The Debt (15 page)

Seriously. I wanted an answer.

Was this my punishment for years of inaction? Here. You finally have the object of your desire within your grasp. Now the universe will conspire against you and force you into eternal celibacy.

Fuck.

I closed my eyes, held Hadley against my chest, and didn’t lose a step as I replied. “No.”

“Not even for an old friend?”

Hadley hesitated in my arms. I squeezed her hand, urging her not to react.

“Touch her, and I’ll break every bone in your hand,” I warned.

Hadley’s fingers closed around my lapel.

“And then what happened?” she asked.

I looked up from the ruled lines of my notebook with indifference. Sitting in the cramped office, Not-Doctor Reid appraised me. Not-doctor, because she was only a doctoral candidate assigned to the student counseling center. According to my father, she’d come recommended from my former therapist, who was a colleague of her advisor. Apparently, she was perfect for me. I had yet to figure out why.

“You already know the answer to that,” I replied.

She was dressed in a plain casual shirt and jeans. That always bothered me. I hadn’t dressed up for our appointment. I never did. Nevertheless, it seemed only proper that the therapist should attempt a look of professionalism. The least Not-Doctor Reid could do was wear a blouse with buttons and a collar while she listened to me confess my soul.

“You fractured his jaw.”

“No.”

“No? That’s what I read from the initial complaint. Is it inaccurate?”

“Not Alexei.”

“Right.” She glanced down at her iPad. “Gregor. Alexei’s mentor.”

My fists clenched. I toyed with my tongue piercing, slipping it between my lips. “He approached us next.”

“Gregor put his hand on your shoulder.”

“Yes.”

“That’s it.”

I didn’t respond.

“He put his hand on your shoulder and then you fractured his jaw.”

I remained silent.

“How?”

“How? With my fist. I punched him.”

“I didn’t know that was possible.”

“Really?” It felt like she was toying with me, looking for a reaction. “Of course it is.”

“One punch.”

“Just one,” I repeated. “That’s all it takes if you do it right.”

“Had you done it before? Fractured a man’s jaw.”

“No.”

“But you’d considered it. You’d considered how to do it right.”

“I knew I wanted to hit him as hard as I could. I did.”

“You describe sex in vivid detail,” Not-Doctor Reid observed, pivoting the topic. “Your recent encounters and personal thoughts.”

I had no response to that worth lending a voice.

“But not your abuse. You refer to it often, though you hesitate to elaborate.”

“And I won’t.”

The topic was irrelevant to this discussion. For that matter, it was not pertinent to the purpose of these sessions. To avoid criminal charges, I was to submit to counseling twice a week for the duration of the semester, at which point she would deem me fit to continue my enrollment or recommend expulsion from the university. We’d gotten the topic of my lack of remorse for the altercation with Gregor out of the way at the outset. The only question left to answer was whether I was, in fact, a loaded gun primed for violence, and therefore a threat to others and myself.

It was all a bit melodramatic for my taste. It wasn’t like I’d attacked the man without a good reason. She was aware of my history.

“Why?”

She wasn’t getting an answer to such a stupid question.

“I’d like to hear more.” Not-Doctor Reid settled back in her chair. “Are you ready to continue?”

I leaned against the window of the hired car for which I was now paying overtime after a trip to the hospital to have my broken hand set. Considering the damage and outrage Hadley and I had fled from at the reception, it wasn’t that bad. I could still play the gig tomorrow night. It would hurt, but I could manage.

“Why did you lie about your parents?” I asked.

Hadley looked at me first with incredulity and then a scathing scowl. “Really? That’s the question you want to ask? Right now? Fuck, Josh. Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in? We should have stayed. You know they called the campus police.”

“Yes, I want to know. Yes, I have a pretty good idea to what degree I’m fucked. No, if we’d stayed, I wouldn’t have hit him only once.”

She slouched beside me. In the front seat, the driver kept his eyes on the road, ignoring us with professional ease.

