The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction (39 page)

Wendy Northcutt
is the klutz behind the Darwin Awards. Wendy is a scientist and graduate of UC Berkeley with a degree in molecular biology. She began writing the Darwin Awards in 1993 and is the founder of
www.DarwinAwards.com
. She is the author of five previous Darwin Awards collections, and has also written and edited dozens of medical science essays. Wendy chases eclipses, hoop dances, reads comic books, enjoys natural dyes and silkwork, and pets cats whenever she can.

 

Kevin Buckley
(
kevinbuckleystudios.com
) is a freelance writer/illustrator who has worked for such companies as TimeGate Studios and Pulsar Games Inc., and was a top-ten finalist in Platinum Studio’s Comic Book Challenge 2007 for his comic,
The Strange and Many Eyes of Dr. LeFaux
. He has a master’s degree in Illustration from the Academy of Art University in San Francisco, where he continues to live and work alongside his ever-faithful cat, Max.

Ariane La Gauche
is Wendy Northcutt’s right-hand (or left-hand?) woman. She discovered the Darwin Awards as a UC Berkeley undergrad, when she spent long hours reading humorous stories online as a way of avoiding homework. Little did she know she would someday be working behind the scenes! Now based at Darwin Headquarters, Ariane corresponds with fans, does the odd bit of story editing, and feeds people. She has also sprinkled numerous enchanting turns of phrase like pixie dust on these pages. She is also a graduate student in literature. If you ask nicely, Ariane might translate the Darwin Awards into Latin. Really!
www.DarwinAwards.com/contact/ariane

 

Robert Adler
(author of “Sex on the Brain”) is a freelance science and technology writer who divides his time between Santa Rosa, California, and Oaxaca, Mexico. With a lifelong interest in science, an undergraduate degree in physics and mathematics, a PhD in psychology, and many years as a clinical and neuropsychologist, he’s been lucky enough to have the opportunity to write about a surprising range of topics, from the Big Bang and black holes to multiple personalities and how to predict failed states. He’s the author of hundreds of science and technology news and feature storiesplus three books, mostrecently
Medical Firsts: From Hippocrates to the Human Genome
(Wiley, 2004). He’s thrilled to appear in the Darwin Awards as the still-living author of an essay, rather than—as his wife continues to predict—the honored but unfortunately deceased recipient of a Darwin Award.

 

Cassandra Brooks
(author of “Batty Behavior”) grew up in the woods of New England, perpetually doing ecological experiments. She loved collecting little critters from the rivers, ponds, and tide pools, investigating under what conditions they lived or died (sorry, little water striders). She was equally fond of writing it all down in her journal and sharing with her sisters and friends. After completing a Master’s in marine science, studying Antarctic toothfish—one of two species better known as “Chilean Sea Bass” (“Don’t eat it!”)—she went back to school for science writing, finally finding a way to merge science and outreach. Her essay, while outside her field of study, is a window into a topic she’s long found fascinating. “Really, don’t we all?”

 

Alice Cascorbi
(author of “Why Bother with Sex?”) is a 1995 graduate of the UCSC graduate program in science writing. Her mostly academic interest in the evolution of sex was sparked by her 1988 BA thesis on that topic at Carleton College. After college, she spent several years exploring a variety of jobs in the life sciences—from sequencing oat DNA, to working as a veterinary assistant, to burning prairies for The Nature Conservancy. As of this spring, she is “all but revision” on an MS in Conservation Biology from the University of Minnesota. Before going freelance, she worked for five years at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, writing about conservation for their website and researching sustainable seafood for the Seafood Watch Program. Ecology and cooking have been two of her chief interests throughout life. When she is not writing, she enjoys mushroom hunting and organic gardening. She lives in Portland, Oregon, with her beloved husband and two Maine Coon cats.

 

Alison Davis
(author of “RNAi: Interference by Mother Nature”) is a proud banana slug alumna of the University of California, Santa Cruz Science Communication program. She has a PhD in pharmacology from Georgetown University and did postdoctoral research in developmental biology at Stanford. A lover of science and words, Alison feeds her passions for both as a freelance writer covering Washington, D.C., where science and policy intrigue are in abundant supply. She lives near Baltimore with six males: one husband, two sons, two Australian cattle dogs, and a guinea pig.

 

Jennie Dusheck
(author of “The Reproductive Lottery”) is a freelance science writer and author of an award-winning college-level general biology textbook, with degrees in ecology and zoology. She lives in Santa Cruz, California, with her family. “My two teenage sons are big fans.” Her past research life includes pursuits as disparate as analyzing the diets of free-range dairy cattle (by looking at the stomach contents of cows) to writing the protocol for a NASA Space Shuttle experiment that sent frog embryos into space. Now living on semirural property, she spends a lot of time thinking about drainage. Her essay, which could not be included in this book due to space limitation, can be found at
www.DarwinAwards.com/science/lottery.html

 

After receiving an astrophysics degree,
Adam Mann
(author of “Quorum Sensing: Secret Language of Bacteria”) joined the science writing program at UC Santa Cruz. He finds that contemplating both the cosmos and bacterial life on earth provides the same feeling: personal insignificance. He enjoys music, language, technology, and fine cheeses.

Jane Palmer
(author of “Rapid Evolution”) is a transplant from England who has a doctorate in computational molecular biology and a passion for climbing rocks. She lives in Boulder, Colorado, with her Scottish husband, Gareth, and her American daughter, Iona. They spend endless hours arguing over who belongs to the superior race. Iona always wins despite her small skull.

