The Confessions of Catherine de Medici (2 page)

All of a sudden, my stomach clenched. I dropped my hands to my belly, feeling an unexpected pain. My surroundings distorted, as if the palazzo had plunged underwater. Nausea turned my mouth sour. I came to my feet blindly, hearing my chair crash over. A terrifying darkness overcame me. I felt my mouth open in a soundless scream as the darkness widened like a vast ink stain, swallowing everything around me. I was no longer in the gallery arguing with my aunt; instead, I stood in a desolate place, powerless against a force that seemed to well up from deep inside me …

I stand unseen, alone among strangers. They are weeping. I see tears slip down their faces, though I can’t hear their laments. Before me is a curtained bed, draped in black. I know at once something horrible lies upon it, something I should not see. I try to stay back but my feet move me toward it with the slow certainty of a nightmare, compelling me to reach out a spotted, bloated hand I do not recognize as my own, part the curtains, and reveal

“Dio Mio
, no!” My cry wrenched from me. I felt my aunt holding me, the frantic caress of her hand on my brow. I had a terrible stomachache and lay sprawled on the floor, my embroidery and tangled yarns strewn beside me.

“Caterina, my child,” my aunt said. “Please, not the fever again …”

As the strange sensation of having left my own body began to fade, I forced myself to sit up. “I don’t think it’s the fever,” I said. “I saw something: a man, lying dead on a bed. He was so real, Zia … it scared me.”

She stared at me. Then she whispered,
“Una visione,”
as if it was something she’d long feared. She gave me a fragile smile, reaching out to help me to my feet. “Come, that’s enough for today. Let us go take that walk,
si?
Tomorrow we’ll visit the Maestro. He’ll know what to do.”

M
Y MAID AWOKE ME BEFORE DAWN. AFTER A QUICK BREAKFAST
of cheese and bread, which I devoured, she dressed me in a simple gown, tied back my thick auburn curls with ribbon, and fixed a hooded cloak about my shoulders. She then hustled me into the courtyard, where Aunt Clarice and the towering manservant who accompanied her on errands waited.

I was excited to be going out into the city at long last, but I still expected us to ride in a closed litter. Instead my aunt pulled up her own hood, clasped my hand, and led me out the gates into the Via Larga on foot, her manservant close behind.

“Why are we walking?” I asked her, even as I thought it would be much more fun to see the city this way, instead of peering out from behind the litter’s curtains.

“We’re walking because I don’t want anyone to know who we are,” replied my aunt. “We are Medici and people will talk. I don’t want everyone in Florence saying Madama Strozzi brought her niece to visit a seer.” Her hand tightened on mine. “Do you understand? Ruggieri might be much sought after for his talents, but he’s still a converted Jew.”

I nodded uncertainly. I knew my aunt often sent for the Maestro to concoct herbal drafts; he had even helped heal me of my fever, but now that I thought of it I realized I’d never seen him in person. Did being Jewish mean he couldn’t visit us?

We progressed down the Via Larga. Since my arrival in Florence three years ago, I’d left the palazzo exactly four times, all for formal outings to the
duomo
. Each time a retinue protected my person and impeded my view, as if any intermingling with the populace would endanger my health. Now as my aunt guided me into the city, I felt as if I’d been released from captivity.

The rising sun bathed the city in saffron and rose. In the residential districts about the palazzo, the air still reeked from the night’s carousing. We wound through narrow lanes, avoiding pools of waste. I longed to stop and admire the looming statues poised in niches along the way, to gape at the engraved copper heralds of the baptistery and the
duomo
’s brick facade, yet my aunt propelled me forward, skirting the bustle of the marketplace for the back streets, where old houses leaned like decrepit trees, shutting out the light.

I saw the manservant slip his hand to the sheathed knife at his waist. It was much darker here, the air thick with the smell of ordure. I stayed close to my aunt as I glimpsed scrawny children scampering down side streets, emaciated dogs at their heels. A few old gnarled women in tattered shawls huddled on the stoops of their houses and watched us pass. After several bewildering turns, we came before a rickety timber-framed house that seemed about to collapse at any moment. Here, my aunt paused; her servant banged on the lopsided door.

