The Davis Years (Indigo) (23 page)

“Hey. You used to be completely against Davis and me, remember? What about what you said when I first got back?”

“Yeah, but Davis has proved to me over the past few days that people really can change. Especially after what happened on my wedding day. I think you’re what he needed to try.” She reached over and put a hand on Jemma’s shoulder. “I don’t know why he married Tara or did half the things he did, but I see him trying to be a good guy for you and I believe he wants a relationship with you enough to work harder for it than he ever has for anything.”

“What, a person can change in a week or so?” Jemma snorted. She wouldn’t admit to Emily Rose that she’d had similar thoughts, but had chalked her feelings up to wishful thinking.

Emily Rose put a hand on the back of Jemma’s seat. “I don’t understand why you two are torturing yourselves when you so clearly want to be together.”

“Because we could never make each other happy. Not in a real relationship.”

“Really?” Her voice was dry with disbelief.

“Yes. Bad things happen when we’re together.” Why were all those bad things paling in comparison to the last few days? She needed to remember why staying with Davis would be a mistake. Love, even if it was real and true, had never been enough in her experience. She didn’t have time for naïve fantasies. Being realistic always led to the best results. Like she always told herself, happy wasn’t necessary. Content was worth the sacrifice.

“It didn’t seem that way at the reception.”

“Anything can seem perfect for a few hours. That’s not how it would be long term.”

“You two seemed so crazy about each other that night. And you’ve barely been apart since. Maybe you should give him a chance to prove things can be different from how they were . . . before. That’s all I’m saying.”

“We’ve hurt each other and been hurt by others too much for us to be good for each other.”

“Yeah, but do you love him? Love has a healing power like nothing else.”

She felt as if she’d been punched by Emily Rose’s words. “Where has loving Davis ever gotten me? When has it ever not destroyed me?” Love. Huh. That was easy for Em Rose to say.

“When has anyone else ever made you feel like you have this week?”

Emily Rose had a point, but Jemma refused to admit it. After all, Jemma had turned down a marriage proposal. And if she really thought about it, part of the reason had been she still wasn’t over Davis. Maybe she did still love him. But love could end up being more trouble than it was worth. “Sometimes life demands sacrifice. All trade-offs considered, forgetting Davis is the better choice. For both of us.”

“There’s a thin line between sacrifice and stupidity sometimes.”

Jemma glared at her, but didn’t say anything.

Once they got to the club, their conversation was light again. They had a couple of beers and talked about New York and Florida and visiting each other until the first act came on stage.

Jemma had very little interest in the first act musically and so spent most of the time watching and analyzing the band. Especially the bassist. He was really getting into the song. He seemed to enjoy what he was doing, and he did it well. Jemma could appreciate that even though she wasn’t drawn to the band’s overall style.

Watching the bassist with that look of freedom on his face led to her thinking about what she really wanted. And when she thought of that, Davis’s face was the first thing that popped into her mind. Davis, who’d once treated her like dirt when she’d worshipped him. Davis, who now gave her looks that made her soul shiver. She didn’t know what to do about the fact that she didn’t want to let go. Did she have to? Did she really have to? Her earlier conversation with Emily Rose had her wondering about that.

Davis had held her so tightly that awful day when she’d forced herself to face Lynette one last time. Davis who’d whispered to her and talked with her about anything, everything, and nothing at the reception. Who held her so tightly at night. Even if he hadn’t told her how much he loved her, his look and his touch would have done it for him.

Maybe she didn’t want to get on a train and turn her back on that forever. Waking up with him in the mornings felt so right and natural—like something she should be doing every morning for the rest of her life. And he hadn’t brought up sex. Every time made herself stop—because she was afraid of what would happen if they went too far—he backed off and didn’t even look pissed about it. At least he never let her see if he was.

And that night in the lake—and after. That night, her heart almost split in two it ached so much for him. She felt as if she’d been living somewhere outside of reality since Emily Rose’s wedding. It was too good to be real life. She wasn’t sure she wanted to come back to real life if that meant she had to leave Davis. She wanted to keep him, but she couldn’t let herself think of the possibility too much. He was a part of the past she’d come back to Derring to let go of. He would be the hardest goodbye, but he had to be a goodbye, too. Otherwise, what if she wasn’t able to move forward with her life? What if she wasn’t able to avoid becoming the one thing she couldn’t bear to be—Lynette Jenkins?

Jemma hadn’t realized how lost she’d been in her thoughts until the crowd started cheering for the second group who’d just taken the stage.

Jemma said, “I’m glad we’re here.”

“Me, too.” Emily Rose smiled.

Jemma sat back in her chair and listened to the opening bars of one of her favorite jazz songs. That was the band they’d come to hear. It felt nice, having her good friend back and listening to some good music.

That night on the drive home, Jemma couldn’t stop thinking about all the things Em Rose had said earlier. She had to go to Florida, she knew that, but some nagging part of her felt like she was making the wrong decision. Asking Davis to come with her wouldn’t have been a good idea at all. No, that could only cause more problems. The problems weren’t only in the location, they were in certain people, too. Jemma tried reminding herself of all the reasons she was right and Em Rose was wrong, but she wasn’t doing a great job of it.

Emily Rose dropped Jemma off at Davis’s house. For the first time since Jemma had gone back to the restaurant for Davis on the day of the rehearsal dinner, she was nervous. She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans before knocking on the door. She’d decided that she wasn’t leaving Derring without making love to Davis. There were complications, sure, but she wasn’t allowing herself to think of them. Regardless of whatever else might be true, she needed all of him.

The moment he opened the door, she said, “Davis, at the winery—and the way you held me at my old apartment—and the wedding—thank you. Thank you for everything.”

