The Coincidence of Callie and Kayden (31 page)

“It’s nothing.” I shrug off his hand as tears spill from my eyes. “I just need to go.”

His hands come down on my shoulders and he forces me to face him. I keep my eyes locked on the floor, refusing to look at him. He hooks his finger under my chin and elevates my face upward.

He scans the tears and his eyes widen. “Oh my god, I thought you were okay with going that far. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not you or that.” I wrench my face away from him and back toward the door with my arms still covering my chest.

“Then, what is it?” He steps toward me, searching my eyes desperately for an answer.  “Callie, you’re really freaking me out right now. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

I shake my head, backing away, my shoulders curling inward in humiliation. “I can’t tell you. I just need to go.”

As the foul feeling in my stomach begins to build, owning me, controlling me, I reel for the door, ready to run out without a shirt on. He hurries in front of me, blocking my way with his body.

“You can’t walk out there like that,” he says, his eyes skimming my bare chest.

“I need to get out of here,” I choke, clutching at my stomach.

“I feel like I did something wrong… did I hurt you or something?”

My shoulders lurch as I choke through the sobs. “You didn’t do anything. He did.”

“Who did?” He steps toward me and I’m verging on shoving my finger down my throat right there in front of him because I can’t hold it in.

I skitter to the side, trying to dodge around him, the walls closing in on me. I need air. “I need to get out of here.”

His fingers snag my waist. “I can’t let you go out like that. Just trust me enough to tell me.”

“No! You can’t handle it.”

“Callie.” He’s freaking out. I’m freaking out. The entire situation is a mess. “I can handle anything you tell me.”

I shake my head as my knees buckle and his arms hold me up. “No, you can’t.” The vomit burns at the back of my throat as my ears ring and my eyes blur over with more tears. I’m hyperventilating and dizziness floods through my body. “No one wants to handle hearing about a twelve-year-old being raped… I have to keep it locked away. I have to…” I trail off, knowing I’ll never get it back.

I jerk from his arms, feeling ashamed, but he grabs my hand and yanks on my arm, crashing me against him. He cradles my head, smoothing my hair as my shoulders shake and my tears soak his scarred chest.

#34 Let
Someone
  Kayden Get Close to You

Kayden

If I could hold her forever, I would. I wasn’t expecting that to come out of her mouth. I knew she had something dark hidden inside her, but not that. It hurts deep inside my chest and I have a hard time not busting my fist against the headboard again. The only thing that stops me is I don’t want to take my arms off her.

She cried forever and each sob nearly ripped me in two. It was like stitches coming apart. Eventually she fell asleep curled up against me with her head tucked against my chest. I trace lines on her bare back, staring off into empty space, wondering how anyone could have done that to her.

I don’t know if I can handle it. The longer I lay there, the more worked up I get as feelings of anger consume me. I flex my hands, stab my nails into my skin, fight to stay still.

Callie begins to stir and peers up at me with her swollen, bloodshot eyes.

“Are you okay?” I ask, brushing her hair back from her forehead.

“I’m fine.” Her voice is hoarse, her cheeks red, and her pupils are dilated.

I pause, not sure what question is the right question, or if one even exists. “Callie, what you told me… who else knows about this?”

“No one.” Her bare shoulders rise and fall as she fights to breathe. “Except for Seth.”

I hesitate, my fingers still in her hair. “Not even your mom?”

The sadness in her eyes nearly kills me. “Only you and Seth.” She tucks her head down, hiding her face.

I want to ask her who it was, so I can hunt them down and fucking beat him to death. Thousands of ideas flood my mind, but I never knew her well enough to make assumptions. I could ask her, but at the moment she might break if I do. I know because I’ve been at that point most of my life.

“I think we should get you dressed.” I lift my head and glance over her shoulder at the clock on the nightstand.

“I’m sorry. You probably have stuff to do and I’m sitting here, holding you up.” She slants her head to the side to slip out from my arm, but I flex my arms and hug her against me.

“I only said that because Luke’s going to be home soon,” I explain, inching her face closer to mine. “Not because I want you to get dressed and leave.”

“Oh.” She relaxes a little, the locks of her hair spreading across my chest as she lowers her face down.

I sweep some of her hair to the side, which smells faintly of rain, and kiss her gently on the lips. When I pull away, she seems surprised.

“Kayden… I-I…” She struggles for words. “You don’t have to be with me because you feel sorry for me. I didn’t even mean to tell you that. I just got caught up in the moment.”

I gaze down at her, astounded. “I’m with you because I want to be with you.”

She swallows hard. “Even after what I told you?”

I brush my finger along her cheekbone. “Callie, I feel the exact same way about you now as I did an hour ago. Nothing’s different.”

She fights back tears as she blinks her eyes. “Are you sure? Because sometimes… sometimes I’m a mess. What happened just barely wasn’t a one-time thing. I get that way when I remember things.”

