The Color of Forever (18 page)

I hadn’t wanted to think such a thing before, because I enjoyed our conversations very much. I did not wish to feel compelled to avoid him in the future. That would be absolutely…

Absolutely what?

Tragic.

I hoped I was mistaken. He was only trying to be kind.

But still…

I looked away. “You shouldn’t say such things.”

“Why not?”

“Because they aren’t proper. They sound like a flirtation. I might even go so far as to say a seduction, and that could cause trouble, Mr. Williams.”

He shook his head at me, as if I should know better.

I felt suddenly embarrassed and ashamed of what I had said and what I was implying.
Seduction?
We were friends, and he had paid me a compliment. That was all.

Please, let it be all.

I let out a long, heavy sigh and endeavored to change the subject completely. “Oh, my dear Mr. Williams. I don’t know what I am saying tonight. My thoughts are all in a jumble. Perhaps I’ve had too much wine. And I don’t know why I am worrying about things that happened in the past. Things that cannot be changed. But I did find it odd that Sebastian was so against hosting this party tonight.” I turned to face the water again, and bent forward to rest my forearms on the rail, mirroring Mr. Williams’ stance.

“He didn’t even want to invite Mrs. Danforth to sing,” I continued. “He tried to convince me that she and her husband weren’t here in Cape Elizabeth, when they
were
. She hasn’t graced us with her lovely singing voice in almost two years. Now I am wondering if there was some disagreement between my husband and Mr. Danforth. A business conflict perhaps. Because Mr. Danforth was not his usual friendly self at the dinner table this evening. He was silent and reserved. Almost standoffish. Did you notice? I felt it created some tension in the room. Or was it just me? Perhaps I am being foolish again.”

Mr. Williams stared at me for a moment, then he gave me an apologetic look. “I should probably go.” He turned away from me and started off, then seemed to realize his social blunder and halted. He faced me again and bowed slightly at the waist. “Thank you for having me, Mrs. Fraser. It was a delightful evening. Please say goodnight to your husband and thank him for his hospitality.” He turned and descended the veranda steps.

“
Wait!
” I was bewildered and flabbergasted. “Where are you going in such a hurry?”

I followed him down the steps, my shoes tapping quickly as I went.

Mr. Williams let out a heavy sigh and turned around—almost as if it were a terrible inconvenience to do so. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Fraser. You know how I feel about you, but I don’t belong here. I’m a simple man. This isn’t my world.”

“You live simply, but you are not simple,” I argued, realizing he had walked off without asking for his jacket back. I pulled it off my shoulders and handed it to him. “You’re as brilliant and worldly as any person in that drawing room. Just because you don’t wear a silk neckcloth or sip single malt scotch in the evenings, that does not make you any less worthy of my friendship, or anyone else’s. Please do not go.”

“I really should,” he replied, slipping his arms into his jacket. “Again, thank Captain Fraser for me. And tell him I was…not feeling so well.” Mr. Williams then surprised me by reaching for my hand. He raised it up and kissed it. The touch of his lips lingered for a moment, and I felt slightly breathless. “Good night, Mrs. Fraser.”

“Good night,” I said as he turned away and strode off down the driveway, melting slowly into the darkness.

A chill came over me suddenly and I saw my breath, like puffs of rising smoke that disappeared instantly on the air. I folded my arms at my chest to keep warm as I whirled around, climbed the veranda steps and hurried back inside.

Later that night, when Sebastian slipped into bed beside me, I was still cold. I curled into him and rested my cheek on his shoulder. “It was fun tonight, don’t you think? I thought everyone had a good time.”

“It was a great success.” I waited for him to say something more, but he was quiet.

Swallowing uneasily, I lifted my cheek and rested my chin on my hands to look up at him. “I didn’t know that the Danforths were in Europe over the summer. Mr. Danforth said they went to London. Did you see them while they were there?”

Sebastian ran his thumb back and forth across my shoulder. “Yes, once or twice at a few social gatherings.”

“I’m surprised you never mentioned it in any of your letters. How long were they there?”

His eyebrows lifted, as if he had to think about it. “Oh, I don’t know. A couple of weeks, maybe? As I said, I only saw them a few times. I was very busy, trying to get the company back on track.”

He yawned and rolled to his side to turn the key in the lamp. Even after the flame sputtered and went out, the room remained bathed in the flickering, golden light of the fire in the hearth.

It was nearly three in the morning, and I thought perhaps Sebastian might wish to go to sleep right away, but he slid close to me, took me into his arms and whispered in my ear how much he loved and treasured me….

Chapter Thirty-five

A few days later, Sebastian traveled to South Portland to meet with one of his captains about his oldest and most prized steamship, which was in need of a full refurbishment. He rose early and left before dawn.

A light snow began to fall by mid-morning—the first snowfall of the year—so Nanny and I took the children outside to play in it. Though there was only an inch or two on the ground, we had a marvelous time building tiny snowmen until Nathan got snow on his wrists and wailed in agony. I took his hand to lead him inside and change his mittens, but stopped at the bottom of the veranda steps when I spotted something shiny in the garden.

“Wait, sweetheart,” I said as I let go of his hand and moved to pick it up. Wearing my black leather gloves, I brushed the snow off it and held it in my palm. “Look what I found. Someone lost an earring.”

I recognized it immediately. It was the emerald and diamond set Mrs. Danforth had worn to our dinner party. It must have fallen off as she descended the stairs at the end of the night, perhaps when she was gathering her fur mantle tightly about her shoulders.

I was reminded of how grateful I was to Mr. Williams that day in the keeper’s cottage when I was unaware I had lost an earring and he had found it for me.

