The Day the Rabbi Resigned (31 page)

Authors: Harry Kemelman

BOOK: The Day the Rabbi Resigned

10.95Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

“Yes, but the probable culprit gets off scot-free.”

“Just because you can't lock him up? He still has to live with himself, and he knows that his luck has run out. I wonder â¦”

“What?”

“In all the religions, there are those who disregard the basics while meticulous in observing the rituals, the externals. I met someone in Israel who was most scrupulous in observing every rule and regulation. He used two pairs of phylacteries. There's a dispute as to how the scrolls in the phylactery box should be placed, and he was taking no chances, he used both kinds. And then something terrible happened: his son was killed. And he stopped attending the daily minyan, and even going to the synagogue on the Sabbath. So I wonder if Merton, in whatever parish he finds himself in Florida, will continue to go to Mass every day.”

Some kind of party they simply had to have. After all, the guy had been there twenty-five years. What kind of party? As always, first suggestions were grandiose. “Look, it's like the twenty-fifth anniversary of the temple, too, isn't it? All right, so he didn't come here the very first year the temple was started, but he came here the first year the building was put up. So why don't we combine the two, the twenty-fifth anniversary of the temple, or of the temple building, and the rabbi leaving after twenty-five years, and have like maybe a formal dinner dance at a ritzy hotel in Boston, and have a crazy door prize, like a Cadillac?”

“So how much would you have to charge for tickets to an affair like that? A hundred bucks apiece, minimum. And at that price, how many would come?”

“Yeah, and speaking personally, I'd have to rent a tux, so that would cost another thirty, forty bucks. And for that type of affair, I'm sure my wife would want to get a new gown.”

“Yeah, but the Sisterhood would have an ad bookâ”

“Ad-book, shmad-book, even if the wife didn't want a new gown, what with babysitter and parking, and tips, a couple would still have to shell out three hundred bucks, minimum.”

So sights were lowered. A Cadillac for a door prize was dropped almost immediately. “That's all we need, to have a Boston newspaper report that a synagogue offered a Cadillac as a door prize at a party they were running.” And formal dress followed. “What's the point? Everybody's got a dark suit, but how many of our members actually own a tux?”

The matter of location next came under fire. “It would be on a Saturday night, right? Any of you guys ever drive into town to go to a show on a Saturday night? The traffic will kill you. And what's the point? Now, you take a place like the country club at Brevertonâ”

“But it's got to be kosher.”

“So you get a kosher caterer to take over. They come up with a couple of trucks with all the dishes, and they've got the food all cooked, and they've got these special like ovens in the trucks to keep it hot.”

“Look, if the idea is to avoid trafficâ”

So it was finally decided to hold the party in the vestry of the temple, where there would be no problem with
kashruth
or traffic or tuxedos.

“You could have knocked me over with a feather, Rabbi. I sort of figured you'd always be here.”

“Like the electricity?” suggested the rabbi.

The other chuckled uneasily. “Well, kind of. You know what I mean.” And moved on.

They came to the rabbi's table to express their surprise at his resignation, their regrets, their gratitude for things he had done for them, their good wishes. Most of them he barely recognized since they came to the temple, if they came at all, only on the High Holy Days.

Ira Lerner came over. “You're still a rabbi, aren't you?”

“I guess so. Why do you ask?”

“Because I want you to marry my daughter Clara. She's marrying this Mordecai Jacobs, I think I spoke to you about it.”

“And when is the wedding to take place?”

“Oh, sometime at the end of the year, I expect.”

“Then don't you think you ought to have the new rabbi perform the ceremony?”

“You mean because it will be like in his jurisdiction? Normally, I'd agree. But it's like this: you married us, Myra and me. I don't know, it was like the second or third year you were here. Well, it's been a successful marriage, and we'll be celebrating our silver anniversary in a couple of years. The point is, with all this divorce and separation going on, I'd like you to do for Clara and her boyfriend what you did for Myra and me.”

Fortunately, the rabbi caught the warning glance Miriam directed at him and managed a smile.

“I'm sure David will be more than happy to,” said Miriam sweetly.

About the Author

Harry Kemelman (1908â1996) was best known for his popular rabbinical mystery series featuring the amateur sleuth Rabbi David Small. Kemelman wrote twelve novels in the series, the first of which,
Friday the Rabbi Slept Late
, won the Edgar Award for Best First Novel. This book was also adapted as an NBC made-for-TV movie, and the Rabbi Small Mysteries were the inspiration for the NBC television show
Lanigan's Rabbi
. Kemelman's novels garnered praise for their unique combination of mystery and Judaism, and with Rabbi Small, the author created a protagonist who played a part-time detective with wit and charm. Kemelman also wrote a series of short stories about Nicky Welt, a college professor who used logic to solve crimes, which were published in a collection entitled
The Nine Mile Walk
.

Aside from being an award-winning novelist, Kemelman, originally from Boston, was also an English professor.

All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Cover design by Jason Gabbert

ISBN: 978-1-5040-1613-1

This edition published in 2015 by Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.

345 Hudson Street

New York, NY 10014

www.openroadmedia.com