The Color of Forever: Book Two: Forever Cowboys Series (16 page)

Ben’s expression clouded for a moment. “Of course,” he said easily, smiling. “But I’m still glad you care.”

Samantha felt horrible. He was hiding it manfully but she knew her words had stung. Still, better not to foster any illusions about their relationship. If she allowed him to think that her feelings for him were more than just friendship … and lust … it would make it that much harder when the time came for her to leave.

And that time would inevitably come.

She had been on the verge of asking him to spend the night but decided against it now. This didn’t seem to be a propitious time for seduction. When Ben stood up and stretched

his six feet plus of lean, well chiseled masculinity, she maintained a distance between them just in case she couldn’t resist the temptation to throw herself on him and beg him to make love to her.

After seeing him to the door and locking it behind him, Samantha went to bed and lay awake for a while, sternly lecturing herself on all the reasons she shouldn’t lead Ben on.

They were good reasons. But she felt a dull sadness anyway, thinking about going away and never seeing him again. It was only that he was a genuinely nice guy and she didn’t want to hurt him, she told herself firmly. That’s all. She was trying to be a nice person herself and had to be cruel to be kind if it looked like Ben was getting too hung up on her.

That’s all it was. Consideration for his feelings. Nothing more. It was only natural that she feared for his safety going up alone against two armed and dangerous men.

Still, lying there in the old fashioned feather bed staring at the moonlight slanting through her window, illuminating the bedroom with its pale golden glow, she wished with all her heart that Ben was lying there with her.

Safe in her arms.

Ben, too, lay awake thinking about Samantha.

How close they had come to making love out there in the meadow today. He inwardly cursed the poachers who had interrupted them and yet at the same time was almost glad for the intervention. It was taking iron self control not to throw her down and take her and that self control had failed him this morning.

But good grief, he was only human and Samantha was so damned sexy! Everything about her turned him on, making him as randy as a sex starved teenager. That outfit she had worn today, for example. Those well worn denim jeans clung to her rounded bottom and shapely hips in a way that left no doubt about what was inside them … a woman ripe for lovemaking. Her blouse wasn’t water sheer but it allowed her cleavage to show, along with that delicious little lacy bra holding her full breasts.

A man would have to be dead to resist her. Ben was very much alive and finding it harder and harder to control himself around her. It didn’t help matters that she so obviously wanted him as much as he wanted her.

He had wanted to show her that he was different than the men who had desired her body without wanting her heart. He wanted to leave no doubt in her mind at all that to him she wasn’t just a roll in the hay, she was everything he’d ever want in a woman, a lover and a mate. To do that, he had been prepared to postpone physical intimacy between them until he had time to show her how special she was to him in every way.

If he had the ghost of a chance with Samantha, he somehow sensed that he would have to prove himself to her, convince her that he wanted all of her instead of just her body. Her fantastically
sexy
body, he thought longingly. Her hot little body that was made for love … made for him. It might be wishful thinking, but he seemed to be making a little progress with her. She had been noticeably worried about him today. That surely meant something, didn’t it, that she was concerned for his safety?

Plus, she always seemed glad to see him, her beautiful face breaking into a warm, happy smile every time they met. He could tell she liked him and desired him sexually. Could loving him be that big a jump?

He hoped not.

While it chafed not to greedily take what she was offering so willingly, he felt that careful strategy was needed to win a bigger prize than just having sex with her, regardless of how badly he wanted her and how spectacular the sex would be. The stakes were high, but this was a game he couldn’t afford to lose. Because if he lost, he lost Samantha O’Brien and the prospect of that was unbearable.

The next day dawned bright and clear, a perfect Springtime day. Samantha woke up feeling more refreshed than she had counted on after tossing and turning all night and having vivid dreams about Ben being shot by the poachers when she did sleep, waking up in a cold sweat with her heart pounding in fear.

He really seemed to have penetrated into her innermost self, she thought with an unhappy frown. She couldn’t recall ever worrying about any of the men she had dated. But then, why would she? None of them had had especially dangerous jobs, after all. Not like Ben’s job, which she saw now could be quite hazardous.

Was her fear for his safety excessive for a mere friend? She pondered this weighty question while she enjoyed coffee out on the porch. This morning sunrise ceremony had quickly come to be a high spot in her daily routine. Who would have thought it? Samantha O’Brien, the party girl who slept until noon on the weekends and didn’t stir out of bed before 9am through the week when she had to be at work by 10. Had she ever seen a sunrise before coming here?