It opened to reveal a slim boy with tousled hair and sleepy brown eyes. When he saw us, he bowed low. “Duchessina, I am Carlo Ruggieri. My father has been expecting you.”

My aunt pressed a small cloth pouch into my hand. Startled, I glanced at her. “Go,” she said. “You must see the Maestro alone. Pay him when he’s done.” She pushed me forward when I hesitated. “Do not tarry. We haven’t all day.”

I assumed this Carlo must be the eldest of the Maestro’s sons; I could see another smaller boy peering at me from behind him. I offered a tentative smile and the little boy sidled up to me, a small grubby hand reaching for my skirts.

“This is my brother, Cosimo,” said Carlo. “He’s four years old and likes sweets.”

“I like sweets too,” I told Cosimo. “But I don’t have any today.” He seemed to like the sound of my voice and clung to my hand while Carlo led me into the house’s shadowy interior, filled with a strange sharp smell. I glanced at a yellowed skull on a stack of musty parchments before he took me up a creaking staircase. The smells grew stronger: I detected camphor, herbs, and a bittersweet odor that reminded me of autumn, when pigs were slaughtered.

I heard Carlo cry out, “Papa! The Medici is here!” and I reached the landing as he pulled open a narrow door. “He wants to see you alone,” he added, and he said to his little brother, “You must let her go now, Cosimo.”

With a pout, Cosimo released my hand. I straightened my shoulders, moving into the Maestro’s study. The first thing I noticed was the light. It streamed in columns through an open louver set high in the exposed ceiling, illuminating a room not much larger than my bedchamber in the palazzo. Shelves lined the walls, stacked with books and glass jars with murky objects in fluid. In one corner a mound of pillows were arranged about a brass-topped table. A large marble slab on a trestle dominated the room. I was startled to see a body on it, half-covered by a sheet.

Bare feet poked up from under the sheet. I paused. A voice that seemed to come from nowhere said, “Ah, my child, there you are!” and then the Maestro shuffled into my view, his sunken features framed by a silver beard. He wore a stained apron over his black robe. He motioned. “Would you like to see?”

I moved to the slab. I had to stand on tiptoes to see over the edge. The body belonged to a woman, her head shaved, her torso split open from neck to pelvis. There was no blood or bad smell, other than that of herbs. I expected to be disgusted, scared. Instead, I found myself fascinated by the withered blue lungs and shrunken heart nestled within in a cage of broken ribs.

“What are you doing?” I said softly, as if she might hear.

He sighed. “Searching for her soul.”

I frowned. “Can you see a soul?”

His smile cracked the crevices of his face. “Do you always need to see something in order to believe in it?” He took me by the hand and
brought me to the recessed corner and pile of cushions. “Now, sit. Tell me why you have come.”

I still wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say, but the gentle way he looked at me made me want to tell him the truth. “I … I saw something yesterday. It frightened me.”

“Was it a dream?”

“No, I was awake.” I paused, thinking about it. “But it was like a dream.”

“Tell me what you saw.”

I did. As I spoke, I felt again that horrible sense of helplessness and heard my voice tremble. When I finished, the Maestro folded his hands. “Was someone you knew on that bed?” He smiled when I shook my head. “I see. That is why you were scared. You expected to find a loved one and saw a stranger instead. He was a young man, yes, with the mark of violence on him?”

A chill crept up my spine. “How do you know?”

“I see it in you. Oh, you mustn’t be afraid, my child. There’s no reason for fear, providing you understand that few would accept what you’ve just told me.” He shifted closer. “What you experienced yesterday is called a presentiment. It may foretell the future or be an echo from the past. The ancients believed it is a gift from the gods; they revered those who mastered it. But in these dark days, it is often seen as the sign of a witch.”

I stared. “My aunt said it was a vision. Is this why I’m here? Am I cursed by evil?”

