The Color Of Her Panties (16 page)

It seemed to Mela that her suggestion of time would have sufficed, but the case was not worth arguing.

They went on.  They passed a goblin cave.  Three ugly mean goblin males stood outside it, staring malevolently at the approaching party.  They looked as if they would like nothing better than to swarm over innocent maidens and do unmentionably horrible things to them.  But, reassured by the dragon's inability to bother anyone on the enchanted path, Mela strode onward.

The goblins' eyes fixed on her.  Then, in turn, they fell forward on their faces and remained that way.

“I never saw a goblin do that before,” Okra remarked.

“Another routine freak-out,” Metria said.  “Think nothing of it.”

Later they passed a small human village.  It contained three and a half houses.  Three bold men and a boy stood watching the path.  But Mela figured that its enchantment should be effective against them, too.

The human males stared.  Then one fell to the left, another to the right, and the third on his back.  Only the boy remained standing, but his face was slack.

“What is it with you?” Mela demanded.

The boy's mouth opened with an effort.  “p-p-p-“

“Plaid,” Metria said.

“Let's move on.”

Finally they came into sight of the Good Magician's castle.  It looked perfectly ordinary from a distance, and more so as it got closer.

There was a young man walking on an intersecting path.

“Why that's Magician Grey Murphy,” Metria said.  “This should be really interesting.”

Mela still distrusted the demoness's attitude, but couldn't fathom it.

The man saw them and paused.  “Why, hello, Metria,” he said.  “What mischief are you up to at the moment?”

“I am bringing three querents to see you or Humfrey,” Metria responded.

“Queer whats?” Mela demanded suspiciously.

“Odd, strange, peculiar-no, wait, it's the right word. It means questioners.”

“She's right,” Grey said.  “Those who come to the Good Magician are querents.”

“Let me introduce them,” Metria said briskly.  “There is Ida Human.”

Ida turned suddenly shy, for she had never before formally met a man of her species.  “ H-hello,“ she managed.

He squinted at her.  “Have we met before?  You seem somehow familiar.

“I don't think so,” Ida said.  “I have lived apart from human folk all my life.”

“This is Okra Ogress,” Metria said.

“Hi,” Okra said, hardly less abashed.

“You don't look like an ogress,” he remarked.

“I know,” Okra said, ashamed.

“And this is Mela Merwoman.”

“Hello, Mela.  I have heard much about you.”

“I almost married Prince Dolph,” she said.

“I remember.  However-” Then his eyes, which had been fixed on her upper section, happened to drop to her midsection.  They widened.  Then they narrowed.  “So this is your mischief, Metria!” he said severely.

“Oh, river blockage!” the demoness exclaimed.

“You mean a dam?”

“Whatever.  I thought you'd freak out, the way the others did.”

“You forget my talent.  Begone, Metria, or I'll null you.” He reached toward her.

The demoness instantly faded away.

“But why would you freak out?” Metria asked.

“She didn't tell you, of course.  It's that magic panty.

On a body like yours, it is guaranteed to freak out any male who sees it.  Except that I can nullify magic, so can resist it.  Nevertheless, you should put on some clothing before you proceed farther.”

“But I have some clothing on!” Mela said.  “Just as Dana said I should. This is all I have.”

“She meant more than a panty.  Nude, you can be mistaken for a well-endowed nymph.  Clothed you would resemble a buxom woman.  But panties alone are dangerous.

You are in violation of the Adult Conspiracy.”

“So that's what Metria was waiting for!” Ida said.  “To see if the plaid panty freaked out the Magician!”

“Precisely.  I suppose you should proceed to the challenges now, and Sofia will see to some clothing for you once you are inside.  I must go now; I wish you well.”

“Thank you,” Mela said faintly.  Oh, that demoness!

Gwendolyn Goblin was thrilled with and nervous about her new lenses.

They worked perfectly, but this business of seeing dreams was daunting.

Would the bad dreams of others frighten her?  She hardly wanted to find out.

She also felt guilty about letting Jenny Elf serve for Gwenny's Answer.