She didn’t think so. If she had been awake at that hour of the morning it was after being up and out all night and she was too tired to notice the sun one way or the other. But this … this was something special. This celebration of each new day staged by the rising sun over the mountains was nothing short of awesome.

Sitting outside now in one of the comfortable old, weather beaten rocking chairs and sipping her first cup of coffee of the day, Samantha gloried anew in the show nature was putting on as the fiery sun began peeking over the mountains in the distance. Liquid gold with blazes of crimson red, dusky pink and orange slowly began to overcome the deep purple and blue of the night sky in a brilliant display that rivaled and surpassed anything mankind could create with all its technology.

With a twinge, she realized that she would miss this morning ritual when she went back to New York. Still, a beautiful sunrise and equally stunning sunset couldn’t make up for the excitement of the city, she reminded herself. Nature would only take a girl so far and Samantha couldn’t imagine missing out on sales in the big department stores or Times Square or Central Park or any of the other thousand and one things to do in the city.

She had acquired an appreciation for nature that she hadn’t had before, true. But to give up her fast-paced, exciting life of nightclubs, parties and the trendy young crowd she ran with for the beauties of nature?

Shaking her head, Samantha answered her own question. No.

But would she … could she … give up her life in the city for a sexy cowboy who was the sweetest, nicest guy she’d ever known? Was it possible that she would find life with Ben so fulfilling that she didn’t hanker for her old life? Could one person, no matter how wonderful, replace an entire life style?

She shook her head again. Not likely. Of course, she was jumping the gun again because Ben hadn’t expressed an interest in spending the rest of his life with her. So it was probably a moot point. Samantha decided to look at it realistically. Ben Connors was a movie star handsome, extremely sexy man who could undoubtedly have his pick of any available female within fifty miles of here or further. She had been to his ranch a few times and been impressed with its size and the big, sprawling, multi-level log house that he called home.

Built by his great grandfather and then built onto with each subsequent generation, he had explained to her that his parents went ahead and deeded the land and this house over to him when they retired and set out to see the world. They had turned into first class globe trotters, he had laughed, and built a small house on some more of the family land, just down the road from Ben’s ranch. From the warm affection in his voice when he spoke of his parents, it was obvious that he had a great relationship with them.

But he had mentioned one thing in a joking manner that had given Samantha food for thought. His parents, he had told her, asked him often when he was going to settle down and give them grandchildren.

Even if she did fall in love with Ben and he with her, that alone was a deal breaker.

Samantha couldn’t see herself in a maternal role. She liked children okay, but somehow having kids of her own had never seemed like an option or anything she would ever want to do. Why she felt that way, she didn’t know. She only knew that having babies had never seemed to have a place in her future.

A man like Ben would want children. She felt sure of that much. He’d be a wonderful father, too, she was also certain of that. But for her it wasn’t in the cards, which was just one more reason to be careful and not lead Ben on or give him false hopes in case he did start falling for her.

No, she would make it clear to Ben that while she wanted his body, she wasn’t interested in claiming his heart. That would be better for both of them and was the decent thing to do. That way, they could enjoy a mutually pleasurable affair and part on friendly terms when her time here was at an end.

Yes, she told herself firmly, that was the best way to handle the situation. Enjoy the sex and make great memories of her time up here in the mountains with a red hot cowboy and then go back home with no regrets on either side.

As Samantha rose to go in and refill her coffee cup, she wondered why reaching such a wise decision left her feeling so sad and empty, like there was a big hollow place where her heart should be.

After tidying up the house and hanging some laundry out on the clothesline, Samantha settled in to work on her book the rest of the day. It was hard to concentrate, though, because her thoughts kept going to Ben and what he was doing. She wished he would go ahead and call in another game warden to help him with the poachers, but had to acknowledge that he knew his business. If he thought he needed help, she had to believe he’d ask for it.

The day dragged by slowly. She had little appetite for lunch and decided to take Marielle up on her invitation to eat dinner with them this evening. Consuelo was making paella, which happened to be one of Samantha’s favorite things in the whole world of food. Maybe if she got out of the house and went over there to visit and enjoy a fantastic meal, she’d be able to shake these doldrums that had plagued her all day.

Taking a wicker basket, she went outside to gather the dry laundry in. It smelled so good! She sniffed appreciatively, inhaling the fresh scent of towels and sheets that had been dried by the sun and clean, pure air.