“I was a kid,” she huffed.

“We haven’t been kids since we were five.”

I had never mourned the loss of my childhood and innocence. It had never occurred to me to do so.

“That’s what I told everyone,” she answered after a weighted pause. “You didn’t grow up like I did. You didn’t go to school at first, subjected to other kids. When everyone knows you’re adopted, they ask the same question: What happened to your parents? When you tell them it was a car accident, that’s the end of the conversation. They assume it was a gory mess and then move on to pitying you in silence.”

Hadley looked out the opposite window, her features cast in flickering shadows as we passed other cars on the highway. “What do you suppose they’d say if I told them my parents were murdered in a home invasion? You can’t get out of that with a two-word response. ‘Were you home at the time? Did you see it happen? Did you scream when you saw the bullet punch a hole in your father’s head? Why are you still alive?’” She turned her eyes back to mine. They were cold, tired. “I had told the lie for so long that it was just a reflex. I’m sorry.”

I took her hand, tugging her closer until she rested her head on my shoulder. “It’s okay. I get it. I just needed to know.” I exhaled against her hair, pushing it back over her shoulder. “I didn’t care that you’d lied—yes, we were young and I can’t hold it against you—but that there was something so important about you that I didn’t know. That part hurt.”

“Imagine how I felt when you stopped talking to me.”

I deserved that.

“This amazing thing happened, and then something terrible, and I couldn’t go to my best friend. And because it was you, us, I couldn’t talk to anyone else about it either. I’ve never felt so alone.”

“The car battery is still an option,” I reminded her. “No time limit on that one.”

“It wouldn’t be very sporting now.” Hadley knocked her knuckles on the cast that stretched up to my wrist. “I’ll wait until you’re back in fighting shape.”

“You want to pretty me up?” I’d gone with a white cast so Punky could color me in.

“Sure.” She ran her fingers over the coarse texture. “Maybe a scene from
Lethal Weapon
?”

“Funny.”

“Or a design of yellow police tape.” She looked up, smirking like child.

“You’re a riot. Hysterical.”

“So…” Hadley sat up, leveling her inquisitive gaze with mine. “Now that the ice has been sculpted into a lovely, steaming pile of shit, do you want to tell me what the hell happened back there?”

It had been a decade since I’d seen Gregor, but my instinctual reaction to him was just as potent. He repulsed me. Just the misleading smile on his tight lips was enough to incite me to rage.

“He’s had it coming for a long time.”

I might have been thirteen the last time I saw him. Gregor had been Alexei’s mentor and manager for the entirety of his career. That relationship made me uncomfortable at first, for obvious reasons. As the years went on and we encountered one another on occasion, I became more leery.

Gregor was thirty years Alexei’s senior, and I was certain now the man had taken a special interest in the boy for more than his musicianship. The last time I was in the same room with the man, he had put his hand on my thigh. It wasn’t innocent and it wasn’t meaningless. I ran to my father and told him what had happened. We were in Stockholm at the time. Simon canceled the rest of my scheduled dates in the region and we soon boarded a plane home. It was then my father agreed I’d never attend another event where Alexei’s name also graced the program.

The ban had held until tonight. He’d put his hand on my shoulder. Hadley understood that much.

“Don’t let anyone tell you that hitting never solved anything,” I told Hadley. “I feel a lot better. Cheaper than therapy and the results are immediate.”

“Simon is going to lose it this time. This is a lot worse than giving Nick a bloody nose in high school.”

“Doubtful.” I slouched back in the seat, draping my cast over Hadley’s lap to trace my fingers along the bare skin on her knee. “I forgot to mention the seminar to my dad.”

Hadley’s head again lolled to my shoulder.

“He’ll be more upset that I went at all. But it wasn’t like I wanted to tell anyone why I shouldn’t attend.”

“Tom—”

“I’m throwing you to the wolves on that one. Run interference for me until I’ve talked to my dad’s lawyers.”