His laughter rang out. “I’ve seen many mysteries but I’ve yet to uncover proof of any curses.” He chucked my chin with his knobby finger. “Do you believe you are evil?”

“No. I hear mass every day and I venerate our saints. But sometimes I have bad thoughts.”

“As we all do. I assure you, there is no curse. I cast your horoscope when you still were a babe and I found no evil there.”

He had cast my horoscope? My aunt had never mentioned it.

“Why did I have this … this vision?” I asked him.

“Only God knows the answer, though I warn you, it might not be your last. For some, such visions are common. For others, they appear in
times of peril. And the gift runs in your family. It was said your great grandfather Il Magnifico could sometimes see the future.”

I didn’t like this at all. “What if I don’t want it?” I said. “Will it go away?”

His eyebrows arched. “The Sight cannot be denied. You’ve no idea of how many would forfeit their souls for something you’d deny so freely.”

“Do you have it?” I asked, enticed by the idea that I possessed something so coveted.

He sighed, lifted his eyes to gaze about the room. “If I did, would I need all this? No, Duchessina. I’ve just the skill to chart the stars and interpret in their course a path for men. But the heavens are not always forthright.
‘Quod de futuris non est determinata omnino veritas’:
No truth can be determined for certain that concerns the future.”

I reflected for a long moment before I said, “You can have my gift if you want it.”

He chuckled, patting my hand. “My child, even if you could give it to me I couldn’t possibly learn to master it in the short time I have left.” He paused. “But you can.”

His voice lowered. “I’ve lived long and suffered much. I foresaw at your birth that you would live even longer. Thus, you too shall suffer. But you’ll never endure what I have. You’ll not feel the pain of searching your entire life for something that eludes you. You will fulfill your destiny. It may not be the destiny you want, Caterina de’ Medici, but fulfill it you will.”

He reached out to caress my face. I wrapped my arms about his bony frame. For a moment, he seemed as small as me. Then he pulled away. “You honor me with your love, Duchessina. In return, I want to give you this.”

He reached into his pocket, opened my hand, and set in it a vial with a fine silver chain dangling from its cap—a deceptive sliver, filled with amber, which fit across my palm.

“Therein is a potent liquid. You must never use it unless you have no other recourse. If employed the wrong way, at the wrong time, it can be deadly to you—and to others.”

“What is it?” I thought it impossible that anything so small could be so powerful.

“Some would call it deliverance; others would say it is poison.”

I was startled. “Why would I need poison?”

“Let us hope never. Nevertheless, it is my gift to you.” He went silent, his head cocked. “Now, hide the vial and keep it safe. Your aunt grows impatient. You must go.”

I had been taught it was rude to refuse a gift and so I slipped the vial about my neck, tucking it under my chemise. “I hope we can visit again soon, Maestro,” I said. Then I remembered the pouch and removed it from my cloak pocket. “This is for you.”

He took it from me as though it were of no account. “Go with God, Duchessina.”

I was moving to the door when he said suddenly, “One more thing.” I paused, looked over my shoulder to where he stood in the shadows. “Tell Madama Strozzi that she must be ready to see you safe,” he intoned. “Tell her Rome will fall.”

I nodded uneasily and stepped outside, where Carlo waited. Glancing back one last time, I saw the light had shifted. The Maestro now sat in darkness yet somehow I knew he was smiling.

Carlo took me back out, where I thanked him and started to say goodbye. Cosimo burst into tears. “Don’t leave us!” Carlo had to hold him back as he tried to throw himself at me.

I smiled at Cosimo. “But I must go. I have to get back home. I promise to return soon.”

“You can’t,” he said, and tears slipped down his grimy cheeks. “Everyone will be dead.”

“Dead?” I looked at Carlo. “What does he mean?”

Carlo rolled his eyes. “He always says strange things. Cosimo, stop it. You’re scaring her.”

Cosimo gazed at me with a desolate expression. I felt a sudden emptiness as I leaned to kiss his cheek. “I’ll see you soon,” I said, and I forced out a smile. “Be good and mind your brother.”