“This belongs to one of our guests from the party the other night,” I said to Nathan. “I must see that it is returned. But for now, let’s go inside and get you a dry pair of mittens so we can build some more snowmen.” I took hold of his hand and led him up the steps.

o0o

Later that afternoon, when the children went for their naps, I asked John, one of the footmen, to take me to the Danforth’s house in the small Stanhope buggy. By then the sky was blue and the sun had come out, but it was still wickedly cold. The snow had not melted and the water was peppered with whitecaps, so I dressed warmly with a fur scarf and hat, and covered my legs with a thick woolen blanket.

When I arrived at the Danforth’s mansion, I hurried up the walk and rapped on the brass knocker. Their butler opened the heavy oak door and informed me that Mrs. Danforth was not at home. I then asked to see Mr. Danforth, so that I might return something of value, which belonged to his wife.

“I’m very sorry, Mrs. Fraser,” the butler said, leaving me to shiver outside in the bitter wind blowing off the ocean, “but Mr. Danforth has returned to New York.”

My eyebrows lifted. “I see. And what about Mrs. Danforth? Is she gone as well?” It surprised me that they hadn’t at least sent a note to thank us for the dinner party and say good-bye until next summer.

The butler spoke matter-of-factly. “Only to Portland for the day, to do a little shopping I believe. I would be pleased to pass the item on to her the moment she returns.”

Portland.

I felt suddenly overheated and swallowed hard over my rising apprehension.

No
. I did not wish for my thoughts to run off in an unpleasant direction. Perhaps it was a coincidence that Mrs. Danforth had traveled to Portland on the same day as my husband. But why had Mr. Danforth returned to New York without his wife? Why would he leave her here alone?

Feeling both flustered and disconcerted, I fumbled through my reticule for the earring, which I had placed in a small box, tied with a ribbon. Still standing on the stone terrace, my cheeks going numb from the icy wind, I held out the box.

“It’s an earring,” I explained. “Mrs. Danforth wore it to our dinner party last week. She must have lost it on her way to the coach at the end of the night.”

The butler accepted it and bowed gratefully. “I will see that she receives it.”

“Thank you.” Turning away, I strode to the buggy and asked John to take me home, straight away.

As we drove along Shore Road, I went over everything in my mind and felt shaken by what I had just learned. I loved my husband desperately—and I trusted him. I also believed he loved me equally, in return. Therefore I did not wish to believe what my instincts were suggesting. Surely I was imagining things.

Please God, let it be so
.

Chapter Thirty-six

Sebastian arrived home shortly after 7:00, in time for dinner. When I appeared in the front hall to greet him, he removed his overcoat, handed it to the butler, strode forward, and kissed me on the cheek. “It’s good to be home. How was your day?”

I was tempted to confess how my mind had run rampant all afternoon with images of his infidelity and betrayal, but I did not wish to sound ridiculous, or heaven forbid, hysterical. What I wanted was to observe him for a brief time and try to ascertain if it were possible that he was keeping secrets from me.

“It was lovely,” I replied, walking with him to the drawing room for a drink. The footman, John, was there, waiting to serve us. I accepted a glass of sherry from the silver tray he held out.

“The children and I played in the snow all morning,” I said, “and then I took a drive over to see Mrs. Danforth.”

I glanced at my husband as I sat down on the sofa. He stopped in the center of the room and gazed at me for a moment. “What on earth for?”

“I found one of her earrings in the garden below the veranda,” I explained. “I recognized it from the other night when she was here. She must have lost it as she was getting into her coach afterward. I wished to return it.”

Sebastian picked up the whisky glass from John’s tray and held it in his hand. “And did you?”

“Yes. John was good enough to drive me over in the buggy, but I am afraid Mrs. Danforth was not at home. Her butler said she had gone to Portland for the day. Just like you. And Mr. Danforth, for some strange reason, has returned to New York without her.”

I stared at Sebastian directly, while my blood began to prickle through my veins, for it was more than obvious to me that I had caught him off guard. I had never seen him so lost for words. He lowered his gaze and sipped his drink.

I sat for a moment, my mind burning with questions and suspicions.

“John, would you excuse us please?” I said.

“Of course, madam.”

I waited for John to exit the room, then I set down my sherry glass, stood up, crossed to the double doors and pulled them closed. Turning to face my husband, I said, “Please tell me that I am being foolish and imagining things. Because it has been a difficult year. I do not think I can bear any more heartbreak.”

Sebastian inclined his head questioningly. “What do you believe you are imagining?”

“Surely you must be able to guess.” I returned to pick up my glass of sherry. “Because you are as white as a sheet.”

On the surface, I probably appeared in complete control of my displeasure, but deep down, it was far more than displeasure I felt, for I was coming apart at the seams and wanted nothing more than to fall at my beloved husband’s feet and cry my eyes out—to beg him to tell me that it was all a silly mistake and he loved me more than anything, and that he would never betray me or stray to another woman’s bed. Not in a thousand years.

But he said nothing like that, and I did not collapse at his feet.

We stood facing each other in a heavy, stressful silence.

“Did you see her today?” I asked, point blank.

“Who? Mrs. Danforth?”

“Of course, Mrs. Danforth. Who else have we been talking about?”

Sebastian downed the entire contents of his glass and strode to the sideboard to pick up the crystal decanter. He poured himself another glass and replaced the stopper with a noisy clink.

“You should probably sit down,” he said as he faced me.

Oh Lord.

Overcome by a sudden, sickening wave of dread, I moved to the sofa and took a seat.

Drink in hand, Sebastian paced around the room. Then he stopped and faced me. “I probably should have told you this before,” he said, “but before you and I met each other, Mrs. Danforth and I…” He paused. “We were involved.”

“What do you mean…
involved
?” I asked. “Are you telling me that you were lovers?”

“Yes.”

I inhaled sharply. “But she is a married woman. She has been married to Mr. Danforth for a number of years.”