“Tell me the truth.” Hadley slid her arm under my jacket and across my stomach. “How bad is this thing going to get? Because if they come for you with handcuffs, I might lose my shit and start a standoff.”

I laughed, kissing the top of her head. “Gregor can press charges. I might get kicked out of school. Probation at worst if it goes to trial. I can afford to pay him off if needed.”

“But you won’t.”

“No. I won’t.” I’d rather put a bullet in my head than give that vile bastard a dime or pretend to feel remorse for my actions.

“Josh?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“I am now.”

I tried to sneak a peek at my cast, tilting my head just enough to look toward Hadley as she painted. She smacked my arm and used her body to shield her latest—albeit temporary—addition to her living canvas.

“I’m almost done,” she whined. “Stop it.”

I lay shirtless and sprawled out on my bed, an old towel under my arm, as Hadley went about her work. We’d gotten home well after midnight. I decided to put off damage control until morning. Instead, we holed up in my room after locking the house and pretended we hadn’t a care in the world.

“I heard something interesting today,” I said.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yep.”

“Want to share?”

“I’m thinking about coming up with some sort of punishment for your secrets.”

Hadley didn’t miss a beat, just kept right along painting while I stared at the ceiling. I had a headache.

“As it turns out, Andre isn’t the Punkyfucker of infamy he was purported to be.”

“You drew that conclusion all on your own. I don’t recall you ever asking the question outright.”

“But you let me assume.”

“You can make an ass of yourself all on your own, yes.”

“Did you...back then...did you—”

“Turn him gay?”

I glanced in her direction again and got a streak of green paint across my stomach for the trouble.

“No. I can’t take credit for that, but thanks for asking.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“We’re friends,” she stated as if she was sick of hearing herself say the words. “You could have just asked.”

“I didn’t have the right.”

“Yes, Josh, you did. That’s the point.”

“Right. Sorry.”

Hadley sprayed something over the cast before she shifted her position on the bed next to me. “Okay. Done.”

Sitting up, I inspected the result. The landscape was spectacular in its detail, considering the small size and rough texture of the canvas.

“Hadley.” I couldn’t take my eyes off the painting, turning my wrist over to scan every inch. “This is amazing.”

“Don’t sound so surprised.”

“No. I mean it. Fuck, Punky. You know I think you’re beyond talented, but this is incredible.”

She leaned closer, admiring her work. “It’s the tree house. The one we found the summer after fifth grade.”

“I know.”

The scene was impossible to mistake. She’d captured the tiny structure nestled inside a massive tree to perfection. It was astonishing.

“You realize I can’t ever take this cast off, right? This is too good to ruin.”

“That day was the most fun I’ve ever had.”

“Sure. We trudged for hours through the woods hunting for buried treasure. You twisted your ankle, I had some gnarly bite from fuck-knows-what, and then we got lost on our way home. Tom had to send dogs and half the town out after us. We were freezing and soaking wet by the time they found us that night.”

“It was awesome. We had an adventure. And even though we never went back there, I held on to the memory.”

Her eyes lifted to mine and I saw the glassy swell of tears that formed there. I reached out for her, sliding my hand to cup her cheek.

“For one day, this place was us. I never forgot about it.”

“Neither did I. Never, Hadley.” I touched my lips to hers. “I love you.”

“Show me.” Hadley pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes.

What I saw cut me open. She was so vulnerable in her bravery, so beautiful in her need.

I kissed her again and with every ounce of sincere meaning I could imbue into just two lips. I kissed her to say that she had always been mine, and I hers. We’d gotten all mixed up and separated along the way. I would be a better man than that. Hadley deserved someone stronger, someone dependable; I would become that man or die trying.

Freeing her of clothing an inch at a time, I worshiped every perfect surface of her body. Fingers followed lips over the expanse of her stomach. Hands held her breasts when each tight nipple met my tongue. I traveled the ridges and valleys of her collarbone and shoulders, professing my loyalty against her neck.

