The Complete Malazan Book of the Fallen (1281 page)

‘Then why here?' Banaschar asked.

But it was Fiddler who answered, ‘Because it is defendable, Priest.'

‘Demidrek?' Tavore asked, one hand now on the grip of her sword.

He looked round, stepped over to one of the dolomite boulders. Swirling patterns, grooves flowing like hair. Demonic, vaguely human figures, faces composed of staring eyes and open mouths filled with sharp teeth. He sighed, looked back at the Adjunct, and then nodded. ‘She can… I don't know…wrap herself round the base of this hill, like a dragon-worm of legend, I suppose.'

‘To what end, Demidrek?'

‘Containment.'

‘For how long?'

Until she dies.
He shrugged.

He saw her studying him for a moment longer, and then the Adjunct Tavore drew out her Otataral sword.

The rust-coloured blade seemed to blaze in Banaschar's eyes, and he staggered back a step.

Nearby, Fiddler swore under his breath. ‘Adjunct – it's…awake.'

‘And,' whispered Banaschar, ‘
it shall summon.
'

Tavore kicked a space clear on the ground with one boot, and then set the sword's tip against the earth. She pushed down using all of her weight.

The blade slid, as if through sand, down to half its length.

Stepping back, the Adjunct seemed to reel.

Banaschar and Fiddler reached her at the same time, taking her weight –
gods, there is so little left of her! Bones and skin!
She slumped unconscious in their arms.

‘Here,' grunted Fiddler, ‘let's drag her back – find somewhere clear.'

‘No,' said Banaschar. ‘I will carry her down to the horses.'

‘Right. I'll go ahead, get her some water.'

Banaschar had picked Tavore up. ‘Fiddler…'

‘Aye,' he growled. ‘Like a starved child under that armour. When she comes round, Priest, we're making her eat.'

The soldier might as well have said, ‘We're laying siege to the moon,' and been absolutely convinced that he would do just that, and then take the damned thing down in ruin and flames.
It's how a soldier thinks. At least, this one, this damned marine.
Saying nothing, he followed Fiddler down the narrow, twisting track.

 

She had been laid down on a threadbare saddle blanket. Banaschar had unstrapped and removed her helm, and rested her head on the worn saddle they'd pulled from the Adjunct's horse. Off to one side, Fiddler was splintering wood and building a small fire.

Taking a waterskin, the priest soaked a bundle of bandages from the sapper's kit bag and began tenderly wiping the sweat and grime from Tavore's brow and those so-plain features. With her eyes closed, he saw the child she had once been – serious, determined, impatient to grow up. But the face was gaunter than it should have been, too old, too worn down. He brushed tendrils of damp, lank hair from her forehead. Then glanced over at Fiddler. ‘Is it just exhaustion, do you— Gods below, Fiddler!'

The man was breaking up his Deck of Dragons, using his knife to split each card. He paused, looked across at the priest. ‘She's getting a cooked meal.'

Banaschar watched as the sapper fed the splinters into the fire. The paints filled the flames with strange colours. ‘You don't expect to survive, do you?'

‘Even if I do, I'm done with this. All of it.'

‘You couldn't retire from soldiering even if you wanted to.'

‘Really? Just watch me.'

‘What will you do? Buy a farm, start growing vegetables?'

‘Gods no. Too much work – never could figure out soldiers saying they'd do that once they buried their swords. Earth grows what it wants to grow – spending the rest of your life fighting it is just another damned war.'

‘Right, then. Get drunk, tell old stories in some foul tavern—'

‘Like you was doing back in Malaz City?'

Banaschar's smile was wry. ‘I was about to advise against it, Captain. Maybe it sounds good from here – being able to live every moment without purpose, emptied of all pressure. But take it from me, you'd do just as well topping yourself – it's quicker and probably a lot less miserable.'

Fiddler poured some water into a pot and then set it on the flames. He began dropping shreds of dried meat into it. ‘Nah, nothing so…wasteful. Thought I'd take up fishing.'

‘Never figured you for a man of the seas.'

‘You mean, like, in a boat with lines and nets? Out on the waves and o'er the deeps? No, not that kind of fishing, Priest. Sounds like work to me, and dangerous besides. No, I'll stay ashore. I'm thinking hobby, not livelihood.'

