous couple."

I coughed and gave Mae a look, while Jackson blushed deeply again.

"We're going in a group," I said, repeating the information for the hundredth time to Mae.

"Just friends," Jackson said with a sad shrug.

I let him help me on with my wrap, and we headed out into the rain.

***

We met up with Lori, Mindy, and Jackson's cousin, Rob, in the parking lot of the Cascades Inn, one of the only two restaurants in town. Everybody had made an effort to dress the part of characters in
Pearl Harbor.
Lori had on a retro-looking pink dress with a jacket and white gloves, and Mindy wore a blue satin dress with a ful skirt. Rob was wearing a plain gray suit with a tie, but his fedora hat gave him a forties feel.

When we went inside, we al learned that not only had Jackson cal ed ahead to make a reservation, but his aunt Barb, who worked there, had arranged a special table for us. We breezed ahead of the line of couples waiting—including Quinn and Melanie—and fol owed Barb to a big round table underneath a wagon wheel chandelier. She gave us an approving nod and went to get our waters.

I studied the laminated menu, while Lori and Mindy chatted away.

"And look at Mia and Chris—they must be doing
Twilight,
" Lori said.

"He looks like the undead, al right."

I glanced from table to table, noticing that we were the only group in the room. Every other spot was fil ed with couples going to the dance and old people having dinner and gazing into each other's eyes.

Suddenly, I wanted that. I wanted to be with someone who truly loved me. I didn't understand why that had to be so difficult. First, Matt Parker had broken my heart. Now there was Henry, a boy who didn't even exist and yet had rejected me al the same—and just for tel ing the truth. Maybe everything I'd thought was love up to this point was as fake as Henry's eternal summer.

"Everything okay?" whispered Jackson, holding up his opened menu in front of us like a screen.

"Yeah, fine."

He gave me a look like he didn't believe me. "Sure?"

I shrugged and said, "It's just weird being out."

"With the whole town watching, you mean," Jackson said, adding a little wink. "Don't worry. You'l be fine."

I dredged up a smile for him. This was a night to have fun and I was going to have to stop thinking about stupid boy stuff. "It is a little unnerving, but you're right," I said. "I'l be fine."

Jackson lowered the menu back to the table and said, "I'd suggest the eggplant parm."

"What?"

"For dinner. The eggplant parmesan?" he repeated. "It's pretty good."

Across the table, Lori and Mindy had gone quiet and were watching us.

I relaxed and smoothed my napkin on my lap."Yeah, I guess we should figure out what we're ordering, huh?"

"Yep. You check it out, and I'l be right back," Jackson said. He got up from the table and headed down the hal to the restroom. Meanwhile, Rob wandered away from us girls to chat with a friend at another table.

"Ohmigosh, are you guys cute or what?" said Lori, leaning over.

"Uh-huh." I scanned the menu, trying to let go of everything churning around in my mind.

"I don't get it," said Mindy in an annoyed voice. "Is no one in our town good enough for you?"

I set down the menu. "What do you mean by that?"

"You don't like Jackson. You never hang out. You'd rather stay cooped up in that tiny trailer with your old aunt. People wonder," Mindy said with a shrug.

I scanned her face to see if she was freaking serious. "Mindy, this is the first time you and I have ever hung out. Seriously, you're in my Creative Living class. Does that make you an expert on me? You don't even know who I am."

"Of course I don't. You never took the chance to let anyone get to know you," said Mindy.

"That's rid—"

"Amy!" Lori held up a hand. "Mindy has a point. I mean, aside from me and Jackson, you haven't real y met anyone else."

"Exactly," Mindy said.

"Ouch," I muttered. "Wel , with friends like you..."

"Amy, it's sorta true, isn't it?" Lori said, her voice softening. "It's like you haven't real y given this town a chance. And you're sure not giving Jackson one, either."

"If he's so great, then you date him," I said, putting my napkin on my plate.

"I would—but he only likes one girl," Lori said with a wistful smile. "And it's breaking his heart because it's a total waste of his time."

Without a word, I grabbed my purse and wrap and walked off. I brushed past Jackson on his return to the table. "Hey, what's—hey, where're you going?"

"I'm getting some air," I said. I stalked past the revolving dessert display, ignoring the stares of the kids waiting in line for tables.

At the edge of the building, I found a dark corner out of the rain. I fished my cel from my purse and held it in my hands for a minute. I meant to dial Mae, to ask her to come get me. But another phone number flashed in my brain and by rote, I started dialing.

The voice on the other end of the line was gruff. "Hey? Who is this? You're not in my phone."

"Matt?" I said weakly.

"Babe? Is that you?" He sounded excited, maybe even happy.

My heart soared. "Yeah."

"That your new number? Your stupid mom wouldn't give it to me," he said, adding a dry-sounding laugh.

"Yeah. It's my new cel ."

It got quiet, and I could hear Matt's breathing and the drizzling of rain on the pavement beyond my corner. Headlights from a car speeding down the highway lit up my corner for a few seconds and then plunged me into darkness again where the road turned.

"So," he said, "I missed you."

"What about Chelsea?" I asked.