How could she ever repay Jenny for this?  If she managed to become chief, she would not be available to return the favor by serving a year for an Answer for Jenny.  Her responsibility to her tribe would come first.  She was likely to be stuck with this considerable favor owing.

Dana Demoness was surprised to see them.  “But who freed you early from the gourd?”

“Jenny did,” Che said.  “Her talent makes her able to escape the dream realm.”

Dana nodded.  “That is more of a talent than it seems. I suggest that you keep Jenny close by you, and that you do not tell others about this.”

Soon Ivy and Grey Murphy were there.  “They have the lenses, so there wasn't any point in remaining in the gourd longer,” Dana said.

Ivy seemed nonplused.  “Of course.  But-”

“Let it pass,” Grey told her.  Perhaps he had caught on; he had an understanding of how magic could be canceled magically, or perhaps he had seen it in the Book of Answers.

“Will you be going directly to Goblin Mountain now?”

Dana inquired.

“Yes, I think I must,” Gwenny said.  “The longer I'm away, there more mischief there may be.” She looked at Jenny.  “It may be dangerous. Maybe it would be better if you stayed here, to do your year's service.”

“No, I will see the mission through,” Jenny said firmly.

“I want to see you be chief.  Then I'll return here.”

“But if something happened-you know how mean goblins can be-”

“That's why I have to be there to help you.”

“She's right,” Grey said.  “There will be time for her service.”

Gwenny remained frustrated.  She just couldn't seem to do anything good for Jenny!  Yet at the same time she was relieved that Jenny would remain with her.  They had been friends for two years, the best years of Gwenny's life, and she wished that could continue forever.

“You will need a pass for the Gap,” Ivy said.  “I'll write one out.”

“A pass?” Gwenny asked blankly.

“The shortest route from here to Goblin Mountain is a straight line.  You won't want to take the longer route to cross the bridge over the Gap Chasm.  That means you have to go down into it.  The pass is so that my friend Stanley Steamer, the Gap Dragon, will know not to eat you.”

“Oh.” Gwenny was not thrilled with the notion of going down into the Gap.  But unless she wanted to accept a lift from the winged monsters, that was the way she would have to go.  “Thank you.”

“I did not realize that the dragon could read,” Che remarked.

“He can't,” Ivy said.  “But the paper and ink smell of me.  He won't chomp anyone with this.” She handed it to Gwenny.  “Just don't lose it!”

“I won't.” Gwenny tucked the paper into her pocket.

Soon they were on their way, following an enchanted path northeast.

There were several bypaths which surely led to interesting things, but they were determined not to be distracted, so hurried on along the main path without pausing at any of the diversions.  Just to be sure, Jenny had Sammy Cat pick the route at each intersection, because Sammy knew they were looking for the fastest way to Goblin Mountain, and he could always find the right path.

Nevertheless, they noticed some of them.  One side path was marked STOCK MARKET-SEE THE BULLS AND BEARS.  Gwenny was extremely curious about those animals, for she had never seen either variety in Xanth.  They could hear an occasional noise, as if big creatures with hard feet were stampeding, alternating with depressing growls.  Whatever could be going on there?  Another side path was marked COM-PEWTER-THE NICE MACHINE.

Gwenny didn't quite trust that either.  A third path was marked THE BIG TOP; they were able to see the upper surface of a mountainous spinning top beyond the trees.

Then they encountered someone going the opposite direction.  It was a young human man and an odd dog.  The man was perfectly ordinary, but the dog was made out of stone.  The two came to a halt as they saw the three.

“Oh, hello,” the man said.  “Are you looking for the Good Magician's castle?  Because if you are, you're going the wrong way.”

“No, we just came from there,” Gwenny said.  “We're going to Goblin Mountain.”

He peered down at her.  “I say!  You're the prettiest goblin I've seen!”

At that point, by sheerest coincidence, a shy fly came by and smacked her fight in the face.  Gwenny started blushing too badly to speak.

Che stepped forward.  “Perhaps we should exchange in introductions before we part,” he said.  “I am Che Centaur, and this is Gwenny Goblin and Jenny Elf.  And Jenny's cat, Sammy.” Sammy was sniffing noses with the stone dog.

