The Consequences of Forever (1) (28 page)

             
“He never said anything about another girl.” That much was true. Adam didn’t make a habit out of talking about any of his ex-girlfriends. I always assumed that was normal; it wasn’t like I sat around and told him details of my relationship with Scott, either.

             
“Okay, well, hopefully he doesn’t kill me, but I’m leaving soon anyway so it doesn’t matter. When I was a junior, I was friends with this girl, Natalie, and she and Adam started dating, and things got a little serious, and yeah.”

             
“What happened?” I asked, fearing the answer. Part of me felt pretty sure I was asking the wrong person, but I needed to know. Did Adam have another kid out there already, one that he didn’t see or talk about or think about it? It seemed impossible, but so did this entire story.

             
“She got an abortion. He wasn’t happy about it, I remember. I mean, I don’t think he actually wanted to keep the baby or anything, but she didn’t talk to him about it at all, just went out and did it. They broke up pretty much right away, and then she went to boarding school for the rest of junior and all of senior year. I have no idea where she is now; we haven’t spoken in about a year.”

             
I sat completely still, taking all of this in. It made sense, in its own way; Adam’s reluctance to even consider abortion or adoption, his insistence on keeping the baby. He was relieving some of the guilt he might have felt from what happened with Natalie.

             
I felt the shock slowly turning to anger. This wasn’t the first time this had happened to Adam. He knew the risks. He knew the consequences. And still, he’d let this happen. I wasn’t pregnant because of an honest mistake; I was pregnant because he knew better, and he didn’t care.

             
“I have to go.” I said, standing up.

             
Morgan looked like she felt genuinely guilty. “Sorry,” she apologized. “I really thought you knew.”

             
Hannah started to stand up, but Scott put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. “Stay here,” he said. “Lainey, I’ll drive you home.”

I nodded, unable to form the words to protest and not really wanting to. I couldn’t call Adam, not now, and I didn’t want to see Julia. Adam told her so early on after I told him; what were the chances she didn’t know about this? I felt betrayed.

              I got into Scott’s truck, and he turned to me, looking genuinely concerned. “Are you okay?”

             
“Did you know about this?” I asked, ignoring his question.

             
“Yeah, I did.”

             
“For how long?”

             
“When Morgan first got home and my parents told her about you and Adam.”

             
“And you didn’t think it was a good idea to tell me?”

             
“Honestly? No. I figured he already did, and if not, you didn’t need to know, because you’re already in a vulnerable spot and you didn’t need to be hurt again.”

             
“Did Hannah know?” I wasn’t sure I even wanted to hear the answer to that. It had been bad enough, thinking she knew about the trip and kept it from me. This was so much more serious, so much worse.

             
“No, I didn’t tell her. I didn’t think it would be fair to.”

             
I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the headrest. “Everytime I think things are going to be okay, they aren’t again.”

             
“Talk to him about it,” Scott urged. “Maybe if he explains himself and tells you why he kept it from you, it will make more sense.”

I appreciated Scott’s attempt at comforting me, but I wasn’t sure any explanation would be enough to make me feel better about this.

              We drove the rest of the way to the Montgomery’s house in silence.

Chapter Twenty-Six

              I found Adam in the kitchen, scouring the refrigerator for something to eat. The sight of him made my stomach turn; something I’d never thought I was capable of feeling towards him before. I stopped in my tracks, standing there and staring at him until he noticed me.

             
“Oh, hey, babe,” he said, pulling out a plate of leftovers. “Do you think this is still good?”

             
I stared at him, not responding. He looked at me, finally noticing the expression on my face, and frowned.

             
“What happened?” He asked. “What’s wrong?”

             
“Did you really think I wasn’t going to find out?” I demanded. I could feel it exploding inside of me now, this intense anger I didn’t know I could feel.

             
He raised his eyebrows. “Find out what?”

             
“About Natalie.”

             
Adam’s face paled. He put the leftovers on the counter, and took a few steps towards me. I instinctively stepped back. The thought of him touching me right now made me feel nauseas.

             
“Lainey –” He started, but didn’t seem to know what he was supposed to say next. His eyes were wide with what looked like panic to me, but I didn’t care. He should have told me. I shouldn’t have had to find out like this, this late.