 

Stephanie Pappas
(author of “Left Behind: Vestigial Structures”) is a freelance science writer. She has a degree in psychology from the University of South Carolina and a certificate in science communication from the University of California, Santa Cruz, both institutions known for their dignified mascots (a chicken and a slug, respectively). Her favorite subjects to write about are brains, cephalopods, mummies, and medicine; one day, she’ll write an article about the medical implications of a mummified cephalopod brain and retire happy. Stephanie lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband and two
very demanding
guinea pigs.

 

Kristin Sainani
(author of “DNA Fossils: The Evolution of HIV”) is a freelance science writer and a health columnist for
Allure
magazine. She is also a clinical assistant professor at Stanford University, where she teaches doctors how to write clearly and use statistics wisely. She enjoys long-distance running and hanging out with her husband and toddler.

 

Chandra Shekhar
(author of “Evolving Cancer”) turned to a career in writing after more than a decade as a scientist, and later as an entrepreneur. Although he is trained in computer science and engineering, Chandra ends up writing mostly about the life sciences. He enjoys reading Somerset Maugham, P. G. Wodehouse, Jane Austen, and other British writers, and fantasizes about writing a best-selling novel.

 

Mike Wall
(author of “The Mystery of Super-toxic Snake Venoms”) has been both a science writer and a scientist, with research interests in snake and lizard evolution and the conservation of reptiles and amphibians. He has chased down, grabbed, and been bitten by many squirmy, scaly creatures—but nothing nearly as scary as a mamba.

 

The Darwin Awards
website was born on a Stanford University web-server in 1994. Its cynical view of the human species made it a favorite speaker in classrooms, offices, and pubs around the world. The website won dozens of Internet awards, and now ranks among the top ten thousand most-visited websites. It currently entertains a million visitors per month in its comfortable Santa Cruz home. The Darwin Awards hosts a community of free thinkers who enjoy philosophical, political, and scientific conversations. Guests are welcome to launch fireworks, bounce on the trampoline, and spin a flaming hula hoop.

A Clear Lesson (At-Risk Survivor)

A Cushioned Blow (At-Risk Survivor)

A Drilliant Idea (At-Risk Survivor)

A Really Bad Commute (At-Risk Survivor)

A Screw Loose (Darwin Award Winner)

A Shoe-In Winner (Darwin Award Winner)

Against the Odds (At-Risk Survivor)

Agua Ski Calamity (At-Risk Survivors)

airplane

aluminum, extraction

An Illuminating Story (Darwin Award Winner)

An Un-Fun Whirlwind (At-Risk Survivor)

Anchors Aweigh! (At-Risk Survivor)

animal, crocodile

animal, deer

animal, dog

animal, liger

animal, lion

animal, raccoon

animal, rattlesnake

balloons, helium

bath

Battered Sausages (At-Risk Survivor)

Batty Behavior (Science Interlude)

Beach Getaway (Darwin Award Winner)

Bench Press (At-Risk Survivor)

Birch Slapped (At-Risk Survivor)

Bitter Biter Bit a Nitwit (Urban Legend)

Blast from the Past (At-Risk Survivor)

bomb, antique

bomb, homemade

bomb, stolen

Boom Boom Bees (At-Risk Survivor)

Bricks in the Head (Darwin Award Winner)

cannon (homemade)

Caps’n’Hammer Kids (At-Risk Survivor)

Carbidschieten (Darwin Award Winner)

Cats Land on All Fours (At-Risk Survivor)

Christmas Light Zinger (At-Risk Survivor)

Chutes and Spills (At-Risk Survivor)

Clap-Clap-Clap Your Hands (At-Risk Survivor)

Claude François, French rock star

Coffee Can of Water (At-Risk Survivor)

commute

criminal, drug addict

criminal, insurance scam

criminal, joy-riding drunks

criminal, murderer

criminal, thief

criminal, vandal

Crushing Debt (Double Darwin Award Winner)

demolition

distracted driving

DNA Fossils : The Evolution of HIV (Science Interlude)

dog (Doberman)

Double Dip (Darwin Award Winner)

Double Parking (Double Darwin Award Winner)

Doublemint Dumb Chewing Gum (Darwin Award Winner)

Down in the Dumps (At-Risk Survivor)

Duct Don’t (At-Risk Survivor)

dust devil, monster

Dying to Go (Darwin Award Winner)

Dynamite Rancher (Darwin Award Winner)

Electric Bathtub Blues (Darwin Award Winner, Historic)

electric fence

electricity

Jacuzzi

kitchen mixer

toilet

Epitaph—She Liked Feathers (Darwin Award Winner)

Evolving Cancer (Science Interlude)

explosion

ATM

bees

blasting cap

dynamite

fireworks

gasoline

gum

lighter fuel

liquid oxygen

M-80

mattress

natural gas

oxy-acetylene

propane cylinder

spray paint

explosion, tequila

varnish

washing machine

white gas

FAQ

father, car mechanic

father, firecrackers

father, Ph.D. genius

father, The Cook

father, The Tinker

father, whale researcher

feather (feather, not father!)

feces

fire

Flying Door (At-Risk Survivor)

food, cake

food, coconut

food, cucumber

food, fruitcake

food, gum

Fool’s Gold (Darwin Award Winner)

Glacier Erasure (Darwin Award Winner)

glass doors

gonads

stuck in a pipe

stuck in a urinal

stuck in a vase

gravity

and a feather

and a tunnel

and dirt

gum, chewing

gun, cannon

gun, fight