“I am Alister,” he said.  “And this is my dog Marbles. We're going to ask the Good Magician about finding a magic talent for my father.  My talent is finding things.  I can find anything except an answer.”

“That's Sammy's talent!” Jenny exclaimed.  “He can find anything except home.”

Alister was surprised.  “I thought no two people ever had the same talent.”

“Sammy's an animal.”

“Oh.  Then it must be all right.  I was afraid we were in the wrong time, or something.”

“Stranger things happen,” Che said.

“Actually, I was amusing myself on the way, because I know this path leads to the Good Magician's castle.  I was seeing whether I could find special things along the way, without deviating from the path.  This time I had decided on the prettiest girl in the region.  I can see my talent is in good working order.” He glanced again at Gwenny.

And she had the tremendous misfortune to get stung by another shy fly just at that moment.  Again, her blush drowned out her effort to speak.

Oh, how that embarrassed her!

Then they resumed their walk to the northeast, and Alister and Marbles continued southwest.  Gwenny wondered whether they really could be in the wrong time.  Wouldn't that be odd, meeting folk who were there some other time!

“Actually, the soldier Crombie finds things, too,” Che remarked in an afterthought.  “I understand that he closes his eyes, whirls around, and points, and whatever he is seeking is in that direction.  But he's pretty old now, so maybe he doesn't do it anymore.”

Gwenny finally recovered from her shy attack.  How embarrassing to have it happen just then!  He had seemed like a nice young man, for a human being.  “Maybe it isn't finding that's the talent that can't be repeated,” she said.

“Maybe it's how a person finds something.  Crombie whirls around, and Sammy just runs; Alister must have some other way.”

“That is surely it,” Che agreed.

“Meanwhile we had better find a place to camp for the night,” Jenny said.

Sammy bounded ahead.  Jenny ran after him, as she always did.  “Wait for me, Sammy!” she cried, as she always did.  But he didn't wait, as he always didn't.

Gwenny and Che were used to this.  They ran along after the two.  Soon they came to a pathlet to the side, and ran down it.  It led to a large spreading tree.  Its branches formed a big cuplike center covered by broad mottled leaves.  Sammy jumped right up into this cup and stopped.

Gwenny examined one of the leaves.  She discovered to her surprise that the mottles were in the form of legible print.

I AM THE MINISTREE.

WELCOME TO MY BRANCH.

“A ministree?” Jenny asked.  “Sammy, are you sure-?”

But the cat was licking his paw, ignoring her.

So they all climbed into the center cup.  One of the branches extended down to the ground so that Che was able to walk up it without much trouble.

They discovered good fruits on the tree, and found that the bark of the branches was spongy and comfortable to settle down on.  A number of the big leaves hung low.

Gwenny picked another and read it.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED PROTECTING THE TREES OF XANTH?

She picked another.

OUR MOST PRECIOUS HERITAGE IS OUR PLANT LIFE.

Hm.  Were there random messages, or was there a pattern?  She picked another leaf, randomly, and read it.

WE URGE ALL FEELING CREATURES TO CONSERVE THE VEGETABLE KINGDOM.

“I think this tree is trying to tell us something,” Gwenny said, showing the leaves she had picked.

“Well, it seems to be ministering to us,” Che said.

“That is consistent with its identity.  Perhaps it is also ministering to the environment of Xanth.”

Gwenny thought about that, and decided it was all right.

“Sammy was right,” she said.  “This is a good place to stay.  And we should try to preserve the good plants of Xanth.”

She picked another leaf.

THANK YOU, it said.

PLEASE REMEMBER NOT TO LITTER.

“We won't litter,” Gwenny promised.

Che picked a leaf.

REMEMBER WHAT THE DEMONS DID TO THE KISS-MEE RIVER it said.

“That was a terrible thing!” Che agreed.  “We hope the demons learned their lesson.”

The tree's leaves rustled with appreciation.  It was satisfied that its ministry was effective.

In due course they settled down to sleep, each nestled comfortably on a broad branch.  Gwenny took one last look around before closing her eyes.

Che, the youngest of them, was already asleep.  Gwenny saw his dream.  It turned in the air around him, like a picture projected on him, so that he was both lying quietly on the branch and being active in the dream.