             
I held up my hand. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded.

             
Sadness crossed his face, then defeat. “I didn’t know how.”

             
Not the answer I wanted to hear. “How did you let this happen?” I asked, my voice growing louder with each syllable. “If you knew the consequences, why did you let it happen?”

             
“I can’t answer that!” He insisted. “I don’t know, Lainey. I don’t. I never thought about the possibility of it happening again. I just, I guess I’m an idiot.”

             
“I guess so,” I agreed, turning around to leave, even though I had no idea where I was going to go. Could I still stay here after this? It wasn’t like I had much of a choice.

             
Adam grabbed my arm. “I’m sorry,” he said, holding me there. “Don’t walk away from me.”

             
I whipped around, facing him. “You lied, Adam. By not telling me something as big as this, you lied. You should have told me in the beginning, before any of this happened. You could have prevented this!”

             
“I know,” he admitted. “I know I should have told you, but how could you say that? How could you want this to be prevented, after everything we’ve been through in the past few months?”

             
“This isn’t what I wanted, Adam! You should have told me.”

             
He closed his eyes briefly, as if trying to regain control over himself. “I didn’t think you would feel the same way about me if you knew.”

             
“Well, you failed either way, because I definitely don’t feel the same way about you now.”

             
His face dropped, and so did his grip on my arm. I turned away from him and hurried upstairs to the guest room, locking the door behind me. I waited for the sound of his footsteps following me, but they never came.

             
I curled up on the bed and cried into the pillow. Out of everything that hadn’t felt real to me lately, this was the worst. I’d come to terms, for the most part, with the fact that I was pregnant, but this? I didn’t know how I was going to be able to handle this, on top of everything.

             
What was going to happen next? I thought I knew where my life was heading. I thought I was going to stay here with this family that was starting, slowly, to feel like it could be my own, have this baby, and continue on with life. It was supposed to me and Adam and this baby, forever. We were supposed to be able to make it. But that couldn’t happen now, not with the way I felt.

             
It was the worst of betrayals, even worse than Nora’s turning on me, my father’s infidelity, and my mother’s abandonment. All those things, while not necessarily unexpected, were beyond my control. But Adam wasn’t supposed to be. He was supposed to be the one thing that I could count on. Being with him had been a choice, and I’d chosen him because I never, in a million years, thought something like this would happen. Just hours earlier, he’d promised to never let me down, and he’d done just that, in the worst possible way.

             
And that’s what made it hurt even worse.

             
I laid there on the bed for hours, ignoring the phone calls from Hannah and even Scott. I couldn’t deal with them right now. I wasn’t mad at Scott for knowing and not telling me. I could understand his reasoning to an extent, but I hated that I’d hurt him so badly all those months ago just to find myself even more hurt, even more worse off. Maybe I could have never loved Scott the way I loved Adam, but at least he was safe. This never would have happened with him. If we’d stayed together, we would have remained still.

             
My entire relationship with Adam felt like a fast moving train, headed for wreckage. That made sense to me now. We kissed the first night we met, and immediately started spending every free second we had with each other. We were committed to each other from the start, no questions asked. We disregarded the feelings of everyone else around us in order to please ourselves. We were selfish from the beginning.

             
For the first time, I realized how stupid I had been, how naïve. I couldn’t have really expected this to work out, could I? We were too young, too reckless, too stupid. We wanted too much. We didn’t know the first thing about life, and we’d gone out and created it anyway. I’d believed we could put aside the fact that we were flawed and imperfect for each other, put aside the fact that neither of us were anywhere near adulthood, and still find a way to be a family. My parents couldn’t do it, so why did I really expect I could?

             
Everything felt impossible, laying there on that bed in a house that wasn’t mine, that would never really be my home. This baby growing inside of me, hoping for a life full of promise and privilege. My relationship with Adam, starting off so perfectly and crashing so quickly. My family, the one I had hoped for all of my life, gone in an instant.

             
All because of one mistake. All because I trusted someone maybe I shouldn’t have.

             
All of the thoughts eventually faded and I drifted in and out of sleep for what might have been hours. No one came to check on me. My phone continued to ring periodically, but I turned it off one time when I was awake, and tossed it across the room.

             
I’d gone from feeling lonely, to wanting nothing more than to be left alone.