He looked up at her, obviously puzzled by her flustered nature and sudden lack of verbal skills. He nodded. “No prob. I’ll always be here for you. You know that.”

“Tonight? I just want you to be with me.” Jemma came inside and closed the door behind her. She backed him into a nearby wall and pressed her cheek to his before whispering to him. “Just be with me.” She pressed her face into his T-shirt, holding him with all the love in her heart. Saying it out loud would wreck everything.

Wordlessly, Davis told her he would give her what she asked for. He lifted her face to his by hooking his fingers under her chin. Bringing her lips up to his, he kissed her softly. She climbed onto his hips and deepened the kiss.

“You’ve been so good for me, Jemma. Having you here has made me feel a lot better than I have in a while. And now I want to take care of you. In every way you’ll let me. In every way I can.” He whispered the words into her hair before kissing her ear.

She wanted to take care of him, too, but she didn’t know how to say it without being too honest. So she said nothing at all.

Davis carried her up to his room and lay her down on the bed. He sat next to her and pushed his hand beneath her shirt, letting it roam over her stomach. A pleasant warmth spread over her. Goose bumps rose all over her skin. His thumb moved over the undersides of her breasts through her bra. No one else’s touches had come close to doing the things to her that his did. Davis was home for her.

“I want to give you everything I can tonight. I’m sorry that it’s probably not enough.” She trailed her fingers up and down his arms as his fingers traced her collar bone and moved down to the rise of her breasts.

“I want to give you everything, Jemma. How can I do that in only one night?” He kissed her cheeks, moved his lips down to her throat.

She kissed his fingers before placing his hands low on her hips. “All this has to be? Is perfect.”

He laughed softly before crouching over her. “My words coming back to haunt me, huh?” He slid his fingers under the strap of her bra and caressed her skin.

“All I want is you,” Jemma said. Too honest. She couldn’t take it back, but she wouldn’t say anything more damaging. She tucked her fingers inside the waist band of his jeans. He crouched lower, resting his forearms on either side of her head.

“You know how important this is to me? Us making love?” Davis whispered the words over her lips before kissing them. “You’re Jemma. My Jemma.” He moved the strap of her tank top aside and kissed her shoulder.

She threw her tank top to the floor and did the same with his shirt. Skin pressed to skin, her breath coming in gasps, she hugged him close.

“You’ve always been the only one for me.” Davis murmured the words into her stomach. She reached for him and he brought his lips back to hers.

“Shh.” She kissed his shoulder. She dropped his jeans onto the floor and then slipped out of hers.

How did he know all the right places to touch her? She melted into Davis’s touches as his lips and hands played over her skin. Each kiss was unhurried and soft. Each touch was a pleasant, slow burn. She’d never been on fire for anyone before, but with Davis on top of her, putting his tongue in all the right places, she was that night.

Davis removed her bra and trailed kisses down her body until he reached her belly. He pulled her bikini briefs away from her hips. He urged her thighs further apart with his shoulders and she spread them wide for him. His fingers pressed inside of her, touching skin that had long been slick with desire for him. She gasped, her mind completely numb. While his fingers were at their very important work, he trailed kisses and almost gentle pulls of his teeth along her inner thighs.

Once he was again on top of her with his forehead pressed to hers, he kissed her long and slow. She heard the package rip open, but she was so distracted by his kisses and touches that she never realized when he slipped the condom on. One moment it wasn’t there and the next, it was.

He pulled her to his body, and the moment for which she’d been aching for for over six years finally happened. He filled her and at the same time consumed her. She gave into her need for him.

He moved very slowly against her, hips kneading hips. Those gorgeous blue eyes never left hers. He ran his fingertips over her lips before kissing her, and she could still feel both fingers and lips after he pulled back. Even when his hand moved down to her breasts, his eyes remained on hers. She put her hand on the bicep of the arm that rested by her head, his elbow anchored into the pillow.

It was while his thumb moved in maddeningly slow circles over the dark circle of skin at the apex of her breast that she gave in. Biting her lower lip, she gave a deep, rich moan as she felt herself tightening around him, throbbing against him. He covered her with kisses, whispering his love for her into her skin, as they finished together.

Jemma never said it out loud that night, but she had the feeling that wasn’t necessary. She was pretty sure he knew from the way she touched and kissed him. And her responses to his confessions of love. The way he’d held her eyes with his, refusing to allow hers to lie to him.

“I know you don’t want me to say this, but right now I can’t imagine you leaving me.” Davis kissed her cheek.

Jemma pulled the sheet closer, not knowing how to deal with that or the fact that she’d just fully realized how big the difference between sex and making love actually was. She’d only had sex with two other guys, and it had never been anything like that with either of them. But she had to stop. At that moment, any thinking at all would drive her crazy. She’d been working on instinct since knocking on Davis’s door that night and shutting off the complicated stuff. She had to keep that going.

He was a part of her. No matter what else happened, she couldn’t deny that. She was losing a part of herself. Again.

Davis pulled her against him and she lay her head on his chest. Hugging his waist, she closed her eyes. His fingers were still tracing patterns on her shoulder when she drifted off to sleep.

***

Jemma slipped out of bed early the next morning, not having been able to sleep well. She smiled down at Davis, touching the backs of her fingers to his cheek. He moaned, shifted slightly in the bed, but his eyes never opened.

She was falling hard for him again and she knew that was bad. But was he really the same? Either way, she had to go to Florida. Her train ticket waited on her desk back at Mary’s place. Her job was in Jacksonville. So was her life now. Being with Davis might have felt right—especially after the night they had spent learning the secrets of each other’s bodies—but it was so very wrong. They’d only end up hurting each other in the end, even if it seemed like a good idea on the surface.