In the dream he was spreading his wings and flying up into the sky.  Up, up he flew, gloriously, spiraling in the sunlit air, for it was full day in the dream.  He sailed over the ministree and on over the Gap Chasm, which was close by to the north.  He felt wonderful; there were little lines of joy and excitement around him, showing his feelings.

Then he looked down and back, and saw the cup of the ministree, where his two friends remained.  “I can't desert them!” he exclaimed.  He began spiraling down as the dream faded out.

Gwenny was touched.  The young centaur had personal aspirations, but he also had loyalty.  His dream had shown that more perfectly than words would have.

She looked at Jenny Elf, who had now drifted to sleep.

In her dream she was standing on the ground, holding her cat.  “I wish I knew the way home,” she said.

Then Sammy jumped from her arms and bounded away.

“Wait for me, Sammy!“ she cried, chasing after him.

“You'll get lost!”

The cat leaped through a shimmer in the air and landed in a strange scene beyond it.  Jenny followed.  It remained fairly dark; the night had not changed to day.  They charged through a weird un-Xanthian landscape, where trees were subtly and unsubtly different and bushes were simply not the kind that grew in Xanth.  There were two moons hanging in the dark sky.  Jenny and Sammy ran up to a huge tree, where several big canine animals lounged.  “The Holt!  The wolf-friends!“

Jenny cried joyfully.  She threw herself among them without fear.

People came down from the tree.  No, they were huge elves, with pointed ears and four-fingered hands like Jenny's.  They embraced her joyfully.

“Jenny!  We thought you were lost!  We feared that something terrible had happened to you!  We feared you were dead or cruelly hurt?”

“No, I'm all right, I'm all right!” she replied.  “I've had the most wonderful adventure!”

“But what is that thing on your face?” one of the adults asked.

Jenny put a hand to her spectacles.  “Oh, I got these in Xanth!  They help me to see clearly!“ Then she stood still.

“Xanth!  My friends!  I can't leave them!  Not while they have such important things to do!  And the Good Magician-I have to serve-I promised-”

Then her dream faded out.  She was back in the ministree.  She, too, was loyal, even in her sleeping fancy.  She wanted to go home, but wouldn't until she had met her commitments.

Gwendolyn Goblin closed her eyes, but she felt the tears squeezing out anyway.

Next day they thanked the ministree for its hospitality, promised to treat plants and trees with respect, and set out refreshed.  By noon they reached the Gap Chasm.  It was as awesome as it had been from the other side.

“But how are we going to get down this clifflike slope?”

Gwenny asked, appalled at the magnitude of the challenge.

“I can make us light enough to handle the climb safely,” Che said.  “All we need to do is find a section where there are sufficient handholds.  It may be tedious, but feasible.”

“Why not just jump?” Jenny asked.  “It would save us time and scratches.”

Gwenny laughed.  “That far?  We're not crazy!”

“But if we are light enough, we wouldn't land hard enough to hurt, would we?” Jenny asked.

Gwenny's outgoing glance collided with Che's incoming glance.  The elf might be right!

“Perhaps we could verify it,” Che said.

“How?” Gwenny asked, not at all easy about such a descent.

“We could make the C-A-T light, and inquire the fastest and safest way down.  If he were to J-U-M-P-”

Jenny looked at Sammy.  “You aren't fooling him.  He's been listening in on all our lesson sessions, and probably can spell as well as we can.”

“But he's an animal,” Che said.

“Sammy, find C-H-E,” Jenny said, facing away from the little centaur.

The cat leaped onto Che's back.

It seemed that the centaur had been stung by a shy fly this time.  His face, neck, and shoulders turned red.

Gwenny knew how he felt.  Sammy, however, looked smug.

They decided to try it.  After Che cooled off, he flicked each of them several times with his tail, making them so light that they had to pick up stones for ballast.  Then he flicked Sammy similarly.

“Sammy, find the fastest and safest way down into the Gap Chasm,” Jenny said to the cat.

Sammy ran along the brink of the chasm.  They followed.  He came to a smoothly slanting face of rock where a small river crossed on the way down.  The river found a rounded channel farther down and happily coursed along it.