I nod, scared as hell. I want to be with her, more than anything at the moment. I just hope I can handle it, for her sake.

Callie

I didn’t mean to drop it on him like a giant bomb, but the need to get away from him so I could rid the vile feeling in my body was too overpowering. I let it slip out, hoping he’d freak out and let me go, but he did the opposite. He held on, allowing me to cry, letting me break apart, and giving me more than he’ll ever know.

Saying it aloud to him was liberating, like I took hold of a part of my life again. I just hope it stays that way.

He doesn’t let me go as I sit up, his body rising up with me. He releases me briefly to climb over me and pick up my bra from off the floor. I loop my arms through the straps and my hands tremble as I reach around to fasten the clasp. He gathers up my shirt next, shaking it out, then slips it over my head. I elevate my arms as he pulls it down over me to cover me up.

“What do you want to do for the rest of the day?” he asks and glances at the window. “Or, should I say night?”

I pull the shirt over the last of my stomach and flip my hair out from under the collar. “I should probably go back to my dorm and get caught up on my homework. I have a lot of papers to write still.”

“You know school is basically going to end in a few days?”

“I know, but I missed a lot of classes when I was… avoiding you.”

He grabs a red shirt from his dresser and pulls it over his head, ruffling his hair into place. “Do you want me to walk you back?”

“If you want to,” I say, feeling guilty for making him do something else for me. He’s already done enough for the night.

A small smile touches at his lips. “I’ll walk you back.”

We head outside together and I feel strange, especially when he places his hand over mine. The lights of my building glimmer in the distance and all I can focus on is getting there.

“Are you going home for Thanksgiving?” he asks as we cross the wet grass and duck beneath the trees, where rain showers down on us.

I shrug. “I wasn’t planning on it, but maybe. My parents were going to fly to Florida for the holidays, but I got a text from my mom earlier today saying they were staying home and that I should come home.”

“You should ride with Luke and me,” he suggests as we cross the street, through the puddles, and hop over the curb. “We’re heading back in a few days or so.”

There are many reasons why I don’t want to go home; one being that the guy that ruined my life could be staying at my house. “I’ll think about it and let you know.”

“You know it could be fun,” he says with a quirky smirk. “You could hang out with Luke and I and we could show you the nonexistent fun times of our life.”

I offer him a half smile, because his words remind me of my life back home and how much I hate it. “Maybe.”

He licks his lips, looking like he might kiss me, and even though I want him to, I still worry that he’s doing this for the wrong reasons. I reach for the handle of the door to my dorm building. “Thanks for walking me home.” I slip my fingers out of his and hurry down the hall, leaving him stunned. I try not to look at the bathroom as I pass by it, but it’s all I can think about, and I end up backtracking.

Once I’m finished I can breathe again.

Kayden

I can’t stop thinking about what happened to Callie. I think she thought telling me would scare me off, but it’s had the opposite effect. I want nothing more than to be with her and protect her, like no one ever did for me. I want to make sure nothing else bad happens to her.

It’s getting close to the holidays and I’m preparing to go back home.  Honestly, I don’t want to go back there, but where else am I going to go? I don’t have anyone, but my mom and dad as shitty as they may be. And my mom practically begged me, saying that Tyler would be home and I haven’t seen him in years. I wonder what he’s like now, after years of drinking.

Callie and I have spent the last few days together, watching movies and talking, but it’s been strictly a friend thing. Not because I want it to be, but because I have no idea how to try and take it farther.

I’m walking back to my dorm from my last class before I head home when I spot her wandering around through the trees, reading a book. Her hair is down to her shoulders and she has a long-sleeved grey shirt on and black jeans.

“Reading anything good?” I ask, stopping in front of her.

Her head whips up and she snaps the book shut, which actually is her journal. “Hey, what are you doing?”

I eye the notebook and then cock my eyebrow. “You know one day you’re going to have to let me read some of the stuff you put in there.”

She shakes her head quickly, hugging the notebook against her chest, the blood rushing to her cheeks. “No way.”

Her reaction makes me want to read it even more.

We walk across the grass together with no real direction other than to make it to the sidewalk.

“Have you decided if you’re going home yet?” I ask, stuffing my hands into my pockets. “You know I really want you to.”

She frowns. “So does my mom, but I don’t know… I’m just not a fan of being at home. It reminds me of too many things.”

“Mine does, too,” I agree. “And that’s why we should go together. We can take off every day and hang out. Luke’s not a fan of his home either, so I know he’ll give us a ride wherever.”

She peeks up through her eyelashes with a skeptical look on her face. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

“You sound skeptical.”

“It’s just that… it seems kind of unbelievable that you, Luke, and I would hang out like that.”

“Why wouldn’t we?”

She shrugs, her shoes scuffing against the mud at the edge of the lawn. “Because we never did before. We’ve known each other for years and the only time we’ve talked is while we’ve been here. Away from Afton.”

I reel in front of her and she almost runs into me. “You think I’d ditch you because we were back home?”