The Confession (22 page)

Adam stared blankly at John. “He asked
you to forgive him? Why would he ask for forgiveness?”

“He wanted me to forgive
him for
ignoring
me, rather than helping me deal with whatever was
causing my depression. Secrets can destroy a
family
as
evidenced by our family. Honesty and acceptance
are
the only way
to heal old wounds. I hope that one day you will accept my sincere
apology.”

“It will take me a long
time to forgive
you,
John.”

“I understand Adam. Nothing else needs
to be said.”

Everyone sat in the living
room and waited for Colin and Margaret. Outside, Colin drove around
the block
for several
minutes
. “Honey, you need to park the car.
Driving in circles is counterproductive. I know you are nervous,
but it’s about time we put the events of the past behind
us.”

“I know Maggie. I have been dreading
this day for so long, and I fear how they will react. My old heart
can’t take the stress of dredging up this shit.”

“Maybe it’s for the best if everyone
knew the truth. Adam and Lydia will never truly forgive John. Maybe
this will be the catalyst for forgiveness. I can see the hurt in
John’s eyes. He is also a victim.”

Colin parked the car and sat quietly
staring at Adam’s house. “Our children do not deserve this
bullshit.”

“Our
kids
are
strong
Colin. Don’t underestimate their strength.”

Adam stood by the bay
window and watched his parents. Finally, they exited the car and
walked up the driveway. His father looked
frail
as if he carried
the weight of the world on his shoulders. He looked much older than
his seventy-five years. Adam opened the door and greeted his
parents with
a
warm
hug.

Colin and Margaret followed
their son
into
the living room and it pleased him to see
everyone. Clearing his throat, he said, “Well, it’s good to see
everyone here today. Gail honey how’s your leg?”

“I’m ok. I don’t know what to call
you.” Gail said as tears welled in her eyes.

Colin walked over to her wheelchair and
knelt before her. He reached out to hold both of her hands. “Can
you forgive an old fool sweetheart? You are my granddaughter, and I
love you.” Gail cried as she leaned into her gramps. Several
minutes later, Gail wiped the tears from her face and smiled at her
grandfather. Colin kissed her forehead and with a little help, slid
into the chair next to Gail.

John stood behind his father and placed
a comforting hand on his shoulder. He bent down and whispered
something, which no one heard. Colin nodded, patted his hand again,
and John resumed his seat next to Adam.

“John came to visit me
yesterday, and we had a long talk. I need to address our issues
first. I am truly sorry for the way I ignored you, and I take
responsibility for what happened
before you disappeared.
I think
I should start at the beginning.”

“Maggie and I tried for
several years to have a baby. We suffered the heartache of five
miscarriages, and never thought we could have a baby. When Maggie
became pregnant again, we followed doctor’s orders, and she
immediately went on bed rest. We
always worried
whether she
could carry the baby to term. The stress was unbearable, and Maggie
lost the baby. Our child was a precious little girl. We named her
Eleanor. I was beyond angry. Why was God punishing us? The
following year, we decided to adopt. Maggie could not take another
miscarriage. The adoption agency found a young woman, maybe
seventeen years old who was five months pregnant. We were so happy
and anxiously awaited the baby’s birth.”

“We were beyond happy to
have a little boy. The day following his birth, John became very
sick. We thought me might die. After many
long
tests, the doctor
told us John was addicted to cocaine. The mother was a crack addict
and never told us. We were shocked and surprised when Maggie became
pregnant again. We were overjoyed to discover she was carrying
twins. We did everything in our power to ensure she carried to
term.”

“After Mary and Adam
had been
born, John’s behavior grew worse. We relied on several
medications to control his outbursts. It was obvious to us the
medication no longer worked, and we stopped giving it to him.
Unfortunately, over the years, the damage to our relationship was
irreversible, and we tolerated each other. I
didn't
know when
it happened, but I grew tired trying to help him. God forgive me,
but I wished we had never adopted him. He was argumentative, and at
times borderline violent. Secretly, I was relieved when John left
home.”

“When we read the letter, I
went to the police. I explained everything to the
detective
and gave him a picture of John. The detective told me without
a name, there is no crime, and he cannot issue an arrest warrant.
We did not know where John was. We hired a private detective, and
after a few weeks with no results, we stopped the search. Your
mother and I were embarrassed and saddened to realize our son
committed such a heinous crime. I did not want any of you to know
what happened. I made the decision to bury this and never speak of
it again. Had I known that you Lydia were the victim, I would have
told the police. You never exhibited signs of a crime. You and Adam
were happy. You were pregnant with your first child. Never in a
million years did I think you were the woman in the
letter.”

Colin slumped forward in his chair,
covered his face with his hands, and cried. John was the first one
out of his seat and knelt before the only man that he considered a
father. Everyone sat in stunned silence and watched them. John
wrapped his arms around Colin as he continued crying. “Let go of
the memories Father. Our Lord knows the goodness that lives in your
soul. We are all sinners, and Our Lord, through his mercy and love,
forgives you. We are all victims of the past. No one but you knows
the trauma that you faced. I love you, and I will never judge you.
I will help you heal the wounds.”