Hadley lay back on my bed while I descended lower, removing her little shorts, where I caressed her bare thighs and higher. Her entire body quivered as I laved at her sex. I devoured her, cupping her ass and lifting her to meet my mouth.

To every whimper and moan, I doubled my efforts; rubbing against her clit, sucking and tonguing the sensitive spot, watching in fascination when her back arched until she grabbed my head and forced me deeper. She came hard, tugging at my hair.

Climbing up the bed, I shoved my pants free of my legs. My cock strained for her, hard and eager. “Hadley—”

“Don’t run from me again,” she pleaded. “Just stay with me. Please.”

Settling between her legs, I fisted my cock in my left hand and dragged the head through the slick lips of her cunt. I sucked in a breath and clenched my jaw, concentrating on keeping my shit together long enough to make this good for her.

“I’m ready,” she said. “Please.”

I pushed inside her, groaning through my teeth as she stretched to accommodate me. Fuck, it was too good. She was so goddamn soft.

We kissed and huddled close, her arms and legs wrapped around my back as I made love to my Hadley. Too soon, the need became too much. Tiny whimpers turned to throaty moans. I couldn’t hold off any longer.

“Hadley, fuck, I’m coming.”

With eyes clenched and my jaw locked, I pumped until I hit my climax. My stomach rolled as the inescapable images assaulted my mind. Every muscle tensed. My skin crawled.

“Josh, look at me. Please.”

Her hands grabbed my face and I flinched.

“I’m here. It’s just me. No one can hurt you. Look at me.”

I barely cracked the seal between my eyelids. Just a sliver of Hadley’s face made it inside.

“You’re okay. You’re okay. It’s not real.”

She continued to whisper reassurances as I caught my breath and swallowed down the bile on my tongue.

Hadley nursed me through the panic attack. She held me up while we showered together. Back in bed, she ran her fingers through my hair until my body gave up and I fell asleep.

It was better and worse than I had expected.

The next morning, I woke to the subtle stimulation of Hadley toying with one of my nipple rings. I pulled in a deep breath full of her scent, aware of her warm, naked body curled around mine. My right arm, however, had lost all feeling under her pillow. Perhaps forever. I’d have to learn to live without it, because I had no intention of moving.

“Hey,” I greeted her.

“Hi.” Hadley’s dark eyes smiled. She pressed a kiss to my chest, her middle finger rolling back and forth across one piercing.

“Having fun?”

“These are sort of fascinating.” She looked up from under her lashes with a coy tilt to her lips. “I’ve wanted to do this for a while now. Pretty much since the day you came home with them.”

“All yours, sweetheart. Knock yourself out.”

Hadley dragged her leg up my thigh, brushing against my erect cock. “You know...” She repeated the action twice more. “I haven’t seen it yet. I sort of forgot to look at it last night. The hardware, I mean.”

I stuck my tongue piercing out, to which Punky looked at me with confusion.

“It’s like that, only it’s in my dick.”

“Does it...hurt?”

“No. Feels pretty goddamn fantastic.”

“I’m not complaining.”

She bit her lip. For that, I grabbed her leg and held it against my groin.

“You don’t have to ask, Punky. You want to get acquainted, you go right on ahead.”

She shrugged. “Eh. Maybe later.”

Infuriating ego-basher.

I grabbed her by the back of the neck and claimed her lips, nipping at the bottom one. That’d teacher her. I didn’t know what the lesson was, but she learned it.

Taking Hadley by the hips, I hauled her up to straddle me. “Fuck, sweetheart. You’re wet.”

“I had a very entertaining dream,” she replied while pressing her lips to the base of my throat. “But you were still asleep.”

“Hence the subtle wakeup call?”

“Something like that.”

Her pussy slid back and forth over my cock. She skimmed my chest, flicking her tongue at one nipple ring and then the other. I thrust up, grinding between her legs. Hadley raised her eyes to mine and I reached down with my left hand to grab my cock, ready to be inside her.