Glancing down at Tavore's lined face, Banaschar sighed. ‘We should all live a life of hobbies. Doing only what gives us pleasure, only what rewards us in secret, private ways.'

‘Wise words, Priest. You're just filled with surprises tonight, aren't you?'

When Banaschar shot the man a look, he saw his faint grin and the tension eased out from him. He grunted. ‘I went into the priesthood looking for wisdom and only then did I realize I'd gone in precisely the wrong direction.'

‘Piety not all it's made out to be, then?'

‘Is soldiering, Fiddler?'

The man slowly settled back, stirring with his knife blade. ‘Had a friend once, tried warning an eager little boy away from the soldier's life.'

‘And did your friend succeed?'

‘Doesn't matter if he did or didn't. That's not the point.'

‘So, what is the point, then?'

‘You can't steer anyone away from the path they're going to take. You can show 'em that there's plenty of other paths – you can do that much – but past that? They'll go where they go.'

‘Your friend should have scared that boy rigid. That might've worked.'

Fiddler shook his head. ‘Can't feel someone else's terror, either, Banaschar. We only know terror for what it is when it looks us dead in the eye.'

There was a sigh from Tavore and the priest looked down. ‘You fainted, Adjunct.'

‘The – the sword…'

‘It's done.'

She struggled to sit up. ‘Then we must leave.'

‘We will, Adjunct,' Fiddler said. ‘But first, we eat.'

Tavore pushed Banaschar's hands away and struggled upright. ‘You damned fool – do you know who that sword is summoning?'

‘Aye. Just burned that card, as it happens.'

Banaschar almost felt the Adjunct's shock, like a jolt of sparks snapping through the air between them.

The priest snorted. ‘You've gone and made her speechless, sapper.'

‘Good. Can't eat and talk at the same time. Come over here, Adjunct, else me and the priest will have to hold you and force this stew down your throat. Won't do anyone any good if you go and collapse at the wrong moment, will it?'

‘You – you should not have done that, Fiddler.'

‘Relax,' the man replied, tapping his satchel. ‘Saved one House – the only one that means anything to us now.'

‘Ours is a house still divided, Captain.'

‘The King in Chains? Never mind him – the fool's too busy undermining the throne he happens to be sitting on. And the Knight is with us.'

‘Are you certain?'

‘I am. Be at ease on that count.'

‘When that god manifests, Fiddler, it will be upon a battlefield – thousands of souls will feed its shaping. We are speaking of a god of
war
– when it comes, it could well fill half the sky.'

Fiddler glanced across at Banaschar, and then he shrugged. ‘Beware the vow of a Toblakai.' And then, with a half-smile, he filled a tin bowl with stew and handed it up to the Adjunct. ‘Eat, dear Consort. The rest are with us. Reaver, Fool, the Seven… Leper…' and his gaze fell for a moment with that title, before he looked back up, grinned over at Banaschar. ‘Cripple.'

Cripple. Oh. Well, yes. Been staring me in the face all this time, I suppose. Been thinking it was terror, that old mirror reflection. And surprise, it
was
.

While they ate, Banaschar's memories wandered back, to the moment in her tent, and her words with Lostara, and all that followed.

Children, gather close. Your mother's days are fraught now. She needs you. She needs us all.

Glancing up, he saw Tavore studying him. ‘Banaschar, was it you who removed my helm? Wiped down my face and combed through my hair?'

His gaze dropped. ‘Yes, Adjunct.'

She made an odd sound, and then said, ‘I am sorry… I must have looked a mess.'

Oh, Tavore.

Fiddler rose suddenly and said in a gruff voice, ‘I'll saddle your horse, Adjunct.'

 

Hedge watched as the three riders rode back into the camp. ‘Bavedict, distribute the munitions.'

The alchemist turned and in a startled voice asked, ‘All of them?'

‘All of them. And get 'em kitted out – water, a little food, armour and weapons and nothing else.'

‘I'll go talk to the sergeants.'

Nodding, Hedge set off.

He found Fiddler on foot, just outside the Adjunct's tent. The man was alone, standing looking down at the ground.