“John, please take me home. I am so
tired.”

After helping Colin to his car, John
walked back to the house. Adam was standing in the driveway, fear,
and concern clearly etched on his face. “Is he ok?”

“No, but he will be once he calms down.
Please ask Mary to stay until I return.”

Adam nodded and he watched John drive
is father home.

Chapter 16

Adam walked back into the house and
asked Mary not to leave. “John is coming back and he wants to speak
to us. I’m going upstairs for a few minutes. I feel
sick.”

Lydia shot a worried glance at Bobby.
“It’s ok Mom. Stay here with Gail. I’ll check on Dad.”

As Bobby approached his
parent’s bedroom, he heard his father crying. It
unnerved
him because his father never cried. The door was partly open,
and Bobby stepped into the room. Adam was in the bathroom splashing
water on his face. He looked up to see his son standing in the
doorway.

“Dad, are you ok?”

Another sob erupted from
him, and he sank to the floor. Bobby closed the distance and sat
next to him. Adam closed his eyes
and tried to
wipe his father’s
tear stained face from his memory. He leaned against Bobby as he
fought
nausea.
“Where’s your mother? Is she ok?”

“She’s ok Dad. Mom is with Gail. How
are you?”

“I can’t answer that Bobby.
I feel numb. I cannot comprehend how they lived with this awful
secret for so many years. John said
he was
coming back to talk to
us. I don’t think I can handle anything else today.”

“Go into the bedroom and lie down for a
few minutes. I’ll let you know when he’s here.”

Adam patted his son’s hand. “You do
know that your mother and I have never lied to you. We have always
been honest with you and Gail.”

“I know Dad. I used to joke with Gail
that the two of you were like an open book. You kept nothing a
secret, and sometimes, your honesty was embarrassing. Do you
remember the sex talk? I had nightmares for weeks!”

Adam laughed. “Yes. I also remember the
look on your face when I showed you how to take care of
yourself.”

“Uh, that was so embarrassing. I know
for a fact that none of my friends had that particular conversation
with their fathers.”

“I know it was
awkward Bobby. I wanted you to understand what was happening to
your body. You have to admit that it made everything easier for you
once you knew that what you were experiencing was
normal.”

“It did make it easier, and I never
told anyone that you showed me now to masturbate. I almost shit
myself when you dropped your pants and showed me what to
do.”

“Good. That was between
father and son. I always want you to come to
me,
Bobby. I enjoy
our talks, and I want us
always to be
close. It doesn’t matter
how old you are. I love you very much. I know I don’t say it often
enough, but I am proud of you. I want you
always to know
how I
feel about you and Gail. The two of you are the blood that runs
through my veins, and the heart that beats in my chest.”

“After what I heard today,
those words are like a balm to my soul. Gail and I are so lucky to
have two wonderful parents. I love you, Dad. Take a nap. I’ll wake
you when John arrives.” Bobby quietly closed the door, as Adam
closed his eyes, and to his surprise, drifted into a
peaceful
sleep.

Lydia was still talking to Gail when
Bobby joined them. “Where’s your father?”

“He’s taking a nap. We talked for a few
minutes, and I told him I would wake him when Uncle John is
here.”

He looked at Gail. “How
are
you,
runt
?”

“I’m stunned that Gran and
Gr
amps
suffered the way they did. I feel sad for
them.”

Lydia agreed with them.
“It’s been a
very
depressing
day for all of us. Mary went
home. She is too upset and needs time to process
everything.”

John helped Colin into the house and
onto the sofa. He sat next to him and waited while he calmed down.
Several minutes later, Colin took a deep breath and seemed to
relax. “Thank you for driving me home John. I’m sorry if what I
said today upsets you.”

“I am more sad than upset.
I never realized at the time that I was such a problem for the two
of you. I always felt different, and now I know why. I am sure the
drugs and alcohol exacerbated the problem. Looking back, I can
clearly see how I had difficulty coping with day-to-day issues. I
understand now why Lydia ended our relationship. I do not think I
can adequately explain how I
suffered from
withdraw
. It was horrible Father. I was
sick for several weeks, and I seriously doubted I would survive the
ordeal. Father Randall saved my life. I had to be hospitalized
twice because I was so sick.”

“Something happened to me
after I was well enough to begin my religious study. I sense of
calm enveloped me, and I felt peaceful for the first time in my
life. As time passed, my former life faded into the background.
Sadly, the memories never left me. I
want to
put the events of
the past behind us, and form a new bond. I
honestly
believe that
God has given us this opportunity to heal old
wounds
and love
the people that we’ve become.”

“I would like that very much John. It
feels good letting go of the past, and I want to focus on the
present. I know you still have things to discuss with Adam. Go to
him now and clear the air. I need to take a nap.”