             
I dreamt of faceless girls named Natalie, my competition for Adam’s future. I dreamt of him having to make a choice, and never choosing me. I woke up for the last time with the realization that it had never been my choice to make. He would have left sooner or later, if I didn’t.

             
I waited until night fell to start packing my bags. I didn’t know where I was going. Maybe I could head out to California, use whatever was in my savings account to get there, find my mother. Maybe she’d had a change of heart over the years, but hadn’t known how to express that to me.

             
I wanted to laugh at myself for my naivety. My mother wasn’t some sweet woman, living all alone, longing for the daughter she’d left behind. If I showed up on her doorstep, she’d react the same way Nora had, the way my father had. Angry or indifferent. She wouldn’t welcome me into her home with open arms.

             
I considered sneaking into Nolan’s house, taking over one of the many bedrooms that no one but the cleaning crew ever ventured into, living there until the baby was born, and then maybe for a while afterwards. That idea at least brought a smile to my face, thinking of how ridiculous that was.

             
I packed all of my bags within a half-hour, leaving behind the few things Adam had given me over the last few months. I had enough of him with me as it was, always. A piece of him that was never going to go away, never going to be separated from me.

             
I sat at the edge of the bed, considering my options, and lack thereof. I could go back to Bella Vista, if nothing else. I wasn’t wanted there, but legally I was pretty sure my dad had no choice. I was only sixteen; I couldn’t be on my own yet. I didn’t have a job and there was nowhere that would hire me, given my situation and the lack of jobs within the town as it was.

             
Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t notice the door opened until Julia stood there, hands on her hips. “What’s going on?” She asked. “I don’t like having to use keys in my own house.” She held up a small key ring and placed it on the dresser.

             
“I’m sorry,” I apologized, clearing my throat. “I fell asleep.”

             
“Do you sleep walk? Or rather, sleep-pack?” She asked, motioning to the bags sitting by my feet.

             
“No. I’m sorry Julia, but this isn’t working out. I’m going to go, stay with my dad again, maybe.”

             
Julia sat down next to me. “Look at me, Lainey.”

I did. Her eyes were gentle, yet stern. She took my hands. “I don’t know what is going on between you and Adam, and I’m not going to ask because it isn’t any of my business. But you aren’t going anywhere. You weren’t here because you’re Adam’s girlfriend in the first place; you’re here because you’re pregnant and you need a stable place to live. Is that clear?”

              “Yes, but I don’t think I can,” I said softly. “I don’t think I can stay here anymore, Julia.”

             
“Honey, you don’t have a choice.” She brushed my hair back. “Even if your dad said you could move back, would you really want to? Do you really want to have Nora telling you she told you so, and trying to convince you to give your baby away? Because I don’t want that for you.”

             
“I don’t think we’re going to be able to get through this,” I whispered, wiping tears that insisted on falling from my face. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to get over this.”

             
“Whatever it is can be worked out, Lainey. Do you think Ned and I have always been happy?”

             
“Yes,” I admitted. They got along better than any couple I had ever seen, better than any couple I could ever imagine getting along. Even with his work taking him away all the time, they always seemed so pleased with each other, so comfortable. I couldn’t imagine Julia in my position, crying because their relationship was over, because they’d gone somewhere that could never go back from.

             
She laughed softly. “Well then, you’re wrong. No relationship is perfect, Lainey. No two people are always happy with the other, and no one lives a life where they don’t sometimes hurt the people they love. I’ m not going to make you tell me what’s going on, but if you need to get it off your chest, I’m here. Do you understand?”

             
I nodded. “Yes.”

             
“And I want you to unpack all of this, okay? No more thoughts of moving out. This is your home now.” She kissed my temple and then got up to leave.

             
“There’s plenty of food downstairs. If you’re hungry, come down or call for me and I’ll bring you up something. I want you to eat at least something small before bed. The baby needs it, even if you feel like you don’t.”

             
“Okay,” I repeated, my voice so small I could barely hear it.

             
Julia smiled and I tried to force myself smile back. “Everything’s going to be okay, Lainey. Trust me on that.” She closed the door behind her and I heard her footsteps disappearing down the hall. I wished I could believe her, but never in my life had anything ever been so far from okay.