The More You Ignore Me

THE MORE YOU IGNORE ME

COPYRIGHT © 2013 by Travis Nichols

COVER AND BOOK DESIGN by Linda Koutsky

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or (800) 283-3572. For personal orders, catalogs, or other information, write to:
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.

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Good books are brewing at
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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CIP INFORMATION

Nichols, Travis, 1979–

The more you ignore me / Travis Nichols.

p.   cm.

ISBN 978-1-56689-332-9

I. Title.

PS3614.I3532M67   2013

813'.6—dc23

2012036526

FIRST EDITION  /  FIRST PRINTING

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to thank the wonderful staff of Coffee House Press for its support and encouragement, as well as Patrick Culliton, Stephen Danos, Katie Geha, Noah Eli Gordon, Emily Gould, Cathy Halley, Paul Killebrew, Dorothea Lasky, Dolly Lemke, Fred Sasaki, Justin Taylor, Brian West, Nicole Wilson, and Matthew Zapruder for their advice and astute analysis. Thanks to my family for everything inside as well as out, and I <3 Monica Fambrough forever for her insight, patience, and love.

THE MORE YOU IGNORE ME

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

COLOPHON

THANK YOU TO OUR GENEROUS FUNDERS

COFFEE HOUSE PRESS PUBLISHERS CIRCLE

TRAVIS NICHOLS RECOMMENDS THESE COFFEE HOUSE PRESS BOOKS

Excellent point, cookiekitty7, one that most certainly deserves serious consideration, but before I address it I would like to bring another matter—of equal, or, perhaps, even, yes,
greater
(!!!) importance—to the group's attention.

First, though, let me say once again how happy I am to be here on this essential culinary site, where every recipe, opinion, viewpoint, and perspective is given the
consideration
it so richly deserves.

For this, I humbly thank you.

(
THANK YOU
!!!!!)

Tonight, friends, let us continue together in the grand tradition of online democratic society—rough, fragile experiment that it remains—in strict defiance of the forces dedicated to crushing it under the black boot heel of petty fascism.

Let us also say: welcome!

Welcome to all who have heretofore been shunted from society's fellowship because of their ability (and willingness!) to express unpopular but prescient opinions clearly, forcefully, and—this is crucial—without apology.

Welcome! Let us begin!

First, I admit I have hinted at this matter in previous comments (cf. “Yummy Vegetarian Lasagna for Two”), yet I have always hesitated bringing this case fully to bear for fear of what scandalous rumors and/or slanderous opinions might have previously crossed your screens.

But now I feel so strongly that for the good of our collective endeavor this issue
must
be brought up that I am disregarding the personal risk to my reputation such attention-bringing might afford, and I am plunging forward because this case has such grave repercussions for us all.

Risking everything on behalf of it is perhaps still not quite enough.

Now, normally, I am as light and carefree as the law allows, but for the past few months this matter has brought me terribly low.

Let me lay it plain: I have been, by a childish and ignorant member of the online community, banned.

More: My input regarding Charli and Nico's wedding is no longer even considered for publication!

I have no idea why, and no one will give me the courtesy of a proper response.

At first, I thought perhaps it was benign neglect, to re-appropriate a phrase, but I've since realized something much more sinister is afoot, so now—since I am no longer even
allowed
on
Charlico.com
—I am bringing this matter before you here on this august and humane recipe blog you call, surely in jest,
BrendaCookingFun.com
.

No doubt, scandalous rumors and libelous character assassinations have passed before your eyes, sent, as ever, by Charli and Nico's “best man,” Chris Novtalis—that sulfurous toad, that young dullard, that tyrant erroneously allowed to be in charge of
Charlico.com
out of misguided goodwill or charity—but please hear me out.

I am just a citizen who wishes his voice not be silenced.

My banishment from
Charlico.com
has obviously been an immense personal loss for me, not only because I made so many wonderful friends and admirers through that site, but because together my
cortege
and I made great strides toward solving a number of problems of the world.

I know that sounds
grandiose
, but I firmly believe that, just as Margaret Mitchell once said, “A small number of devoted individuals can, in fact, change the course of history; Indeed, this is the only thing that ever has!”—yes, in my case, just look at the record!

Take heed!

It is all by some miracle still on the site for the world to see, if only said world could stop pursuing vile distraction long enough to read and take note.

It is shocking to see such truths laid out in plain sight, I know, but it is even more shocking to see them ignored, though I have come to expect no less from the sad excuse for “society” we float through.

Lest you get the wrong impression, let me be clear that I am not so narcissistic or naive as to think you would consider my personal loss, great as it is, worthy of your in-demand time. Not because you lack compassion! No, don't think I write tonight to insult you!

Fear not! Despite what you have heard of me, I am not that man.

No, you wouldn't consider my personal tragedy of much importance because you are spending your time working diligently to solve what you see as the great problems we all face in this fearful and horrid episode called “life.”

Yes, but hear me out—my tragedy and the world's are not so different. No, in fact, shocking as it may sound, I believe they are
ONE AND THE SAME
!!!

The exclamation points, I know, seem out of place or perhaps too much, but you see I'm quite an exuberant fellow, a joyful soul, really, and I can let my emotions get the best of me like a schoolgirl face to face with a succulent lolly, but it is all only for the greater good since, as I hope you'll see, underneath the emotion there is cold hard reason, such that is missing greatly in this ill-begotten world of incorrigible ineptitude.

I have had so many—
SO MANY
!—friends and acquaintances tell me, at long last, that they see my point after all, and yes, it seems I was right all along, and had only exposed my solution with too bright a flash of rhetoric.

I am working on this admitted character flaw, but I hope you'll agree that it is a relatively minor one, especially when it is often the reader's own flaws that prevent him (or her!) from seeing my point.

A mere distraction, though. I'm quite likable, really.

In fact, I think we could be great friends if given the chance to meet, if I could be allowed to arrive at your very doorstep with a rose in my teeth (
TRA LA
!)

But let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.

You see, I would be perfectly willing to look past my own personal feelings of being slighted, abused, and wantonly rejected by this cruel and imagination-less “best man” if I weren't able to see in my personal issue the problems of the world.

I, a humble man of limited means, alone in life except for a vast but distant group of online peers, simply wanted to put my modest writerly talents to use in service of
gnosis
.

Contrary to what you might think, the fact that my banishment has become the central topic of discussion for this particular wedding and its affiliated blog does not in any way cloud my thinking about the overall concepts at play.

I see the “big picture” despite the bride's continued silence toward me (surely kept up on the advice of the groom's brother, the wretched best man and moderator, Chris Novtalis, who fancies himself some kind of chivalrous knight instead of, accurately, a bilious nuisance), and in fact, I did not even seek out that particular blog but rather had it thrust upon me by fate and simple geometry.

Triangles and pyramids, my dears!

Natural shapes, true, though they are not nearly as simple or as ordinary as they first appear, especially when they manifest themselves in human relationships, as they do more often than one might expect, if one knows
how
to look.

The impatient reader here surely asks, “Fascinating, but how does this revelation lead in any way to the full-blown catastrophe on the previously mentioned wedding blog?”

Gravioria manent
, dear readers.

Gravioria manent
.

Allow me a brief reminisce: I once had a particularly contentious encounter with a confused and dissolute young woman I like to call My First Love, or
MFL
.

We do not (yet!) need to go into detail about
MFL
, but suffice it to say that in the years since this encounter I have desperately wanted to explain myself more articulately to
MFL
, as well as to see what might have become of her, how she has developed both emotionally and physically in the time since our memorable encounter.