‘We're coming with you,' Hedge said.

Fiddler looked up, scowled. ‘No, you're not.'

‘The Bridgeburners are coming with you – nothing you can do about it.'

‘It's all over with, Hedge. Just leave it alone.' And he turned away.

But Hedge reached out, pulled the man round. ‘I already asked the Adjunct – I did it last night, once I figured out what was going on. You need me there, Fiddler. You just don't know it yet – you don't know the half of it, but you'll just have to trust me on this.
You need me there.
'

Fiddler stepped close, his face dark. ‘Why? Why the fuck do I?'

Passing soldiers paused, turned to stare.

‘You just do! If you don't – I swear this, Fid, I
swear
it – you'll spend the rest of your days poisoned with regret. Listen to me! It's not only us, can't you see that? You need the Bridgeburners!'

Fiddler pushed him back with both hands, staggering Hedge. ‘They're
not
Bridgeburners! It's not just a fucking name! You can't just pick up any old useless fools and call them Bridgeburners!'

‘Why not?' Hedge retorted. ‘It's what we were, wasn't it? At the beginning? Young and wide-eyed stupid and wanting to be better than we were!' He waved an arm to take in the camp. ‘No different from these Bonehunters – don't you see that?'

‘Don't follow me!'

‘You're not listening! I went through – I came back! I have no choice, damn you!'

There were tears glistening in Fiddler's eyes. ‘Just don't.'

Hedge shook his head. ‘I told you. No choice, none at all.'

When Fiddler pushed past him, Hedge let him go. He looked round, scowled. ‘It's almost noon – go eat something, you slack-jawed bastards.' Then he headed back for his company's camp.

 

Fiddler cut between two staff tents, and made it halfway down before he stopped and slowly sank to one knee, his hands over his face. As tears broke loose, shudders drove through him, wave upon wave.

We're going to die – can't he see that? I can't lose him again – I just can't.

He could still feel Hedge's shoulders where he'd pushed him, and see the hurt look on the man's face –
no, don't.
His hands stung, his hands burned. He balled them into fists, head hanging, forcing himself to draw deep breaths, forcing all the rawness away, and with it the terrible anguish that threatened to break him, crush him down.

He needed to go to his soldiers now. The sergeants would have them ready. Waiting. Marines and heavies, the last of both.
One more thing to do, and then we'll be done. All of it, finished.

Gods, Hedge, we should have died in the tunnels. So much easier, so much quicker. No time to grieve, no time for the scars to get so thick it's almost impossible to feel anything at all.

And then you showed up and tore them all open again.

Whiskeyjack, Kalam, Trotts – they're gone. Why didn't you stay there with them? Why couldn't you just have waited for me?

Still the tears streamed down his face, soaking his beard. He could barely see the matted dead grasses beneath him.

End this. One more thing to do – they'll try and stop us. They have to. We need to be ready for them. We need – I need…to be a captain, the one in charge. The one to tell my soldiers where to die.

Wiping at his face, he slowly straightened.

‘Gods,' he muttered. ‘First the Adjunct, and now this.' He sighed. ‘Let's just call it a bad day and be done with it. Ready, Fid? Ready for them? You'd better be.'

He set out.

 

There was glory in pissing, Corabb decided as he watched the stream curve out and make that familiar but unique sound as it hit the ground.

‘Doesn't look like you need both hands for that,' Smiles observed from where she sat nearby.

‘Today, I shall even look upon you with sympathy,' he replied, finishing up and then spitting on his hands to clean them.

‘Sympathy? What am I, a lame dog?'

Sitting leaning against his pack, Bottle laughed, earning a dark look from Smiles.

‘We are going somewhere to fight,' Corabb said, turning to face her and the others sitting on the ground beyond. ‘Today, you are all my family.'

‘Explains the sympathy,' Koryk muttered.

‘And I will stand at your side, Koryk of the Seti,' Corabb said.

Smiles snorted. ‘To what, keep him from running?'

‘No. Because, this time, he will stand with us. He will be a soldier again.'

There was a long moment of silence from the gathered squad, and then Koryk rose and walked a short distance away.